


tell me that you love me (even if it's fake)

by pepi_peachnbeans



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Bad Communication, Complicated Relationships, Denial of Feelings, Drug Use, Dubious Consent, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Jinyoung is oblivious, Just once though, M/M, Manipulative Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recovery, Self-Hatred, Slut Shaming, Smut, Soft Im Jaebum | JB, Toxic Relationships, Unhealthy Relationships, Verbal Abuse, asshole jinyoung, immature idiots, implied and referenced depression, jaebum is bi, jaebum loves jinyoung, jinyoung is a heartbreaker, jjp are best friends, mark also likes jinyoung, mental illness symptoms, other kpop idols appear, platonic 2jae only, platonic jingyeom only, this is messy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 19:06:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 100,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14063505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepi_peachnbeans/pseuds/pepi_peachnbeans
Summary: Some may call Jaebum cowardly, but if you asked him, he would say that he was just being smart.in which jaebum and jinyoung are long time best friends and things are just a bit more complicated than it should be.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> my first chaptered fic !!!  
> title is from blackbear idfc xx
> 
> edit: i dunno why but the tags are being dumb, the dub con is only once

It all started with a blow job.

Okay, not really, but it kind of did.

It had been a Thursday night, and the two of them were drinking. Nothing heavy, it wasn't even that much alcohol. It was still a weekday after all. They were drinking just enough to say that they were drinking, Jinyoung already practically being the wine mom he always knew he would be. Mark was looking at him, and it took most of his will power to not let out a knowing smile. He had always been fairly perceptive, and that was something Jinyoung prided himself in, knowing people and being able to read them. Then again, Mark had been more than obvious.

He had caught him staring at his ass several times before, Jinyoung only ever giving him a smile, or a smirk, depending on just how much of a teasing mood he was in. Even now, he caught the way that Mark's gaze would keep filtering to his plump lips that were now stained red from the wine.

And really- Jinyoung would be a liar if he said that he hadn't checked out Mark too. It was hard not to. Mark was gorgeous, beautiful face, slim yet toned body, adorable laugh. He's caught himself thinking several times about what it would be like to kiss those pretty little lips of his. And maybe it had been long overdue. But the two of them hardly ever hung out alone, this being one of the rare occasions that no one else was with them.

"Hyung," he called as he licked his lips and stared at Mark who was sitting on the other end of the couch, knees tucked up, the holes in his jeans exposing his pale thighs. "Can we do something fun?"

"Is what we aren't doing not enough, huh Jinyoung?" he questioned, his tone light and teasing as his hand came out to poke Jinyoung in the sides. "Am I too boring for you Jinyoung?"

Catching his wrist, Jinyoung tugged him closer, the corners of his lips pulling up into a smile, "Of course not hyung. I just thought there was some other things that we could be doing."

Mark was now half way onto Jinyoung's lap, Jinyoung's thigh squeezed in between his as Mark rested his weight against Jinyoung, and when Jinyoung turned to properly look at him, their faces were only inches apart. Not that this was particularly weird of anything, they have been more than touchy with each other in the past. "What were you thinking about Jinyoung?"

Using his hand that was still on Mark's wrist, he lead Mark's wrist to his upper tight, and slipped his other hand up to Mark's slim waist, pushing his over sized t-shirt against his skin. He let his dark eyes slip from Mar's and to watch where his lower lip was being tugged on by his teeth, a habit that he has witnessed Mark doing on multiple occasions. "Kiss you," he admitted, his voice low. "Can? Can I kiss you?"

That high pitch chuckle left Mark's mouth, "I thought you'd never ask."

Jinyoung hardly had enough time to let a wicked grin plaster his face before Mark was pushing himself fully into Jinyoung's lap and brushing his mouth against his in a soft kiss, almost as if he was testing what it was like to kiss Jinyoung. And then he was pressing harder, letting their lips slide together in a slow unison. As Mark's hands found their way to curl into Jinyoung's hair, Jinyoung let his palms slide down his sides and tug him closer. As he nipped at Mark's mouth, Mark opened to let him slide his tongue into the warmth of his mouth, and he could easily taste the wine that they were drinking. He moaned and moved his head to the side so that he could kiss him deeper as he loved every second of it. As Mark grinded his hips down against Jinyoung's, he let out a moan, loving the way their layered fabrics caused a friction. He wanted to suck Mark's dick, and he wanted to right now. So that is exactly what he did.

That night, he fell asleep curled up next to Mark on the couch.

But, due to it being a weekday, Jinyoung had class. He groaned the second he woke up due to his soft alarm playing by his ear near the table. Suddenly he was extremely thankful that he didn't drink much last night, he didn't even feel as if he drank at all really. With a yawn, he got off the couch and stretched, searching the ground for wherever he had tossed his shirt and jeans last night. It didn't take  long for him to find them, and he put on the day old clothes, and took one last look at the sleeping Mark, before walking out of his apartment to head to his own to get ready for his day.

Not that he was regretting what had happened the night before, he was just itching to talk to somebody about it, and settled that he would head to Jaebum's after school, because if Jinyoung was going to tell anybody, it was going to be Jaebum. Though he did talk to Yerin and Jimin about his sexual encounters often. But for something like this, he knew he would consult with Jaebum first.

His day dragged on boringly, and Jinyoung only actually paid half attention to all of the lectures as he scribbled down notes here and there. It wasn't like he was a bad student or anything, or that he was even off today, he just never had to put in anymore effort than that to pass his classes. At least he bothered to show up, unlike a solid 1/3 of the student population.

As soon as his last class of the day was over, Jinyoung turned down to the direction of Jaebum's apartment that really wasn't too far away from campus, not that Jinyoung's was either. But Jaebum's had been ever closer because Jaebum wanted to live by his work, because the closer he was meant that he didn't have to get up as early. He hadn't even bothered to shoot him a text warning him that he was coming over, it seemed silly to do so after so long of showing up to each other's places completely unannounced more than half of the time.

He bounded up the familiar stairs, and used the key he had to unlock the door, and raced to Jaebum's bedroom, knowing that was exactly where he would be after his shift at work, to take a nap, aka his favorite thing to do in the world. "Hyung!" he cheerfully called as he launched himself into the air to fall right on top of the lump in the bed, causing the said lump to groan.

"Oh my god Jinyoung," he complained as a hand shot out from underneath the covers to swat at Jinyoung like the pesky fly he was, who easily dodged it with a laugh. "It's too early for you, go away."

"Jaebum, it's 4 in the afternoon."

"Exactly," he grumbled as he poked his head out from underneath the blanket to glare at Jinyoung. "You better have a damn good reason to be waking me up Park." That, and it was quite obvious that Jinyoung had something to tell him, it was written all over his face.

Grinning, Jinyoung rolled off of him and laid down next to him, "Mark and I hooked up last night."

Instantly, Jaebum felt his mind go blank as he stared straight at Jinyoung, literally expecting him to say pretty much anything but that. He was expecting that he got a promotion at work, passed a test, got a good mark on an essay, or maybe just wanted someone to go with him to get a cp of coffee since he kind of had a slight caffeine addiction (though what college student doesn't?) Not that he hooked up with Mark, and he was really, really hoping that Jinyoung was talking about Mark Lee, and not Mark Tuan. He wouldn't say that he was jealous by any means. Despite his thoughts and feelings, he was more than content to at least have Jinyoung like this, curled up by his side and cuddling him. He was also more than used to some of Jinyoung's habits that he has had for several years now.

Jaebum wouldn't use the words 'whore' or 'slut' in a negative sense, but Jinyoung did sleep around, almost always one night stands, or always no strings attached if he ever did get "involved" with someone. Actually, he knew Jinyoung could be quite the little heart breaker, always the one to break things off if the other person got feelings. But that didn't change the fact that this time, it wasn't a random person, or just a friend, but an immediate friend from their small seven person friend group.

Upon his silence, Jinyoung's grin faltered as he looked at Jaebum. "You don't think it was a good idea," he spoke, knowing the exact look of disapproval on Jaebum's face. He's seen that look many times before, though it wasn't always directed towards him. More often than not, it was actually directed to Jackson, or BamBam and Yugyeom.

Jaebum sighed as he wrapped his arms around Jinyoung and pulled him closer to him, "I'm just surprised, that is all. And worried I guess with the whole friend group and all."

Jinyoung nodded, understand his worries as he tucked his head underneath Jaebums, "I wouldn't have done it if I thought it would mess things up hyung. Mark's an adult, he can handle a one night stand." He could always count on Jaebum to be worried about the whole picture and being ever so serious.

"Is it just a one night stand though?"

For a second, Jinyoung was quiet as he mulled over Jaebum's question. Was it going to e just another one night stand? Mark wasn't just some random person that he may or may not ever see again, he was one of his best friends. He wouldn't mind them doing it again, it fact he would welcome it. Though part of him wanted to roll his eyes at Jaebum, who had already know Jinyoung's thoughts even before Jinyoung himself knew them. He blamed that on the fact that they had been friends since preschool.

The memory of how he met Jaebum was always going to be a memory engraved into his mind, no matter how old he got. Unable to, even after all this time, forget a single second of it.

_It was the first day of preschool, and Jinyoung's mother had to hurriedly rush him off to school because his sisters had overslept, and they needed a ride to their school too, and their school started just minutes apart from Jinyoung's. It wasn't like he was mad about that fact, he understood, and he still got his hug, his forehead kisses and his encouragement to have a great day, from his mother and both of his sisters. The issue wasn't even that he forgot his teacher's name or the room number. He could still tell you to this day that it was Mrs. Choi in room A32._

_No, the issue came at their time on the playground. At the thought of getting to use the monkey bars without his mother hovering or sisters teasing him and trying to knock him down, he was excited and rushed to the opportunity. But when he was playing on the monkey bars, doing his best to make his way across, some of the kids around him began to call him monkey and make monkey sounds, all because of Jinyoung's large ears (that he never really did grow into). So Jinyoung hopped down and walked away with tears in his eyes as he leaned against the school of the wall trying to calm himself down as he wondered what he had did wrong to already have the kids not liking him. Part of him wanted to yell mean things back at them, but an even bigger part of him didn't want to cause such an issue his first day of school._

_"Yah! You're in my spot."_

_Peeking up from his knees, Jinyoung looked up to see one of the older boys towering over him, not really, it was hardly a height difference at all, but it had seem drastic to him at the time. Seeing another kid being mean to him made tears prickle in his eyes and made his hands curl into fists. "No need to be mean," he snapped back as he went to move away, but the boy was sighing and pushing his shoulders down as he sat next to him._

_"I'm Jaebum."_

_"Jinyoung," he replied, letting the silence fill the air for several seconds. "Do you wanna play with me? No one else will, they called me monkey."_

_Jaebum snorted as he rolled his head to look at Jinyoung and rose a dark eyebrow, "Monkey?"_

_"My ears," he whined bringing his hands up to shield them from Jaebum's gaze. "I like my ears, don't make fun of me."_

_But Jaebum only smiled as he brought his hand up to Jinyoung's to pull it away from his ear, "Chill, I'm not going to. I like your ears."_

_"You do?" Jinyoung questioned hopefully as he stared at Jaebum expectantly, waiting for him to either compliment him again or for the boy to snicker and say that of course he didn't mean it._

_Smiling, Jaebum brought his hand up to lightly tug on Jinyoung's left ear causing the younger to squeal and giggle as he swatted at Jaebum's hand, "Cute."_

_So needless to say, the two then spent every recess together, sitting at the same spot, leaning against the school, they even hung out every lunch together, and even occasionally on the weekends. Of course, since Jaebum was older, he went to elementary school first, but they still made an effort to see each other on the weekends, and once Jinyoung was in elementary school they were back to hanging out all the time. The one year age gap never caused an issue, neither one of them ever even giving it a chance to get in the way. They went through all their major life events together, puberty, graduation, coming out, first relationships. And up until high school, it had always been Jaebum and Jinyoung._

_Up until Jaebum made a new friend, not that Jinyoung minded. It was after school when Jinyoung stood waiting for Jaebum in their after school meet up spot, when he saw Jaebum walk over with a new kid. The boy was shorter than the two of them, handsome, and was very clearly not Korean. He introduced himself as Jackson, and that he moved here from Hong Kong, and ever since then, Jackson became their friends._

At some point while the two were cuddling, and Jinyoung was lost in his thoughts, Jaebum had fallen back asleep, and Jinyoung almost laughed. He always did admire how Jaebum could almost always fall asleep anywhere, anytime. It was something he always possessed, through his entire academic career he had gotten in trouble for falling asleep in class, more than several times, and Jinyoung suspected that was something he never did grow out of. Though, now it was a bit more justified, juggling being a college student, work, and a social life, would often leave a person in a constant state of exhaustion.

Getting up from the bed, Jinyoung tucked Jaebum back in, and walked to the kitchen to see what he had in the fridge. Upon opening the fridge, he discovered it to be quite bare, and he snorted, disappointed, yet not surprised. It usually was Jinyoung who had to berate him to go shipping and to eat something other than ramen for two weeks straight. Smiling, he picked up Jaebum's wallet from where it was half haphazardly tossed onto his kitchen table, and slipped it into his back pocket. Knowing someone so well had many many perks, like Jinyoung didn't even need to ask his food order, he already knew it.

When he got back to the apartment, he placed the food on the table next to Jaebum's couch, and pulled out their designated cuddle blanket, a big purple comforter, and put in Finding Nemo. "Jaebum," he sang as he sat next to him on the edge of the bed and gently tugged on the blanket to reveal Jaebum's head. "Wake up, I brought food."

He mumbled nonsense, but at the promise of food, he brought himself up and onto the couch, happily munching onto the food. "This is why you're my best friend." Almost comically, he opened his eyes wide to look at Jinyoung. "Don't tell Youngjae I said that, it might break his heart."

"Don't worry," he smiled as he shoved a piece of chicken into his mouth. "your secrets safe with me."

_________

When Mark texted Jinyoung and asked him to go out and get coffee, Jinyoung wasn't all too surprised. He texted him back and agreed to meet him in about twenty minutes at one of the nearby cafes. Before heading out of his apartment, Jinyoung made sure to change out of his 'lazy clothes, and into a more presentable look.

Almost surprisingly, Mark was already sitting at one of the tables when Jinyoung arrived. He was at one of the two person tables, that was tucked into a corner, even though the cafe was fairly empty, only having several students littered around, as well as a few elderly people. Giving Mark a smile and a wave, he then made his way to the line prepared to order his usual. Nayeon was working and he greeted her with a smile and made polite conversation as he waited for his order since there was no one else in line.

Then he was sitting down across from Mark, not missing the way that Marks eyes gave him a quick once over. It still was slightly unusual for it to be just the two of them, but it was neither uncomfortable or unwelcome. "Hey Mark."

"Hi."

 With an raised eyebrow, Jinyoung took a sip of his coffee, "Not to rush you or anything, or to come off as too blunt, but why did you invite me out for coffee?"

He watched as Mark bit his lip and fiddled with his hands, "Is it not enough that I just want to see you?" his tone was light, but there was still the clear nervousness that was laced underneath it, almost as if he had to force himself to sound so casual. Upon Jinyoung's stare he continued, "About the other night..."

Curious now, Jinyoung leaned onto his elbows, eyes sparkling, and the corner of his lips turned up in a smug grin. "What about it?" At this point, Jinyoung's heard it all, and he couldn't help but wonder what Mark was thinking.

"It was great."

"Yeah?" Jinyoung licked his lips and all but purred, "Want to do it again?"

The blush was evident on Mark's cheeks, they were dusted pink, which wasn't all that noticeable. It was his scarlet red ears that gave it away. He was quiet for several seconds, as if he was debating something, and then finally sighed, "Yes. But I think we should...clarify us before we do it again."

Knowing that he was right, and sighing that Mark wasn't going to return the flirtatious behavior, he leaned back into his chair and took another gulp of his coffee. But this was also nothing new, he's had to do several of these almost 'meetings' of sorts. All usually the same where he explains that he isn't looking for romance and that they are not boyfriends, but he knew Mark was well aware of how he was. "Okay, friends with benefits. Good enough for you?"

Mark hummed, hands wrapped around his own cup of coffee, an Americano, ironic in its own right, as he held the cup close to his chest. "We can be friends with benefits on one deal, I want it to be exclusive."

It was Jinyoung's turn to hum as he cocked his head to the side to think about it, and to partially tease Mark in the process. Friends with benefits, but exclusive? The last person Jinyoung was friends with benefits along with being exclusive, wasn't something that Jinyoung was particularly a fan of. It pretty much was still a relationship, just without the love. Both the dedication and the commitment was still there. But this was Mark, and Thursday night had been rather great. He wanted to laugh at the literal worry on Mark's face, but he didn't. "Okay," he finally said as he straightened out. "Exclusive friends with benefits."

Mark visibly seemed to relax then, the tension literally rolling off of his body like waves as his shoulders dropped. "Does there need to be a contract for it too Mr. Park? he joked.

Jinyoung's hand flew up to cover his mouth as he laughed, "Perhaps, I am a rather dangerous man Tuan. Dangerous to cute young college boys like yourself. You haven't even seen my sex dungeon yet."

Playing on he continued it, "When do I get to?"

"Hey, you have to buy me dinner first, then maybe you can see my sex dungeon."

"Mmm, I know something else you can eat."

The laugh faded from his mouth as he held a hand to his chest, voice full of false astonishment, "I can't believe you are trying to seduce me in public."

Mark giggled and kicked him underneath the table, "You started it with the talk about your fake sex dungeon. I've seen your apartment Jinyoung, you've got a bedroom full of books, and a living room with homework scattered everywhere."

"You'd be surprised with how creative I can be hyung."

"It's okay" he grinned into his cup. "I think I'll be able to find out soon enough."

_______

Part of the beauty of going to college was meeting new people. The first year you attend, it is mandatory to live on campus and in the dorms, and that forced both Jaebum and Jinyoung to meet new people (because let's be honest, Jackson didn't have any issues with doing that). Jaebum's first year he was stuck with a man named Sungjin, and the two got along quite well, which was a good thing for Jaebum, and practically a miracle too. Jackson had gotten a fellow foreigner, an American boy named Mark Tuan, and of course, he assimilated into their friend group. And then a year later, Jinyoungs dorm mate was a cute music major named Choi Youngjae, and he also easily became part of their friend group. How couldn't he with a smile and laugh like that? Through Youngjae, they ended up meeting Yugyeom, and yet another foreigner, this time from Thailand, by the name Kunpimook Bhuwakal, but they all decided to just call him BamBam.

So it was a nice friend group that they have made for themselves.

It was king of funny at first, how Jinyoung was used to only having Jaebum, and then he met Jackson, then Mark. With them, he always had been the youngest out of them, which was both a blessing and a curse. Now, Jinyoung had three friends that are younger than him, meaning he can dote on them, and the best part- tease them, and he loved it. Nothing was better than teasing all of them, though he secretly enjoys doting on them as well, but what they know won't kill them. The group was a great dynamic, all of their similarities and differences meshing together in a seemingly easy way.

It was one afternoon that they were all hanging out in Jackson's apartment, and it was about a week after Mark and Jinoung agreed to be friends with benefits. For the first time, Mark had kissed him in front of everyone. It wasn't dramatic, and it wasn't like it was gross by any means. They didn't sit there making out with each other, too engrossed in getting handsy. They were just lounging around, Jinyoung had his head on Mark's lap, and his legs stretched over Jaebum's. Youngjae was telling a story about Jinyoung from when they were dorm mates, and Jaebum was tickling his calf as he was pouting. And then Mark was leaning down to press a quick kiss to his lips, as almost he forgot where they were when he went to do it, and quickly retreated.

It wasn't anything bad at all, it was chaste at best, a mere peck. But something about it left an uneasiness in his stomach. No one even batted an eyelash about it, much to his surprise. He was expecting Jackson, BamBam, Yugyeom, and maybe even Youngjae to scream about it. Either wait, it left him spacing out from the conversation as he looked off. It wasn't like he hated public displays of affection. He often engaged in it with his friends all of the time. But something about this was different, and it made the hair on the back of his neck bristle at the discomfort that he couldn't place. Maybe it's just because they hadn't talked abou this, and that Mark didn't ask if he could and just assumed that it was okay.

A quick squeeze to his calf pulled him out of his thoughts, and his eyes shifted up to see that Jaebum was giving him a small smile as he squeezed his leg again and let his thumb rub calming and reassuring circles into his skin. Breathing in that he was just overreacting, and that it would just take awhile to get used to be so platonically and sexually intimate with someone after so long of not doing it due to the fact that he had limited himself to just one night stands. When he realized that Youngjae was still telling horror stories about it, he groaned and picked up the pillow that was softly digging into his back and tossed it at him, "Yah! Youngjae stop spilling stories about me."

Youngjae and Jackson's laughter were booming off the walls, as everyone else laughed more tamely. "Forget Youngjae's stories," BamBam turned to Jaebum. "I bet Jaebum's got the real good stories, don't you hyung?"

All attention was on Jaebum and Jinyoung was glaring at him giving him the 'I swear to god' look that he pointedly avoided. _Traitor_. "Yeah, I got some." At the onslaught of five voices chanting at him to spill some he chuckled and finally looked at Jinyoung, clearly thinking of one that he wanted to tell. "How about the time that Jinyoung made his home coming date leave the dance crying?"

Jinyoung groaned as he thought about it, while everyone else encouraged Jaebum to tell it. He could already feel the embarrassment creep up on him, as he face already began to flush red.

"So Jinyoung got asked to homecoming by this girl, Elkie. They were lab partners for chemistry, and Elkie had a major crush on him, but Jinyoung being the oblivious gay kid he was, didn't realize. So when she asked him to homecoming, he agreed thinking they were friends, and also because Jinyoung couldn't score a date at the time anyways. So a slow song came on, and they were dancing, and she actually goes to kiss him. Now I really wish I had my camera or a phone then, because Jinyoung pulled away looking disgusted and told her he didn't like her. But she left crying before he could say that he likes guys. And that is also the story of how he crashed my homecoming date with one of our seniors, Sunmi."

Fake grumpy now, Jinyoung dug his foot that was on Jaebum's lap, into his rib cage. Everyone was laughing, and he could feel where his skin was burning with embarrassment. "I didn't know she liked me!" he defended himself. "I just thought she meant as friends, and it wasn't like I was going to get anyone else to go with. I felt so bad and I had to explain it to her the following day in chemistry. Which was scary, mind you, when you have a group of teenage girls all glaring at you and calling you a dick in their group chat."

Jackson nodded solemnly, eyes wide, "Teenage girls are scary. Scarier than Jaebum even."

It was Jaebum's term to roll his eyes, "I don't think so. What are they going to do? Glare at you and pout?"

"Never underestimate the power of a girl hyung."

Youngjae was sitting up now from where he had fallen over from laughing, "Jinyoung tell us a story about Jaebum."

Now, it was Jinyoung's time to smirk at Jaebum as he felt Mark's arm wrap around his torso, to get more comfy. Jaebum was paling as he raised his hands, trying to say how that was not necessary, but Jinyoung was not going to let him get away with it. Not after spilling a story about it. "Oh, I got one. But maybe it's too mean to share. Should I share it hyung?"

His dark eyes were glaring down on him, "What is it?"

"Race cars."

Jaebum's eyes went wide, and his face beet red as he spluttered in front of Jinyoung, much to the curiosity of everyone else. "Jinyoung we agreed to never talk about that again."

He hummed, they did agree to that. At least he was feeling nice today. "Oh! I got one about your precious homecoming date Sunmi. It's not really a story perse, but Jaebum almost didn't get to go on a date with her because he scared her so much."

"I was being respectful! Polite!" Jaebum argued as he began to tickle Jinyoung's legs in retaliation.

Writhing now on Mark's lap, Mark's arm held him there from completely moving away. Yugyeom rolled his eyes from where he was sat next to Jackson, "Yeah hyung, I'm sure that's what it is."

"You brat, it was!"

Too busy laughing and watching Jaebum argue with the others, Jinyoung completely missed the way that Mark's fingers curled into his stomach, and the way that he was looking down at him. A forlorn look on his face, that completely didn't match the atmosphere of the rest of the room.

_________

"So, you and Mark," Jackson spoke as he sat across from him, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Do you think you're going to settle down with him?"

It took all of Jinyoung's willpower to not scoff at the comment at just how ridiculous Jackson sounded, "Of course not."

But all Jackson did was sigh, as if he was repeating a common argument with Jinyoung, which really wasn't far from the truth. Maybe it's because Jackson always had been a romantic, and full of love, and have always been excited to fall in love, to have someone. "Don't you crave a romantic love though? Having someone who you love, and who loves you. Someone to always lean on, to cuddle with, talk about anything and everything, someone you would trust with your life?"

Wanting to avoid the topic with Jackson, because it always was going to be an endless drive, just falling into the same circle on repeat, he opted to just tease him instead. "Are you trying to confess to me Jackson?" he rose his eyebrow, and shoved a hand full of fries in his mouth.

Into his burger, Jackson let out a shocked sound as he kicked Jinyoung under the table, "Don't be a dick. I'm being serious. Don't you ever get lonely?"

Not even hiding his eye roll, Jinyoung snagged some fries off of Jackson's plate, just for grilling him about his love life, or lack thereof, right now. "No, I don't need it," and he let himself think about the second part. Surprisingly, he never did get lonely, he never has felt that feeling before. If by lonely, Jackson perhaps means a dry spot when he isn't getting anything (like exams season) then yeah, he's gotten a bit lonely before. But never emotionally. "And also no. Besides, I have Jaebum."

All Jackson did was give him an intense stare followed by a groan. "Yeah, we all know how grossly married you two act. What I'm saying is that there is a very attractive man, who has an interest in you, and you also think this man is attractive, and you also have interest in his ass, so why not like all of him? Why not fill the void? Jaebum's a great friend to you Jinyoung, but maybe Mark can be the best of both worlds, you know?"

The need to defend himself was almost falling out of Jinyoung's mouth, along with a deep annoyance. But he knew that Jackson didn't mean it in the way that Jinyoung was taking in, but that didn't stop Jinyoung from interpreting that as 'replace Jaebum'. He allows some of this annoyance to show however, by rolling his eyes. "If you shut up, I'll buy you another small fry."

All to serious, as if Jinyoung had offered him something of way more value, Jackson's face turned into one of utter seriousness, voice sounded as if he was agreeing to something of far more importance, "Deal."

Just as Jinyoung was about to pettily return the favor, and begin to pester Jackson about how his love life was going, he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. Fishing it out of his pocket, he quickly peeked at the name on his screen; **Mom.**

The smile was already set on his face the second that he swiped the answer button and brought he phone to his ear, "Hey mom. How are you doing?"

"Oh you know, the same old same old. This call isn't about me, it's about you, how are you doing sweetie? Are you eating enough?"

He chuckled as he munched on more fries, "Yes mother, I'm actually out eating with Jackson right now." Not that he would ever tell her that it was fast food, she would scold him on bad eating habits.

She cooed down the line, his mother always had been a fan of Jackson. "Tell him I said hi."Pulling the phone away from his ear, he relayed the message back to Jackson and did the same for him. "So what's going on? Anything new? How's college?"

"Schools...school. As for something new, well, I am involved with someone."

He didn't even need to be there to see the way his mother instantly perked up, a curious but almost knowing tone in her voice, "Who?"

"Jackson's old roommate, his name is Mark." The line was silent for several seconds, and he frowned, worrying that his mother was mad at him. "Mom? Are you upset with me?"

The frown was evident in her voice, "No of course not Jinyoungie, I'm just surprised, that's all. I just always thought..." she let out a cough, changing her tone, and the topic completely. "You're a real heart throb, aren't you my Jinyoungie? Always getting all the boys, you're going to make your poor sisters jealous of you."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes, not being able to fully shake his mother's earlier odd behavior, and matching comment. He desperately wanted to know why she had fallen silent, and sounded genuinely surprised. "It's not my fault I'm irresistible, you shouldn't have gave me such good genes."

Her laughter filled the other end of the line, "Whatever you say Jinyoung. I know you're with Jackson right now, so I won't keep you any longer, but don't forget to call your mother more okay? I'm old and worrying, you're my youngest, and the house is so empty without all you kids. Promise you'll visit soon, and maybe bring that Mark guy you're involved with."

A small wave of guilt settled in his stomach, feeling bad that he hadn't called his mother more often. "I'd love to come see you soon mom, I love you."

"Love you too," she smiled. "Bye."

Once he hung up the phone, he turned back to Jackson who was quiet and scrolling on his phone, likely through instagram. "I'm leaving you now Wang."

"Wait!" Jackson jumped up like his life depended on it as he reached out to grab Jinyoung's wrist. "You owe me small fries."

Jesus fucking christ.

After hanging out with Jackson, Jinyoung checked his phone, a small smile dusting over his face as he read the text from mark. Come over? Brushing off his plans to just go back to his apartment and relax, he changed his destination to take the subway to Mark's apartment, since he lived a little farther away than everyone else. The meaning of the text was clear, and Jinyoung could go for some fooling around right now.

When he got to his apartment, he didn't even bother knocking, He just smiled as he found Mark sitting on his couch, wearing sweats, and a wife beater, that showed his rib cage, and if Jinyoung could squint, he could see part of his nipple. He made a melodramatic scene of plopping on the couch right next to Mark, and sighing.

Mark chuckled at his melodramatics, and brushed some of his hair that had fallen in his face. "Tough day, huh?"

Jinyoung hummed as he ran his hands up Mark's thighs, "Yeah, lunch with Jackson."

With understanding, yet obvious mocking there, Mark sighed. "Oh you poor soul."

With a pout, Jinyoung turned his head up, shoving his face closer to Mark's. "Shut up and kiss me Tuan, or I'm leaving."

Giggling even more at his empty threats, Mark leaned down and captured Jinyoung's mouth with his. Sighing into the kiss, Jinyoung moved so that he was straddling Mark on the couch, relaxing completely into the touch only pulling away to take Mark's tank top off of his. As Jinyoung began kissing as his neck, he leaned into the touch more when he felt Mark's hand come up and curl into his hair, "You know, I've been waiting to have you like this ever since I met you."

Letting his mouth trail down lower, so that he was dangerously close to his nipple, he kept his tone light, but sexy. "Why didn't you kiss me sooner, huh?" he let his fingers dance down Mark's torso and to rub the bulge in his sweats as he let his tongue ghost of his nipple. "I could have been fucking you sooner."

Not knowing if it was rhetorical or not, Mark decided to answer him anyways, as he bucked his hips up to grind into Jinyoung's hand. "Thought you and Jaebum were a thing." Who could really blame him for that one? They sure as hell acted like it. And anytime that Mark would stare at Jinyoung, Jaebum always caught him, and gave him that typical Im Jaebum look that radiated disdain. It wasn't unbelievable. It took Mark maning p and actually asking Jackson about it, to be greeted by loud hyena laughter and an incredulous look from Jackson, until Jackson realized that he was serious. That was when he found out that no, they weren't a thing, and yes, Jinyoung was free. From then, he was just waiting for a moment to make his strike.

He didn't miss the way Jinyoung's hand faltered for a second, along with his mouth that was still on his nipple. But it was hardly more than five seconds, and then Jinyoung continued on working, not even replying to what Mark said. It was times like now that Mark would begin to wonder if there really was, or at least at one point, had been something between the two of them.

But it wasn't hard for those thoughts to quickly fly out of his mind as Jinyoung's hands were slipping into his sweats, forcing him to only be able to focus on the present, and how turned on he was.

The one good thing Mark discovered from now being friends with benefits with Jinyoung, is that Jinyoung practically was always down to do stuff. Even if it was just hang out. It was Friday night, and Mark was feeling particularly horny after watching a certain movie, and decided to call up Jinyoung. So he shrugged, slipping on his shoes, as he shot Jinyoung some texts.

Like every Friday night, Jinyoung was cuddling with Jaebum. This time, they were in his apartment, watching the new Fast and Furious movie, as they were curled up close to one another. Jinyoung was rather oblivious, not knowing the texts that he was getting on his phone, that was still sitting on his kitchen counter.

So it was slightly surprising when halfway through the movie, Mark walked in, "Hey Jinyoung-" he started, but fell silent the second his eyes landed on the two of them, face falling as if he walked in on something worse than the two of them cuddling. "Sorry you weren't answering your phone so I just thought I'd stop by."  
  
But Jinyoung didn't look irritated, and Mark refused to even look at Jaebum's expression, "Come on in," he waved Mark forward, and Mark couldn't say no. All he could do was walk further into his house, and sit on the opposite end of the couch, with an unreadable expression on hsi face.

Not a single part of him could focus on the movie, instead only able to focus on the storm raging inside of his head. The ugly feelings of jealously clung to him, and he willed them to go away. But the doubt was there, the seeds planted, the roots already encircling him, that they were going to be there to stay.

He couldn't help but sneak a quick glance to the pair and he could only swallow. They looked comfortable, arms wrapped around each other, bodies leaning into each others sides. It was times like this that made him question what Jackson said, they were just so damn domestic, and yeah, Mark was jealous.

How couldn't he be? He liked Jinyoung, and it was hard not to when he was all over Jaebum like this. Because Mark knew, he fucking knew, that he never did stand a chance against Jaebum. That's part of why he never made a move on Jinyoung, opting to just stare at him instead. But then Jinyoung kissed him that night, and then they hooked up, and he had hoped that it would rest the little monster inside of him that craved for Jinyoung. It didn't, he just wanted him more.

There would be little peeks slipping through, of wanting more of Jinyoung. More than locked lips, and hands on each other's dicks. He wanted to be exclusive, he wanted it to be just them, and no one else. He wanted Jinyoung to like him back, he wanted what Jinyoung had with Jaebum. The clear trust, the domesticity, the clear comfortableness that never wavered, not even for a second.

And he could only curse himself for getting into this position, agreeing to be fuck buddies with Jinyoung. Because he was afraid that one day, that won't be enough for him anymore. That those deeper hopes and dreams would shatter the wall he made, the false bravado that having Jinyoung's dick in him was good enough. Why did he put his emotions on the line like this? For a love that was hardly even a possibility? He knew Jackson thought it could happen, but he wasn't going to lie, Jackson always had been highly optimistic.

He had been so lost in his head, Mark didn't even realize that the movie had stopped, the T.V. turned off, or that Jaebum had left. Only when Jinyoung's hand curled underneath his chin to tug his face up to look him in the  eyes did he realize that they were alone. Jinyoung looked stupidly handsome in front of him, thick eyebrows furrowed in concern, "Mark, are you okay?"

The uncertainty and doubt crawled up inside of him as he looked into Jinyoung's eyes, "I'm," he swallowed and bit down on his lip, worrying it between his teeth. How does he express to Jinyoung that he is insecure? He very well couldn't just dump everything on him. So he only sighed, "You know I don't like being played Jinyoung."

Clearly, this still wasn't the best thing to say, because Jinyoung's hand fell from his chin, and he pulled away, looking more hurt than he did annoyed. "What do you mean?"

"Is this some game for you? Do you just get off on shit like this? Is that it?"

Jinyoung felt the defense creeping up as he stared at Mark, with wide eyes, "Of course not. I wouldn't  have asked you into it if it was anything more or less. But if you are curious, I do get off to you Mark."

And there was Jinyoung, suddenly flipping the table on him again, in just the way that he could. Any fight that was left in Mark instantly died out, heart already pumping from the way Jinyoung was looking at him, and the way his hands ghosted down his arms, he was just puddy in Jinyoung's hands. "You're too hot for your own good."


	2. two

Some may call Jaebum cowardly, but if you asked Jaebum, he would say that he was just being smart. 

He knew Jinyoung wasn't seeking a romantic relationship, and Jaebum would never force those kind of feelings on him, let his own be damned. Regardless of how Jinyoung made him feel, Jinyoung was so important to him, and he could never imagine a life without him in it. He didn't even want to give an ultimatum either. So he just suffered in silence. 

Some may even be surprised to see the amount of control Jaebum has over the situation. The amount of control to still be a good friend and to not let his own feelings get in the way. The control it took to be able to hold Jinyoung so close, while keeping him so far away. Being able to cuddle with him, give him back hugs, hold his hand, put on a show with him at clubs or parties, without ever trying to make it more. Or how he can just watch Jinyoung have multiple conquests on weekend and weekdays alike, without the jealousy eating him alive. 

But maybe greater than anything else, even more than his newfound patience that only ever pertains to anything and everything Jinyoung related, or the control he beat down on himself like a whip, was that he had a smug sense of pride. He has a smug sense of pride that no matter how many people Jinyoung fucked he would never find someone who had the same kind of chemistry the two of them did. He could go out and fuck as many gay twinks he finds at the bars, but it would always be Jaebum that was there for him for the vast majority of his life. It would always be Jaebum's arms he would repeatable fall asleep in, without fail. Something those other men could only manage to get once, twice, maybe three times if their lucky. It would be Jaebum that would always know him best, knows him further than where he likes to be touched, further than how he likes his men. And he wasn't lying when he says that he is content with just having that to himself. 

And Jinyoung knew the same about him, for the most part. He knew Jinyoung didn't know how he felt about him, and if by some miracle he did, he kept it well hidden. Which gave him hope, because that just shows Jinyoung cares about him enough to not let this ruin anything. Especially since he has seen Jinyoung easily brush off people's feelings before and give them the boot from his life.   
  
That's hugely why he would sigh whenever he saw Mark and Jinyoung. He wasn't jealous, really, he isn't. In an almost twisted way, he just felt bad for Mark, because it took no rocket scientist to tell that he had a major heart boner for Jinyoung. And Jaebum knew that Jackson was doing nothing but encouraging an actual relationship, on both sides. 

It's actually why him and Jackson are currently standing in the kitchen together, alone as Mark and Jinyoung cuddle on the couch to watch a movie. Jackson dragged him in on the premise of getting 'food'. Which, they really were making popcorn, but Jackson was also talking to him about how he thinks Mark is 'the one' for Jinyoung and can make Jinyoung finally settle down. As well as ask Jaebum to help him encourage the relationship. 

Youngjae had also joined them, coming in several seconds later, interrupting Jackson mid ramble, though he didn't say anything. He merely grabbed a cup of water, leaned against the counter, and watched the two with a raised eyebrow. Not that Youngjae being there stopped Jackson from talking about it. It wasn't as if this was some topic that was being hidden from the two, or anyone in general. Jaebum knew that Jackson was already being a little bit pushy about it towards the two, all with good intentions of course. He just didn't realize that it was a bit overbearing, nor that someone was just going to get hurt (and newsflash, it's going to be Mark.)

And selfishly Jaebum desperately wished that Mark isn't 'the one'. 

"Jackson," he finally interrupted, slamming the cupboard close from where he pulled out a giant pink bowl. The younger boy cut off in an instant at his sharp tone, and looked strikingly similar to a kicked puppy. "Just stop pushing it okay? You know how Jinyoung is with the romance thing. He doesn't want it. You can't force nonexistent feelings on people." 

Jackson was moping as he put the bag of popcorn in the microwave and set it in for the amount of time it said on the directions. Youngjae had now dumped out his glass of water and was just staring at Jaebum with a knowing look which Jaebum pointedly ignored. Youngjae wondered if Jaebum was speaking from experience, rather than just as a third party friend. 

Despite Youngjae originally being Jinyoung's dorm mate, he became the closest with Jaebum. He also knew a bit too much about how Jaebum was feeling, not that Jaebum would ever actually let him know that he was right. He just remembered there was a point, several months ago, in which Youngjae asked him about it, voice soft and gentle, to which Jaebum readily denied it. And if Youngjae knew that he was lying, he never did ask him about it again. Instead, he just gave him looks every so often, like he wanted to say something. 

"I just want them both to be happy." 

Feeling sorry for snapping at Jackson, Jaebum sighed and placed his hand on his shoulder, "I know, and so do they. But trying to force anything on them isn't going to help. If anything, it's just going to make them irritated with you." 

With his head hung low from the scolding, Jackson avoided his eyes as he reached for the popcorn from the beeping microwave to pour into the bowl. "I hate it when you're right hyung."

Sporting a fond smile, Jaebum rolled his eyes as he took the bowl from Jackson, just glad that he actually called him 'hyung'. Once he began to head back to the living room, he called over his shoulder, "You should be used to it by now." 

Mark and Jinyoung were still on the couch cuddling, with Yugyeom sitting next to them, and BamBam sitting on the ground between Yugyeom's legs. That left only two spaces on the couch, which Jaebum and Jackson rightfully claimed, leaving Youngjae to be stuck on the floor with BamBam. 

"Not fair," he fake whined as he plopped sadly onto the floor, arms folded as a pout was made onto his face. 

Cooing at Youngjae, Jaebum rose his arms and beckoned him over, "Come on Youngjae, you can sit on hyung's lap if you want. I can share."   
  
Turning his head that was nestled into Mark's shoulder and chest, Jinyoung watched as Youngjae got up off the ground, and laughed as Jaebum pulled him into his lap, arms wrapping around his waist. For awhile, his attention left the movie, and instead focused on the way that Youngjae was sitting on his lap, and from the way Jaebum's hands were wrapped around his waist, and clasped together to hold him there. Youngjae looks comfy, and Jinyoung can't blame him, he's been in that same position many times before. 

Part of him wondered if there was something there, but he immediately shot down the idea. It was unfair to think that, he knew that friendly gestures like that didn't have to mean anything. Jackson was a living walking proof that cuddling your friend doesn't mean you have to like them more than that. Besides, Jinyoung was more than confident that Jaebum would tell him, and maybe Youngjae would even confide in him as well. 

With that thought, he turned his head back towards the t.v. to focus on the movie, and let himself sink more into Mark's body warmth and tried to become more comfortable, yet it just wasn't happening. It was maybe rude of him, to blame it on his skinny body for not having enough to cuddle with, and he shook that judgemental thought away, mentally reprimanding himself for being an ass. 

So he just sighed, and tore completely away from Mark to sit up straight. Mark turned to look at him, and he couldn't help but see the flash of hurt that crossed Mark's face as soon as he pulled away, his arms falling from Jinyoung.   
  
But he just ignored it, and continued to watch the movie.   
  


____

 

Frowning down at his phone, Mark wondered if it would be manipulative or just morally wrong in general if he asked Jinyoung to go grocery shopping with him, and mentally label the outing as a date. Because he knew it was very likely that Jinyoung would agree to come. Shaking those doubts off, he sent the text, and seconds later Jinyoung was agreeing to meet him at the store. 

It was amazing how every time that Mark saw Jinyoung, he always manages to make his heart shake and make it heard to breathe. Even when he wasn't even trying to look good, he still always managed to look so handsome. With his dark hair down and styled messily, a long striped t-shirt, and simple blue jeans. 

"Hey stranger," he smiled, those corner of his eyes crinkling like they always do. It just made Mark want to reach out and kiss him. Biting his lip for a fraction of a second, he contemplated it. A lot of the interactions with Jinyoung he has in public had involved him being extremely careful, never quite sure just how far he could go or take things. He still remembered the way that Jinyoung seemed to freeze the day that he kissed him with all their friends around, and those were their best friends. And ever since then, Mark has been hesitant to do anything, besides anything that had been initiated by Jinyoung. 

So tossing his caution in the wind, as soon as Jinyoung got close enough, Mark pulled him in closer and pressed him mouth against his. He could feel the way that Jinyoung froze, and the surprised sound he made in the back of his throat, but then his hands were coming up to grip Mark and he was kissing back. 

Completely elated that Jinyoung had let him kiss him in public, the happiness bubbled around in his stomach, and he pulled away once he needed air to give Jinyoung a big grin. He even returned the smile, albeit with a much more laid back smile, but it was a smile nonetheless. 

Grocery shopping with Jinyoung had been fun, and Mark was more than glad that he had invited him. They had fun talking, about other things, or about the food in the store. At one point, Jinyoung rode the cart, as he pushed it with his one leg, laughing the entire time as he did it. Even the ride back to his house was more than fun. The music was blasting as they sung the lyrics to Shinhwa's greatest hits at the top of their lungs. 

And seeing Jinyoung like this, it made Mark's heart go soft. All it did was remind him of why he had such a crush on him, further than just because of how hot he is. To see him giggling like this. It wasn't that Jinyoung didn't act like this around everyone else, he just usually was a bit more serious most of the time, when they are in their group setting. Sometimes he let himself feel envious, if not with a hint of jealousy, towards Jaebum. Because this was the side of Jinyoung that Jaebum gets to see all the time. He gets to see Jinyoung being carefree, and laughing, not always covering his mouth when he does. 

Seeing Jinyoung smile and laugh without covering his mouth was like a punch in the gut that made his stomach whirl, and his own smile creep on his face at just the pure beauty of it. He swears it should be illegal to be so cute. 

Between the two of them, it took them only one run to bring all of Mark's groceries up. While they were putting them away, Jinyoung sung under his breathe, and the domestic feel of all of this almost killed Mark for a second. But he pushed those thoughts and feelings away into a locked corner of his mind, wanting to just soak up the happiness and good feelings. Even if it would just leave him feeling empty and hurt later on. It was something he was willing to risk. 

He let Jinyoung wrap his arms around his back and pull him to is chest. Mark smiled and let out a sigh as he felt Jinyoung's lips that were still curled into a smile brushing across his ear, and when Mark tilted his head to give him better access, those lips brushed across his jaw. Jinyoung began to attack the side of Mark's throat, his tongue and mouth caressing the skin. "Jinyoung," he let out the breathy whisper as he leaned all the way into Jinyoung's body. "Please." 

The light and cheerfulness from earlier had left Jinyoung's face, his gaze now dark as he turned Mark around and pressed him up against the counter, and he could feel Jinyoung's half hard dick through his pants. He pressed into him harder as he let their mouths fall together in a slow and dragged on kiss, and he let Jinyoung's tongue lick all into his mouth and even let him swallow the low groan that was coming out. 

When his hands slipped up down his jeans and begin to unzip and unbutton them, Mark let out another groan. And then Jinyoung was dropping to his knees, hands gripping onto Mark's hips as he mouthed at his dick that was trapped behind a layer of jeans and boxers. Just as Jinyoung pulled his boxers down, Mark let his hand shoot to grip the counter and the other to curl into Jinyoung's hair. He didn't know how Jinyoung already knew that he was such a sucker for getting his balls played with, but somehow he knew. And he let his tongue travel down the length of his cock, as his left hand came up to give a light squeeze to his balls. With a moan leaving his mouth, Mark tossed his head back, "Jirongie." 

At that everything stopped. Jinyoung completely froze, and when Mark realized that he wasn't going to continue on moving, he opened his eyes to see Jinyoung on his knees looking up at him with a troubled expression. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he looked genuinely both confused and upset. "Don't call me that." For a moment, Mark suddenly felt guilty as he let his thoughts consume him. What if Jinyoung had a really bad memory involving that nickname? What if Mark just triggered something really bad for him? "Only Jaebum calls me that." 

But then his guilt completely dissipated, and all he could do was groan. "Okay, sorry. Can we not talk about Jaebum when you're about to go down on me? You can continue to talk about him all you want later on." 

Jinyoung's frown was evident now as his hand left Mark's balls, "Why the fuck are you being such a dick right now?" he crossed his arms over his chest and pushed himself up so that he was standing, leaving Mark's face to turn red as he pulled his boxers and jeans back up. 

"Why am I being a dick?" Mark laughed a cold and empty laugh. "Why are you? I call you a nickname, and suddenly you have a stick up your ass because that's what you precious Jaebum calls you." 

Jinyoung snorted as he clenched his fists, fighting the urge to laugh in Mark's face, "What the fuck is that even suppose to mean Mark?" 

"You know what? Nothing. It means nothing." he sighed. "Just get out. Go over to Jaebum's or something." 

Not saying another word, Jinyoung snatched his phone and wallet off of the table and stormed out of Mark's apartment, the anger sizzling up inside of him. He was both pissed off and confused at everything that had just happened. Why was Mark acting like a dick? He had no right to. Like sorry that is the nickname that only his best friend of twenty years calls him? Not even his own family calls him Jirongie. It has always just been Jaebum, and Jaebum's only. 

Not to mention, something about heating that being moaned by Mark just when he was about to blow him, didn't sit well with him at all. He couldn't place it, or explain it, besides the fact that he simply just didn't like it. There was a bunch of other names that Mark could call him if he wanted to, and Jinyoung wouldn't give a fuck. Jin, Young, Youngie, Jinyoungie, baby, daddy, hell even mommy would have been better than calling him Jirongie. He's actually been called mommy once, the guy insisted on it, but that was a long story for another time, as it has no current relevance, and frankly Jinyoung likes to pretend that it didn't happen. 

The petty side of him was laughing, that because Mark pissed him off,  that he got to deal with having blue balls. That's what he gets for being an ass out of nowhere. Deciding to not go home, he sat down on the bench that was right in front of Mark's apartment building and pulled out his phone to call Jaebum. 

When Jaebum heard his phone ring, he was going down on some girl that he had met at a club a few weeks ago, He had half the mind to just let his phone ring and to continue eating her out, until he noticed exactly who it was that was calling. He knew from texting him earlier that he was suppose to be with Mark, so he wondered why Jaebum was calling him now. 

He could have left the phone ring, but a part of him was pestering him with the worry of what if it is important? But knowing Jinyoung, it very well could be something completely stupid, like going out to get ice cream, or some random fact he learned that he was too lazy to text. So he just reasoned that he would answer, and if it was something stupid, he would just go back to fucking Lisa, and then promptly kill Jinyoung afterwards. 

"Sorry," he pulled away and wiped at his mouth as he leaned over to the desk to grab his phone. "I have to take this." She huffed, but didn't look completely annoyed or got mad at him. In fact, she just brought her hand down and kept working on herself. "Hello?" he called down the line as he watched her begin to work herself open for him. 

"Jaebum? I got into a fight with Mark. Can I come over?" his voice would sound quiet and cold to anyone else, but Jaebum could hear the emotion laced underneath the clear annoyance. Part of him was curious as to what they fought about, and he wondered as to what severity it was. For all he knows, it could be something entirely small and petty, because he knew Jinyoung, and he also could very well just want to come over and rant how Mark uses a brand of lotion he hates.

He sighed as he looked back at Lisa, "Yeah." he hung up and sighed, ready to kicky her out, and only slightly cursing the fact that he was going to miss getting laid, just because he would always view Jinyoung as his pripority. "Hey, I'm sorry to kick you out but," he scratched the back of his head. "My best friend got in a fight with his boyfriend." 

Lisa too sighed as she rolled off of his bed, and began to collect her clothes and pull them on, "It's chill. I would do the same for my best friend." 

About ten minutes later, Jaebum opened his door to see Jinyoung stand there, face scrunched up in clear annoyance. Nothing was said between the two, but Jaebum instantly had his arms open, and Jinyoung fell into his embrace, head resting against his chest. Pulling Jinyoung into his apartment, he shut the door behind him, and walked them to his room, and onto his bed. The second they hit the bed, Jinyoung yanked him down to curl into his side, and he just let himself be handled by Jinyoung. 

The only sound in his room was Jinyoung's heavy breathing as he tried to calm himself down, and Jaebum could instantly tell that he was doing the box breathing exercise that their old school counselor taught him. He could feel the way that Jinyoung's hand curled tight and would uncurl in the fabric of Jaebum's shirt that he had fisted in between his fingers. Part of him was growing more concern, this didn't seem like a totally petty thing like he originally had thought. "What happened?" 

"I got into a fight with Mark," he explained again as he sighed, and pushed his head into the pillow, and then turned to look at Jaebum with a knowing look, able to smell the lingering scent of perfume on his pillows that was definitely not Jaebum's own. "Jihyo again?" he questioned, completely trying to avoid why he had got into the argument with Mark. He didn't know why, but he didn't want to admit that the fight had been slightly about Jaebum. Though Jinyoung suspected that there was a bit more going on than what they scratched at since he left before things could get any worse.

"No, her name was Lisa."   
  
"Was she good?" 

Jaebum laughed, "I didn't get to find out. You're changing the subject Jinyoung. I know you aren't interesting in hearing about me fucking girls, and I know you definitely aren't interested in the girls." 

Fuck you Jaebum, he thought, for knowing me so damn well. "The fight wasn't really about anything. He just called me something when I was about to go down on him that I did not want to be called, and that started an argument." 

If Jaebum was curious to know anything else about it, like what specifically Mark called him, he didn't question him any further. He just talked to Jinyoung about whatever topics, until he ended up falling asleep first.

It took less than 24 hours of not talking for Mark to finally text Jinyoung. He was sitting in a lecture when he got the text, asking if they could meet at the cafe on campus whenever Jinyoung was done for the day, since Mark had morning classes and was done for the day himself. Of course, Jinyoung agreed, and that was why he was walking to the shop right now. 

He willed himself to just breathe in and out, and to calm down. He didn't particularly know ho this was going to turn out. If they were going to actually talk things over, fight some more, or maybe even just break things off. Something about the idea of Mark being the one to break it off was almost sobering for Jinyoung, because it was always him that was telling people that it just wasn't going to work out. Maybe if Mark did, it would just be relieving for him to not be the one doing it for once. 

But then he thought about the rest of the friend group and how things would be if they broke things off. Jinyoung certainly didn't mind continuing on with what they are doing, he just wanted to get it clear to Mark that he did not want to be called Jirongie. Yet, what if Mark didn't want to keep this going on? Would things be awkward between them? Jinyoung would like to think he could be an adult about it, but then again, he has frankly never been in such a situation before. 

And then there was the possibility of proving Jaebum's earlier worries right, or just letting Jackson down, which he didn't really want to do either. When he opened the door to the shop, Mark was already sitting there, and Jinyoung decided to just forego getting coffee, and opted to just head straight to Mark. "Hi." 

Despite the casual facade, there was an obvious tenseness between the two. "Hi, I'm just going to get straight to the point. I don't want to sit here and pretend that things are okay, because they aren't. I don't really want to be that guy, and I doubt that you want to be either. So I think we should take a break. Just so we both can get our feelings in check. Because for the record, I like you fucking me."

Jinyoung blinked slowly for a second, slightly surprised that Mark only wanted a break. Which Jinyoung could do. "Okay, end of the week, we meet back up and talk things through. That includes like do's and dont's and the extent of this relationship. Boundaries pretty much. We probably should have done that in the first place." 

"We should have," Mark swallowed as his eyes went to look out the window, as if he was thinking about something, and then he turned to look back at Jinyoung. "And I'm sorry, for the other night, for calling you that." 

Jinyoung sighed, he really didn't like admitting that he was in the wrong, and he wasn't about to do that for Mark over this, so he replied with a short, "It's fine." And he found himself texting Yugyeom underneath the table.

_____

Jinyoung stared at his closet as he tried to figure out what to wear. After he left the cafe, and continued to text Yugyeom, the younger proposed that they go out to the club tonight. Of course, despite Yugyeom and BamBam both being his friends, he didn't want to go out to the club alone with them. So he passed the invitation along to Jaebum who, of course, agreed to go. So Jaebum was going to be swinging by his apartment later to pick him up after he picks up the other two from their dorm that they share. 

Really, Jinyoung knew his goal for the night was to not only have fun, but to get laid. Why not take advantage of a break? So he went with picking out his tightest black turtle neck, matched with a black leather jacket, and he tightest black skinny jeans that he knew hugged his ass well. As year ago when Jinyoung had bought them, Jackson had dubbed them his 'get laid pants'. He even went all out to style his hair, and to even do his makeup. By the time he was done, he was more that proud of himself as he stood in front of the mirror on the back of his bathroom door to stare at himself. He looked good, the monochromatic scheme of black of course all going well together.

When the text came that they were here, Jinyoung smiled as he saw that Jaebum kept the shotgun open for him, therefore demoting the other two into the back seat. Best friend privileges were nice. As he slipped into the passenger seat, he could feel Jaebum's gaze on him, and he gave him a sweet smile before changing the station on the radio as they head out to their favorite club. 

As soon as they got in, they all made a bee line to the bar, all needing to get at least some alcohol in their system. Yugyeom and BamBam downed two shots before taking off to the dance floor, and Jinyoung only took one before he was off, leaving Jaebum to sit by himself at the bar and nurse the same shot he got when they all ordered one.

Usually he would be out dancing too already, but something was holding him back this time. So instead of questioning it, he just glanced around the crowed, not feeling bored, even if he was just sitting there. Club life always excited him, the constant booming of the bass, the lights, and of course- the dancing. While he was scanning the crowd, he easily picked Jinyoung out, and he felt his gaze harden at the scene before him. Jinyoung was grinding on some guy who was very clearly enjoying it. And with that, he dumped the rest of his drink down his throat, and managed to only give a small wince at the action. 

It wasn't like this was a new scene. Jaebum often saw Jinyoung dancing with other guys in the club. It also wasn't like he is just jealous because he's never danced with Jinyoung like that, because he has. They used to dance like that all the time at high school parties, letting everyone's eyes fall on them, and they continued doing that in college, sometimes even in clubs, because they both loved the dancing, especially dirty dancing, and they loved the attention. 

Though Jinyoung always did have Jaebum's attention.

He found himself hopping off of his bar stool, and heading into the crowd, in a straight line towards them. He didn't even have any excuse, and he had nowhere near enough alcohol in him to blame it on being drunk. "Jinyoung."

Snapping his eyes open, Jinyoung smiled as he made eye contact with Jaebum. Instantly, he untangled himself from the guy, and with a glare, the guy stalked off. "Don't worry," Jinyoung's voice was low as he wrapped an arm around Jaebum's shoulder and encouraged him to wrap one around his waist. Pushing his hips forward, Jinyoung slowly grinded against Jaebum's front. "I'll dance with you too." 

And all Jaebum could think was, _fine, if you want to play Jinyoung, then we'll play_. He used his arm that was wrapped around Jinyoung's hips and gripped and spun him around so that they were chest to back. Jinyoung just let him move him, and only hummed as he threw one arm behind him lazily to rest on Jaebum's shoulder, and the other to move Jaebum's left hand so that it was rest on his upper thigh. He leaned his head against Jaebum's chest, and then he started to grind his hips, feeling the way the muscles in Jaebum's thighs moved in rhythm with him. Licking his lips, he blinked up at Jaebum, "You didn't want me to dance with that guy. Why?" 

For a second he paused, and squeezed Jinyoung's thigh as he thought if he was really about to do this. What made this time so different? Why was he just now letting go of the control he so perfectly used to restrain himself? But in the end, he decided to say fuck it, and brought his mouth down right next to Jinyoung's ear so that he could hear him clearly, and let his hand slip up his thigh, and more inwards, so that it was dangerously closed to where there was an obvious tent forming in Jinyoung's pants. "Because if someone's going to make you hard, I want it to be me." 

Jinyoung let his mouth fall into a silent 'oh' as he stared up at Jaebum. But he didn't think twice about it as he let Jaebum drag him into the mens bathroom. And he didn't question it as he was pushed up against the door of the stall, Jaebum's mouth on his. It probably should have been weird kissing him, this whole situation probably should have been odd, but it wasn't, it wasn't odd at all. it was fucking good, and he wanted more. 

He moaned into Jaebum's mouth, and all he did was swallow up the sound as he felt the all too familiar hands slide up under his shirt, touching his skin and leaving his skin feeling as if it was burning, and goosebumps in their wake. Fingers passed over his nipples and he pulled away from Jaebum to let out a gasp. Since now they aren't kissing, Jinyoung attached himself to Jaebum's neck, licking off the sweat and leaving bruises instead. 

In a slick movement, his belt was being undone, as well as his pants unbuttoned, and his boxers being pushed down, and Jinyoung hardly had time to grasp the feeling of his hardened dick being free, because a hand was already wrapping around it, pumping up slowly. The touch felt so good, and he whined as he bucked his hips into his hands, letting out another moan as Jaebum's thumb dipped into his slit right before he got onto his knees. The second that Jaebum's mouth was on his dick, he was seeing stars as he brought his hands down to rest on his hair as Jaebum easily began to take his length, mouth and tongue working like a pro. 

There was a part of his brain yelling at him for not doing this sooner, because it felt just so damn good. He knew he wasn't drunk, but somehow this made him feel as if he was buzzed, everything seeming to feel ten times greater, his body so warm, and the low buzz generated in his bones. Just how content he felt. He gave a quick look around the stall, of course there being nothing, and he didn't trust their soap. So when Jaebum's hand began to creep up his stomach, and up to Jinyoung's chest, without a second thought, knowing that they didn't have really any other options, since he sure as hell didn't have lube, and he wanted more, he wanted Jaebum to fuck him. So he grabbed Jaebum's hand, and wrapped his mouth around his fingers. 

Jaebum moaned, the  vibration causing Jinyoung's dick to twitch, and Jinyoung couldn't help but let out his own low moan as he sucked on Jaebum's fingers, trying to coat them in enough spit to where it wouldn't be that bad when it came to fingering him open. 

Clearly having the same train of thought, Jaebum pulled off of his dick, wiping the trail of spit away with the back of his hand. Standing up again, he pulled his hand out of Jinyoung's mouth, and replaced it with his mouth instead, kissing Jinyoung deeply. Once they pulled away for air, Jaebum turned him around, and he braced himself on the wall, and turned his head to the side so that he could watch Jaebum. 

"So pretty," Jaebum muttered as he pressed Jinyoung further against the stall door, two of his fingers already pressing in and out of Jinyoung's ass. And it was wrecking him. It didn't even matter that his fingers weren't as long as Jinyoung's, it felt so good, and it was better for Jinyoung just knowing that it was Jaebum's hands that were touching him. It was Jaebum's hands that were on his ass, spreading him apart, and fingers fucking him. The mere fact that Jaebum was about to fuck him had him moaning and he felt his erection harden more, his body already buzzing with utter happiness and excitement. "You're so pretty Jinyoung."

The praise made Jinyoung smile as he rested his head against the coolness of the stall, that he kind of needed, because his whole body felt as if he was on fire, as if there was a fire in his stomach and in his chest that by each ticking moment that passed, it got brighter and bigger until it engulfed every inch of him. This wasn't even like it was the first time that Jaebum has called him pretty. In fact, he regularly compliments Jinyoung, always calling him cute, pretty, handsome, adorable, and even beautiful on some occasions. But something about right now, the way he said it, staring at Jinyoung and his body with that goddamn look, as he it Jinyoung's prostate by curling his fingers up in Jinyoung's tight ass (it had been over a year since he bottomed and so the only time he got fingered is if he fingered himself) and calling him pretty, in the bathroom of a club, right before they were about to fuck, made it feel sinful. And Jinyoung fucking loved it. "Jaebum fuck me, please fuck me." 

He was being turned over now, and Jaebum's arms were hooking underneath his knees and was being lifted up, and all he could do was wrap his arms around Jaebum's shoulders, and hook his feet around his waist to help keep himself steady. The feeling of having Jaebum in him was a whole new experience, and it made Jinyoung pant heavily as he whimpered and captured Jaebum's lips into a searing kiss. He wasn't going to last long at all if he kept feeling like this. He was already so close, almost embarrassingly so. He was already about to cum like some horny teenager who was getting fucked for the the first time.

Somehow Jaebum's ability to read Jinyoung extended into being able to even read him during sex too, because he began to suck on the spot right under Jinyoung's right ear and muttered about how pretty he looked filled with his cock, and how good he was taking it. The more than familiar feeling was building up in Jinyoung, and Jaebum wrapped his hand around his cock to help make him cum. "Can you cum for me Jinyoungie?" The second that he asked that, in his low baritone voice, it had Jinyoung instantly whining and clawing at Jaebum's back as he spilled all over Jaebum's hand. He let his head loll to the side as he watched Jaebum through his eyelashes as he kept pushing into Jinyoung, trying to chase his own orgasm. The feeling of cum shooting into him caused him to yelp, and he then felt Jaebum's thumbs rub circles into his skin from where he was still holding him up. He lazily pushed in several more times, fucking his cum back into Jinyoung, before pulling completely away, leaving Jinyoung to only sigh as they were both left standing again.

They both stayed like that for several seconds, just breathing, and staring at each other. And then Jaebum was giving him a smile, and he couldn't help but give a smile back. Finally, the spell was broke, and they were pulling their clothes back on, and Jinyoung fussed over the two of them, doing his best to make sure that they both looked presentable and as if they didn't just have sex.

Jaebum was at the sink washing his hands before they went back out, and Jinyoung was leaning on the wall next to him, just watching him. "Should we go find dumb and dumber to make sure they haven't done anything too reckless?"

"If we leave now, maybe we won't be too late."

After that, they found BamBam and Yugyeom, both completely wasted, and they could only shake their heads and laugh as they loaded the two of them back into Jaebum's car and then lead them back to their dorm.

It took an embarrassing amount of time for both Jinyoung and Jaebum to drag BamBam and Yugyeom back up and into their dorm room. Though, it was probably going to be worse for them when they realize later on just how wasted they got. It also didn't help that Jinyoung refused to leave until he watched both of them drink an entire glass of water. Even then, he made sure to leave out pain medicine in plain sight for them. and mentally reminded himself to text them in the morning to check on them.

Finally, after a half hour, with the time now pushing two in the morning, him and Jaebum were finally heading back to his apartment. This time, the ride was vastly different than earlier when they also had BamBam and Yugyeom with them. When the two of them where in the car, there was constant talking and upbeat music playing in the background. Now, with just Jaebum and Jinyoung, it was quiet, with just the soft sound of the Beatles playing in the background. Jinyoung rested on his forearms as he looked out the open window, enjoying the cold breeze as he sung along to the song.

Once they got up to Jaebum's apartment, Jinyoung headed straight into his bedroom, and began to raid his dresser, particularly the top left drawer where he knew Jaebum kept his sweatpants, and then went to his closet to pull out of one his oversized black t-shirts.

As he begun to strip down to change, he could see Jaebum out of the corner of his ye, doing the exact same. Except, he was putting on black shorts and one of his white wife beaters that had Jinyoung looking away. He ditched his clothes, phone, and wallet, and then invited himself to go lay on Jaebum's bed. By now, it was more than usual. The two of them have been sharing a bed for ages, ever since they were seven years old. Though, neither of them knew that the first time they did it that it would quickly become a habit that the two of them would continue on. Jinyoung had woken up late at night due to a nightmare, and was scared to be in the dark alone, so he woke Jaebum up in retaliation. But Jaebum responded with just pulling him into his bed, and ever since then, without fail, the two always shared a bed. Which did lead to several awkward mornings when they were fourteen and going through puberty.

Jaebum crawled in next to him, and as soon as he felt his arms wrap around him, he finally let himself feel just how exhausted he really was. It had been a long day, with school, with Mark, and then the club. He was comfy and warm, and he felt the sleep pushing at the back of his eyes. Thankfully, he could sleep in, because he had an afternoon shift at his work, and didn't have any classes.

"Goodnight," he mumbled, it being muffled by his own yawn. Nothing else was said, but he felt a pair of lips brushing against his jaw, and with that he let himself fall asleep.


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i am going to aim to update every monday and if not monday then tuesday

When Jinyoung woke up, he was used to waking up to a lot of things involving Im Jaebum. He was used to waking up in Jaebum's bed, and he was used to waking up in Jaebum's arms. What he wasn't used to however was the way that his heart beat was practically running rapid, and how his mind and thoughts were moving miles a minute. He was used to a lot of things, but waking up with emotions overwhelming him, he wasn't used to waking up the morning after, with Jaebum. And he couldn't push the feelings that were building up in him, he couldn't even identify all of them, besides one, and that is fear. 

It is a fear and worry nestled deep inside of his heart and in his brain, the fear that maybe things were going to change. The thought of Jaebum not wanting to talk to him or be friends with him anymore because of last night. The idea of that made tears push at the corner of his eyes, and he was instantly wiggling his way out of Jaebum's grasp, now more than used to the art of escaping his grasp in early mornings. Finding the need to have a distraction so that he didn't have a mini breakdown, he went to his kitchen to begin to cook breakfast for himself. His stomach growled and he cursed himself for making sure that he didn't eat more last night. He often did cook since it was something he learned a long time ago from his mother and sisters. He also usually would wake up first resulting in him being the one to cook, not that he minded. 

Since he knew where everything was in Jaebum's apartment, he began pulling things out and setting to work, thankful to have something else to be doing with his hands rather than just laying there and thinking over everything. Because even as he was standing there cooking his eggs, he still couldn't stop thinking about it. It was the farthest that they have ever gone, clearly, there isn't any farther than can go. There was times that they have kissed before, and they would dance together sometimes pretty sexually. But those kisses had always been because of party situations, whether it was spin the bottle, seven minutes in heaven, or even simply truth or dare, or whatever party games got pulled out. Then there was also the one time when they were eighteen, and they got extremely wasted for practically the first time. That night they spent a solid fifteen minutes just making out on the couch. To be fair, it was their first college party, and they experienced it like true wild college students would. Though, they never really did ever talk about it again, both just pretending as if they didn't remember it happening. But Jinyoung knew he definitely remembered it. 

But even Jinyoung knew that making out a few times, or grinding together for show because they both knew all the attention would be on them if they did so, was vastly different than actually fucking. Closing his eyes, he willed himself to breathe in and out before he started crying about a hypothetical situation. He knew that Jaebum wouldn't just throw him away like that, even if things got super messed up. 

Arms snaked around his waist, and if he also wasn't so used to this by now, he would have probably jumped in surprise. Jaebum's body was still incredibly warm as he clung to Jinyoung's back, and he his smell was overwhelming, being all too comforting. Relief washed over Jinyoung like waves, and he felt himself relax into the touch as he continued on making the eggs, albeit now he was smiling.   
  
"Mmm whatcha making?" Jaebum questioned, voice low and laced with sleep. 

His head was right next to Jinyoung's ear, and his voice sent an involuntary shiver down his spine as he dumped the scrambled eggs onto the plate that he pulled out earlier, "Eggs." 

Pulling a fork from the drawer, Jinyoung could hear the smile in his voice, "Awe you made me breakfast." Jinyoung scoffed as he brought the plate closer so that Jaebum could also easily reach the eggs because he knew that Jaebum was a leech and 1) wasn't going to let go of him anytime soon, and 2) was going to steal his food anyways. He heard Jaebum hum appreciatively as he began eating. "You make good eggs." 

Rolling his eyes, he dropped the empty plate into Jaebum's sink, the two of them both clearing it off with only several bites. "They are eggs hyung. I'd be concerned if they weren't easy to make taste good." 

Jinyoung didn't have to see Jaebum's face to know that he probably just also rolled his eyes at Jinyoung. The arms around his waist tightened for a split second, pulling Jinyoung impossibly closer to Jaebum, "Do you have work today?"   
  
"Yeah," he glanced at the clock on Jaebum's stove to see that he still had quite some time until he would have to leave to go home and get ready for work. "Let go of me, I need to go pee." 

"I'll come with you." 

He knew that it wasn't meant to be an innuendo, but Jinyoung's dirty mind couldn't help but go into the gutter. He couldn't help but have a mini flashback to the night before, and how Jaebum looked like when he came. How he held Jinyoung up and pushed him against the stall, as he rocked into Jinyoung. Butterflies and electricity rippled through his stomach, and without hesitation he was shrugging his shoulders to get Jaebum off and was swatting at the hands on his waist, "Don't be gross." 

Laughing, Jaebum pulled away and completely let go of him, abandoning him to head to the fridge to go get food, he was a bottomless pit, and shared scrambled eggs wasn't going to cut if for him. Grabbing his favorite box of cereal, he decided to tease, "Not like I haven't seen it all before." 

And it wasn't like Jinyoung was really shy perse, but this made him feel like it. So he was promptly turning away and walking to the bathroom so that Jaebum couldn't see the way that his face turned bright red. Something about Jaebum flirting, or just merely teasing him, made his mouth go dry and rendered him speechless. Which was annoying. He was known for being smooth and charming, yet Jaebum just made his face go red and made him feel like some giggling and shy school girl. Sighing as he walked back out, he found Jaebum sitting at his 'kitchen' table, face buried into a bowl of cereal and his cell phone, most likely scrolling through his Instagram feed that consisted of various animal accounts, primarily cat accounts. 

He swiped the box of cereal and grabbed a bowl to pour food for himself and then sat on the opposite side of the table, pulling out his own phone to check his notification that he has missed. He also made sure to send a text to both Yugyeom and BamBam to remind them to drink lots of water and take the pulls he left out for them. Almost instantly, he got responses in the form of selfies of the two of them, each holding a cup of water, looking dead, while the caption was thanking him. Giggling, he slid his phone to Jaebum, "They still haven't learned how to handle their hang overs well. Hopefully they don't have classes today, and if they do, they are later." 

Looking away from his phone, Jaebum glanced at the photos of the two, "You would think they would know by now, since they try to be those typical crazy college kids."

"Just like Jackson. For as wild as the three of them are, none of them can handle their alcohol." 

"Don't forget Youngjae. He has just one glass and his is a giggling mess, and by his second, he is already asleep." 

Not that either of them were bragging by any means, but out of their friend group, they were the ones who were the best when it came to handling their alcohol. Mark was also fairly good at it, but he always did end up falling asleep at some point. But if you asked anyone else, they would blame that on the fact that he is from California and was used to drinking and partying. 

For as long as he could, Jinyoung procrastinated having to leave for work, but eventually it got to the point where he had to go. When Jaebum walked with him to the door, there was an awkward air for several seconds as the two of them just stood there, before Jinyoung said fuck it, and closed the gap between them to give Jaebum a hug, and then leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek, something he has done several times before. Jaebum cleared his throat, and Jinyoung was pulling back from him to run away without it seeming as if he was leaving quickly, a giant frown on his face, and the worry coming back to him. Are things going to be different? 

That's all Jinyoung could think about as he got ready for work, before he finally headed towards the restaurant. Things weren't bad that morning, at all. Then again, there was those several seconds by the doorway. But was Jinyoung really about to predict the fall of their friendship based on one awkward exchange that didn't even last thirty seconds? It sounded ridiculous when put like that, but it was hard not to think like that. He did have a tendency of over worrying. 

And the second that he was walking into the back employee room, two girls were on his sides, successfully trapping him in between the two of them. He sighed, being more than used to this kind of behavior and tactics, from both his sisters, and especially from these two. He loved them, and considered them very good friends of his, but that definitely didn't stop him from getting annoyed with just how nosy the two of them are. He knows just how into gossip the two of them are, and that can be both a blessing and a curse. 

"So," Yerin started, arms crossed as if she was about to start an interrogation. This alone made him want to groan, because he now knew that it wasn't going to be them spilling someone else's drama to him, it was going to be about him. "You got someone at the club last night." 

Jinyoung actually groaned out loud as he shook his head, and dumped his stuff in his locker, silently begging for time to go by quickly so that he can actually clock in for work. How news like this passed so quickly, he didn't even know. It was frightening really. "Where did you hear that?" 

"Oh you know," Jimin grinned as she flipped her hair back. "We have ways. Yerin and I just want to know that if the rumors were true. Thought we would go straight to the source about it." 

That in itself was admirable to him, at least they were fact checking their gossip. Rumors usually meant nothing, or were just wild, and just that, a rumor. But it still made him cringe as he questioned, "What's the rumor?" 

Yerin leaned up against the lockers, "That you were dancing with just some random guy, and Jaebum, yes _Im Jaebum_ , fought him off, and then swept you off of your feet, and then that you two went and fucked in the men's bathroom at the club."   
  
With a face of disgust, Jinyoung snorted, "Jaebum didn't fight the guy off. He literally just walked over and said my name, and then _I_ pulled away from the guy, and he left. Also there was no picking up anyone." At least, on the dance floor. But he didn't say that part out loud. 

This news made Jimin stop, an even larger grin set on her face, matched with an evil spark in her eyes, as she caught what Jinyoung's response was inferring, "But you guys did fuck in the bathroom?" 

Yerin to gasped as she stared at Jinyoung, "Oh my god. Who knew you had that in you?" 

Finally, Jinyoung realized his mistake and grew pale. It wasn't that he was ashamed about it by any means, but for some reason, he didn't want people to know about it, and he couldn't even pinpoint why he felt that way. Maybe it was because he was afraid to come off as a whore, considering he did fuck around with a lot of people. Though, he was never boastful about any of his encounters, yet he would talk about it sometimes to other people, like Yerin and Jimin. And all of this thinking was making his head hurt, and he hated the way the idea of regret seemed to creep up behind him because he didn't regret what he did with Jaebum. What he hated was how all of these little things was telling him that he should regret it. That it shouldn't have happened. 

Not saying another thing, Jinyoung closed his locker and walked away, leaving both Jimin and Yerin to give each other looks that he didn't even bother to try and interpret. He hated thinking about all of this so much, and he was practically begging for it to be the end of the week so that he could just work things out with Mark. Maybe then this wouldn't be eating him alive like it currently was. 

Despite all of those feelings, Jinyoung never brought up any of it to Jaebum, and in return, Jaebum never did say anything to him about it. They continued their week like they always did, and nothing was in the slightest bit different than normal. They cuddled just as much, hugged, joked, talked, and spent the same amount of time with each other as normal. For the most part, that was both extremely comforting and relieving for Jinyoung. Yet, it was frustrating in a way. In a way, that made things just even more confusing for him, and left his mind feeling as if there was constantly just question marks roaming around.   
  
So when it was finally the end of the week, he all but practically ran to the coffee shop that him and Mark agreed to meet at. He was early, by quite some time, but that was rather okay for him. So he ended up just ordering himself food and coffee, while he pulled out some of his homework to begin on a paper he had to write. The work was enough to get his mind to focus on it only, and he didn't get pulled out of it, until he heard someone clearing their throat. When he looked up, Mark was sitting across from him. Sheepishly, he pushed up his glasses that were falling off a bit, and closed his textbook, "How long have you been sitting here?" 

"Not long," Mark lied, not wanting to admit how he just spend pretty much the last ten minutes just sitting there and watching Jinyoung do his work. It was hard not to watch him though. It wasn't often that Jinyoung would wear his glasses, and he looked undeniably cute in them. Not to mention that when he was working, he would pause every few second to push them back up. And then there was also his habit of biting his lower lip, or poking out his tongue, while he tapped his pencil and paused doing his work, clearly thinking about what he was going to write down. But he wouldn't tell this to Jinyoung, no- because he new how Jinyoung ran at the sight of feelings.   
  
A small smile weaved it's way onto Jinyoung's face, as he dumped his homework back into his messenger bag, not before organizing it first though. "That's good," he reached towards his rather neglected cup of coffee that was more than cold by now, and he had to fight off a wince as he took a gulp. He would deal with it though, cold or not, coffee was still coffee, and he would take what he could get. Plus he needed something else to do with his hands, because quite honestly, he didn't really even know how to go about this. He was used to just cutting things off, and has never wanted to work things out before. "So...it's still safe to say that we both want this still, right?" 

"Right," Mark nodded as he gripped onto his own cup. "We just need to establish those boundaries. I'm pretty sure mine are going to be more simple, so I'll go first." 

With a fake pout, Jinyoung rose his hand to his heart, while mockingly glaring at Mark, "Hyung, what is that suppose to mean?" 

"It just means that you're a complicated person Jinyoung," his tone was light, but something about it told Jinyoung that maybe his statement hadn't been all too teasing after all. "I think my only thing really is that I don't like it when other people are brought up while anything sexual is going on. Not even in the 'trying to make the other person jealous to make the sex more heated' kind of way. I just hate it, and it is a huge turn off for me." Maybe it was a bit unfair to just lie to Jinyoung so plainly in such a manor, but it wasn't a complete lie. He just hated the idea of Jinyoung mentioning other men, especially Jaebum, when they are about to do something. 

Jinyoung nodded, genuinely feeling bad about last week, knowing that part of it had been his fault. "I don't like to be called Jirongie. I don't mind like literally any other variations of my name. I also am not into calling someone daddy, though some guys have called me it before, and I have also let a guy call me mommy before, but that is a long story and I don't think that you're really into that," he trailed off again before furrowing his brows, voice and face completely grave, "Are you?" 

Mark was choking on his laughter as he went to hit Jinyoung's shoulder, a tint of red to his cheeks at just how crude Jinyoung was, "Don't be ridiculous, I don't know what kind of pervert you think I am, but I'm not." Jinyoung was chuckling along with him, which left a satisfaction bubbling in his chest. "Is there anything else?" 

"Nothing that you don't already know. So we're good?" 

"Yeah," Mark smiled. "We're good. And as much as I would like to totally have some makeup sex, I do have to go to work soon."

Letting his voice drip down low, with an almost over dramatic seductive tone, Jinyoung smirked, "I can make it quick."

______

After getting done with hanging out and fixing things with Mark, Jinyoung went back to his apartment to get more of his school work done, promising that as soon as he was got home that he would call Jaebum. Maybe, if he begged for it, he could get Jaebum to bring him some food, because he was feeling to lazy to cook. 

Biting down on his lower lip, Jinyoung picked up his phone, and put it on speaker, as he started to pull out all of his school work to lay across his dining table. After about the fourth ring, Jaebum finally picked up the phone, "Yes?" 

"Jaebum," he dragged out his name, his voice practically whining. "How much do you love me?" 

Jaebum was silent for several seconds before he finally sighed, "You already know that I love you. Just tell me what you want, I know you Jinyoung." 

With a fake and exaggerated pout on his face, Jinyoung grabbed his pencil, "Not fair hyung, you're suppose to indulge me in my role playing. I was suppose to act all cute, and you were suppose to pretend to be annoyed by grow weak at how adorable I am and find it hard to tell me no, so you eventually relent to my requests." 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." he swears Jinyoung thinks too much about these things. "Let's pretend that all did happen. What do you want?"

"Come over after work and bring me food while you are at it?" he asked, voice hopeful, as he stilled added a bit of a cute hint to his voice to further encourage Jaebum into saying yes. It works, and you can't argue with science. Though, he knew that the likeliness of Jaebum actually say no was very little. 

He heard a long sigh go through the phone, but he could tell that Jaebum was fighting off a smile, "The amount of money I waste on feeding you is ridiculous. I might actually be able to afford that one motor cycle I want if I didn't spoil you so much." 

"Oh shush, you do not spoil me Im Jaebum, you never have," he pretended to sniff, having entirely too much fun in teasing Jaebum. Really, he knew that Jaebum does dote on him, and that he always has. Though it was always different than how any of his older friends would, sometimes it would just be more subtle. Though Jaebum has had a few breaks in time where he has grabbed Jinyoung's cheeks and pinched them while cooing about how cute he was. 

"I have been spending my money on you for as long as I can remember Jinyoungie, don't act like you don't know it. Remember when your fish died and I bought you those stuffed fish? Or when you broke our thumb in middle school because you took gym class way too seriously? I took you out for ice cream after that. I swear, you've always been in my pocket, stealing all of my hard earned money." 

"Yes," he giggled. "I suppose you did work very hard for that pocket change by doing all of those chores. Doing your homework, cleaning your room, I know these things can be so demanding." he started laughing before he could continue. "You always got more than I did since you're an only child. My parents had to deal with dealing out the money and chore tasks to three kids, nonetheless teenager sisters. And you know just how money consuming teenage girls can be hyung. Now they will make you go bankrupt." 

Jaebum was laughing along with him, likely rolling his eyes, "Yeah, yeah Jinyoungie, you're lucky I love you so much. I'll see you after work." 

Smiling softly, his laughter dying down, he spoke down the line, "Bye Jaebum." and let the other hang up as he focused back onto the notes before him. 

Without fail, several hours later, Jaebum was waltzing into Jinyoung's apartment, and pushing various of his papers aside to drop two bags of food onto the table. He looked up with a smile, seeing Jaebum still in his work uniform, meaning he came straight from work and didn't stop at his own apartment first. As he dropped into the one other chair Jinyoung has at his table, he started at the McDonald's bag in front of him. Raising his eyebrows, he cooed, in awe, and a caring tone, "You must really be tired if you decided to get McDonald's." He knew that Jaebum wasn't really a fan of American food, and that burgers was always more of Jinyoung's thing. 

"I wanted their fries," he grumbled as he unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt. "And they have the best fries." 

Jinyoung couldn't argue with that, so he just grabbed his bag eagerly, and pulled out the fries, happy to began to eat them, "Tough day at work?" 

"Just tired in general," he explain, the explanation followed by a convenient yawn that lasted several seconds. "I stayed up pretty late last night trying to finish school work. God, I am so glad that this is my last year, and then, I will be done." 

"Don't remind me that I still have one more to go." The two fell back into a silence, and Jinyoung ignored his work, now opting in taking a break to eat the food he brought. He really didn't eat McDonald's often, so he cherished when he did. But he couldn't help but keep peeking up across the table to Jaebum, knowing that he had to tell Jaebum about him and Mark. "Hey hyung?" he got a half hearted grunt in response. "I'm back with Mark now. He and I worked things out earlier today." 

He saw Jaebum finally look up at him, a look of surprise flashing across his face before it was quickly replaced with an almost cold expression, but Jinyoung was able to catch it. "Okay." 

Jinyoung waited for several more seconds, half expecting there to be something more, but nothing else came. Jaebum didn't say anything else about it, or react in any other way. He merely just reached out to shove an almost unhealthy amount of burger in his mouth at once. Jinyoung knew that he should just feel relieved, that it was clear by now that what they did was not going to affect them or change things in anyway, that it wasn't nothing but just some quick fuck between two friends. But something didn't seem right about that reaction, and he didn't even know how he was expecting Jaebum to react, or what he even wanted. So he just forced himself to sink back down in his chair as he kept watching Jaebum. It was more than obvious now, just how tired he really is, his body sagging in utter exhaustion. "Go get clothes to change into," Jinyoung finally demanded. "And at least take a nap here before you go home hyung. It isn't healthy to drive this tired." 

Without even putting up a fight, Jaebum just nodded, and trudged his way off to Jinyoung's bed room, leaving Jinyoung to sit out there alone. Yes, Jaebum may have been extremely tired to begin with, but now he may or may not just be moping around a little. After changing into a pair of Jinyoung's clothes, he just flopped down onto his bed, and basked in just how comfy it was, and how it smelled exactly like Jinyoung. Closing his eyes, he breathed in deep, and let out one of the loudest sighs he ever has before. When Jinyoung told him that he and Mark were back together, Jaebum wanted nothing more than to reach across that table and pull him into a hug, a kiss, tell him that he shouldn't be with Mark, or just do something. But what would he even say after he did any of that? Does he just say 'be with me instead?' That was funny. 

And once again, his loyalty to Jinyoung was terrifying to him. That he was just willing to accept all of this, and deal with his own feelings in silence. It isn't even like he could blame Jinyoung, because Jinyoung doesn't even know about it, it was Jaebum who refused to let him know about how he was really feeling. The closest Jinyoung knew to the truth was knowing just how possessive Jaebum felt over him, like when he admitted that he wanted to be the one making Jinyoung hard. But he was sure that that fact just blew over Jinyoung's head, and probably seemed like something just said in the heat of the moment, which really, it wasn't. That, and the fact that he will also always tell him how much he loves him, but he has been doing that ever since they became friends. 

It seems ridiculous. How can you know that you are just in love with someone? People dramatize that all the time. Especially the cliche of one childhood friend always loving the other. But maybe that is why it is a cliche, because it happens so often. Because he knows he does, he has known for almost years now actually. He had always loved Jinyoung, that was just inevitable. And then he began to develop his crush, and it was like some nasty domino effect that he couldn't do anything to stop, because they all just kept falling, and it all lead to the same end result, that he was without a doubt in love with Jinyoung. Even when the course was changed, even when new people were added to the mix, as the days continue to drift by with Jaebum keeping his emotions still locked in a vault, both sides having fling after fling, it always lead to the same damn thing. 

And loving your best friend wasn't something cute and romantic like all of those teen romance movies liked to play it out to be (and Jaebum would know, because he has watched practically all of them at some point or another.) It was painful, it hurt, it was confusing, and it was denial, and just so much self loathing came with it.It was a constant worry of ruining everything that you two have built together. Because that was also one of Jaebum's greatest fears, it had been for years, and that is losing Jinyoung. It used to be that just one day they would drift apart and just not be friends anymore. He had fought all through his childhood to make sure that it didn't happen, because he didn't want to be that stereotype, not with Jinyoung. He didn't want to be childhood friends who drifted apart in later years of education. He also, later on, refused to let his dumb feelings be the cause of that drift. 

So he remained silent. 

Even if it was times like this, where it bit at his heart bitterly, and made him curl just a bit more into himself as he pulled the blankets tighter around himself, for the feeling of more security and comfort. He let the silence take over him, only focusing on the sound of the occasional dramatic page turning come from Jinyoung, and his occasional humming. Thankfully, he did end up falling asleep though soon, allowing himself to dream what his heart wanted ,despite how much he knew it would hurt in the morning when he woke up. That always killed him, dreaming of what he and Jinyoung could be. Dreaming that when he woke up next to Jinyoung, that he could kiss him. Instead, he always just watches him, or clutches onto him tighter like he is going to just disintegrate and leave him, always begging for the sleep to come again. 

Sometimes he would wonder that if he just stopped being so touchy, so freakishly intimate with Jinyoung,  if that would make the feelings go away. That maybe if he distanced himself that way, without entirely removing Jinyoung, because he could never do that, that one day he would fall asleep and not have those dreams anymore. That one day he could hug Jinyoung without his heart trying to leap out of his chest. But the selfish part of him never would let that happen to him. There was that persistence in him that just refused to let go on Jinyoung. Vowing to himself that he would keep holding onto the rope, waiting for it to burn him. 

Later on in the night, pushing into the realm when it became both a late night and an early morning, he woke up to Jinyoung creeping his way into the bed. When he rolled over to see Jaebum's eyes open he frowned, "Did I wake you?" 

Jaebum just shrugged, "You can make it up to me if you cuddle."

With a tired grin, Jinyoung wrapped the blanket around both of them, as he pressed himself into Jaebum's side. Today was definitely not the day that Jaebum would stop doing this with Jinyoung.

_____

Jaebum also never took into account of having Jackson Wang there to drive the stake deeper and deeper into his heart. Not that Jackson was ever doing it intentionally of course, he also just didn't know. He also knew that Jackson is way too kind hearted to ever just hurt someone on purpose like that. That's honestly what always stopped Jaebum from decking Jackson in the face half of the time, friends for years or not. But sometimes he would still snap at him, though he always felt guilty afterwards. 

Like right now, he just wanted to lunge towards Jackson and yell at him to just _stop fucking talking_. Because the younger Hong Kong native could not shut up about how Mark and Jinyoung were back together after their break, and how good it is that they worked things out to get to a better agreement. It just forced the fact that Jinyoung saw what they did as nothing different than all the other people he has done stuff with, expect he wasn't just going to keep Jaebum's number in a 'call for a good time' list.   
  
It also didn't help that everyone was just so damn obvious to the way that his all made his hands curl into fists as he willed himself to just breathe and not get angry. Really, Jaebum was glad that it wasn't fifteen year old him dealing with all of this. Fifteen year old Jaebum was brash and argumentative and definitely would have already screamed and punched some people over this a long time ago. But this Jaebum actually had control of his emotion's, and could will himself to just calm down before doing anything dramatic. 

There was also the fact that Youngjae was staring at him knowingly from across the room. Honestly, Youngjae knew Jaebum well, well enough to know that he clearly wasn't okay right now, and everything was more than obvious to him. He didn't get how no one else realized, or why Jaebum himself refused to speak about this to anyone else. It must feel awful to keep everything all locked up in yourself like that. Youngjae couldn't imagine it, and so he made it is personal mission to talk to Jaebum about it later on. Maybe he could catch him on his way out, to get him alone so that he could force the elder to talk to him, because he was more than sure that Jaebum need to.

His opportunity arose when Jaebum ended up leaving, sometimes after both Yugyeom and BamBam decided to leave, and Youngjae chose to leave then too so that he could follow after Jaebum. When he jogged out of the apartment, Jaebum hadn't made it very far at all, and even with Youngjae being as unfit as he was, he still easily caught up to him. "Hyung, you should come over to my apartment. I'll make you some tea." 

"I'm not really in the mood right now Youngjae." 

"I know," he gave a small understanding smile. "You know that you can talk to me, right hyung? I know you don't really like to talk about your feelings to begin with, nonetheless your Jinyoung related feelings, but I'd hope you know by now that as your friend, I just have your best interest in mind. I'm not going to go running around and screaming your stuff on the top of my lungs for everyone to hear."   
  
Finally, it was like Jaebum broke, and he sighed, letting his shoulders sag, "I could use to talk to somebody about it. I'll take you up on that tea offer." 

So that was how twenty minutes later, Jaebum was lying on Youngjae's couch, holding the cup of tea on his chest, like a table, as Youngjae sat on the chair that sat opposite of the couch. Thankfully for the two of them, Youngjae's older brother was working, so he wasn't there to listen in on Jaebum's problems. It was just him, Jaebum, and his dog Coco.  Youngjae stayed patiently silent, waiting for Jaebum to start talking whenever he felt ready to. 

"Jinyoung and I fucked." 

Youngjae was expecting a lot of things to be said, now that Jaebum decided he was finally going to up to him about everything. He was expecting some long monologues that could rival even the best emo song, or maybe even some irritation towards it all. Maybe even ranting about Mark. But he wasn't expecting that of all things, "When?" 

"Several days ago. It went smoothly. Neither one of us were drunk, and it just kind of happened. It was so easy. I've always seen Jinyoung as something always out of reach for me, any kind of relationship past friendship impossible." He knows that Mark flt the same way, and Jaebum wasn't going to dictate that his feelings for Jinyoung were the superior feelings. The difference between him and Mark is that Mark was doing everything he could to get some kind of relationship with Jinyoung, like an exclusive fuck buddies kind of relationship. While before the club, Jaebum was just content with being best friends, though it did make him feel rather guilty at times. "But all I had to do was dance with him and tell him that I want to be the one to make him hard, and then it was happening." 

"Do you regret it?" 

"No," he answered honestly, right away without any hesitation. "I think it may just hurt me more in the long run, but I knew about that going into it. He is back with Mark, so I know for him that it was just like any other night that he hooks up with someone." 

At this Youngjae frowned, "But aren't you different? You're his best friend." 

"I'm only different because he isn't going to never talk to me again. Romantic wise, it isn't." He also knew that was one of the biggest faults when it came to any of Jinyoung's partners that he 'breaks up' with is when they think that they are special or different. That there is a chance that Jinyoung may actually like them back, or that they can be the one to make him finally settle down. Not only was it unrealistic, but it was also like some stupid cliche bad boy good girl novel. 

"Why don't you ever talk to him about it?" 

Rolling his head to the side, he gave Youngjae a 'are you serious right now' look. "You know why. I refuse to lose this twenty year friendship, my best friend, over my emotions. And don't you even say that I could be the one to make him stop his behavior, because then you'll start sounding like Jackson in regards to Mark. 

Youngjae sighed at how stubborn Jaebum was being, "But if not to seek a relationship, then why not for your own closure? So you can finally put this past you guys, and you can move on from it."

All Jaebum could do was sigh at that. He knew that Youngjae was being more than reasonable with that question and solution, and probably was even right. That if he admitted to it, and they moved on from it, maybe twenty more years from now it could be one of those funny dinner topics like 'ha remember that time you liked me?' and then they would laugh about it and talk about something else, like maybe their families, or other memories of their youth. The crass and bitter part of his mind would mock him if that happened, taunting 'remember the time that we had sex? remember that time that i shoved you up against the bathroom door and fucked you?' 

But there was a hope, a tiny sliver of utterly selfish hope resulting in him refusing to let Jinyoung go.By now he knew that using other people didn't help him either, because his mind would always just turn right back to Jinyoung after. He would always see Jinyoung after, and his heart would still beat just as fast, utter adoration would still simmer in the pit of his stomach until it blooms towards his chest, urging that persistent love that he could always feel deep in his bones. 

He was in too deep now.

"It's hard to admit it Youngjae. I haven't even said it out loud yet, and it's been how long? Too long. I haven't even said it out loud to you, you just know. Have you ever loved one of your best friends? More than a best friend should?" 

"No, I haven't. I'm not attacking you Jaebum, I'm trying to help you, there's a difference. If you wanted me to, I could just tell him for you." 

"Really?" Jaebum snorted. "Are we all in elementary school now? Are you going to run up to him during recess and just go 'Jinyoung, Jaebum-hyung _likes_ you.'?" 

Rolling his eyes, Youngjae huffed, "No need to be a dick hyung." 

Jaebum sighed, relenting, "I know, I'm sorry. This is just," he waved his arms around to prove his point. Complicated. It's complicated. And even talking about it doesn't make him feel any better about it. 

"I know, but I know you're strong and you can do this." 

That makes one of us, Jaebum thought, but didn't say out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for like ???? that weird ending ?   
> i feel as if that just ended off at a really like weird note, almost like it needed something more, but idk what so i'll just leave it


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have so many au's i wanna do omg y'all don't even know 
> 
> also sorry for yet another weird ending, i really don't know how to just like ,, end a chapter? i don't know how to just close it off well

When Jaebum texted him that he was only five minutes away from his apartment and was coming over, Jinyoung didn't think a thing of it. When Jaebum was sitting besides him on the couch, that didn't raise any suspicion either. It was all normal, until Jaebum said, "I told Youngjae" and then there was something definitely not normal about that, and all he could do was sit in a silent shock as his emotions running rampant.

Jinyoung wasn't paranoid, he wasn't. He just couldn't rationalize anything that he was feeling right now, and he absolutely hated when he got like this. It hurt his mind, and he knew that it just caused nothing but trouble. Even right now, as Jaebum sat across from him, watching him with an eyebrow raised voice scarily bland as he observed, "You don't like that I told Youngjae that we fucked."

And there it was, and it was almost making him wince. Because they hadn't talked about it, they haven't even said it out loud around each other yet, despite how the days kept ticking by. This was the first time it was said. Jinyoung couldn't even gauge his own reaction to it, nonetheless Jaebum's. Him saying it just sent an electric current down his spine, it made his hands clammy, his heart beat race, and he didn't even want to get started on what it did to his brain. "It is just bad enough that Yerin and Jimin already somehow know." He could tell that Jaebum knew exactly where Jinyoung's mind was at right now, and already thought that Jinyoung was becoming rather irrational, if his raised eyebrows and crossed arms were any indication of that. Something he undoubtedly learned from his mother since this was always the exact look she would give him whenever he acted up as a kid and tried to use really idiotic kid's logic to explain his actions.

"Bad enough?" Jaebum scoffed, genuinely looking offended at that statement. "What is really that awful Jinyoung?"

Realizing that the train was going completely off track, he shook his head, "No, that is not it, okay? It was great, thank you very much," he spoke trying to ignore his burning cheeks. "You're just saying that because you want to hear me say that it was great." After Jaebum didn't deny that, he continued on with his explanation, "I just don't want everyone thinking that I am some whore."

At this, Jaebum openly rolled his eyes, "They are used to you having one night stands Jinyoung."

He knew, he _knew_ that Jaebum didn't mean it like that, but he couldn't help himself from getting prickly about that sentence, how it could be inferred differently. "They may be used to me sleeping around with people, but those people aren't you Jaebum," he snapped back, voice sounding even angrier than he had intended it to. But it was true, this wasn't just his 'usual' and he didn't ever want any, especially Jaebum, to think that, that idea just pissed him off to no end. Jaebum would always mean so much more to him than that.

"Is it?" Jaebum's voice held an edge of something else that Jinyoung couldn't figure out, returning Jinyoung's anger. "Is it different?" It was times like these that Jinyoung would help him dig the hole of hope that was just leading to Jaebum's grave of emotions, it would just make things worse later on, even though it already made his stomach twist in knots now. And Jaebum never wanted to be that guy who bitched about being put in the friend zone, because he knows that Jinyoung doesn't owe him anything, besides a proper rejection, but that didn't stop that information from biting at him harshly, reminding him that his love is just unrequited and just always will be. And that love was only something he could share in the silence with just himself because he is too petrified of rejection, of change. So no, Jinyoung didn't even owe him a rejection.

Jinyoung was tense, but he felt all of that dissipate, his shoulders dropping as he felt the guilt hit him. Was Jaebum just as scared as he was about things being different between them? Did he actually believe that Jinyoung might just ignore him, just get rid of him like he does everyone else? And then, making it's way up with the guilt was the shame. The fact that Jaebum had enough suspicion to second guess how much he really means to Jinyoung. Because Jinyoung sleeps around so much, because he has so many one night stands, because he always 'breaks up' with people because of the fact that he never wants a romantic love from any of them. All of this that made his best friend of twenty years second guessing if their friendship would really last. His voice was incredibly soft, but he wasn't even quite sure for who's sake it was for anymore, "Of course it is different Jaebum. I don't ever want to be at a point where you are not a part of my world." he sighed. "I just don't want them to all think that I am such a desperate slut that I would pretty much just fuck anyone and everyone, including my best friend."

That vulnerability, the glimpse into his insecurity, into his partial self loathing, was what made Jaebum easily relent. He sighed, hand wrapped around Jinyoung's nape as he tugged him forward and into a hug. "You are not a slut." he brought his other hand up to run up and down his back soothingly, just the way he knows Jinyoung loves. "And none of them will judge you Jinyoung. They are out friends. And if they do? I'll punch 'em."

Jinyoung let himself sad against Jaebum, a smile on his face as he thought about a boy he used to have troubles with, "Just like how you punched Sehun for me back in ninth grade?"

Squeezing him harder, though Jinyoung could hear the smile in his voice as well as the comforting nature of the squeeze, "Exactly like how I punched him."

He was silent for several seconds as he took in a deep breathe and closed his eyes, "Sometimes I don't think I say this to you enough, but I love you, and I am so glad that you didn't kick me out of your spot when we first met."

"You know," he drew a swirl on Jinyoung's back that may or may not have resembled a heart. "I was thinking about it," he admitted. "But you looked so upset and you know how my teacher was bugging me for not talking or playing with the other kids during recess."

"Being nice," Jinyoung scrunched up his nose mockingly, as if it disgusted him. "How exhausting is that?"

The hand on Jinyoung's body stopped moving as he let it sag down. "Look," Jaebum stated solemnly, as if he was about to deliver extremely heavy and tragic news. "I may not have been mean to you then, but I sure as hell will be mean to you now. This time I will kick you out of my spot, do not test me Park Jinyoung"

"This is my couch!" Jinyoung protested, his voice sounding incredulous. Though he really wouldn't put it past Jaebum to actually kick him off of his own couch, he has done it several times before. That had been the time where they learned that they can't cuddle on the couch together while laying down, the hard way of course. Though, they eventually solved it with several options: they either sit up and cuddle, one person gets the couch to themselves, or they can cuddle by one of them lying right on top of the other (which Jinyoung always got the top).

Jaebum didn't even bother to take the time to reply to him. Instead, he just pulled out his phone to scroll through his Instagram feed. Jinyoung rolled his head out of Jaebum's neck so that the could rest his head more on Jaebum's shoulder and chest so that he could look at his feed too, the majority of it consisting of animal pictures. When there was a meme or anything else that popped up that required reading, Jaebum was conscious and always made sure that Jinyoung read it before scrolling past it.

Their previous conversation stuck in his mind as he thought about the possibilities. What if he hadn't met Jaebum? What if Jaebum did end up making him get out of his spot that day? Or what if Jinyoung had decided to go to another spot to hide out? What if the kids hadn't even bullied Jinyoung in the first place? Would the two of them still end up being friends. "Hey Jaebum?"

"Yeah?"

"What if we had never met?"

Closing his phone and dropping it on his lap, Jaebum turned his gaze to look down at Jinyoung's head that was resting slightly on his shoulder, yet slightly on his chest, "What? Do you regret meeting me?"

Jinyoung scowled at him as if he didn't find that joke funny, "I mean it hyung. What if we had never met that day? What do you think our lives would be like now? Do you think we still would have ended up meeting somehow and becoming friends? Like at lunch? Or maybe we both befriended Jackson? Or in college, through our room mates? Do you think that if we met at a later time, things would be different between us right now?"

He let himself stop to actually think about it, actually think about if there was some timeline, some other parallel universe, some alternate world, in which he hadn't met Jinyoung, or if their circumstances of meeting were different. "No, we would still be the same, because I think...I think we would meet anyways, no matter the circumstances. Nothing would keep us apart, nothing would keep us from becoming friends, nothing would stop me from loving you."

Letting his eyes flicker back up to Jaebum, he took in his answer. His answer caused a feeling to spread across his chest, a contentedness spreading throughout his bones, and tears pushing at his eyes. Reassurance that no matter what, Jaebum wanted Jinyoung in his life. That no matter what they would always be in each other's lives. That no matter the circumstances, that they would always find each other, in any life. "Do you think we found each other in any of our past lives?"

"Yes," he admitted. It was something that Jaebum actually used to think about often when he was a teenager, around the time that he began developing his own beliefs. As well as when he began questioning him and Jinyoung and their bond. He always did entertain the idea that they knew each other, somehow, someway. In some of his dreams, perhaps they were even together. "Every single one of them."

In that whole 'soul searching' of his, when he was seeking answers, he stumbled across another thing that really struck out to him. He had found this one theory, about the idea of soulmates, and he always kept that close to his heart. It was the theory that the Greek god Zeus had made humans as one, but tore them apart, meaning that for every person, they would always have another half. It was also almost like the yin and yang theory.

_There was one night, it was midsummer, and Jaebum had gone camping with Jinyoung and his family. Though, at some point through the night, the two of them decided to sneak away from Jinyoung's family, just wanting to get away from both his parents and his older sisters and their friends._

_It probably seemed either really odd or really obvious when they didn't want to be around them. It could have just been seen as 'their gayness showing' in which Jaebum would roll his eyes at that and say that he is not gay, he is bi- thank you very much. Or just plainly obvious because what little brother wants to hang out with his older sisters? Either way, the two always did prefer the quiet, and found a silent refuse within each other, no matter the time or the place._

_They were sharing an unzipped sleeping bag as they laid underneath the night sky, staring at the stars, Jaebum listening as Jinyoung talked about the constellations and explained the myths behind each and every single constellation that he could point out. He had just taken a basic astronomy class last school year and was more than giddy to begin to put his knowledge to use._

_In all of their thirteen year old glory, where childhood creativity was still clinging to them, they began to make up new constellations along with new stories for them. They both decided on a set of stars that was a sword from a great warrior. And of course, in the midst of staring at outer space, there was no way that the topic of aliens couldn't have been brought up, in which they both ended up agreeing that yes, aliens are very much real. Though Jaebum rationalized that they probably were nothing like E.T. and were most likely just microorganisms, like little bacteria's. Yet, Jinyoung strongly disagreed with that, because he was always a bit more of a dreamer than Jaebum ever was, except for when it seemed to matter the most._

_He turned his head towards Jinyoung, and studied the outline of his face through the dark. Even all the way out here, the only light being that from the stars, he could still make out all of Jinyoung's defining features, his ears, the curl of his nose, and his slightly parted lips._ _He breathed in, "Jinyoung? Do you remember that story about how humans were originally one, but then got torn apart?" he braced himself as if he was about to release a total bombshell. "I think you're my other half."  
_

_After several seconds of silence, Jinyoung's head finally turned towards his, the light of the stars shining in his brown eyes. Jaebum had thought Jinyoung may have been repulsed at what he said, or have way more of a negative reaction, but he genuinely seemed to be considering it. "You think so?" he said thoughtfully as he hummed. He looked back up to the sky for a second, before he turned back to Jaebum, a wide smile on his face, and Jaebum couldn't miss the way that his eyes crinkled, "I think so too."_

It was things like this that made Jaebum feel as if he was fake in front of Jinyoung, that he was being a bad friend for never saying anything. For not telling him that everything he felt crossed the line of friendship a long time ago, and sometimes that would just hit him in waves of mere hurt, because Jinyoung never seemed to fucking get it. He knew Jaebum so well, in every single sense of the word, but when it came to this, it was like he was just utterly clueless. As if Jaebum was just some stranger that he had no emotional understanding of whatsoever.

Jinyoung looked up to him again, one of his closed and teasing smiled decorating his face that hid a bit more than he lead on, and part of his hair falling into his face to give him a more boyish look, "And do you think that we will meet in our next life?"

Refraining from shaking his head, Jaebum just stared down at Jinyoung. He didn't know where he was getting all of these questions from right now. Whether he was just being ridiculous, or if he was genuinely feeling insecure about something. Sometimes when it came to Jinyoung, it wasn't always so easy to tell. "Yes, we will meet again."

"Do you think that we will always stay friends?"

The way that he was looking at him, almost made Jaebum feel as if he just knew, as if he was expecting a certain answer, or perhaps just wanted to hear what Jaebum was going to say. But now he knew that he was the one being paranoid. And he was suppose to be the rational one out of the two of them. "We will," he licked his lips. "Why do I feel as if I am in some sort of interrogation?"

Jinyoung was still just looking at him, "Sorry," he said, seemingly not sorry at all. If anything, he seemed slightly dazed out, as if he wasn't fully there. He just seemed to be zoning out while staring at Jaebum's face, and he was honestly slightly concerned, Jinyoung didn't often get like this, unless he was inside of his head.

"What's going on in that mind of yours Jinyoung?" he questioned as he tapped the side of his skull lightly with his forefinger before pushing the stray strand of hair behind his ears.

"Nothing," he shrugged the best that he could with Jaebum's one arm still wrapped around him, and for laying entirely against Jaebum. If anything, he shoulder just dug into Jaebum's rib cage.

It made him raise an eyebrow highly doubting, and knowing Jinyoung very well, that it was just nothing. Though he didn't question it any further, and in return, Jinyoung offered up no more questions. Instead, they both just sat there in silence, scrolling through their phones as they still stayed pressed up against one another.

They always did find a silent refuse in each other.

_____

Of course, whenever Jinyoung had least expected things, they always came at him head on, slamming into him like a train. 

It had been precisely two day, six hours, and ten minutes (but who is counting?) since Jaebum and Jinyoung had their conversation about everyone knowing that the two of them had sex. And Jinyoung had just finally calmed down, and gave up caring that Youngjae, Yerin, and Jimin all knew about it. He also was finally not worried about the other's finding out somehow. Jaebum's words really stuck with him and just made him realize that he probably was just being melodramatic about it all, and let his insecurities take over.

So naturally that was exactly when it all had to go down.

Things were actually extremely fine before it had been brought up. They were all chilling at Jinyoung's, all seven of them there. They were too close now that it felt weird if two people were missing. They were playing video games on the console that Jinyoung totally did not steal from his house. Listen, it wasn't as if his sisters were going to need it when they visit his parents house, and it wasn't like his parents were ever going to use it. So it had only made sense for him to take it when he had officially moved out, even though he didn't really use it either. He just kept it for mainly entertainment for when his friends came over.

Also because he can get rather competitive with both Jaebum and Jackson when it comes to playing with Mario Kart, but that is also besides the point.

Jaebum and Jackson were sitting together and talking, while Jinyoung was cuddling with Mark, while BamBam, Youngjae, and Yugyeom all played video games. Jinyoung and Mark were comparing their hands to each other to see who had the bigger hands when Youngjae yet again won, causing both BamBam and Yugyeom to groan as they gave up on the game and turned to their hyungs to talk.

The two shared a conspiratorial glance before looking at Jaebum, and then Jinyoung, back at each other, and then back to everyone else. "So Bammie and I were talking with Jimin the other day, since you know, she's one of our friends."

At that, it was like everything in Jinyoung froze, and he literally stopped from where he was moving the pillow that he was partially resting on. This could not be happening. He turned to Jaebum, instantly making eye contact with Jaebum, knowing that he could see the utter panic that must have been evident on his features.

"And basically Jimin said that you and Jaebum fucked."

There it was.

Everyone had clearly heard it, and Jinyoung couldn't take it. The way that Mark, Youngjae, and Jaebum were all just staring at him, none of them laughing. Youngjae was looking at him with knowledge, Jaebum was concerned, and Mark just didn't even look surprised at all. But the other three were just laughing, hysterically, as if it was something funny, as if it was just another crazy rumor, as if they didn't believe it one bit, as if they didn't believe that Jaebum and Jinyoung would actually do that. But it wasn't just a rumor. And with neither Jinyoung or Jaebum saying anything, by not jumping at the chance to defend themselves and call utter bullshit, or laugh along with them, caused the laughter to die down rather quickly, leaving the atmosphere extremely awkward as Jinyoung could practically visualize the gears turning in their heads and the realization dawning on them.

 "Wait, you guys-" Jackson stopped, apparently unable to either actually say it out loud or fully grasp it. "Like you to actually did that?"

There was a disgusting tension and Jinyoung hated it. It was almost as if not even a fucking chainsaw could cut through it, it was so thick. Everyone else in the room could do nothing but shift their gazes between both Jaebum and Jinyoung who were still silent at the accusations. But Jinyoung didn't want to take his eyes off of Jaebum, utterly afraid of what the reactions of his friends was going to be. He was waiting for it, where they would start to show disappointment in him, maybe call him a whore or a slut. That they were going to look down on him.

It was finally Jaebum who cleared his throat, his jaw clearly tense, along with his voice, "Is there a problem?" Of course he could trust Jaebum to stick to his word, that he was there for Jinyoung, that he would protect Jinyoung.

Everyone shifted, but no one dared to actually say anything back to Jaebum, all knowing how scary Jaebum could be when pissed. But Jinyoung knew that Mark was just clearly upset with this information because he pulled into himself, successfully pulling out of Jinyoung's grasp. Mark was suppose to spend the night, but now, he wasn't quite sure about that anymore.

The rest of the time was probably one of the, if not the most, uncomfortable interactions the group has had as a whole, and it didn't really take long for people to begin to give excuses as to why they had to leave. It was all very kind of course, but Jinyoung just wished that they would just be honest on why they wanted to go. That they weren't comfortable with what they just heard. That they weren't comfortable knowing Jinyoung was now not only in a friends with benefits relationship with Mark, but had also fucked Jaebum, meaning he has fucked two out of six of them.

He was heading to his bathroom when Jaebum intercepted him in the hallway, finally to be the last one here besides Mark, who had just been extremely silent, even for him. Jaebum caught his arm and held him there, looking at him in concern, "Jinyoung."

Jaebum didn't have to say a thing, because Jinyoung already knew exactly what question Jaebum wanted answered. "It's fine Jaebum," he tried to smile as he brought his hands up and rested them on his chest, trying to do his best to sound reassuring about it. Whether that was for Jaebum, or himself, he wasn't quite sure anymore. "You can go home. Things will be fine."

The two remained silent as they just stared at each other. It was hard to keep direct eye contact, and Jinyoung just kept focusing on the moles about Jaebum's eye, as Jaebum's eyes flickered around his face. For a second he could swear that Jaebum's eyes had fallen on his lips, but it was practically too quick to even question, and he was sure that he was just imagining things. Rubbing Jaebum's chest a bit, he let his hands then slide down until they were back at his own sides, "Seriously, it's fine."

With a sigh, Jaebum pulled away, his face going blank the way it does when he is overthinking in his head, or trying to hide his emotions, "Okay, I'll talk to you later."

Deciding to not show him out, Jinyoung began to continue on to the bathroom. Since they have been friends for so long, did he really have to walk him to the door and do a formal goodbye? No, he doesn't. Once getting to the bathroom, he let himself just stand there for several seconds, staring at himself in the mirror. He knew he was the one who had told Jaebum to not worry because things were going to be okay, yet he was nervous to walk out of the bathroom and head back to his living room now that he was alone with Mark.

Honestly, he didn't have a single clue on how Mark was feeling. But from what he could judge, it wasn't anything positive. And as much as Jinyoung knows he tries to seem like a person that just doesn't care what people think about him, but that was a lie. How could you not care about what others think about you? If no one likes you, then that feel awful. Especially for all of his friends, he doesn't want any of them to have negative opinions of him. The harshest feeling he wants any of them to feel towards him is an occasional annoyance.

Splashing water on himself, Jinyoung cursed himself and demanded himself to man up. Reminding himself that Mark is a grown up, and that they were on break when it happened, and that means things were free game then, and Jinyoung can fuck whoever he wants. That also includes fucking Jaebum. There is nothing wrong with consenting sober adults.

Walking back into his living room, Mark was still sitting there, sitting at the same spot, playing on his phone, not even bothering to look up as Jinyoung walked back into the room. He didn't even look up when Jinyoung sat on the couch right next to him. Rubbing his sweaty palms on his knees, Jinyoung carefully watched Mark. The way his lips were pursed, eyes focused on his phone, haw line more prominent than normal, and Jinyoung was used to seeing some angry jawlines since he was always staring at Jaebum's. Yep, definitely not happy. "Mark?"

Still not looking up from his phone, all he did was let out an acknowledging grunt from the back of his through, still just scrolling through his Instagram feed.

"Do you want to talk?"

Eyes finally looking up from his phone, he looked at Jinyoung and let his phone fall into his lap with a small smack sound. "Oh, now you want to finally talk. After your personal bodyguard leaves, alright. What is it something you can't say around him? Something you don't want him to know? Why weren't you speaking earlier when it was brought up?"  
  
Taken aback at Mark's outburst, Jinyoung leaned into his hands that was resting on the back of the couch. He didn't say anything earlier because out of nowhere he was suddenly put on blast like that in front of five other people, about his personal sex life. And Jaebum was sticking to his word, about being there for Jinyoung. "I'm sorry? He was just being a good friend."

"A good friend? A good friend when?" Mark snorted. "A good friend when he was defending you in front of everyone? Or was he just being a good friend when he fucked you?"

It was like everything deflated in Jinyoung. Did everyone else view what happened as that bad? Is what he did really that awful? So he fucked Jaebum, so what? He could feel the frustration beginning to build up inside of him, "What the fuck do you want me to say Mark? Jaebum and I fucked, that's what happened. I don't know what you want me to sit here and tell you right now. It is what it is, it happened."

Jinyoung wished that he could just say that he was drunk and that Jaebum had been too. So that they were so plastered, so absolutely wasted, that they could just blame it all on the alcohol. But that wasn't the truth of the matter, because they each only had one shot, which wasn't even anything. It literally just happened. Jinyoung had no other way to describe it. But it was getting so fucking frustrating, he was getting annoyed with it seeming as if he should view it as some kind of huge mistake. Something he should regret. His only regret is the way that other people are handling it. He hated how it seemed as if all the signs pointed to him, in big bold flashing neon signs, all reading the same thing: **slut**.

Jinyoung doesn't get it.

Mark doesn't know how he doesn't, but Jinyoung just doesn't fucking get it. He doesn't fucking get that this isn't like he just went out a fucked some random person. He is so easily brushing it off as nothing, and it isn't nothing. Mark knew it, and so did everyone else. It was Im fucking Jaebum, his best friend of twenty years. This is the guy he spends majority of his time with, this is the guy that knows him best, this is the guy who he has the most chemistry with. Clearly, there is a level of attraction between the two if they fucked. And it doesn't just 'happen' like Jinyoung kept insisting, you don't just 'whoops' and fuck someone in your life like that. And go ahead, call Mark bitter, but he couldn't help but be suspicious if this was even the first time that the two of them had fucked.

How is he even not suppose to be worried? Going into this, he knew that Jaebum was going to be there, that couldn't be avoided. But at least then he had thought he had some kind of ground, some kind of leverage over him, that he clearly doesn't have anymore. How hard was this for Jinyoung to understand that he just doesn't want to fucking seem as if he is competing with Jaebum. That he doesn't want to fight for his attention, fight to keep fucking him. That he doesn't like feeling as if he is just a second option. Because he knew that when it came to being compared to Jaebum, Mark would always lose.

But the truth was that Jinyoung didn't get it, he didn't understand any of that. That, or he just literally doesn't care whatsoever, and is a worse of a person than Mark had ever thought. "Nothing," he finally said, standing up. "I expect you to say nothing."

"Where are you going?" Jinyoung called out as he saw Mark beginning to walk away, his voice growing quieter.

It sounded raw, and it sounded vulnerable. He didn't sound angry or anything else, if anything, he sounded a little desperate. But Mark pushed that aside, telling himself to not turn around and cater in to what Jinyoung wants, because he isn't fucking Jaebum. Besides, Mark knew that they weren't going to get anywhere tonight. They would either continue to fight, things would turn sexual, or it would just be awkward as they kept each other at an arms length away. "Leaving."

Jinyoung was also standing up now, and heading to the doorway to stand there as he watched Mark pull on his shoes, "I thought you were going to spend the night."

"I was, but now I'm not. I'll text you later Jinyoung." 

With that, Jinyoung was left just standing there to stare at the closed door in silence, feeling both confused and irritated with what had just happened. What he didn't get is that now both of their fight had to do with Jaebum. And how each time, Mark always ended things, even though he seemed to be the one to start them. But he didn't even seem to hold a grudge from their last fight. Jinyoung just doesn't get it. He doesn't know what he done wrong either time.

After realizing that he blanked out and was just staring at his door, he blinked and walked back to his bed room to flop onto his bed. Grabbing blindly at a pillow, and feeling exactly like a teen girl from movies, he screamed into his pillow hoping that his neighbors didn't decide to come knock on his door in several minutes to either complain or see if things were okay. Taking a deep breathe in, he rolled onto his side feeling just a bit better after yelling it out. But now that he was alone, and all of his plans for the night crumbled, he felt a sense of boredom and loneliness. Pouting, his hand itched to grab his phone to text Jaebum.

Yet he had already hung out with Jaebum today, he literally had just left Jinyoung's apartment no longer than a half and hour ago. He also would only be proving Jaebum right that things were indeed, not okay. And in a way, he would be proving Mark right in a way, if Jinyoung inferred their fight correctly. With another sigh, he reprimanded himself for not having another others friends. All of his other friends he has either fucked around with, besides Jimin and Yerin of course, but they are practically the whole reason that he is even in this mess right now, so he didn't really feel like calling them to hang out.

Eventually, after yet another deep sigh, he decided that he might as well do that essay since the deadline wasn't that far away.

_____

It was a day later, and Jinyoung was busy at work, and totally wasn't sulking, nor was he being petty in any way. Mark still hadn't texted him back, he was still mad at both Yerin and Jimin for kind of getting him in this mess, and it was just lime some dark ominous cloud was hanging over him that he didn't even know what it was and why it was there. But it was becoming an almost permanent fixture for him lately.

Jinyoung wasn't a smoker, but that doesn't mean that he won't claim a small smoking break just to get out of work and get some air, even if it was for a few minutes. Sometimes he swears he despises the day he turned in an application for this damned restaurant. One day, he was going to have his dream job, but clearly today was not going to be that day. Then again, this was the best choice with the most pay, so he shouldn't complain too much. Almost thankfully for Jinyoung, no one else was out there taking their own smoke break, meaning he could just stand thre alone, exactly how he preferred it. Leaning against the wall, he kicked a small pebble out of his way trying to stop the urge to check his phone yet again.

"Jinyoung?" Seunghyun called out, his head popping out of the back door, and Jinyoung had to fight the urge to kick the wall and groan loudly and scream at him to just leave him alone.

But instead of saying or doing what he really wanted to, Jinyoung just turned around with that fake smile on that he always gave annoying customers, "Yes?"

"Don't use your customer voice on me," Seunghyun shot him down instantly. "Someone's here to see you."  
  
Perking up at that, Jinyoung nodded as he stepped around Seunghyun to head out into the main part of the restaraunt. His first thought was that it was going to be Jaebum which made him smile, but then there was the second that that it could possibly finally be Mark. When he stepped out though, he wasn't expecting to see Yugyeom standing there, hair bright yellow and covered by a black hoodie, awkwardly there with his hands in his pockets.

"You have mustard hair," Jinyoung pointed out the second that he approached Yugyeom, knowing that it wasn't that color the last time that they saw each other, which was the day that everything went down.

"Ha, ha, ha hyung. Very funny," Yugyeom rolled his eyes.

"I am very funny," Jinyoung agreed as he moved his head to the side. "What are you even doing here?"

"I had to go get stuff for a project, and this is on the way back to the dorms. Anyways, I just wanted to know when you get off of work."

"Five. Why, what's up?"

Yugyeom bit his lip and shoved his hands further into his pockets, "We should hang out tonight hyung."

At this, Jinyoung instantly frowned and narrowed his eyes wondering what Yugyeom was hiding from him. Yugyeom didn't usually just ask Jinyoung to hang out, there was always something, or someone, else involved. It was either going out as a group, going out to clubs or bars, or just when he needed help with homework because of course Jinyoung is the best option for assistance, because as much as he teases Yugyeom, he is the best at explaining things. Or there was even the time that Yugyeom came to him crying, but Yugyeom still denies that that ever happened and Jinyoung was just making thing ups, or exaggerating the truth (he really wasn't). "And...?"

"And have a nice dinner together? I don't know, it isn't like I had a set of activities planned for us to do, I'm not a summer camp counselor. It's not like I was setting up a schedule for us. Like six p.m. we braid each others hair, and at seven p.m. we watch a movie."

Rolling his eyes, Jinyoung smacked Yugyeom's shoulder, "You know that isn't what I meant you little shit."

Returning the slap to the shoulder, Yugyeom laughed, "I know, I just like to make fun of you hyung. But no, I meant it. We should go out and get dinner. And you can pay, so pick where we go."  
  
"Just for that, we're going to go get ramen," he snorted, even though he knew that no matter what he would have offered to pay to begin with. He paid for pretty much everyone but Mark and sometimes Jaebum. He paid for Jackson sometimes too, just because he puppy dog eyes were really good. "Now go sit down and buy something here or find something else to do for the time being."

Smiling, Yugyeom began to walk away, "I'll pick you up at five."

"I'll be waiting," Jinyoung called after him, watching him walk away. With a fond smile, he shook his head.

When he went back to the back, Seunghyun was there with an eyebrow raised, "Is that your boyfriend? He looks a little young. I thought your boyfriend was that one guy with the dark hair who brings you lunch or picks you up sometimes."

Jinyoung shook his head, "No, that guy is just my friend Yugyeom. And that one guy's name is Jaebum."

For the rest of his shift, things went by almost boringly so. His bad mood had been lifted at the surprise of Yugyeom asking him to hang out for dinner. Even though he still did suspect that there was a hidden reason as to why he invited Jinyoung out. Not that he was complaining, he just knew how his youngest friend functions and this was suspicious behavior.

And just like he promised, at exactly five o'clock, and seconds after Jinyoung clocked out, Yugyeom was standing outside waiting for him, "How was work hyung?"

The fact that Yugyeom was so willingly calling him hyung almost made him raise his eyebrows. Now he knows for a fact that something is definitely up, because he has fought for what feels like forever to get Yugyeom to just call him hyung and be respectful. But he was curious if Yugyeom was eventually going to tell him what was going on. Deciding to play on it partially, because it was so cute that Yugyeom hadn't noticed that Jinyoung knew what was going on, "It was good, thanks for asking. Maybe you should get a job to find out."

"I told you I put in that application in for Star Bucks and they just never called me back," Yugyeom pouted. "Besides, I don't think juggling school and work will be easy. I don't know how all of you do it."

"We hardly do," Jinyoung shook his head at the admission. There was so many nights that he would just fall asleep at his table, or come so close to calling in to work. How many mornings he contemplated just not getting up and going to his classes. And he also knew how tired Jaebum would get at times, and how sometimes Jinyoung would have to literally drag him to bed to get him to stop working himself into the group. Or the other times he would just be so tired and out of it he would just nod along to whatever Jinyoung says and then go to sleep on the closest soft surface. "I have a lot of nights were I just like want to quit everything, coming close to saying fuck school and work. And Jaebum has a tendency to just overwork himself at times and I have to keep him from doing that."

"Mark and Jackson work too," Yugyeom added, his tone sounding as if he was reminding Jinyoung about his other two older friends.

"Mark gets through it, and so does Jackson. Though, Jackson also always pushes himself and works himself into the ground, and that really makes me worry about him sometimes. Youngjae's luckier because he has so much leeway with his hours. But anyways Gyeomie, the point  is, I believe in you and that you can both go to work and do school at the same time."

"Thanks hyung," he beamed. "For the pep talk. I am feeling so inspired right now."

"I'm serious," Jinyoung frowned. "And you know that I am always here for you Gyeom-ah."

Turning to look at him, a smile still on his face, but somehow seeming more serious that earlier, Yugyeom nodded, "And you know that I am here for you too." But as soon as the seriousness appeared, it was gone as he was clapping his hands. "We're here!"

Even into after they got their food, Jinyoung still carefully watched Yugyeom, curious if he was ever going to spill on why they were here. Though he was having a lot of fun, and regrets not spending more time with just Yugyeom, he couldn't help but feel as if there was some elephant in the room, but like the elephant was invisible. "Yugyeom."  
  
"Hmm?" he hummed through the noodles he slurped up into his mouth.

Jinyoung was always impressed at the ability of his friends and just how much food that they can shove into their mouths, though he knew for a fact that Jaebum could certainly fit the most. He doesn't know how he manages to do it though, yet he does. "Not that I am not happy to be here to anything, but is there a certain reason why you invited me out for dinner?"

"Oh." his face turned red as he sat down his chopsticks to look at Jinyoung. "I just feel really awful hyung, and I don't really know how else to tell you that I'm sorry. I called you out in front of everyone like that, and you looked so upset. I wouldn't have done it if I would have know that it actually happened, and if I would have know everyone's reactions to it. When Jimin and Yerin first told me, Bam and I just thought it was basically a total crock of shit. And I know there was probably a reason as to why we all didn't already know about it. And I also know that it caused a fight with Mark, and probably tension between you and Jaebum."

His heart softened right away, any anger towards him instantly leaving. Of course Yugyeom was such a sweetheart with hood intentions. "You don't have to feel bad," he cooed, resisting the urge to reach out and hug Yugyeom. "I mean, this situation isn't really okay,  but I know you didn't mean to start any shit."

"I'm glad to hear that you aren't mad at me. I was really worried for awhile there that you would be."

"No, I couldn't be mad at my little Gyeomie," he gave in to his urge and reached across the table to pinch his cheek. "My little baby."

Somehow his face turned even redder as he whined, "Jinyoung." Once Jinyoung had been appeased at squishing his cheeks, he returned back to his spot and sunk into his seat. "How are things though? Like how are you doing? Was the fight with Mark bad? Are things between you and Jaebum weird now?"

"What is this? Twenty questions? Are you doing an interview? Don't tell that you are going to write a paper about this. Actually you know, it is just dramatic enough that I am sure your teachers would love it. I give you my consent for you to turn this is. I want to read the finished copy though." After Yugyeom poked him in the face and told him to be serious, he hummed as he twirled his noodles in contemplation. "I can't really say how I am feeling. A bit insecure I guess, and confused. The fight between Mark and I was so confusing. And no, things aren't weird between Jaebum and I, things are how it always is."

"So like a married couple," he supplied.

Jinyoung shrugged, "Sure. If that is what you want to call it."

After that though, Yugyeom didn't ask anymore about Jinyoung's situation, letting the topics turn to more lighter subjects, which Jinyoung greatly appreciated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope y'all didn't mind yet another flash back  
> should i have more jjp childhood flashbacks?


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the odd update, I've been in the hospital and couldn't get much writing done. I'm diabetic and I went into DKA which totally wasn't fun, so stay healthy kids !!! I also decided to wait a few days so I could write several chapters in advance so that I could edit them and put them up "on time" which, my schedule is hopefully every week sometime between Monday-Wednesday since I'm not always feeling good, plus I have s o m u c h work to catch up, since I'm homebound right now and haven't gone to school at all this month.

Jinyoung was walking in between classes for the day when he felt his phone start buzzing in the back of his pocket. With an all too dramatic sigh, he got out of the way and dropped his backpack down to fish his phone out of his pocket. Pulling out his phone, he saw the contact name **Wang** across the screen and decided that he could take the time to answer it, "Yeah Jackson?" 

"Hey so, I have a question. I wanted everyone to hang out later tonight, but, can I invite all three of you?" 

"What?" Jinyoung frowned as he picked his backpack back up and shoved his free hand into his pocket due to how cold it was out, determined to make it to his next building so that he could at least get out of the cold. 

"Like, it's all cool between you, Mark, and Jaebum, right? Like if you all come to my house, there won't be any fighting and it won't be awkward?" 

At that, Jinyoung let himself feel offended that Jackson would think that any of them would be so petty or would even be like that in general. Things were okay right now. Mark eventually texted him back sometime after he went out with Yugyeom, and things seemed okay between them. And of course things between Jaebum and Jinyoung were fine. Plus, Jinyoung would know if Jaebum and Mark were fighting, which they weren't. "Yeah Jackson. Everything is fine between the three of us." 

"I just wanted to make sure that nothing was going to happen, or that you wouldn't be uncomfortable or anything." 

"I appreciate the sentiment," he huffed as he pushed open the door, finally glad to be out of the cold. "But it really is fine. So tonight then? What time?" 

"Any time that you can come over." 

With the promise to see Jackson sometime later that day, Jinyoung hung up the phone and then went to go sit in his class. He got there earlier than he normally  did, and there was only a few other students sitting there, all probably for the same reason he was, to escape the cold. Sighing, he decided to text Mark and see if he wanted to meet to head to Jackson's. 

**jinyoung: hey wanna meet later?  
jinyoung: before heading to seunnies?   
jinyoung: i'm assuming he already told you about it **

**mark: yeah he did. want me to meet you at campus?**

**jinyoung: that would be great hyung, see you at three.**

Jinyoung felt his phone buzz the exact same time that his professor walked in, and Jinyoung didn't bother to check his phone to see Mark's response. He just smiled and shoved his phone into his bag so that he could actually pay attention to class.

Five minute past three, keeping his word, Jinyoung walked up to see Mark standing there waiting for him, "Mark!" 

Jinyoung leaned in to give him a hug, but apparently Mark had other plans because he went in for a kiss, but because of Jinyoung moving, it caused his lips to hit the side of his cheek instead in an uncomfortable clash. When Jinyoung pulled away all together, he couldn't help but notice how for a fleeting second, there was hurt evident on Mark's face. Feeling a bi guilty for causing that, he shoved his hands back into his pockets, "How was your day Mark?" 

"It was good," he responded as he kicked a rock out of the way, eyes focused on the ground. "What about you?" 

"Boring," he shrugged as he watched Mark, whose eyes was still downcasted. Maybe he lied to Jackson, maybe things really weren't okay like he thought they were, maybe all three of them shouldn't be going. What if they did just think he was a slut? What if that was what Mark was thinking right now? The new wave of insecurity made Jinyoung move before he even knew it, to reach out and grasp Mark's hand with his own. Physical things, like hugging or holding hands or cuddling always reassured him in some way when he was feeling insecure. He also didn't miss the shock look Mark gave him as he looked up. But as Jinyoung squeezed his hand, he smiled before turning back to look at the ground. 

They continued to walk in silence leaving Jinyoung stuck in his mind. Mark generally always seemed to be upset whenever Jinyoung didn't return his attempts at physical affection, and maybe that was what was wrong? He feels bad every time that he sees Mark shoot that quick look of unhappiness, but just then that smile he gave Jinyoung seemed genuine. 

Jackson had once asked him if he got lonely. If he ever got lonely because he didn't have someone to hold hands with, to kiss, to cuddle. And maybe that was it, maybe Mark was just lonely. That could be it, that he just wants to have that kind of contact with someone. Jinyoung would do that for him. He doesn't like to see his friends upset, and this was something he could do to help him feel better. If Jinyoung holding his hand right now made Mark feel better, then there was no harm in Jinyoung doing that for him. 

Making a silent pact with himself, Jinyoung swore to start acting more affectionate towards Mark. Because maybe that was his problem this whole time, was that he was going about this in the completely wrong angle. Maybe Mark wanted that, but had been too afraid to ask. Perhaps this was all Jinyoung had to do, just put more effort into it. They also haven't hung out alone together while actually doing something in a long time, so he could ask him to go out and do something with him. 

Feeling proud of himself for practically figuring out how to fix this, he let himself smile as he looked around, watching as it started to snow again while thinking of where he could take Mark. Staring down at the forming ice, the idea hit him. He could take Mark skating at the ice rink. He has been wanting to go ice skating for quite some time now. He was going to go skating with his and Jaebum's families (yet another tradition that developed over the years) when the two of them go and visit home during Christmas break. Since Jaebum was the only child, he began to become included in a lot of things that Jinyoung's family did. That included Christmas plans to different summer activities. Going skating right now would allow Jinyoung to kill two birds with one stone. He could polish up his skating skills so he can show everyone up, as well as take Mark out to hang out.

By the time they got to Jackson's apartment, he could feel Mark watching him, probably expecting him to let go of his hand, but Jinyoung was excited to show him that he wasn't going to, and that he was going to make more of an effort for him. 

Everyone else was already there, except for Youngjae, and as they walked in they received a chorus of smiles and waves. Jinyoung missed the way that everyone's eyes landed on their intertwined hands at some point during their greetings from the time that they walked through the door and made it to the couch. When they sat down, Jinyoung turned to talk to Jaebum, but Jaebum's head was turned. Shrugging, he figured Jaebum was just in one of his moods, probably tired or was just dragged here against his will (most likely by Jackson) so he turned back to the conversation that Mark and BamBam were having. 

Jaebum knew that he was breaking his own rules. He knew that and he really didn't need that annoying little voice in the back of his head reminding him about it every single time that Jinyoung turned to look at him, obviously a little worried. Others may have missed it, but Jaebum never would, it was too obvious by now. The way his brows furrowed down just a little bit though, and the way that the corner of his lips also tugged down. And when it came to Jinyoung, his eyes were always the most expressive part, which always gave him away. 

But it was hard not to break his own rules when ugly motions were brewing inside of him. Because in the reality of it all, Jaebum was jealous. There was no denying it. He didn't even ever think of Mark as some kind off threat, or anyone else for that matter, and he never really saw himself as the possessive type, but there was no doubt about it that when he saw Mark and Jinyoung walk in hand in hand that he was just simply jealous. 

And he knew that he told himself that he wasn't going to be like that, that he wasn't going to be jealous, that he wasn't ever even going to let his feelings show. But actually being in the face of it, he certainly felt different about it. He told himself that he wouldn't ever take it out on Jinyoung, but that was exactly what he was doing right now. What was worse was that he knew Jinyoung wouldn't be angry with Jaebum for practically ignoring him right now, he would just be understanding. That if Jaebum gave him any goddamn lie or excuse that he could thing of, Jinyoung would nod his head understandingly, offer him a hug, and then try to help him with his 'problem'.

When Youngjae walked through the door, he couldn't help but perk up, finally glad that Youngjae was there, because Youngjae would understand exactly how he was feeling, and that knowledge comforted him. As he beckoned Youngjae over to the loveseat he was sat on, he tried his best to ignore the look that Jinyoung was shooting him, and just opened his arms up for Youngjae. It was clear that as soon as Youngjae's eyes landed on Mark and Jinyoung, and then back at Jaebum, that he understood the situation and didn't need to question it.

Jinyoung wasn't disappointed, okay? He wasn't. He just didn't get why Jaebum seemed happier to see Youngjae than he was to see Jinyoung. And since he wasn't disappointed by Jaebum's reaction to him compared to Youngjae, he leaned more into Mark. Not that Mark seemed to mind that, because he responded by stroking Jinyoung's hair, which, Jinyoung wasn't going to complain about either. He thoroughly enjoyed it when people stroked his hair like this. His mother used to do it to him when he was a child, and sometimes his older sisters would as well, and then for the vast majority of his life Jaebum would too. Once and awhile, some guys would do it too when Jinyoung's was blowing them, thought most of the time, his hair was being gripped tight as if they were trying to yank it right out of his skull. Not that he minded that either, he didn't mind things rough. His hair being stroked had always been a soothing thing for him, and it was helping him right now as he let his head lay across Mark's chest as he watched Jaebum and Youngjae from the corner of his eye. 

For the rest of the night, Jinyoung found himself rather quiet, not that that was really an issue. The others were used to Jinyoung either being the main part of the conversation, or not contributing at all. It was kind of fun actually, to just lay there on Mark's chest, letting Mark stroke his hair, or rub his hand up and down Jinyoung's arm, his side, or his thigh as Jinyoung listened in on everyone's conversations and just watched them. He was just hoping that this was good for Mark, that Mark was enjoying this, enjoying Jinyoung basically using him as a glorified pillow while being more touchy than he usually was. If Jinyoung was lonely, he was sure that he would have appreciated this. 

When he saw Jaebum get up to stretch while declaring that he was going to go, Jinyoung watched his back and how his shoulders moved while deciding that he was going to go with Jaebum, in revenge for not talking to him at all earlier. 

"Hey," Jinyoung leaned up close next to Mark's ear, "I'm gonna get a ride home with Jaebum, alright?" 

"Okay." 

"I'll see you later." Mark watched as Jinyoung stared up at him for several seconds, eyebrows furrowed, obviously looking slightly confused. His head moved closer, and he seemed to hesitate before he moved his head in quickly to press a quick kiss to Mark's face and then he pulled away just a fast.   
  
As he watched Jinyoung walk out, he had to hold back a large sigh, not knowing what he was really expecting. When Jinyoung held his hand earlier, he felt more than happy that Jinyoung instigated the physical affection between them. But he wished that it didn't seem so forced, that Jinyoung wouldn't hesitate before giving him a kiss on the cheek, that he didn't grimace after doing it. Mark wished that it could all just be natural. And even though Jinyoung was still obviously trying, and he knew that he should feel happy about that at least, he couldn't help but feel as if he was just some pity case. Or perhaps even a revenge case, because he didn't miss the fact that Jaebum and Jinyoung hadn't even said a single word to each other that night. 

Now that they had left, Jackson whipped around to look right at him, eyebrows wiggling suggestively, "It seems as if you and Jinyoung are doing quite good." 

"Yeah we are, I guess," he shrugged nonchalantly, his eyes returning back to his phone.The two of them were walking down the stairs when Jinyoung got an idea. Smirking, he slinked closer to Jaebum and wrapped his arms around his waist. Jaebum didn't even flinch at the action, and instead seemed to sink into Jinyoung's touch. "Jaebummie," he singed, his hand creeping closer to his left back pocket. 

Jaebum sucked in a breathe at the feeling of Jinyoung's hand right on his ass, "What Jinyoung?" 

He wrapped his fingers through the hoop of his keys as he rested his head against Jaebum's shoulder, "Can I drive tonight? Please?" he let his word drag out dramatically. "It's been forever since you have let me drive." 

"That's because the last time you asked, Bam was around. And if I said yes to letting you drive, but said no to him, you know he would have threw a total fit about me being unfair and how it was favoritism." 

"But it _is_   favoritism."   
  
Well, he wasn't wrong. "BamBam doesn't even have his license yet either, of course I would never let him drive my car. At least you have your license." 

Shaking his head, Jinyoung took the keys out of Jaebum's pocket as he unlocked the car, finding Jaebum's excuse funny, "Just admit it, I'm your favorite." 

"Yeah," Jaebum agreed quietly as he climbed into the shotgun seat. "You are." 

"It's okay!" Jinyoung grinned as he followed suit. "Because you're my favorite hyung. We're heading to the gas station, right?" see Jaebum's nod, he began to drive to the nearest gas station while letting Jaebum mess around with the music. "So, I think I figured something out." 

"What's that?" 

"Usually I'm not that affectionate with Mark, right? And his seems pretty upset whenever I'm not, and I think I figured out why that is." 

Paling, Jaebum looked down at his hands. Did Jinyoung finally figure out that Mark liked him? Dread washed over him as he darted his eyes from his hands to look at Jinyoung. Jaebum always told himself that he would be a supportive friend, and that he was used to dealing with somethings to begin with, but dealing with this, he realized that he grossly overestimated his abilities to control his feelings. He was not even close to being ready to hear what Jinyoung might say. He was nowhere near ready to hear Jinyoung say that he knows Mark likes him, and that he likes Mark back. Knowing that he has to respond and at least try to look like his world isn't just falling apart right in front of him, he spoke, "Yeah?" 

"Yeah," Jinyoung licked his lips. "I think he is just lonely, you know? And I bet that Jackson doesn't really help at all with his constant hounding of 'don't you want someone to do that kind of stuff with? hold hands? kiss? cuddle? all the innocent parts of a relationship?' and maybe he just wants that with someone. And so I figured that I could just help him with that? Like if it will make him feel better, I don't really have an issue with holding his hand."   
  
The seconds ticked by as Jaebum didn't say anything. Really, he didn't even know what to do or say because several feelings and reactions were flying through his head. First, there was relief. Relief that Jinyoung still didn't know that Mark had a huge crush on him, and that he wasn't trying to purse a romantic relationship with him. Relief that he had no reason to feel jealous like he had earlier. Second, there was disbelief. Utter disbelief that Jinyoung was so dense and just though that Mark was lonely. Third, he just wanted to laugh. Maybe pat Jinyoung on the shoulder and be like 'okay bud, you do that' or even find Mark and just give him a pat on the shoulder. Jaebum strongly believes that that friendzone didn't exist, but he supposed that if it did, Mark was definitely being friendzoned at the moment, hardcore. All he could do though was sit there and just stare at Jinyoung, who was still staring at the road, seeming one hundred and ten percent serious about everything he just said. 

"What?" Jinyoung finally said as he glanced at Jaebum. "Is that the wrong thing to do? Am I being a bad friend if I do that? What-" he frowned even more. "Why are you laughing hyung?" 

Shaking his head, Jaebum put his head in his hands, "Just do what you think is best Jinyoung." 

"Fine," he stuck his chin in the air as he parked next to the gas bump, and then turned the car off. "I will." 

Shaking his head, Jaebum got out of the car, leaving Jinyoung to pump the gas wile he goes inside to pay. Despite literally wishing against any type of Jinyoung and Mark relationship, Jaebum did feel a bit bad for Mark, even though he didn't blame Jinyoung, because Jinyoung just thought he was being a good friend. Jaebum could easily correct him, let him know that he was far off from reality, but he wasn't going to be the one to break it to Jinyoung, purely out of his own selfishness. But there was the reassurance for him now, that if he saw Jinyoung and Mark being affection, Jinyoung was just doing it because he thought he was being nice. 

Grabbing tow pieces of baklava, he placed them on the counter and then fished out the money to pay for both his treats and the gas. He didn't even need to think about grabbing one for Jinyoung, it was practically second nature to him by this point. Even if he only got one piece, he knew that he would have just ended up splitting it with Jinyoung anyways, and at that point, he might as well just buy two. 

When he walked back out, Jinyoung was sitting back in the drivers seat, playing on his phone, with the car already started. "What did you get?" he questioned as he peered over to Jaebum's lap to see what he bought as he drove out of the parking lot, and to the light on the corner. 

"That one greek treat, baklava." 

The light turned to red, and Jinyoung turned even more to look at Jaebum, "Feed it to me hyungie." 

Relenting to Jinyoung's request, Jaebum unwrapped the piece of baklava from the plastic and held it up for Jinyoung to eat. As some of the honey dripped onto his hands, he regretted not grabbing any napkins. No wonder the cashier was staring at him as if he was crazy. Watching Jinyoung finish eating it, he went to pull his hand away, but Jinyoung's head followed his hand, going to lick the honey that had came off of it. 

And he didn't even know why, but the action sent a shock of electricity down his spine, and it went straight to his dick. All he could do was sit there silently as he let Jinyoung lick the rest of the honey out, as he tried not to think about other things. Like if that was anything how Jinyoung gave blowjobs, or if that was how he would lick the cum off of his hands. 

Once Jinyoung pulled away, he licked his lips still looking at Jaebum and ten smiled, "Thanks Jaebummie." before turning to face the road as the light turned green so that he could keep driving.   
  
The rest of the ride was filled with silence, the only sound being some underground American rock music in the back ground. Jaebum kept his eyes looking out the window at the passing scenery as he refused to look at Jinyoung. Knowing that such a simple and slightly weird action turned him on made him feel so guilty. That things are definitely going to be changed between them if things like this keep happening. Was he really going to have to keep Jinyoung at an arms length away? Turning to peek again at Jinyoung, he was humming along to the song, eyes still intensively focused on the road, just like the attentive driver that he is. It would upset Jinyoung if he pushed him away like that, and he wouldn't be able to get away with it all all. Jinyoung would surely notice within a week and then demand an answer from him. Not to mention, Jaebum doesn't even want to do it. But he doesn't think he is going to be able to stand it, if things like what just happened, keeps on happening. 

Maybe he really should just follow Youngjae's advice and just tell Jinyoung the truth. Just let it all be done and over with already, the rejection, and then let them easily get past it. But every time he went to go say it out loud, his voice got stuck in his throat because he was too scared to say it, or even deep down, he didn't want to. Perhaps that was his biggest flaw in all of this, that he would just rather suffer through it all in silence and collapse in on himself. 

He had zoned out just staring at Jinyoung, that he didn't even realize that he had already parked and was no staring right back at him. "Thanks for letting me drive hyung." his seat belt was unbuckled and he leaned in closer to Jaebum, the tension between them growing, and Jaebum could feel his body beginning to sweat more. "Goodnight." 

Within a blink of an eye, Jinyoung was climbing out of the car and heading inside of the apartment building, leaving Jaebum to just sit there in silence, still sitting on the passenger side. 

God, he was so fucked. 

_______ 

It was Saturday and Jinyoung was lying on his bed while waiting for Mark to come over. He was finally going to take Mark to the ice skating rink. Though, he didn't really tell Mark where they were going. He just told him to dress cozy for the weather and to come over, to which Mark reluctantly, but nevertheless, agreed. 

When he heard the knock at his door, he sprung up, a wide smile on his face as he opened the door, which instantly turned into a frown upon seeing Mark. He was no dressed warm at all. In fact, the only warm thing he had on was a coat, which didn't even look that thick. Even his jeans had rips in them. Crossing his arms, he rose an eyebrow, "I told you to dress arm." 

"I'm...sorry?" Mark trailed off as he looked at Jinyoung in confusion. "Did you want me to dress in a snow suit?" 

"Don't be sarcastic," Jinyoung rolled his eyes as he grabbed Marks arm and led him towards his closet where he kept all of his winter gear. "That's my job. Now, here's a pair of gloves that will fit you, and here is an extra scarf I have." grabbing one of the hats he squinted as he looked at it before tossing it towards Mark anyways, "The hat is actually Jaebum's, but it will work." 

Mark grabbed the hat and placed it on his head to please Jinyoung, "Is it normal for you to have Jaebum's stuff just lying around your apartment?" 

Humming, Jinyoung turned away from the closet and to face his apartment. Right away he was able to count at least four things that was Jaebum's, whether he left them, Jinyoung borrowed them and just haven't given it back yet, or secretly stole (like that one really comfy t-shirt). "Yeah, pretty much." he rubbed his gloved hands together, "Ready to go?"   
  
Mark nodded and so they walked out the door, Jinyoung not forgetting to lock his apartment before they set to the streets. "So are you finally going to tell me where you are taking me today?" 

Jinyoung shrugged with an evil smirk, but as Mark's hand smacked his shoulders, he laughed while relenting, "We're going to go ice skating. Have you ever gone ice skating before hyung?" 

"Ice skating?" Mark laughed. "Who do you think I am? No I haven't done it before, have you?" 

"Of course," Jinyoung scoffed, finding it odd that Mark has never gone ice skating. "Jaebum and I used to go all the time when we were younger. Besides, I have the legs for it, don't you think?" he giggled as he jokingly modeled his legs for Mark. 

"I do like your legs, you have rather nice legs Jinyoung-ah. Almost like dancer legs." 

"Yeah?" he allowed himself to smile, letting the coy grin appear on his face as well as letting his voice drop down rather low, "What else do you like about me hyung?" 

Biting his lip, Mark turned to look at Jinyoung's side profile. Maybe he could just be honest for once and see how Jinyoung takes it. Deciding on that, he breathed in, "I like how you always somehow manage to look like some model. I like how you look when you wear your glasses, and I like the way your eyes crinkle. I like how you're easy to be around and talk to. I like your ass, I like the way your mouth feels against mind, and I particularly like-" he was about to keep going on, but he saw the way that Jinyoung's cheek were bright red, which clearly wasn't due to the colder weather since he was bundled up far too much for it to be that. "Do you want me to go on?" 

"Later."   
  
Mark saw the way that the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile, but it was hidden by how he buried his face into his scarf. The action was extremely adorable, though he was unsure if it was due to the weather, or because he was possibly embarrassed, or just bashful due to what Mark had been saying. But either way, Mark felt more than proud of himself for being honest with Jinyoung about the things he liked about him, and that Jinyoung hadn't reacted negatively. He didn't seem disgusted or angry with him. And he was holding Jinyoung to the promise that he could tell him more of what he likes about him, perhaps prompting Jinyoung to actually do those things. 

As they neared the building and Jinyoung grabbed onto his hand to tug him forward, Mark couldn't help but let that hopeful side of him shine through and think that maybe...maybe this was a date? In his eyes, it totally was, and maybe it was in Jinyoung's too. That made him more giddy than anything else, that maybe, just maybe, Jinyoung returned his feelings. 

Maybe one day Jinyoung would love him back. 

Perhaps it was Mark's own way of making this feel like a date, or just an attempt to try and woo Jinyoung, when it was their time to pay for their skates, he beat Jinyoung in pulling out his wallet and handed the cash over to the teen that didn't really seem to care either way. 

After getting their skates, Jinyoung held onto his hand again and lead him to the area where they could put them on. Unsure of what to do, Mark watched as Jinyoung put his skates on and then turned to Mark, "Do you need help?" 

And as if Park fucking Jinyoung couldn't get anymore charming, and certainly being the man of every women's dreams, he dropped down on the ground and helped Mark with his skates. He could hear some teenage girls squealing in the background. Though, Mark kind of wished that Jinyoung was down on the ground helping him out with something else, because frankly, he liked seeing Jinyoung on the ground for him. 

Once Mark's skates ere on, Jinyoung stood up back up and laced his hand with Mark as he lead him towards the ice rink. "You need to balance, okay?" he began instructing. "And don't panic, I've got you." 

Mark wasn't really sure what he was expecting. Whether it was expecting for it all to come naturally to him, or for it to just be really weird, or maybe even feel like he was rollerblading. He should have known though that he would fail, which of course he did, the second he got not even his entire foot out onto the ice, he was falling straight on his ass, leaving Jinyoung to loom over him. 

There was a little girl skating by them, no older than the age of ten, and she burst out laughing upon seeing Mark fall, and then skated away with far too much grace and ability that someone of the age of ten should have. Even Jinyoung was laughing at him, "Show me how it's done then, expert," he pouted moodily, crossing his arms. 

Jinyoung rose his eyebrows, "If that's what you want to see then I should deliver."

He was then left there, still sitting on the ice as he silently watched Jinyoung skate along. Once again, freakishly good at it, and he held an air of grace about him, which shouldn't be possible for someone who apparently only 'used to do it.' A part of his mind nagged at him that Jaebum could probably skate just as well, and that he could probably keep up with Jinyoung and not just sit there on his ass like a loser. 

After round the entire circle twice, not before doing a turn. He was still smiling, but something about it seemed less because of the amusement of watching Mark fall, but more because of the freedom to skate. "Come on," Jinyoung instructed as he held out his gloved hands to Mark to help him up. "Stop looking so gloomy. I'm going to teach you how to skate."

Grumbling, Mark took his hands and let Jinyoung drag him up. But once he was up, Jinyoung wasn't letting go. "I'm going to start moving backwards okay? And you're going to follow me, and you aren't going to fall because you are Mark Tuan and if you want to ice skate, then you are going to ice skate." 

Mark nodded, not really believing in Jinyoung's little motivational speech, but he would take it anyways because it was Jinyoung who was saying it, "Okay," he licked his lips. "Lead the way." 

Jinyoung started to skate backwards, extremely slowly, and nothing like the fast pace he had set earlier for himself when he was skating alone. When Mark almost lost balance and went to fall on his ass again, Jinyoung's grip tightened as he held him steady and reminded him that he wasn't going to let Mark fall. 

And Mark believed him. 

By the time that they were beginning to move faster, Mark hadn't even realized that they were doing so, because it didn't even seem like they were. But then Jinyoung was pulling his hands away and that caused Mark to freak out as he tried to dive forward towards Jinyoung again and reach for him, "Don't let go of me, are you crazy?" 

"Maybe," Jinyoung shrugged all too casually. "Try it on your own, I'm right here in front of you." 

So Mark let Jinyoung pull his hands away, and he breathed in almost expecting to feel the hard impact of the hard ice on his ass again, but he didn't. Instead, he was skating after Jinyoung still, albeit not that fast, but he was still skating nonetheless, and on his own. "I'm going it." 

"You're doing it," Jinyoung confirmed with a smile and a nod as he watched Mark continue to skate on his own.

For the rest of the time, Mark was able to skate on his own, and he only managed to fall a handful of times. Afterwards, they went out to grab some hot chocolate and to walk around the trails in the nearby park. 

"Can I..." Mark trailed off as he stared at the frozen lake that the two of them were standing in front of.  He didn't want to ruin things, or make anything awkward, but it was obvious that Jinyoung was starting to put more into them, and he just wanted to know if he really did have a chance or not. "Can I ask you something?" 

"You already did," Jinyoung tried to joke around, but sighed knowing that he should be serious. "Of course you can Mark." 

"How are things going between you and Jaebum?" 

That question made Jinyoung pause, wondering why Mark was asking him about that. Both of their fights so far had been about Jaebum, so he thought carefully on what to even say, afraid that it could start yet another fight. "We're great. I still love him, and he still loves me. Nothing is going to change that." 

Mark nodded, feeling the dread and disappointed build up in his stomach again, "Is it weird? Don't you think so? To say that you guys love each other after doing what you did?" 

That was actually something Jinyoung never did think about before. Was it weird? Did it come off as weird to other people? It probably must have then if Mark was questioning it. That or Mark was just genuinely checking up on them. Maybe he feels bad for snapping at Jinyoung the other day like he did, "I don't think it is. Why do you ask?" 

"I'm jealous," Mark admitted, finally going for a direct answer in hopes that Jinyoung would finally start to get the fucking hint. Waiting for his answer, he buried his face into his scarf. 

The answer made Jinyoung blink as he stared in shock. Mark was _jealous_? About what? There was nothing to be jealous about. What he just jealous that Jinyoung and Jaebum loved each other that much? Maybe he really was just lonely. Turning to Mark to tell him that, he saw the way that Mark put his face into the scarf that Jinyoung let him borrow, "Are you cold? Come on, we can go back to my house, and you can tell me more about the things that you like about me." 

It isn't like Mark didn't realize that Jinyoung was avoiding what he said, and he sighed knowing that he probably just fucked up again. But not enough to where Jinyoung was shunning him away, or freaking out. In fact, he just invited him to go back to his apartment and to fuck around, and who was Mark to say no to that? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what did you guys think about adding their text conversation? does that seem useless or? i'm using it a bit for symbolism or something because im a whack writer, you'll see ;)   
> okay this sounds stupid but i don't reply to comments because when i started archive i didn't know how it worked so i didn't, so i have like old comments that i felt like it was too late to reply to, but i feel awful if i replied to new ones but not theirs so i haven't replied to any of them   
> i know that logic is so freaking dumb   
> but i promise i read all of your comments and i love reading them, i love the feedback, i love seeing the theories/reactions, and i would also love to see what you guys would like to see happen


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i saw what some of y'all wanted to see and let me just say it was surely noted ;) 
> 
> also i am a HUGE marvel fan (comic book fan in general tho) and uhm infinity wars tore my heart out and then stomped on it and then shoved it down my esophagus, any of you guys sharing that pain? seriously like i saw it last tuesday and i am STILL crying about it

Sometimes Jinyoung swears that nowadays he and Jaebum spend more time sleeping together rather than actually hanging out. It didn't always be like that, when then were way younger they would play, and when they got older they would hang out, and now it seemed to be all they could do was fall asleep. Though, he supposed that was just part of growing up, which was, very lame actually.

Jaebum came over that morning and the two of them started on some work together, but of course it ended up with them only getting a little bit of work done before deciding to award themselves with a quick nap. After crawling to Jinyoung's bed and getting comfy, both of them falling asleep,  it became evident that it wasn't just going to be a quick nap.

But of course, Jinyoung's dreams were gonna play some evil joke on him that day, because all he could seem to dream of was a certain someone hoisting him up against a bathroom stall. It didn't even stop there, his mind continued to tease him on what it would be like in different scenarios.

Needless to say that Jinyoung woke up sweating and with an aching boner.

Reaching out, he tapped around his bed, noticing how empty it felt. When he didn't feel Jaebum, but instead nothing, he let himself sigh. Listening carefully, he tried to listen to the silence to see if he was still at least in his apartment somewhere, but as it stayed silent he knew that he was definitely gone, and had most likely gone to work since Jinyoung could recall that he said he had to work later on.

And he didn't even know why he felt disappointment at discovering that Jaebum was gone. Jinyoung knew of his schedule the day that Jaebum received his schedule, so he knew in advance that he had to work at five, so why was he acting like it was brand new? It was entirely selfish though that he wished Jaebum was still here with him right now, with his arms wrapped around him. The only trace of him being there was the partial scent of his cologne that still lingered on Jinyoung's pillow and sheets.

Turning to face the table next to his bed he noticed that Jaebum's hoodie was still thrown haphazardly on it. Reaching out, he grabbed a hold of the material so that he could put it on. He didn't know what was going on with him right now, his emotions were so confusing and he was almost feeling like a damn teenager again. And Jaebum wasn't there, so this was the best that he could do, which speaking of, he didn't even know why he was acting so god damn needy. Sure, it was often that Jinyoung wanted Jaebum to cuddle with him, all of that was normal and natural. What was new and completely odd to him was that he was wishing what it would feel like to have Jaebum leaning over him, touching and kissing him.

Resting his hand on his thigh, Jinyoung bit his lip as he thought about it a bit more. Thinking about it caused practically a shock of electricity shoot down as he could feel the arousal make his dick twitch. Was he really having a hard on right now as he thought about Jaebum?

Yeah, yeah he was.

Was he actually about to jack off to it?

Yeah, yeah he was.

Throwing all precautions out of the window, he pushed his hand past his shorts and past his boxers so that he could wrap his hand around his dick. Turning his head to the side, he bit his lip again since the cologne was so prominent now between the hoodie and his sheets. Moving his hand up and down, and letting his thumb dip into his slit, he actually let himself think about it. As he began to move his hand faster, he knew that he wasn't going to last long at all. Closing his eyes and finally releasing his bottom lip, he thought of how it would feel to have Jaebum push him down into his mattress and fuck him.

The second that he came into his hand, eyes closed and mouth open, the guilt came over him just seconds later, the realization of what he just did, what he just thought of, hitting him hard. Opening his eyes, he practically rushed to sit up as he leaned over to his bedside table to hurriedly wipe off his hands and toss the evidence into the trash can near his bed as if it was burning his hand, his breathing uneven. To begin with, Jinyoung didn't really even masturbate a lot, he never really had to since middle school. On top of that, if he did, he would usually just watch some porn video from pornhub, not....not whatever _that_ was.

The fact that he was even freaking out about it made him freak out about it even more. Turning over on his left side to face the wall, he grabbed his blankets and wrapped them around him again as he cuddled himself into the extremely fluffy blanket. He could explain this. He was probably just so horny and that was the result. It wasn't as if he has seen Mark the last couple of days.

Maybe he could call him and see if he wants to come over.

Blindly throwing his arm out again, Jinyoung felt around until he found his phone and then pulled it to him, unlocking it and then pulled Mark's name up. Just pressing the call button, he put the phone on speaker and laid it onto his pillow near his ear.

After just about the third ring Mark was already picking up, "Hello?"

"Hey Mark," Jinyoung greeted trying his best to sound as normal as he could be. "If you're not working tonight, you should come over." That was one of the annoying things, he didn't know his schedule at all. Things would probably be easier if he did.

"Let me check my schedule," he spoke before going quiet for several seconds and Jinyoung was left wondering if he was really checking a schedule, "It looks like I'm free. When should I come over?

Burying his head into the pillow, Jinyoung sighed as he looked at the time on the top corner of his phone screen, six thirty two. "As soon as possible."

"Alright," Mark agreed without any objections, "I'll see you in a bit Jinyoung."

Jinyoung returned his goodbye and then placed his phone back to the side of him as he curled back up into his blankets. About a half and hour later, Jinyoung heard a quick knock and then the door to his apartment open since he knew Jaebum didn't lock it before he left.

"Jinyoung?" he heard Mark call, probably coming from the living room.

He rolled over to face the door, "I'm in my room," he shouted back as he curled the blanket closer to him. Jinyoung watched as Mark opened the door to his bedroom, a look of confusion on his face as he stood still in the doorway. To be fair, Mark hasn't even been in his room yet. That realization made Jinyoung frown. Mark has been over countless times and yet he has never even seen Jinyoung's room. "What are you standing there for?" Jinyoung rose his arms out and gestured him over. "Come on."

Closing the door behind him, Mark finally stepped into Jinyoung's room, not even trying to hide the fact that he was checking it out a little bit. Every time that he has been at Jinyoung's apartment, they've always just been in the living room and he would always have his bedroom door closed. Mark couldn't help but wonder if maybe this was kind of metaphorical barrier and this just meant that him and Jinyoung were getting closer and that Jinyoung was beginning to trust him more.The idea of that made his heart swoon. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he wasn't surprised at the blue and white sheets, on top of how comfy it was. This all really was Jinyoung-ish.

Youngjae had been right when he had said that Jinyoung could get just a little bit messy. Contrary to the rest of his house that was pretty clean, the corner of his room had a mountain of dirty clothes, and the tops of his dressers were scattered with multiple photos and other various items. Books were every, sat around on every flat surface, piling on top of each other. There was also several stacks of notebooks. But, it wasn't as if anything was unclean or gross, just simply untidy. Yet, that made it seem even more endearing, homey, and so plainly Jinyoung.

Blinking, he felt Jinyoung wrap his arms around him and tug him down so that they were cuddling now. Not only had Jinyoung let Mark into his room, but Jinyoung was also the one to engage the affections? Mark felt so happy, all he could do was smile as he stared at the wall, even though it was just blank. Did all of this mean that Jinyoung liked him back? Or was at least starting to?

A feeling was eating at Jinyoung, and he didn't get it, and that made him frown. Seeing Mark didn't make him happy like he thought it was going to. When he invited him over on the whim like he just had, trying to fill out or replace that awkward feeling in his chest, he had expected Mark would be able to help with that. Instead, seeing him made Jinyoung feel even worse. Even as Jinyoung had Mark pulled into his chest cuddling, just like he was earlier, but it just didn't feel the same at all, and he didn't get why. Sighing, he looked at the back of Mark's neck.

Moving forward, Jinyoung pressed his mouth to the back of Mark's neck, kissing down as he moved to his throat, letting his hand move from around Mark's waist and beginning to dip lower. Closing his eyes, he sighed as he kept moving his hand, only stopping when he felt Mark's hand close around his wrist. Opening his eyes, he watched as Mark sat up and let Jinyoung's hand drop back onto his mattress almost lifelessly.

It was like whatever happiness that he just had was drained out of Mark within those few small actions. Disappointment, that was what he felt was. Real ugly disappointment was washing over him and made him close his eyes. How could he be so fucking stupid? Of course Jinyoung didn't just want him over to hang out or to cuddle. Shouldn't Mark have known that by now? He should have known that something was up the second that Jinyoung called him at random after a few days of not seeing each other. And despite being right there next to another human, Mark couldn't have felt any lonelier.

But, he really should have known something was going on, all the signs were there, but he ignored them. First the phone call, then with Jinyoung being in his room. He tried to ignore it the second that Jinyoung pulled him down. but his pillow undeniably didn't smell anything like Jinyoung's cologne. The hoodie should have been the last straw, but it wasn't. What he didn't get was Jinyoung just trying to use Mark for something else in general? Maybe Jinyoung is just lonely too. Maybe that was why he had slept around so much, he was trying to fill a hole in his heart with sex. Turning around a bit he looked at Jinyoung who was lying there still next to him, staring right back up at him. He wonders if anyone hurt Jinyoung to make him like this. To make him think that he is only ever wanted on a sexual scale, that he doesn't deserve more.

Mark couldn't help but wonder if it has something to do with Jaebum.

It was a pretty heavy accusation, but they were best friends practically their entire lives, so if something or anything happened, Jaebum surely would know. But a part of Mark had a feeling that all of it had to just do with Jaebum in general. What if Jinyoung was just in the exact same situation that Mark himself was in? That Jinyoung loved Jaebum, but he didn't love him back? But, Mark knew that he might just be projecting his jealousy onto Jaebum to make him appear as if he was the bad guy. It very well could have been any other relationship or even family.

Surely Mark wouldn't have any clue about things like that though. He doesn't know much about Jinyoung and how he was or what his life was like before they met. All he had to go on was the stories he would hear from Jackson or Jaebum, the ones that have known him. He doesn't know anything about if he has actually even had any past relationships, whether it was a boyfriend or even a girlfriend. Though, Mark did know that Jinyoung has always had a grip on the fact that he was very much attracted to guys, so it seems very unlikely that it could have been a girl.

Finally, he broke out of his thoughts once he realized that Jinyoung was now sitting up too and reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder, "Hyung? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Mark sighed as he stared at Jinyoung, just wanting to try and get some answers. "Jinyoung-ah you don't have to answer me but...have you ever had any bad relationships before?"

At that, Mark couldn't help but notice that Jinyoung looked genuinely confused, if not a little offended. "Bad relationships? Uhm no, not really. I mean, I've had a few issues with people before, but nothing ever that could constitute as bad. What the hell are you thinking Mark?"

And just like that, Mark once again felt incredibly stupid for ever assuming that something bad must have had to Jinyoung to make him act like how he does. Something about that just made him feel even more disappointed because that means there really wasn't an excuse to explain why Jinyoung acted like this, it meant he did it willingly.He fucked people, he wouldn't commit, just because he felt like it. "Nothing."

"Okay," Jinyoung pushed his hair back, his tone sounding as if he was getting impatient. "Are you sure you're okay? You're acting kind of weird."

"Do you like me?" Mark finally asked, giving in and staring right at Jinyoung, finally asking the question out loud for once.

Jinyoung cocked his head to the side, wondering where Mark got that question from. Had Jinyoung ever given him a reason to think that he didn't like him? "Of course I like you Mark, we're friends, aren't we?"

Friendzoned.

Mark could not believe that he had just been so blatantly friendzoned.

"Right, friends," he laughed nervously. "Hey, I forgot that I needed to cover for Taehyung-ah at work. I'll talk to you later Jinyoung."

Still frowning, Jinyoung watched as Mark got up to leave, "Bye Mark."

______

Sighing, Jinyoung threw himself onto his couch and watched Jaebum's back as he rummaged through Jinyoung's movies to pick out one for them to watch. Leaning up onto his hands, he could see Jaebum's back muscles clear as day in the thin white shirt that he was wearing, which was far not enough for the cold weather. Not that Jaebum would really listen to him if he chastised him for not having enough thick and warm layers. Maybe if Jinyoung just bought him another sweater or gave him one of his he would since Jaebum would always wear the sweaters Jinyoung gives to him.

"What's gotten you all pouting and sighing like a lil' baby?"

"Mark," he sighed as he sat up and stripped himself of his own sweater, leaving him in just his undershirt since he did have the heat up in his apartment, plus once they started to cuddle he didn't want to overheat. "He was very odd the other day. He stopped me from doing anything, then just spaced out and stared at the wall for awhile, and then he asked if I was like ever abused or something. IF that wasn't weird enough he asked if I liked him, and when I told him that of course I did since he and I our friends, he practically ran out with the excuse of having to cover for Taehyung, but I asked Yugyeom who asked Jungkook, and Taehyung didn't even need to be covered that night."

Jaebum froze as he stared at the movies in front of him, somehow surprised at just how dense Jinyoung could be yet again. Mark was being more than obvious at this point, and Jinyoung hadn't even realized that he just rejected Mark, and that Mark was probably feeling really embarrassed. Shaking his head, he pulled out Monsters Inc. "Strange," he agreed. "He's probably just upset over something. Give him a few days and then talk to him about it again."

Jinyoung nodded his head as if he didn't ever consider that, "I suppose you're right hyung. How are you always smarter than me?"

"It's not hard to be," he grunted as he kicked the side of the couch. "Now move, you're in my spot."

Because Jinyoung's couch couldn't fit the two of them actually laying down to snuggle, when they decided to lay down on his couch to cuddle, they came up with the solution that someone had to lay down with the other on top of them. And every single time they have done it, Jaebum always ended up being on the bottom.

Rolling from his side so that he was back onto his back, Jinyoung looked up at Jaebum who was still looming over him and then patted his chest, "Then come on."

He could tell that Jaebum wasn't prepared for that because he frowned, "What? You always like to be on top, are you sure?"

The question made him think back to the other night where he definitely wanted it, and he tried his best to not shiver as he looked up at Jaebum. "Positive, you're not going to break me, I'm not fine china, come on."

Jaebum sighed, but he ultimately caved in after standing there and just staring at Jinyoung for several seconds. He swung his leg over so that he was straddling Jinyoung's waist and wrapped his arms around his shoulders before completely sagging against him. Jinyoung smiled as he wrapped his arms around Jaebum to hold him close. Carding his fingers through Jaebum's hair, he turned to focus on the movie.  
  
By the time that the movie was over, Jinyoung had to wipe at his eyes as he sighed, "It always makes me cry, even though I know the ending and know that he gets to see Boo again."

"You're just a softie," Jaebum chuckled as he poked at Jinyoung's stomach.

Jinyoung gasped from where he was rubbing his eyes, "Hey! You're tearing up too buddy. You're also a big softie Jaebum."

"Ah-ah-ah," Jaebum leaned back, still straddling Jinyoung's waist, and waved his forefinger around as if he was scolding a child. "That is Jaebum- _hyung_ to you, you little brat." Jaebum smiled as he placed his fingers on Jinyoung's sides.

Immediately, Jinyoung tensed up and locked his arms in close to him trying to block both his sides and his armpits. He could already feel the sweat beginning to poo up at the base of his hairline. "Jaebum don't you dare-" his sentence got cut off by his own shriek as Jaebum began to tickle him. Instantly be began to wiggle around as he tried to get away from Jaebum, who was just laughing at him. "Aah- Ja-Jaebu-bum stop. Please," he whined, sounding breathless as Jaebum continued up his attack.

By the time that Jaebum finally pulled away and retracted his hands, Jinyoung was panting and wheezing as if he had just run a marathon, and he felt like it too. "You are," Jinyoung started, his eyes closed, and his crinkles prominent as well as the smile on his face because he wasn't covering it with his hands, "The absolute worst Im Jaebum."

Jaebum couldn't help but grin as he watched Jinyoung underneath him. And he couldn't help but think back to several weeks ago, when they danced in the club, and when they went to the bathroom. It had been more than great, but Jaebum couldn't deny that he loves this a thousand times more. He loved Jinyoung like this. When he was being carefree. He loved the way his laughter was loud and would bounce off of the walls and he didn't try to subdue it, and how it actually sounded joyous since he was always teased by Yugyeom and the other's for having a 'heartless laugh'. His 'real laugh' as Jackson had so creatively dubbed it was dorkish, and it was adorable, and it became one of Jaebum's favorite sounds.  
  
It was something about this, that felt like home to Jaebum. But really, Jinyoung is his home. Over time home to him wasn't just the house that he grew up in and where his parents were. It wasn't just the mornings he spent, drinking coffee and watching his mother cook breakfast while also getting ready for work, as his father would read the newspaper or be doing some extra work at the table. Home wasn't even just over at the Park's  house where the accepted him into their family. It wasn't just where despite everyone always being on the go, there was a peace about it all. Where there were two older sisters that Jaebum never had and were more than happy to pretend that he was their little brother too. Home wasn't just his apartment and the group of new friends he acquired for himself once he hit independence.

One of the huge constants for him in his life, and a person that was always going to be home to him, was Jinyoung. More than familiar at this point, and knew so much about each other, and spent so much time together for years, but he never got tired of it. He would never get tired of seeing Jinyoung, talking to him, hearing his laugh, or just staring at how beautiful he truly was. And yes, somewhere along the line (though Jaebum couldn't say, maybe ever since the first day) he could say confidently that Jinyoung was his home.

Before, he never really understood how someone could become your home, but along the way he discovered that yes, it is very much possible. And all of this left him feeling sentimental. Leaning forward again, instead of attacking him again, he just brought his hand up and brushed Jinyoung's messy hair out of his face so that he could look at him better. In the midst of Jaebum's tickle attack, and how much Jinyoung was wiggling around, his hair had gotten rather messed up, and was sticking practically everywhere, as well as probably having a tangle or two in it.

At the feeling oh his hair being pushed from his face, Jinyoung opened his eyes to be met with Jaebum making direct eye contact with him. Usually, Jinyoung was able to read Jaebum like he was an open book. That was unless, he decided to put on that incredible blank face he does, but even then, Jinyoung tends to know at least a little bit of what was going on. But right now, he couldn't even gauge what Jaebum was thinking. It wasn't blank, he just looked so _happy_. It was beautiful, a look Jinyoung could only dream of getting to see more of. The way his eyes seemed to smile, and how his smile was blinding.

Jaebum's hand was still resting against the side of Jinyoung's head from when he pushed his bangs out of his face, and Jinyoung used his elbow leverage to push himself up and bend his back so that he could lean up more. His heart was still racing from how much energy he had spent on trying to escape Jaebum's tickle attack, as well as from laughing so hard. In the aftermath, he could feel just how sweaty he was from the encounter as his undershirt was clinging to his back. Apparently Jaebum was also a bit wore out, because his broad chest was rising and falling in a rapid precision, and Jinyoung was sure that even if he tried to count the pattern of his breathing, he wouldn't be able to.

Mouth feeling dry, Jinyoung let his tongue run across his lower lip, and this time he didn't miss the way Jaebum's eyes had followed the movement. Switching from using his forearms and to using the palm of his hands, Jinyoung pushed himself further up so that he was practically sitting up at this point. He could swear that he saw Jaebum's lip move, barely so, in a quiet whisper that was scarily accurate to sounded like 'Jirongie'.

The hand on the side of his head fell down to his neck and then inched his way to wrap around his nape in the way that Jaebum had always done to him, ever since they were little kids, and used it to drag Jinyoung even closer to him. By now, their faces were extremely close to each other, and Jinyoung could feel Jaebum's breathe. Now, he couldn't help but notice that Jaebum's expression changed again, now there was a spark of something that he couldn't tell. "Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked, far too softly for it being only the two of them in a soundless room.

And right before his eyes, Jinyoung watched how Jaebum's face fell into that amazing passive mask of his that could rival any poker player. He felt a ping of disappointment, and even a bit of irritation that whatever Jaebum was about to tell him was going to be a lie. "You look dumb with your hair all messed up like that."

He was lying, and with a lame one at that. Even if Jinyoung did agree that he probably did look pretty stupid with his hair all messed up, he could feel just how frizzy it is and well as some knots. He knew Jaebum, and he knew that was not what was going on in his mind right now. He would have laughed a lot sooner and teased him about it than...than that oddly intimate moment. He swallowed the lump in his throat as well as the hurt. Did Jaebum actually think that Jinyoung didn't notice that he was lying? Jinyoung has been able to tell when Jaebum was lying to him ever since he was ten years old.

But even then, Jinyoung didn't call him out on it. He just watched Jaebum skeptically for several seconds, waiting for him to fess up or say something more, yet he never did. So Jinyoung sighed in defeat and nudged Jaebum's ass with his knee, "Get up then so I can go fix it."

Jaebum swung his on leg over, leaving the space for Jinyoung to slide through. Even as he walked to his bathroom, he could feel Jaebum's eyes on him, and he didn't even need to be looking at him or in his brain to hear the wheels turning. Shaking his head, he opened his bathroom door and approached the mirror to see just how bad his hair really did look.

And it did look really dumb.

Though, Jinyoung was glad that it was only Jaebum who had seen it, because Jinyoung always did prefer to look rather exceptional when he was out in public. He always made sure that he had shaved, and if he was feeling pretty extra, he would wear makeup as well. On top of that, he always made sure his hair looked decent, since sometimes his hair liked to just not cooperate with what he wanted to do with it. He kept up these appearances for practically everyone. The only people he didn't worry about 'impressing' as some people would call it, was just his family, and Jaebum (and also his parents).

After fixing his hair and then shoving it into a pony tail, he walked back out to his living room, where Jaebum was laying on his couch, head turned to watch him as he used his forearms as pillows, "Looks like you managed to fix it."

Rolling his eyes at him, Jinyoung nudged his thighs, "Come on you couch potato, give me some room."

"I can't believe you would disrespect your hyung in this way," Jaebum dramatically declared as he clutched his heart, while still complying, and moved his legs out of the way so that Jinyoung could sit down, before promptly dropping his legs back onto Jinyoung's lap.

Not even bothering to reply, Jinyoung just watched Jaebum with a curious glance. He seemed to be fine now, not as off as he seemed several minutes ago. A part of Jinyoung couldn't help but feel as if maybe he was just imagining things, and looking into things that weren't really there. But, there was still a small part of him that disagreed with that and thought that something really odd was going on.

But was Jaebum really even to blame for that? Jinyoung himself has been feeling extremely weird the last couple of days, and he hasn't been able to place a finger on any of it. Things had just been overall weird lately, with himself, with Mark, and now with Jaebum too, and Jinyoung just didn't get it. Frankly, it was becoming annoying to him as well, why couldn't things just be normal? Then again, he was sure they passed normality a long time ago.

______

It had been over a week until Jinyoung got to see Mark again. It took him a week of just short replies, hardly ever going over one word, until Mark finally caved in and agreed to come over again. Jinyoung breathed in as he looked in the mirror and he curled his hair how he wanted it to be. He wasn't actually curling it, but just curing his bangs inwards to side of his face. This time, he swore to himself, he wasn't going to fuck things up somehow. Really, he still didn't understand what when wrong last time. How they went from cuddling, to Jinyoung trying to progress things, to Mark asking if he was ever abused. But whatever it was, he was going to make sure that he didn't make the same mistake.

Spraying his hair into place, he took out his light pink chap stick, and dabbed his lips with it, just enough to moisturize them, give them a nice shine, and a nice tint to them. Placing his hands on his hips, he turned side to side to examine himself in the mirror to make sure that he looked good.

Tonight he chose to wear a burgundy undershirt that matched with the dark grey jacket he was wearing. To top it off, he was wearing dark blue jeans and dark grey socks. Smiling, he gave himself a thumbs up for looking so good before pulling out his phone to send a photo to Jaebum. Snapping a picture, he sent it to him with the caption: **do i look good?**

Within seconds, he got the reply of: **a color comb. that even bam would be proud of.**

Putting his phone back into his back pocket, he walked out of the bathroom and closed his door, ironically at the same time that he heard the knock on his door. Smiling again, he straightened out, laughing at the way several of his bones cracked at the action. Opening the door, he smiled as he saw Mark standing in front of him. Mark was wearing a long t-shirt matched with a hoodie and jeans with holes in them. Sometimes, he swore that both Mark and one of his friends Jae both dressed like angsty teens.

"Come on in," he smiled as warmly as he physically could as he opened the door wider for Mark to walk in, before closing it. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

Mark only shrugged ,and Jinyoung felt his shoulders sag a little, already begining to feel disheartened. Had he done something wrong for Mark to be treating him like this? Watching Mark walk into his living room, he cocked his head to the side and wondered if he had been too clingy with Mark lately. At first he thought that was what Mark wanted, but did Jinyoung just misunderstand and made assumptions? Did Mark actually dislike the affection? Maybe he found Jinyoung inviting him to cuddle in his bed to be weird, and too close to a romantic relationship for him. Perhaps he just wanted Jinyoung to be with him on a sexual base, and Jinyoung crossed over his boundaries.

Unsure of it though, Jinyoung bit his lip as he just put in the first movie he found, which happened to be a horror movie, before sitting down next to Mark. He pressed up close next to him, but didn't actually make any move to cuddle him, deciding to leave that part up for Mark if he wanted to. But he did end up placing his hand onto his knee.

By half way through the movie, Mark still hadn't tried to cuddle him, and Jinyoung couldn't keep the frown off of his face. "Mark?" he called out softly. Mark turned to face him, and in a last desperate attempt Jinyoung leaned in to kiss him. As soon as his hand started moving up his thigh, Jinyoung felt the hand on his chest pushing him away. Frowning yet again, he leaned away from Mark, "Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?

"Did you do something wrong?" Mark repeated in an almost mocking tone. "Why does it feel like I'm only here for you to fuck me? I'm sorry that I actually would like to just spend some time with you without any dicks out."

Jinyoung blinked, even more confused than he was to begin with. Was he doing something wrong with looking for sex in Mark? They were fuck buddies after all, he thought that was the whole point of this arrangement. And they were spending a lot of time together, Jinyoung didn't have him over to always fuck. They went out to eat, skating, to hang out with other friends, they even have gone out shopping. With his frown deepening he looked at Mark, "Is there something else going on?"

Mark spluttered, the hurt in his chest growing. Why did it feel like Jinyoung didn't give a shit? Why did it feel like Jinyoung didn't even give a single shit as to how Mark was feeling? Unable to stop from just feeling used, Mark shook his head, "No. There isn't."

When Mark turned back to watch the movie, Jinyoung really didn't have a choice but to move to the other end of the couch so that he could keep a safe distance between the two. He was staring at the T.V. screen, but he wasn't even paying attention at all. All he could do was think about what just happened.

Once the movie was over, Mark didn't even bother to say another word to him, he just got up, walked himself to the door, slipping his sneakers back on, and walked out. Almost moving automatically as soon as the door closed, Jinyoung grabbed a coat and was pulling on his own pair of shoes.

When he got out of his apartment, he could still see Mark walking away, but he turned left instead to head down the more than familiar sidewalks that would lead him to Jaebum's apartment. It hardly took anytime to get there, and Jinyoung knocked, foregoing using his key to open the door since he knew that Jaebum was actually very much awake right now.

"The doors unlocked Jinyoung!"

With wide eyes, he just stared at the door in complete shock for a few seconds. How in the hell did Jaebum know that it was him? Opening the door, he walked in to find Jaebum curled on his black leather couch and staring at his phone. "How the hell did you know it was me?"

"You have a certain knock. Plus I was looking at the snap map so. I thought you were with Mark tonight?"

"I was," Jinyoung groaned as he dumped himself onto Jaebum's couch. "But then we got into another fight? He got mad because I kissed him and because it only seemed like I wanted to fuck him and not spend time with him. But I don't get it because I spend a lot of time with him doing things that aren't even remotely sexual, so I don't know what the hell he wants from me."

Jaebum knew what Mark wanted.

Turning to look at Jinyoung, Jaebum watched Jinyoung's side profile. His entire life, Jaebum had always seen Jinyoung as a rather exceptionally perceptive person, but lately, he has been anything but. Despite the more than obvious hints at this point that Mark had a big fat crush on him, he always ignores it, or somehow almost worst- he doesn't even realize it. Did he just not comprehend that people could actually like him? That there may be some people out there who actually liked him more than just someone to fuck? He shoulder. Throughout their entire lives, he has gotten countless confessions, by both girls and boys, because he was just that charming, just that handsome. Though, Jinyoung never accepted a single confession.

Jaebum contemplated if he should just tell Jinyoung that Mark likes him, just so that he could get it over with already. But, he knew he wouldn't. He would be pissed to say the very least if Youngjae ratted him out. And plus, if Jinyoung doesn't know, that means the longer that Jaebum could avoid the reality of Jinyoung actually getting into a relationship. "Oh."

The only thing Jinyoung could think to do was call a break yet again. It seems to be what Mark wanted, and if he is having something else going on, then it is probably want he needs as well. The last thing Mark should be worry about right now is Jinyoung. If Mark didn't want to confide in him, or even if he wanted to take it out on Jinyoung, he was fine with that. The least he could do then is just give Mark the space he needs. And if Mark is as upset with him as he seems to be, then maybe he will be thankful about it. "I think I'm going to call a break. Just so that Mark has the time to work out whatever else is going on with him."

Jaebum frowned as he fought away the cringe that was creeping up. There was no way that Jinyoung actually would, right?

Sure enough, not even a whole day later, Jinyoung did end up calling it off. He showed up to Mark's apartment, in a complete Jinyoung manor. He banged on the door and demanded that they talk. He had been firm that a break was needed so that Mark could take care of himself, on top of making sure to assure Mark that Jinyoung was there for him if he ever need someone to talk to. Jinyoung left, a smile on his face, feeling as if he finally showed Mark that he did care for him outside of just being someone he fucked.

But as soon as the door closed behind Jinyoung, Mark felt the tears coming. And they didn't stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so who do you guys think is the end ship? im curious. also sorry if the whole laying on top of each other to cuddle thing seems weird but some of my writing is based of off experience, and that particular part was off of experience.


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's that great time exam season, so i can't promise updates for the next month, i know y'all get it, i have like one or two chapters pre written but idk how much time i have to edit so we shall see

Jinyoung showed up to Jaebum's house way earlier that day to help him study for his exams. Flashcards, Jinyoung checked his work, reciting notes, mock tests, any method you can name, they ended up doing it. On top of that, Jinyoung also helped out in other ways, like making sure Jaebum was getting enough sleep and actually eating. But it did end up reaching to a point where Jinyoung couldn't stay awake anymore, so he set an alarm for three in the morning. That was, just to check if Jaebum wasn't already asleep so that he could drag him to bed, but Jinyoung had a funny feeling telling him that Jaebum was still going to be awake. Right after setting the alarm, he felt himself fall asleep in the comfort of Jaebum's bed. 

His alarm woke him up at three on the dot, and he groaned as he reached over to shut it off, instantly regretting getting up and interrupting his sleep. But the bed was bare, so he knew Jaebum still had to be awake. He got up with a sigh, as he wrapped his arms around himself and trudged to the table where Jaebum had practically thousands of papers spread out, and was hardly even awake at this point, "Jaebum, come to bed." 

Unfolding his arms, he wrapped one around Jaebum's shoulders and the other around his waist to drag him up and out of the wooden chair and began on the path to his bedroom. Entering his room, Jinyoung practically dropped him onto the bed before dumping himself behind him. Yawning, he pulled the comforter over both of them, "Goodnight Jaebummie," Jinyoung smile as he wrapped his arms around Jaebum. 

Jaebum let himself get pulled into Jinyoung's chest, willingly letting him be the bigger spoon, little spooning to Jinyoung was one of his guilty pleasures, "Night Jirongie." 

When Jinyoung woke up again, thankfully this time it wasn't at odd hours in that weird time where it is both night and early morning. Light was shining through the curtains, so it was at least sometime past six a.m. which he could live with. Pulling away from Jaebum, he went to the kitchen to begin to cook breakfast. He pulled out all of the materials he needed to make pancakes, since that was what he decided on. The sound track to West Side Story played in the background, and Jinyoung sung along as he cooked breakfast as well as tidied up all of Jaebum's notes that were left scattered around the table the night before.  

He was in the middle of humming along to Maria when he felt arms wrap around his side and a head push into his shoulder, "You look like some house wife," Jaebum mumbled as he clung onto Jinyoung's side and pulled on the length of the light green apron that he was wearing. 

"It's to protect my shirt!" Jinyoung defended as he maneuvered around even with Jaebum clinging to him, and grabbed a plate of food to hand it to him. "Besides, you better appreciate that I am even helping you right now, I could still be asleep if I wanted to right now." 

Jaebum looked up at him and held his gaze, "I do appreciate you, very much so Jinyoung." 

Jinyoung already knew that though, so all he did was smile in response. As much as he joked about it, he didn't mind doing all of this to help Jaebum, it was _Jaebum_ , he'd do anything for him. Besides, he knew just how stressed he probably had to be right now. Today not only did he have to work, he had some exams, and he was probably tired too since he didn't get much sleep. He gave Jaebum more time to cram in some studying after eating, because he took care of the dishes. After he was finished, he followed Jaebum into the bathroom to watch him get ready. 

He sat on top of the bathroom counter, and watched as Jaebum was brushing his teeth. He cocked his head to the side, and watched as Jaebum then began to slather on shaving cream to shave, but before he could reach for his purple razor, Jinyoung had beat him to it. "Here, let me do it." He pulled Jaebum in closer to him, and fit him in between his legs, and he clutched onto his shoulder to steady both of them as he began to shave Jaebum's face for him. 

Every few minutes, Jinyoung peaked up to watch Jaebum, who was just standing there with his eyes closed, probably trying to catch in a few more minutes of rest as he tried to fall asleep while standing up, and Jinyoung didn't doubt that Jaebum could actually manage to do that. _Poor Jaebummie_ , he cooed. _Probably so tired._ As he paused to wipe off the excess shaving cream, Jinyoung let himself just stare at Jaebum with his eyebrows furrowed, like he was trying to solve a puzzle. 

He was sitting there, seven thirty in the morning, shaving Jaebum's face for him, after helping him all day yesterday. Why? Because they ere best friends? Even then, Jinyoung knew that he wouldn't really do this for any of his other friends, not to this extent, unless something terrible happened. He helped his friends study a lot, and he did baby a lot of them when they were sick, but this was different, Jinyoung knew it was. At some point, Jaebum had opened his eyes, and was staring back at Jinyoung, and he didn't get why his chest and stomach began to feel like this, why he felt so nervous all of a sudden. It made him want to leave, but he didn't want to, he didn't want this to be over right now. "Can I do your makeup hyung?" 

Yawning, as if he genuinely didn't mind either way, Jaebum shrugged, "Yeah whatever." 

Giving a small smile, Jinyoung leaned over and opened up the drawer that he knew had the few makeup products that Jaebum actually owned. Moving even closer to him, he grabbed the product for his brows and began to fill them in and define them. The closer he got to Jaebum, he felt his heart beat increase, and everything was beginning to make his hand shake. Frowning, he focused on the task at hand, which was doing Jaebum's eyebrows. "You should do the cat stripe thing in one of your brows sometime, you would look good with it." Jaebum's only response was a grunt. 

Honestly, Jinyoung knew exactly why he was doing all of this right now. Because it was for Jaebum. Jaebum meant so much to him, and he would do anything for him. When Jaebum said that he looked and was acting like a wife, he knew that idea wasn't so farfetched. All it was doing was making him contemplative. as he reflected on his own actions.

As he began to blend in the concealer, he kept thinking about it. Things for Jinyoung have felt pretty weird lately, and he kept switching between wanting to figure it out, to wanting to just completely avoid it in hopes that it would just go away. But he knew it didn't work like that. For awhile there, he had assumed it had something to do with him and Mark, but now he was beginning to doubt it, because he was starting to think it had to do with Jaebum. Awhile ago, Mark had asked if Jinyoung thought that after everything, if saying that he loved Jaebum was weird, and then later on he claimed that he was jealous. Actually, now that he thought about it, several times Mark brought things like that up, their past, and more, and that left him curious. Did...did Mark think that Jinyoung has some kind of thing for Jaebum? 

Pausing, he let his arms fall down to his side as he just openly gawked at Jaebum again. There was no way, right? Jinyoung would have known about it, and there was no way that Mark of all people noticed it first. Wasn't he just letting Mark and other worries get to him? He was just taking a few off feelings and making them seem to be way more dramatic than they really were. 

But, was having a type of thing for Jaebum really that far off? 

The more he thought about it, he wasn't. The more he thought about having Jaebum on top of him, kissing him, fucking him, it really wasn't that far off. And holy shit, he did have a thing for his best friend. 

He's attracted to Jaebum. 

To be fair, Jinyoung did always think that Jaebum was handsome, and in more recent years, handsome turned to sexy. But he never really would have chalked that up to having that kind of attraction towards Jaebum, yet he couldn't really deny that now, could he? 

Shaking his head, Jinyoung tried to push all of those thoughts to the back of is head as he focused on finishing up doing Jaebum's eyeliner so that he could continue to get ready to go. Today was Jinyoung's day off of work, and the semester was already done for him, since he had all of his exams last week, so he was pretty much going to be crashing at Jaebum's for the day and waiting for him to get back home. 

"All done," Jinyoung smiled as he put the eyeliner back and pulled away from Jaebum. "Damn, I did a good job." 

Jaebum finally reopened his eyes, and moved out from in between Jinyoung's legs to glance into the mirror, "You did. I somehow look not dead anymore, thanks Jinyoung." 

"Anytime hyung," he patted Jaebum's ass as he got up. "Now continue to get ready before you end up being late." 

Leaning against the wall, Jinyoung watched as Jaebum continued to get ready for his day. Right before he left, Jinyoung pulled him into a hug, "Good luck, and try not to stress out too much, okay? If you need anything, text me. And I think you are going to do great, and remember I am right here waiting for you. I love you, fighting!" 

"I love you too Jirongie," Jaebum smiled as he pulled out of the hug and let Jinyoung give him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you later." 

Now that he was alone, Jinyoung sat on the couch, and put his head in his hands as he began to question everything. It was times like these that he wished that he could just call Mark, but he knew that he needed to just give Mark some time. Maybe Mark really did have a reason to snap at him like he did last time, now that he thought about it. 

Shaking his head again, Jinyoung decided to just rewatch random t.v. shows to pass the time since he had nothing else to do for the day. 

By the time that Jaebum came home, he was practically crawling through the door. Not really, but he looked utterly exhausted, by the way that he came in hunched over and dragging his feet behind him as he moved slower than a tortoise. Jinyoung had already made him dinner, because at some point he couldn't stop thinking so he needed to do something to distract him from it. He smiled, as he grabbed onto Jaebum and dragged him over to the table and shoved the plate of food towards him. "So," Jinyoung watched him carefully. "How do you think it went?" 

"I don't even know," Jaebum admitted with a loud sigh. "I hope I did good." 

"I'm sure you did Jaebum. If not, then you tried your best." 

"You sound like my mom." 

After they finished eating, it was Jaebum's turn to drag Jinyoung into the bedroom because at that point he just wanted to lay down in his bed and lay with Jinyoung. It honestly sounded like the most relaxing thing to him at the moment. As Jinyoung watched Jaebum lay there, he noticed that he still looked awfully tense, and he wished that he could help. 

He did know how to give a pretty good back massage, courtesy of his sisters since they signed him up for the class as a joke, and by the time he learned about it, it had become too late to drop out of it, since the deposit to hold his place was already in, and Jinyoung was not going to waste that kind of money. 

Smiling, he shifted up onto his knees, and rolled Jaebum over to lay on his stomach before promptly sitting on top of him. He made sure to sit on his thighs, right under his ass. 

At this point, he saw how Jaebum pushed himself up onto his elbows and turned around to glare at him, "Can I help you? Do I look like some kind of chair to you?"  
  
"Shh," Jinyoung shushed him as he pulled at the hem of his t-shirt, hoping that he would take it off. For a second, he was sure that Jaebum was going to say something else, along the lines of 'did you really just shush me?' But instead je just easily complied and let Jinyoung take his shirt off. Placing his hands on Jaebum's back, he began to move his hands across Jaebum's back in a circular motion with only a mild amount of pressure, "I'm technically suppose to be using oil, but I don't really have any right now." 

"S'okay," Jaebum sighed as he let his head relax in between his arms. "This is good." 

It was silent as Jinyoung worked, doing his best to help relax Jaebum and get the knots and tension out of his back (which there were several knots.) But as he stared down at Jaebum, there was something nagging at the back of his mind, and he knew it had everything to do with what he was thinking about earlier. 

Frowning, he let his hands put a bit more of pressure onto Jaebum's back near his neck as he tried to think about it again. Of course he was attracted to Jaebum because all he wanted to do was kiss Jaebum again, he wanted to feel Jaebum's hands all over his body. 

He's been thinking about it, as much as he tried not to. 

And having Jaebum laying right underneath him right now made his heart bean in anticipation. He and Mark were on break again, so why didn't Jinyoung just do it? Finally pausing for real, he let his hands rest on Jaebum's waist as he contemplated. 

He just wants more. He just...wants it. The first time they fucked, Jinyoung didn't really think anything of it, but now it was like it all made sense on why he did, and why he wanted it to happen again. But if Jinyoung couldn't explain it to people the first time around, how would he be able to explain it again, if it ended up happening again? 

"Jaebum?" he practically whispers as he pulls back, enough to push on Jaebum's waist to signal him to turn around, and to give him room to do so, in which he did. Now he was on top of Jaebum and was looking down at him. It was clear that Jaebum was confused as to why Jinyoung was acting so weird, it was obvious in the way his eyebrows were furrowed. Letting his hand slide up from his waist, he cradled his jaw with his hand before leaning in to press their lips together. 

The kiss was nothing like any of the other times that they have kissed each other in their lives. This one was hesitant, their lips hardly touching or moving, and it was so soft. It hardly even was a kiss, it was as if they were testing the waters, and it was done before it could even get started. Being the one who had started it, Jinyoung was also the one who ended it by pulling away to look at Jaebum who was staring up at him with a look that Jinyoung couldn't read. Nothing happened for several seconds, neither one of them even moving or daring to say a thing. 

But then Jaebum's hand was wrapping around Jinyoung's nape, a more than familiar motion by now, and was pulling him back down to catch him in a kiss, this one being much more hotter than the last. Jaebum took control, and Jinyoung let him, as he absolutely loved how dominant Jaebum was being. It made him sigh pleasantly, as he let his hand that was propping him up curl into a fist and clutch the sheets. 

There was a hand slipping up his shirt and he pressed the lower half of his body even closer against Jaebum's in a shallow grind. Finally pulling up for air, he pushed himself backwards and tossed his shirt onto the ground so that he was at least even to Jaebum. He let his eyes flicker down to stare at Jaebum's not quite secret bulge and then back up to him. God, he wanted to blow him. 

But he didn't make a single move, and it was Jaebum who ultimately grabbed Jinyoung's hand a placed it onto his dick, and used his own hand to push Jinyoung's down to palm his dick. It was enough to pull him from his thoughts, and Jinyoung leaned back down, letting his hand cup against his jeans, and the palm of his hand rub against the fabric that was covering him, as he bit down gently on Jaebum's left nipple. Wiggling, he moved down a bit so that his face was right in front of Jaebum's dick. With a smile, he started tugging his pants and boxers down in one go, and tossed them somewhere near where their shirts probably were. 

As Jinyoung began to lick and bite Jaebum's inner thighs, he tried to think of the last time that he was this eager to suck someone's dick. The answer was a long time ago, at least, it felt like it. The last time he was this excited to give oral was the first time he ever did. But he wasn't surprised at Jaebum's ability to make him feel like a horny little virgin teenager again. 

At Jaebum's loud moan, Jinyoung blew teasingly against his hole. Leaning away, he rested his head against Jaebum's thigh, and barely wrapped his fingers around his dick, and gave an experimental tug up. Of course, Jaebum was responsive with a low moan, so he did it again, and again, and again. He kept doing it as he used Jaebum's thigh as a glorified pillow so that he could watch his face. Wanting to hear even more moans, Jinyoung licked and sucked at his balls and used his other free hand to fondle them as he still jacked Jaebum off. 

"Jinyoungie." 

He stopped after that, all of his movements all together. He stopped his hand, and let his head pull back so that he could have a clear look up at Jaebum, who's eyes were half open. It was interesting to hear Jaebum's voice sound so breathless and needy, and this was far better than fucking any of those other twinks he has in the past. Having Jaebum of all people, having _his_ Jaebum moan because of him was a far greater feeling. "Hmm?" he hummed as he let his thumb slide almost painfully slow across the tip of his penis. 

Jaebum only moaned and wiggled his hips in response. 

Jinyoung cackled as he shook his head, the corner of his mouth pulling up into a tiny smirk as he let his thumb dip into his slit again. "Use your words, I want to hear you say it." 

He could see that Jaebum was glaring at him, but as soon as he let his tongue drag across the underside of his dick, right across the vein, he was quickly relenting, "Blow me." 

Not having to be told twice, Jinyoung wrapped his mouth around the head of his cock, and pushed down a bit, letting himself inch down further and further onto Jaebum's cock, determined to take him all the way. After a few more seconds, he managed to do so and let himself close his eyes as he willed his throat to relax, as well as trying not to laugh as the pubic hair tickled at his nose. He pulled back again a bit, and began to do a bobbing motion, until he pulled back fully again so he that he could lick at his tip again. 

Hands were tangled in his hair, and he loved the sharp feeling of when his hair got pulled. When he looked back up to look at Jaebum again, he almost laughed at the look Jaebum was giving him. 

"You can deepthroat?" he questioned, voice sounded shocked as he rose his eyebrows. 

"Yeah," Jinyoung confirmed before letting his tongue drag again across the head of his dick. "Why? You up for face fucking me?" His whole goal for the night was to get Jaebum to relax, that was the whole point of the massage, although things did end up escalating. But if Jaebum wanted to, then Jinyoung would definitely let him use him like that. 

He could tell that Jaebum seemed to be genuinely considering the option, but he finally spoke up after several seconds, "Another time." 

And he didn't know why then, but he felt that tingling sensation in his stomach again at those words. _Another time_. Which meant that Jaebum wanted to do this again. Smiling again, he let himself push down on Jaebum's dick again. 

By now, he could feel himself starting to get even more worked up at this point, and he contemplated shoving one of his hands down his own pants. 

Apparently, Jaebum was also getting more worked up, because after a few more minutes he was tugging back on Jinyoung's hair, and he was pulling hard, and Jinyoung groaned as he pulled off with an obscene popping sounds and looked up at him, "Jinyoung if you keep going like that, then I'm going to end up cumming."

"Cum then," Jinyoung shrugged since he was not one to shy away from letting a guy cum in his mouth, and he'd swallow it too.   
  
That was enough to make Jaebum go silent again, so Jinyoung continued, and sure enough, not too long after, he felt Jaebum's dick twitch, and there was the familiar salty liquid in his mouth. He pulled back right after, not wanting things to get messy, and swallowed the cum. Licking his lips, he went back down so that he could continue to blow him through his orgasm, and he couldn't help but moan around Jaebum's dick as it twitched again. 

After he was sure that Jaebum was done, Jinyoung pulled away and crawled back up so that he could kiss Jaebum again. In the middle of making out, he felt a hand tug on his belt loop, and he felt Jaebum trying to get his hand in his pants, but he pulled away, already feeling his face going red. 

Jaebum just seemed genuinely confused though, "Don't you want me to help you?" 

"Oh you don't have to," he admitted shyly as he pulled his own pants off, and he could tell that Jaebum was focusing on the wet spot on his boxers that came from Jinyoung cumming in his pants. What could he say? Jaebum made him feel like a little horny virgin teenager. 

When a now naked Jinyoung collapsed down next to him, Jaebum wrapped his arms around him, and his voice laced with awe asked, "You came untouched?" 

Jinyoung nodded as he buried his face into Jaebum's shoulder. Jaebum said nothing else about the matter, and just let his hands run through Jinyoung's hair as they both drifted to sleep. 

_Another time_. 

____

Jinyoung woke up in the morning feeling more cold than he was expecting to be, though it totally was his own fault. Who the hell goes to sleep naked when it was winter? Rolling around in Jaebum's arms, he watched as he slept, not even feeling the least bit surprised to see that he still wasn't awake. 

Smiling, Jinyoung leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss on his lips, and then pulled out of his arms to head to go take a shower, since he needed one after last night.   
  
He felt good, which was contrary to how he had been feeling the last couple of weeks. He felt extremely happy, and he knew that there was a pep in his step as he jumped into the shower. He even felt like singing, and so he did, not even caring that he was pretty much going into full Disney princess mode. All that he needed was an animal best friend, a mean parents, and a prince. 

So he didn't have a prince, but he had Jaebum. 

Arms were wrapping around him again, and he leaned into them and surprised himself. He didn't even mind that he was in the shower with Jaebum. Which, it wasn't because he was used to that thing because Jinyoung did not shower with other people, even if it did mean shower sex. In fact, he was just more annoyed that Jaebum didn't say anything, because what if Jinyoung got scared, slipped, and then died? Dying naked in the shower because his best friend decided to sneak up on him was not the way he wanted to go. "Give me a warning, one of these days, you're going to end up giving me a fucking heart attack." 

"Hey Jinyoung, I'm getting in the shower with you," he mumbled into Jinyoung's neck and it took all of his willpower to not turn around and whack him in the shoulder for that smart ass comment. 

He was about to retort back, either with an insult, or different topic entirely, he hadn't really had the time to pick one yet, when he felt the mouth on his neck begin to bite at his skin. He hadn't really been expecting that, and it made any of the words that he was about to say disappear into practically thin air. 

Jinyoung practically sunk the rest of the way into Jaebum's chest, pretty much becoming putty in his hands, as he felt his rough hands run across his body. He should have know that Jaebum would want to pay him back for last night, because that was an entirely a totally Jaebum thing to do. He was always so giving, in all aspects of his like (even if sometimes he would huff and puff about it and act liked it was bothersome) so it wasn't surprising he was like that sexually too. Maybe this accounted for that other time that he was talking about. 

Or maybe he just wanted to do it in general. 

No matter which one it was, Jinyoung wouldn't protest it, because either way it was Jaebum, and it was Jaebum touching him, and the idea of that made his knees go weak. The warm water was still beating down on him, and all he could do was hold onto Jaebum's forearms and rely on him entirely to hold on to him and keep him up. A hand ghosted over his dick, and he couldn't help but let out the moan that he was holding in as he rutted his hips back, more than aware of just how hard Jaebum also was right now. 

"What do you want?" Jaebum questioned him, almost mocking him from last night. Though he knew that this wasn't the same. If he had meant it in the way that Jinyoung had last night, his tone would sound more carefree and he would be smirking, as well as his eyes would have a dangerous flint to them. And Jinyoung would pay to see that, to have that directed at him. It wasn't often that Jinyoung bottomed, nonetheless in _that_ kind of way, but Jaebum made him want to. 

But the way that Jaebum was looking at him right now wasn't like that at all, and it made Jinyoung crave to see the other side of Jaebum that he definitely knew was there. For now though, he just looked over his shoulder and blinked up at Jaebum, hyper aware of hands gripping onto his hips, and the water that was rushing down his face, "Fuck me." 

The way that Jinyoung was looking at him made his heart pound and his dick grow harder. He looked ridiculously sultry and sexy with his brown eyes wide, and his eyelashes clumped together due to the water. Jesus christ, Jinyoung really was going to be the death of him.   
  
Not needing to be told twice, Jaebum pushed him up against the wall and slapped his ass. The sound that Jinyoung let out was purely pornographic, the way he hiccuped on his own moan and then spread his legs for Jaebum, and all Jaebum could do was grin. God was Jinyoung always like this? So...obedient? 

His mouth was on Jinyoung again, the kiss fast and full of need, because kissing Jinyoung was so god damn addictive. Pressing further up against Jinyoung, he let his hand drop down and rub over his ass check before letting his forefinger run slow circles against his rim. The sensation caused Jinyoung to shiver, and that only encouraged him to keep going. 

By the time that Jaebum was shoving his finger in, the kiss broke so that Jinyoung could let his head fall against the wall, leaving him thankful for how cold it felt against his skin. The water was still warm, Jaebum was hot, and Jinyoung himself felt like he was on fucking fire, yet it all felt so damn good. "Bummie," he whined as he pressed his hips back again to take in more of Jaebum's fingers. 

He was being delicate and taking his time to stretch Jinyoung out, and that was all well and good, he appreciated it, but he really did need Jaebum's dick in him, like right now. Jaebum's mouth was back on his shoulders again, kissing and biting, and he wasn't even in the right mind to worry about there being marks left over when he visited his family. 

The second that Jaebum finally positioned himself, Jinyoung took the initiative to push his hips back and to take him in all at once. He grimaced at the feeling, and maybe he should have been less impatient and let Jaebum stretch him out a bit more. A deep chuckle left Jaebum's lips and he knew that he was totally laughing at him, but it didn't matter because it left a linger smile on Jinyoung's lips as well. 

A mouth was capturing his again, and he eagerly kissed back. Yet again though, Jaebum pulled away, but not far at all, just far enough to say, "You're so damn beautiful Jinyoung, you know that? Absolutely gorgeous." 

All he could do was moan in response and push his hips back to meet Jaebum's. He felt like he was on cloud nine, like he was absolutely souring. Coming to terms, that he was severely attracted to his best friend probably should have been a little frightening. Having your best friend push you against the wall of his shower and fuck you also should have been alarming, but for some reason Jinyoung couldn't bother to think that way. All he could do was focus on just how good it was, how good Jaebum was, because Jaebum was really doing things for him right now. 

He blinked as he felt the more than familiar heat and pressure begin to pool up in the deep pit of his stomach and he let out another loud moan, really hoping that Jaebum's neighbor couldn't hear, because that would be more than a little awkward next time he saw Mrs. Kim. 

Jinyoung rolled over so that his back was pressed firmly against the wall, and let Jaebum push back into him as he gripped onto his shoulders and stared at his face, "Wanna see your face when I cum." 

At that point, everything began to turn into a erratic mess of thrusting hips, loud moans, and other unintelligible words and phrases until they both came, and were left pressed up against each other, panting heavily. 

It should have been awkward, Jinyoung knew that, he did. He knew exactly how fucking weird this all should have been, how one of them probably get out of the shower and just leave, and that person was definitely him. Some of Marl's words were coming back to him again, and it made him question just how normal things were between him and Jaebum. 

But it felt normal. 

Being in Jaebum's arms, as the shower beat down on them, it felt normal to him. 

Being with Jaebum felt right. 

And apparently it seemed as if Jaebum felt the same because he didn't say anything, just started humming and grabbed the shampoo and began to actually start washing himself. With a raised eyebrow, Jinyoung didn't say anything either, and started to do the same. 

Of course, Jinyoung did have work that day, so he couldn't stay around the apartment forever, even if he did want to. But at least he was leaving for work in a more than good attitude, the post sex bliss was really working wonders for him, and he didn't even care if anyone else decided to question why he was in such high spirits. 

____

When Jaebum heard his phone go off, he was expecting pretty much anyone to be texting him. Literally any guy or girl that he has ever met or even hooked up with, one of his parents, Jinyoung, Youngjae, Jackson, or even Yugyeom and BamBam. The last thing he was expecting was to see Mark's name flash on his screen. Of course, they had each other's numbers, they just didn't text, like ever. Especially as of lately. Squinting, he looked down at his screen, 

**mark: hey jaebum, i was wondering if u could do me a huge favor? ur the only person i really know to ask for help besides jackson**

That peaked Jaebum's interest, what did Mark need help with? So he texted back, **jaebum: sure, what's up mark?**

**mark: u prolly already know that jinyoung called a break w/ me, and i just wanted to give him a good xmas present to make up for it. think u can help me?**

**mark: it's okay if u can't go shopping w/, .... if not can u still give me some ideas? u know him best.**

He should have known that he wanted help with Jinyoung. Looking at his screen, Jaebum sighed. Mark wanted to get Jinyoung a good Christmas present, and a part of him found it nice that Mark was trying so hard. The other part of him didn't want to help Mark at all, and that same part said that if Mark likes Jinyoung so much, then he should be able to know that he likes and what would be an adequate gift. Besides, he knew Jinyoung, and he knew that a gift wouldn't just fix everything. But, as much as Jaebum wished that he could just be a cold hard dick, he didn't want to be like one, so he brushed his own feelings, and his even larger pride to the side, and agreed to go shopping with Mark. 

They agreed to meet up at the food court in the mall in a hour, so Jaebum got up to get ready to go. He felt nervous as he got ready, honestly a bit scared to spend some alone time with Mark because the two never have before and just knowing... well knowing what he knows made it feel awkward. Is Mark aware of the fact that Jaebum loves Jinyoung? Is this going to be an incredibly awkward shopping trip because they are both aware of their feelings for Jinyoung, yet Jinyoung himself has no fucking clue? Jaebum wouldn't want to make it seem like a competitive thing or anything, because that was shitty, and also knew that Jinyoung would beat both of their asses to hell and back for doing dumb shit like that, so he was really hoping that Mark wouldn't make it like that. 

By the time that he got to the mall, he was already beginning to requestion himself on this whole helping thing. Maybe he could just fake sick, toss a few book titles Mark's way, and that could be that. But of course, in the midst of planning that, there was a tap at his window, nearly giving hi ma heart attack. Now he knows what Jinyoung must feel like. He looked up, feeling fairly alarmed, to see Mark standing there, one hand in his hoodie and the other resting on Jaebum's car. 

Realizing that it was too late and that now he had no option but to go shopping, he put on a fake smile and opened up the door, "Hey Mark. I thought that we were going to be meeting up at the food court?" 

Mark shrugged, "I was waling by and saw the car, so I thought we could just meet up now, instead of both of us walking all the way to the food court for no reason." After Jaebum gave a nod, Mark clapped his hands together, "So a present for Jinyoung. I want to get him something really good, and I didn't get him the coolest thing for his birthday, and I just feel bad for all of the fights and stuff that we have gotten into, so I want to make it up to him." 

They were starting to walk now, and Jaebum came close to telling him that giving Jinyoung a good gift would not solve all of their problems, because Jinyoung would certainly prefer to talk it out, or, maybe just avoid it and not fix anything like it seems to be going down right now. 

As they kept walking, Mark continued to talk while looking at the windows of the various shops, "You probably already know about all of the fights but-" 

"I actually don't," Jaebum interrupted to admit that. Jinyoung didn't really ever tell him anything most of the time. "I know some of the things that does on, but I don't always know exactly what happens. He doesn't usually talk about the specifics." 

Gauging Mark's reaction, he seemed genuinely confused at hearing that, "I just assumed that Jinyoung told you everything. Especially since I guess some of the fights had to do with you. But I should feel relieved I guess, because I have said some pretty shitty things to him." 

That news almost made Jaebum stop in his tracks in surprise. Mark and Jinyoung fought... over him? They seriously gotten into fights about Jaebum? And most importantly, Jinyoung didn't tell him about them. Why? Sure, Jaebum might have been annoyed or even angry, but what was he trying to do now, besides hide something? "No, I didn't know," he realized that his tone sounded aggressive so he cleared his throat, "What- what were they about, if you don't mind me asking?" 

"I didn't react the best to finding out that you guys, you know," he waved his hand vaguely. 

Jaebum nodded understandingly, "Because you like Jinyoung and you feel threatened," he pointed out, and if Mark realized the fact that he used 'feel' instead of 'felt' he didn't say anything. 

But he did whip around to look at Jaebum, his eyes wide, and his jaw tight, "The only reason that break happened and you guys got the chance was because Jinyoung and I got into a fight because I called in Jirongie." 

Jinyoung loves to be called Jirongie, so that news made Jaebum frown, "And you two got into a fight over that?" 

"Yeah," Mark huffed, the bitterness evident in his voice, "Because that is what _you_ call him." Mark didn't say anything for a few more seconds, but he eventually gave Jaebum a sad look, filled with envy, "You really do mean the world to him, don't you Jaebum?" 

All Jaebum could do was feel guilty, utterly guilty knowing that the two of them had fights about him, that right now to Mark he probably seemed like the only thing stopping him from actually being with Jinyoung. He didn't say anything else, he didn't really trust himself to, so he just opted to let the silence was over the two of them, no matter how tense and awkward it was. 

In the end, they ended up picking out a quill and ink for Jinyoung, since Jaebum knew that was something he has been wanting for quite some time now, as well as a book of English poetry. It was still quiet between the two of them, even after they paid and were heading out, and Jaebum felt as if he just owed Mark something, so he sighed and turned to him, "Mark, for the record, and I don't know how much this really helps you but Jinyoung doesn't know that you like him. He really has no clue." 

"Does he know that you do too?" 

All Jaebum could do was shrug, because wouldn't he like to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing/planning the jjp sex encounters are great because it is such a r i d e   
> also ooooo mark and jaebum interaction, i knew someone earlier said they wanted to see it so here is a lil something something, i got an even bigger interaction planned for a later chapter ;) 
> 
> speaking of later chapters i just wrote something between mark and jinyoung and i can't wait to freaking post that chapter because oof all i can say is oof


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no shame anymore  
> also i just had surgery like literally a few hours ago so if there is any mistakes, it is because i am drugged and writing so bear with me here people

It wasn't as if Jinyoung was worried, it was more like he was just really annoyed. Of course it was okay for Jaebum to be late, it wasn't like Jinyoung was in a rush to go and was like 'we need to get going right now!' He just wished that he would have gotten a text, a warning, some kind of heads up that Jaebum was going to be late. 

In a way, he supposed he actually did get a warning. Jaebum had called him earlier that day to tell him that he was going to be stopping by Youngjae's apartment before coming to pick Jinyoung up, now leaving Jaebum over a hour late from when they planned to leave.

Really, he wasn't angry, he was just annoyed that no one texted him to tell him what was going on. Which that was also okay, because it wasn't like Jinyoung needed to know ever little thing that went on in his friends life. Though, Jinyoung would be lying if he said he wasn't a little curious about what was going on with Jaebum and Youngjae and there recently newfound closeness. They were always friends, but it was clear that they have become closer lately, and were quite obviously sharing some kind of secret. There were many times that Jaebum would hide his texts away from Jinyoung, or when everyone was hanging out, they would talk together in a low whisper, or at points even go off together. 

Okay so maybe it was all extremely suspicious and had Jinyoung raising his eyebrow at his own wall. It was hard also to not just jump to conclusions, because that was really hard for Jinyoung not to go. He had figured that if they liked each other, or if they actually had something going on between them, that at least one of them would have surely told him by now. Wouldn't they? Or did they think that he wouldn't approve or something? Because he totally would, of course he would, they are his friends and he cares about their happiness. 

But... how could they have anything going on when Jaebum and Jinyoung literally just...? 

Jinyoung shook his head, knowing very well that 'things' or a 'something' instantly meant a relationship, and maybe they weren't in a relationship, or maybe they were just in one of those open ones. He supposed he could find out later, whenever later was, because there was no way that he isn't going to drill Jaebum about all of this. 

Later, after another half and hour, Jinyoung got a call, and he didn't even need to look at the screen to know that it was Jaebum calling. With a frown, he picked up, "Oh hey, I was starting to begin to think that you skipped town without me," he joked as he leaned against the side of his couch. 

"I know, I'm sorry, I just got wrapped up with Youngjae and I'm heading over right now, it should only be a few more minutes." 

"Alright, I'll see you in a few I guess," Jinyoung hung up before Jaebum could say anything else. 

Jaebum took his eyes off of the road for a split second to look down at his black phone screen, and tried not to wince, yeah Jinyoung was definitely upset with him right now. 

Sticking true to his word, it was only a few minutes later that he was there, and Jinyoung only gave him a head nod before putting his several suitcases into the trunk. Jaebum watched as Jinyoung, who was still not saying a single word, came and sat in the passenger seat, and he wondered if Jinyoung was so upset that he was going to give him the silent treatment. That was always a sure way to know that Jinyoung was upset, when he wouldn't even say anything at all. 

"So," Jinyoung finally said after they had already been driving for several minutes in utter silence, "You and Youngjae?" 

Spluttering, Jaebum almost choked on the air as he side eyed Jinyoung as if he was crazy, and he wasn't even looking at him, he was still just staring out the window. Was Jinyoung jealous? Was that what was going on right now? But before he could even say anything though, Jinyoung just kept on talking, 

"Because if you are, you know you could have already told me right? I'd support you, and you know that, right Jaebum? That I'd always support you no matter what? And I love you, and we are suppose to be best friends, so I don't know why you wouldn't have just told me sooner rather than me putting it all together on my own." 

Or Maybe, he wasn't jealous at all. Maybe he was just feeling betrayed that Jaebum didn't tell him, even though there wasn't anything to tell him because he wasn't in a relationship or anything in the sorts with Youngjae. He shook his head with an exasperated sigh, "Nothing is going on with me and Youngjae, Jinyoungie. We went over to talk about some emotional problems," _yeah, my emotional problems about you_ , "and it took a little longer than we were expecting." 

"Oh," Jinyoung mumbled,  clearly embarrassed as his cheeks growing red at his assumption, "Is Youngjae doing okay?" 

"Yeah," Jaebum lied, because it wasn't as if the emotional talk was for Youngjae. "He's going to be just fine." It was times like that that made Jaebum want to pull over to the side of the road and smack Jinyoung silly and scream 'I like you, you fucking idiot!' and then kiss him senseless. Not that he ever would do that, but he definitely felt like it sometimes. 

After that, he noticed that Jinyoung's mood drastically changed, and it became like any other car ride between the two of them. They talked about anything and everything, they had the music on as they both sung along loudly (and probably not that good either) and eventually ended up arguing about music taste, best artist sounds or their best albums. At least they didn't have to worry about arguing over directions, since they knew the way home fairly well by now. 

As they eventually got into town, Jinyoung had a wide smile on his face as he slumped to look out the window, "This feels so familiar, but so odd now. Like this town is home, but in a way it is like an ex, you know?" 

Jaebum shook his head, "Like somebody that I used to know." 

"Gotye? Really?" Jinyoung giggled. "I guess it is a good song." 

They had all agreed to meet up at the ice skating rink, instead of all going straight home. It was tradition after all, and after they went skating they were going to head back to the Park's house for a dinner, and then finally split for the most, if not all of break. But it made Jinyoung excited because he really did miss everyone. 

By the time that they parked the car, Jaebum wasn't even able to unbuckle his seat belt by the time that Jinyoung was already hopping out of the car and racing over to his parents. 

"Jinyoung!" his mother yelled out, a smile on her face as soon as she spotted her boy. "Ugh, you never call me enough, and you guys are late, why are you guys late? Did something happen? Was there a car crash?" 

"Traffic was just bad," Jinyoung easily lied as he cast a quick glance to Jaebum who was finally walking up to greet his own parents. "That's all, you know how it can get around the holidays. All the bad drivers come out." 

She nodded sympathetically, and pulled away, hands still steady on his shoulders as she examined him as if she was searching him for any injuries, before looking over to Jaebum, "Jaebum-ah sweety, I'm sure that you're taking great care of Jinyoung right? Making sure he eats all of his meals? That he does his homework." 

Jaebum gave Jinyoung a quick look before putting on a wide smile for his mother, "I'm taking great care of him." 

Jinyoung had to repress a shiver from that stupid innuendo he just pulled, and covered it up with a snort as he went to greet Mr. and Mrs. Im, "More like I'm doing that for Jaebum. Just the other night..." he trailed off giving Jaebum a smirk as he hugged his mom and shook hands with his father. 

"You can tell us all about that later, right kids? How about let's go skating, shall we?" Mrs. Im clapped her hands together as she ushered everyone to head inside. 

Eventually, by the time that they all rented their ice skates, both of their parents head left the two of them, in order to skate in their own couples. He had been looking forward to spending time with his parents, but he knew that he had all break to do that, besides, watching his parents hold hands and skate together was extremely cute, as well as watching Mr. and Mrs. Im. Even if it did leave him and Jaebum just standing there awkwardly for a few. 

Jaebum was standing next to him, and had his hands in his pockets as he also watched his parents skating around, probably thinking around the same thing that Jinyoung was. Just as he was about to comment on how cute their parents were, and how happy they looked, he noticed a group of girls a few feet away that were staring at Jaebum. They were all extremely pretty, and he knew right away that they were all checking him out, and he felt the hair on the back of his neck bristle. With a eye roll, he turned and grabbed Jaebum's hand, "I'll race you," he challenged as he looked at the rink. 

"You know I'll beat you," Jaebum smirked as he rose an eyebrow. "I always do." 

Jinyoung shrugged, "Yeah, we'll see about it." 

With that, Jaebum was taking off, and leaving Jinyoung to stand there, "Eat my dust, Park!" 

"Oh, it's on Im!" 

Jaebum didn't ever really think of himself as a possessive person, but he always knew that Jinyoung kind of was. In school, he would never share any of his pencils, crayons, toys, or anything. It even took him ages to share his stuff with Jaebum. And that kind of behavior kept going. 

When they were older, it even took him awhile to get used to the fact that Jackson was also becoming Jaebum's friend, and he had to realize that sometimes Jaebum was going to hang out with other people with out him around. Of course, Jinyoung obviously grew up and knew just how immature of him that was, but a part of Jaebum wondered if Jinyoung was still secretly always a little possessive, and if he still held a sense of that towards Jaebum. 

Maybe it wasn't necessarily jealousy, but it had to be at least something, because Jaebum wasn't stupid. Especially just today alone. First it had been Youngjae, and it wasn't as if Jaebum didn't notice that those girls were watching him, he just purposely ignored them. It wasn't like he was trying to brag or anything, hut he was used to getting checked out, especially by giggly teenage girls. He also noticed how Jinyoung noticed, and then dragged him away right afterwards, and after racing him, he held onto his hand for the rest of the night. 

He supposed that it wasn't hard to read Jinyoung in this kind of way anymore, he was extremely complicated, but sometimes he was so obvious. In fact, by the time that he knew that there was no way that Jinyoung wasn't feeling at least a little bit jealous and possessive, he decided that he could have some fun with it. Look, Jaebum never claimed to be the nicest guy. 

In a way, it was kind of funny to watch Jinyoung stand straight, and quiet, as Jaebum talked with other people, and let a few others flirt with him, and if he was feeling particularly evil, he would flirt back. When he did that, he was sure that Jinyoung was going to squeeze his hand off, but it was cute, it was stubborn that he refused to let go of Jinyoung's hand, and it was just cute. 

And sure, by the time that they were leaving and heading back to the Park's house, he knew that Jinyoung was pretty pissed off again. It was obvious in the way that he was pointedly ignoring Jaebum, and would only talk to their parents, even though he still held onto Jaebum's hand. It was pretty mean of Jaebum, because he knew how sensitive Jinyoung was, and his guilty conscious, that sounded a lot like Youngjae actually, reminded him of what Mark had said to him, 'You really do mean the world to him, don't you Jaebum?' and Jaebum had used that knowledge against Jinyoung for practically the entire day. 

But, it was hot getting to see Jinyoung jealous. 

And it also made him feel as if maybe Jinyoung does have something for him, at least somewhere in him. He had to, there was at least some level of attraction. 

By the time that they got back to Jinyoung's parents house, both of their mothers set to work to begin to cook dinner, while their dads went off to talk about something boring like business or whatever else dad's talk about. At first, Jaebum was almost positive that Jinyoung was going to go help their mothers cook, or even just walk off on his own and leave Jaebum to find something else to do, but instead, he wrapped a hand around Jaebum's wrist and dragged him up into his old room. 

It had been forever since Jaebum had actually been in Jinyoung's old room, and Jinyoung gave him barely enough time to walk down memory lane, and remember their entire youths growing up and spending time in here. As soon as they were both in the room, Jinyoung was shutting the door behind him, and had Jaebum pushed up against it. Their bodies were pushed together, and Jinyoung's arms were pinning Jaebum there, and he felt a rush of heat go straight to his dick. Jinyoung looked pissed, and this, this was exciting Jaebum alright. His hard work did pay off after all. Leaning in, he let the corners of his mouth tug up into a smirk, "You're jealous," he stated. 

Jinyoung's eyebrows pinched together and his voice was hard as he let out a, "No I'm not." 

"Are you sure? First Youngjae, and then those girls. I was sure you were going to break my hand from how hard you were holding it." 

Jinyoung gritted his teeth, "I'm not jealous Jaebum." 

"You are." 

Jinyoung's lips were on him in a second, and Jaebum leaned eagerly into the kiss, loving the right that it seemed to start. It was fast, hot, and wet, as they both pushed towards each other's bodies and fought for control over the kiss. He kept his hands on a steady hold on Jinyoung's waist, but Jinyoung was pushing his shirt up and feeling his skin, dragging his hands all over, and occasionally would drag his nails across his skin. 

Jaebum rolled the two of them over, so that he could pin Jinyoung to the door, and it made them break apart with a gasp from Jinyoung, as Jaebum roughly shoved his hands down the front of Jinyoung's pants, "I am," he admitted weakly as he bucked his hips into Jaebum's hands. 

"I know," he smirked again as he wrapped his hand around the underside of Jinyoung's dick and tugged up. Since he was so close to Jinyoung, their bodies pressed right up against each other, he felt the way that the touch made Jinyoung shiver. 

His hands were on Jaebum's chest, underneath his shirt, and he pressed, "Then why did you do it?" 

Even though it was Jinyoung that had asked the question, he didn't give Jaebum anytime to answer. Instead, he was pushing Jaebum backwards until he was falling back onto his bed. Ripping of his shirt, and kicking off his pants, he got on top of Jaebum to straddle him before capturing his lips again as he started to grind down. 

Jinyoung pulled away, and practically attacked his neck, and all Jaebum could do was sigh in pleasure. He was more than pleased to see that the marks he had previously left on Jinyoung were actually still there. He felt proud that they were still there, that Jinyoung was still marked by him. 

 "This," Jaebum growled as he flipped them over to pin Jinyoung down and then tugged off his own pants and shirt and looked down at Jinyoung who was just blinking up at him. "Is why I did it," he finished as he ran his hands up Jinyoung's side, and let his fingers glide right over his nips, and up to his slim shoulders as he kissed Jinyoung again. 

Licking at the juncture between his neck and shoulder, Jaebum rolled his hips down repeatedly, the drag causing him to groan. He didn't even mind that they were dry humping in his bed like horny little teenagers, because it felt too damn good. There were nails digging in his back, as Jinyoung tried to pull him impossibly closer, but he didn't mind it one bit. He heard Jinyoung let out a breathless laugh that turned into a moan as he brought his knees up to trap Jaebum's waist in, "If you wanted it to be rough, all you had to do was ask." 

"That's not as fun, is it?" 

Within no time, Jaebum had Jinyoung completely naked, and spread out on all fours, on his hands and knees, and his heart was beat so god damn fast as he took all of Jinyoung in. He looked so sexy like this. Breathing in a bit, he leaned over Jinyoung, and pressed hot kisses across the span of his shoulders as he pushed two of his fingers into Jinyoung's hole, and he was so fucking tight and Jaebum had to fight off his own groan. Jinyoung, didn't even fight it off at all, immediately he was groaning, and Jaebum shoved his head into a pillow to muffle it, "Do you want out parents to hear you Jinyoung?" 

He added another finger in and curled them up to hit his prostrate and he heard Jinyoung's muffled whimper and he smirked, it was so hot. 

Up until then though, he had even forgotten where they were and that they were in Jinyoung's parents house, and a spike of thrill shot through him and traveled down his spine at the realization that they very well could get caught right now. Realizing that they should also probably be a bit quicker, he pulled his three fingers out of Jinyoung, and pulled away to chuck his own boxers on the floor. If Jinyoung had any complaints about the lack of a total stretching, he wasn't say a thing about it. 

Jinyoung was watching him though, he had his head turned around his shoulder, and Jaebum smiled at the sight. He moved back towards the bed, and sat on it. Wrapping his arms around Jinyoung, he pulled him up onto his knees and part way into his lap, and Jinyoung let him move him around. As soon as Jaebum had him right where he wanted him, Jinyoung's hands shot out to brace himself against the wall, and he slide down on to Jaebum's dick with another wanton moan. 

"Quiet," Jaebum reminded him as he began to move his hips to meet Jinyoung's, one of his hands tangled securely in Jinyoung's hair, and the other holding onto his thigh for dear life. 

Jinyoung shifted his hips against Jaebum's, as he wiggled his ass a bit, arching his back just the slightest bit, "Come on, go faster Jaebummie." 

Jaebum shook his head as he bit down on to Jinyoung's shoulder, and used his right arm to wrap around Jinyoung's waist to tug him even closer so that his back was completely flushed against Jaebum's chest. With his left hand, he creeped up to hold on to Jinyoung's neck. 

When Jinyoung moaned, Jaebum took that as a sign to keep going, and so he did. He held on as tight as he could on Jinyoung, and fucked into him as fast as he could. Every time that he moved, he could feel Jinyoung's dick hit his arm, and he let out low and quiet moans. Jinyoung was biting his lips as he tried to hold in his moans as he did his part to hold himself up by keeping himself steady on the wall. 

"J-Jaebum," he whined as he arched his back, in what looked completely uncomfortable. That was all the warning that he gave before he was spilling over, all over his own stomach, his thighs, Jaebum's arm, and even managing to get the wall. 

In the next second, Jaebum was pulling out of him and pushing Jinyoung around and down onto the bed. Tugging him by the waist, he pulled Jinyoung down, and with a moan, he climbed on top of him, his knees going right by Jinyoung's head, and he wrapped his fist around his dick and began pumping up and down as fast as he could, knowing that his orgasm was right there ready to happen any second now. 

With one final moan, that was definitely louder than it should have been, he was cumming all over Jinyoung's face, his neck, and his chest. He heard Jinyoung let out a gasp, and Jaebum let all the tension out of his body as he rolled off of Jinyoung, and sunk next to him,  feeling just how warm and sweat he was. 

He looked over to Jinyoung, who's eyes were closed, and that probably had a lot to do with the fact that he literally had cum in his face, and Jaebum had to try not to laugh, because it was equal parts sexy, and equal part hilarious. 

After getting up and wiping it all off of Jinyoung, as well as anyone else cum ended up landing, Jinyoung was watching him with a raised brow and a humoring smile, "I didn't know that we were going to go full porno mod," he laughed, it really had been ages since someone had came on his face like that. "We should have recorded it, maybe we could have gotten a pretty penny for it."  
  
Jaebum rolled his eyes as he looked back down to Jinyoung, a calm feeling overcoming him, "No thanks," he said dryly as he went to pull away to get his clothes back on, because he was well aware of his dad and Mr. Park's voices talking only a few rooms down, and that he and Jinyoung were very much still naked and could get walked in on at any minute now. 

"Where are you going?" Jinyoung pouted as he practically whine while clutching on to Jaebum's hand. 

"To get clothes on?" he stated the obvious. "Who knows when they will have dinner done?" 

At that, Jinyoung seemed to visibly relax, but he still tugged on Jaebum's arm, "Don't. We can get dressed later, I want to cuddle." 

Not be able to tell him no, Jaebum silently sunk back down onto the bed, and let Jinyoung pull him into his chest, and let him be the big spoon. Jinyoung was rubbing patters in his chest with his forefinger, which Jaebum was almost positive was English words. After awhile, he finally spoke up again, "Remember that one time that you spit in my eye?" 

"I didn't meant to!" Jaebum protested, unable to believe that Jinyoung was still trying to bring that up. "I was laughing." 

"That was a fun time," Jinyoung grinned and Jaebum could feel it against his back, and Jinyoung's finger swirled up towards his neck and then back down to his chest again. "Remember the first time that we ever cuddled in here?" 

It had been awkward, when they first started cuddling, but clearly they also grew out of that eventually, since now they were cuddling, naked, after they just had some feisty sex that was worthy of going on pornhub. It was wild how life worked out like that, "Yeah, I remember."

"I'm glad we stayed friends," Jinyoung sighed, but it didn't sound sad, in fact, all he did was tighten his hold on Jaebum's waist. 

Jaebum stayed quiet as he let himself relax further into Jinyoung's grasp, "So am I." 

They didn't get much peace and quiet after that, because not even twenty minutes later, there was knocking on the door (thank god she didn't walk in) and it was Jaebum's mom telling them that dinner was about to be done and that they needed to come down and set the table. The two practically jumped off of the bed at that point to pull their clothes on as fast as possible.

Just as Jaebum was about to open the door, Jinyoung came up behind him and covered his hand with his own. With a raised eyebrow, Jaebum turned around to look at Jinyoung. 

Jinyoung was smiling, soft but with a teasing edge to it, and he leaned up to smooth down Jaebum's hair, "You have crazy sex hair," he pointed out as he fixed it, and then pressed his lips against Jaebum's again. Before Jaebum could let the kiss go any further, Jinyoung was pulling away with a grin, "Come on, we can't keep them waiting." 

Watching Jinyoung walk out of the door, Jaebum could only stand in the open doorway, stunned, as he watched him walk away and down the hall. By the time that Jinyoung reached the top of the stairs, he paused and turned around to shoot Jaebum one last look before bounding down the stairs. 

Sighing, Jaebum followed after him. By the time that he got down there, Jinyoung was already starting to set up the table, and was having a conversation with his dad. Grabbing the silverware from his mom, he began to set the table as she followed behind him, "What were you guys doing?" 

He made eye contact with Jinyoung, who's neck was obviously red and they both hoped that their parents didn't notice. Turning back to his mom with a slightly fake smile he shrugged, "Just chilling out. Exams have been rough this year." 

"How do you think you did? Enough to pass, right? I hope you did better than just passing," his father intervened at the mention of school. 

"I think he did great," Jinyoung reassured as he sat down next to Jaebum, leaving both of their mothers and his father to sit on the other, while the two of them and Jaebum's father sat on the other. "He did extremely well when we were studying together." 

After Mrs. Im lead them in a prayer, they were finally able to eat, yet the talking didn't even decreased, because both of their parents were still set on catching up on anything and everything, since neither of them were really the most reliable at giving constant and accurate updates of their lives. 

"So Jaebum, are you seeing anyone?" Mrs. Park politely questioned. 

Jaebum shot Jinyoung a quick glance, and bit back a smirk, "Kind of." 

If anyone noticed the way that Jinyoung scowled at that, they didn't comment on it. Mrs. Park just nodded and said, "Awe, that's great sweetie!" and then turned to Jinyoung. "Weren't you seeing someone Jinyoung? Wasn't his name Mark or something like that?" 

"Oh a foreigner?" Mr. Im questioned further. 

Just as Jinyoung was about to open his mouth, he felt a hand on his thigh and it squeezed and he coughed to cover up his gasp due to the surprise of it. "Excuse me," he smiled politely after his 'coughing fit' and gave Jaebum a sharp kick from underneath the table. "Uhm, no, we're not really seeing each other right now. We actually never really were, just a few dates here and there." 

Jaebum rolled his eyes as he shoved more food in his mouth. Yeah, if a few dates meant fucking _a lot_ , then sure. Though, he knew that Jinyoung wasn't about to just announce that, or anything else, at the dinner table, nonetheless in front of everyone like that. Thankfully though, after that the topics turned to less heavy things, and both Jaebum and Jinyoung were great at deflecting and kept turning the conversations back to their parents. Except the entire time, Jaebum didn't remove his hand from Jinyoung's thigh. 

Dinner was done soon, and Jaebum and Jinyoung both helped clean up the mess, and do dishes, but it wasn't long until the Im's had to leave. While everyone was saying bye to each other, Jaebum kept his eyes on Jinyoung and they shared a smirk. Despite everything though, Jinyoung still hugged Jaebum and leaned in to press his lips close to Jaebum's ear, "Text me," and pressed a quick kiss to the spot underneath his ear, still very much aware that their parents were still right there. 

The two shared one more look, and then they were gone. 

As soon as the door closed though, his mother was whipping around towards him, a look of concern on her face, "Are you okay hun? You seemed a bit tense at dinner. " 

"No I'm okay," he admitted with a smile, not all surprised that his mother could still read him so well. 

"It isn't because I brought up that Mark guy in front of everyone, is it? I thought that you guys were doing okay, what happened?" 

"We got into a few fights," Jinyoung told half the truth with a shrug. "We have our differences, and I also really think that he needs a break right now, even if he doesn't want to admit it. His health is more important than our relationship." 

His mother nodded sympathetically and gave him a pat on the shoulders, "I did raise you to be a gentleman after all, I'm glad to see it's showing." 

_____ 

Through the next week, Jinyoung was having an utter blast with his family. After several days, his sisters ended showing up as well, which made this family break finally official. He really did miss his family, although he probably did appreciate them more since he didn't actually live with them anymore. Though, in the back of his mind, no matter what, he still couldn't stop thinking about Jaebum. 

They hadn't seen each other since the first day of their break, since both of them had been busy with their own families, but they had been texting each other, but they haven't been _texting_. Jinyoung had really hoped that Jaebum had understood what he had meant that night, and since he knew Jaebum pretty well, he was sure that Jaebum did get it. So that meant that he either just wasn't interested (Jinyoung totally wasn't upset about that idea, not at all) or he was just being a dick and deciding to tease Jinyoung some more to rile him up, just like he did that first night (which in that case he so doesn't play fair.) 

If that was what he was trying to do, then he achieved it alright, because Jinyoung admittedly is slightly impatient, and was beginning to get very worked up. Though, of course, when it was two days away from Christmas, that was when Jaebum texted him. 

It was almost midnight, and Jinyoung had just escaped from watching even more Hallmark movies with his mother and sister. Of course, he would sit through some, and might enjoy them, but there became a point where it was too much (and five was too many.) Jinyoung hadn't been expecting the text, and the second he got it, it made him raise is eyebrows in slight curiosity. 

**jaebummie: are you with your family right now?**

Biting his lip, he texted back, **jirongie: nope, i'm alone**

**jaebummie: good. so i've been thinking...**

Never not one to poke fun at Jaebum, he sent back as fast as he could, **jirongie: that's never good**. But Jaebum just ignored him to keep going 

**jaebummie: about what you said the other day, and i can't stop thinking about it**

**jaebummie: me, facefucking you**

All Jinyoung could do was stare down at his phone and gulp as he felt himself getting more turned on. Were they really about to do this? It was so two thousands, phone sex. But he grinned anyways as he twirled his phone around as he contemplated on what to send back. So Jaebum _had_ gotten his message, and was just being a little shithead. He wondered if they were going to go all out with this, with pictures, and maybe even videos, or maybe they would just end up calling each other. 

For some reason, it almost made him feel juvenile, like he was just sixteen again. He was in his old bedroom, his family was downstairs, and he was _sexting_. 

**jirongie: is that all you've been thinking about?**

**jaebummie: i've been thinking about you, on your knees**

**jirongie: what am i doing with my hands?**

**jaebummie: they're on my thighs**

**jaebummie: because i know you like that**

**jaebummie: and you would be taking my dick like a good boy**

Double checking to make sure that his door was locked, Jinyoung quickly sat back down on his bed and pushed his pajama pants and boxers down so that he could get a hold of his growing erection. 

**jirongie: you know what i've been thinking about?**

**jirongie: choking on your dick**

**jirongie: letting you bend me over a table, as you fuck me hard  
**

**jirongie: i know you would fuck me hard, wouldn't you?**

He didn't get a text back, and for a second he felt worried that maybe he was a bit too brunt there, or not sexy enough, which was slightly ridiculous considering the other texts. But, four minutes later, his phone went off again and he realized that Jaebum had sent a video. It started with his face, where he was sporting that lazy yet sexy grin as he softly mumbled out a 'Jinyoung' and then turned the camera down to where he was fucking up into his hand, thighs bare, and Jinyoung could see his muscles moving. In the background, he could hear Jaebum's soft pants which was really hot. 

The video totally wasn't going to be added to his wank bank. 

Deciding on sending a video back to him, Jinyoung moved around gingerly so that he could get the right angle he wanted, because he was picky. He wanted to show just how hard he was, and how heavy his erection was, as it curved up to his stomach, pre cum leaking out of the slit. He wanted it to come off as a statement of sorts, like a 'look at what you do to me!" 

As he wrapped his hand around himself again, he let out a low moan as he worked himself slowly. He arched his back into it, and grunted when he almost dropped the phone, and it exposed more of his thighs. Grinning, he pulled his hand away, and used his phone to capture his hand traveling back up the body, to tweak his nipples, until he reached his mouth and slipped three of his fingers in. 

Smirking, with a final wink, he hit the button to stop recording and sent it to Jaebum, and it was immediately being marked as **'seen'**. 

Practically two minutes later, his phone started to buzz and Jinyoung grinned as he picked up, "Hey Jaebum." 

"Fuck-" he heard Jaebum curse and shuffle. "Jinyoung. You're so beautiful, you make me want to do so many god damn things to you." 

"Then why don't you?" Jinyoung purred as he spread his legs and bit and kept pumping faster now as he release neared. "You don't even know the amount of things I want you to do to me Jaebum." 

Jaebum didn't bother to answer, though Jinyoung didn't hang up because he knew what was going on, and that idea enough was hot to him, but he could also hear the sounds that Jaebum made as he was clearly nearing his edge as well, and it made Jinyoung wonder just how long Jaebum had been going at it. He lout out one more low moan and 'Jirongie' and before Jinyoung knew it, he was cumming in his own hand. 

He fell back against his bed again, and stared at his phone screen with furrowed eyebrows. God, that was the last thing that he had been expecting. But, they did that. They did it, and Jinyoung didn't hate it. They  did it, and Jinyoung actually like it, he really liked it. Another couple of minutes of silence passed over the two of them, the only sounds being their heavy breathing. 

Finally, Jaebum spoke up, "Jinyoung?" 

"Yeah, I'm here." 

"That was hot." 

"Yeah," he agreed breathlessly. "It was." 

It was silent again, and he knew what that silence meant, it meant that Jaebum was debating with himself on whether he wanted to say something out loud or not. Then, his voice was quiet again as he said, "Thank you." 

Jinyoung didn't know what he was being thanked for, so he stared oddly at the phone, "You're welcome?" 

Jaebum chuckled, and then sighed, completely avoiding it, "I'll let you go to sleep, I know it's late. That was fun, we should do it again sometime." 

And he really wanted to do it again. "Goodnight, I love you hyung." 

"I love you too Jinyoung-ah." 

As soon as Jaebum hung up, Jinyoung tossed his phone out of the way, and rolled over to stare out the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, what do y'all think about how jinyoung acted a bit in this chapter? what do you think about the texting/sexting? i've actually like never written so much text before and i'm not the happiest with it but i really wanted the sexting so i guess i'll suffer with it


	9. nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the chapter with the mildly dubious consent, so if you think that may be upsetting please do not read, or skip over it (it is clear, at least in my eyes, when it is)   
> also i'm glad you all liked the last chapter, after the medicine wore off and i realized i posted, i was really nervous, because i literally wrote that while doped up on like a bunch of pain medicine and had just woken up from anesthesia, so i was like so freaking nervous, but it got positive feedback so that's good.

By the time that their Christmas Break was ending, Jinyoung and Jaebum had ended up doing the over the phone thing several more times, and each time it ended up being extremely sexy, dirty, and they learned a lot of new things about each other. 

It was Sunday, when the two of them had to leave to head back to college. And Jinyoung was quite ready to leave, he loved his family but, well, you can all imagine how it is getting tired of each other after awhile. And the good thing was, that on the way back, Jaebum actually let Jinyoung drive, which he was excited to do. Of course though, the drive back too less time than the drive there did, because that was just how it always worked. 

By the time they got to his apartment, he couldn't describe what he was feeling. It felt almost... bittersweet. 

"Bye Jinyoungie," Jaebum smiled as he leaned down to give Jinyoung a quick kiss on the head, which left Jinyoung beaming as he dragged his luggage back. 

The second he got into his apartment, he tossed his suitcase out of his way, and flopped down onto his bed, sighing in relief. His bed at his parents house was nice, don't get him wrong, but this was practically the perfect bed. He sighed again as he got comfy, it was definitely what he missed most about his apartment. 

The feeling was still there, like some background worrying, and it took him over ten minutes of just staring at the wall to figure out that it had to do with the fact of what him and Jaebum had done over break. It was that same old worry he has had every single time that they had done remotely anything, and that was if things were going to change. Anytime after they had an 'encounter' as Jinyoung decided to dub it, he almost always expected something to change, he didn't know what, but he expected it, and it never happened. 

He wanted nothing more than to sit there and think about it more, but he knew that he actually had to go and be an adult. He promised himself that as soon as he got back home that he was going to text Mark back, and, he was finally home. Mark had texted him over break, several times actually, but Jinyoung never answered a single one of them. He read all of them of course, but he just didn't want to answer them, he didn't feel like it. Every time he typed a response, he always ended up deleting it and shutting his phone off. But, he knew that Mark didn't deserve to just be ignored because Jinyoung wasn't 'feeling it' and maybe, that was what Mark was yelling at him about the other day. He knew that he could just blame and say that it was because he was busy over break, and that wasn't really a total lie, of course he was busy, he was at home with his family, so hopefully Mark didn't decide to bring that up, because Jinyoung didn't want to have another fight, he really didn't. 

All he did though was text Mark and invited him to come over if he wanted to. He was almost expecting Mark to snap at him, just say no, or even ignore him in return, but surprisingly, he said that the would be over in twenty minutes. 

For that entire twenty minutes, Jinyoung didn't know why he felt so nervous, but he did, so he fiddled around doing things as he waited for Mark to show up. And Mark stuck to his word and showed up in twenty minutes on the dot. 

At the knock, Jinyoung opened up the door, and put on a smile, trying to seem cheery. Eyeing the bag in Marks hand, he turned his attention back to Mark, "Uh hey." 

"Hi," Mark smiled as he walked in. "How was break?" 

"It was good," Jinyoung replied, feeling pretty bad now that he thought about it. Mark didn't get to go home for break, because he couldn't afford the plane ticket to go to America and back, while almost, if not all, of his friends got to go home over break, even BamBam and Jackson. "What about you? 

Mark shrugged as he sat down on one end of the couch, "It was okay. You never texted me back though." 

"Yeah," Jinyoung rubbed the back of his neck, "I was a bit busy, I'm sorry." 

Mark waved his hand, "It's okay," but Jinyoung doubted that it was. "Hey I got you a Christmas present though. I'm not going to lie though, Jaebum helped me pick them out." 

At that, Jinyoung perked up, and his curiosity was sparked. Jaebum didn't say anything about hanging out with Mark, and the idea of it seemed so odd to him. Though, he did suppose that if it was to get Jinyoung Christmas presents, then it makes sense that Jaebum wouldn't really mention it to him. "Oh, I didn't know that you guys went out." 

"Yeah, we had a nice talk," Mark trailed off before urging the bag towards Jinyoung, and quickly changing the subject, "I didn't wrap them either, I figured that that wasn't necessary. Come on, open it." 

Sheepishly, Jinyoung opened the bag to pull out the gifts. It was a real quill and traditional ink, as well as a book of English poetry. "It's beautiful," he breathed out in awe as he ran his hand over the items as if they were made of glass. "I really like it, thank you Mark." 

"Merry Christmas Jinyoung." 

But, Jinyoung felt extremely guilty, because he hadn't gotten anything for Mark yet. In fact, he hadn't gotten anything for any of his friends yet besides Jaebum. He was waiting until he got back from break to get gifts for everyone else, because he procrastinated. "I haven't gotten you anything yet." 

"It's okay," Mark grinned as he leaned in and moved the gifts off of Jinyoung's lap and placed them on the table, "I know of a way that you can pay me back." 

Jinyoung was about to ask what that was, but before he could even say anything, a pair of lips was on his. At first he tensed up, but then relaxed into the kiss and closed his eyes and let Mark wrap his arms around his shoulders. There was something ticking in the back of his mind telling him that he should just push Mark away, that they shouldn't do this right now. Not after their unresolved fight, and definitely not after break. But, it was the least that he could do, right? Mark had gotten him gifts, semi-expensive ones at that, and Jinyoung even ignored him over the entirety of break, and had apparently really upset it him last time that they hung out. 

He let Mark push him down onto the couch and climb on top of him, still kissing him back. When he first felt Mark nudging at his shirt, he didn't really think anything about it. He did still have marks, but to be fair, he had gotten used to looking at them in the mirror every day, and hiding them from his family, because it was clear that they were fresh and not from before he came over. 

He opened his eyes when Mark stopped, and saw that Mark was straight right at all the marks on his body, and he had to suppress a shiver. There was going to be another fight, wasn't there? "Mark?" 

Mark didn't know what it was that he was feeling. 

He wasn't surprised, that wasn't it, he couldn't be surprised anymore. He just felt angry. Sure, him and Jinyoung were on break, but that didn't matter. And Mark knew exactly who those marks were from, because he knew where Jinyoung was at over beak, and more importantly, who he was with. It was from Jaebum. And that had to be why Jinyoung ignored him over break, wasn't it? He wasn't actually busy, unless busy counted as sucking Jaebum's dick. And Jaebum fucking knew, which was the worst part, and so did Jinyoung. They both knew Mark had feelings for him. Taking in a sharp breathe, he let his fingers curl into fists in Jinyoung's shirt. 

So Jinyoung wouldn't ever care for him, and if Jinyoung wanted it to only be just seal, then Mark would give him just fucking sexual then. If he was going to act like a slut, then he would get treated like one. 

Hearing Jinyoung call his name, he looked back up to Jinyoung. There was a hesitant hand on his shoulder, and he knew that Jinyoung was concerned. He heard Jinyoung ask if he was okay, and he bit down his tongue, because he just wanted Jinyoung to shut up. 

He leaned back down, kissing Jinyoung again, and he could feel in the way that Jinyoung was kissing him, that he was being extremely hesitant, almost as if he wanted to pull back. Still kissing Jinyoung, he pulled his hands away to unbuckle his own jeans, and then pulled Jinyoung's hand from his shoulder to his own dick. 

Jinyoung wasn't an idiot. After Mark moved his hand, he knew exactly what it was that Mark wanted, because he had also learned that it was practically Mark's favorite thing, a blowjob. But he knew better, that this definitely shouldn't be happening right now, because he could feel a fight brewing, and he knew that Mark was pissed off. And as much as Jinyoung wasn't person of the year when it came to handling his problems, he knew that this wasn't the way to handle things at all. 

As if Mark could feel his hesitance, he leaned fully away from Jinyoung, a cocky smirk on his face, "Come on Jinyoung, sluts don't really mind who's dick their sucking as long as it one, right?" 

That made his heart drop, because there it was, that was what was going on. Mark was pissed about Jaebum. He had said once that he was jealous about Jaebum, and Jinyoung didn't really get why and brushed it off, but now he understood. It made sense, he was jealous, and he has been this entire time that Jinyoung's fucked Jaebum. Jinyoung wanted to pull away and talk about this, even if it did end up in a fight, but he owed Mark for the gift, didn't he? And if this was what Mark wanted, then Jinyoung could do it, right? 

There was hands in his hair now, pulling his head forward and he tried not to wince as he took Mark's dick in his hand. When he slid his mouth over Mark's dick, he looked up to see Mark looking down at him, a small smile on his face, "That's a good slut." 

He closed his eyes as he kept going. It wasn't hard to notice that Mark was being far more aggressive than he ever has been in the past. It was almost always Jinyoung who was the one in complete control anytime they ever did anything, but it wasn't like that this time. 

As he bottomed out, he couldn't help but feel like this was all so damn wrong. Rough treatment usually never bothers him, and neither does being called a slut, but all of this just made his stomach churn. Pushing his thoughts away, he focused on giving the blowjob. He bobbed his head up and down, and when he pulled off, he let his hand jack off where he mouth wasn't reaching as he licked Mark's tip, teasingly and slow.

When Mark tugged harshly on his hair again, he couldn't help but let out a low moan. With a still vice like grip, Mark pulled his head back down and leading his dick back into Jinyoung's mouth. When he went to move off, Mark held him there, and he was ready to pinch his thigh when he felt Mark's dick twitch and then there was cum filling his mouth. 

He pulled himself back again, and Mark let him, and he started coughing, feeling gross as he felt the some of the cum dribble down his chin. Grimacing, he grabbed several tissues from his box and wiped himself down as he kept coughing into a closed fist. He hung his head as he tried to get his breathing under control, as well as his throat to stop feeling like how it did, because he was not expecting that, not at all. 

At that moment, Mark knew that something was very wrong as he sat there watching Jinyoung, "Jinyoung?" he called out as softly as he could as he leaned forward towards him. 

When Jinyoung looked up at him, he noticed that his eyes were slightly red, wide, and he looked terrified. "I gotta go," he rushed as he reached forward to grab his shirt. 

"Jinyoung," Mark tried again as he watched as Jinyoung pulled on his shirt and grabbed his phone and shoved it in his back pocket. 

"No, I'll call you later, okay?" Jinyoung spoke as he grabbed one if his hoodies that was laying around and practically ran out the door, leaving Mark to just sit there in his apartment.

It was cold outside, and Jinyoung wrapped his arms around himself as he regretted not grabbing something thicker and warmer to wear. It had begun to snow too, and he sighed as he sat down on a bench near the park by his apartment building. What in the actual hell just happened? Did he really just give some kind of hate fuck blowjob? They shouldn't have done that, and they should have just talked it out, or even fought it out if need be, should have just yelled at each other. 

It was confusing, and he couldn't place why he didn't like what Mark was saying. He called him a slut. He called him a slut because he thought Jinyoung is one. He bit his lip, because he also knew that he was one, he is a slut, and he didn't need Mark to remind him of it. Besides, he knew a lot of this behavior had to do with anger, jealousy, or what other feelings he had towards Jaebum. 

At the thought of Jaebum, Jinyoung instantly stood up, and almost toppled himself over by the force, as he started heading the way towards his apartment. He just wanted Jaebum right now. Breathing in, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket, and shivered as he dodged ice and walked as fast as he could to Jaebum;s apartment without slipping on the ice. 

He knocked on the door, because it was for once locked, and he had forgotten to grab his keys in the haste of leaving his apartment, so he stood patiently and waited. He knew Jaebum's schedule, so unless he was doing more counseling with Youngjae, or hanging out with someone else, he should be home. Not even a full minute later, Jaebum was opening up the door. 

All Jaebum had to do was take one look at Jaebum to know that something wasn't right, "Jinyoung? What's wrong?" And before he could even blink, the next thing that he knew, Jinyoung was practically throwing himself into Jaebum's arms, clinging to him, as he buried his face into Jaebum's shoulder and just started to cry. 

And he knew that Jinyoung didn't just cry.

Wrapping one arm around Jinyoung, he pulled him closer and then closed the door behind him so that he could wrap his other arm around Jinyoung and lead him towards his bedroom. He didn't say anything more, he just held Jinyoung tightly and rubbed circles into his back, and petted his hair, and let him cry. He swore to god that he would obliterate whoever it was that made Jinyoung cry, because through their life, he has only ever seen Jinyoung cry a handful of times, and believe it or not, more than half of those times were before the age of thirteen. 

After about a solid ten minutes of crying, Jinyoung pulled away a little, but still clutched Jaebum's shirt as if his life depending on it. He knew that Jaebum was curious was to what happened, and was too nice to just ask, and quietly he told him, "I got called a slut today." He didn't specify, because he didn't want to, he didn't want to say who called him that, why they did, or how the situation had even happened. 

Jaebum sighed as he let his hand run through Jinyoung's hair, now understanding why he was so upset. He still suspected that there was a bit more to it, but he wasn't going to push it, not when Jinyoung was this upset. And he knew how Jinyoung could get, if you pushed him too much, he will push you away. He also knew that Jinyoung was extremely insecure about his sexual life, and he hated the word slut, and he hated being called that. "You're not, and whoever said that is a dumbass, obviously doesn't know you, and can fuck off. Their opinion doesn't matter. What you do isn't negative, it's amazing that you can be so comfortable with yourself. Not to mention, you are so much more than that word." 

Jinyoung didn't say anything, he just looked up at Jaebum, with his red eyes and tear stained face. He loves Jaebum, he trusts him. And this was why doing anything with Mark felt weird, because Mark isn't him. He loves Jaebum, and Jaebum isn't Mark, and he knows that Jaebum won't make him feel like that, that Jaebum will make him feel good. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips against Jaebum, and he couldn't deny to himself that it felt so much more better and natural than earlier. Pressing further, he pushed himself up against Jaebum's frame, still clinging onto his shirt for dear life, as if he would open his eyes and Jaebum would be gone. 

When he pulled back for air, he saw that Jaebum was frowning at him and held on to his forearms, "Jinyoung, you're upset." 

"I want you," he whimpered as he grinded down on Jaebum's lap. "Please?" 

"I am not going to take advantage of you Jinyoung," Jaebum said sternly as he moved his hands to Jinyoung's hips to still them." 

"You won't be, I want this, I want you. _I need you_. I trust you, do you know that? I trust you with my life Jaebum. So please just-" he cut himself off as he looked at Jaebum. 

"I know you do," Jaebum gulped. "I want you too, you should know that. But I don't want you to end up thinking that this is a mistake, or regretting this tomorrow." 

"Nothing I ever do with you is a mistake Jaebum. I don't feel good, I feel like shit he made me feel awful. But I trust you to make me feel good Jaebum." 

Jaebum stroked Jinyoung's hair with his hand as he watched him carefully, curious as to what really happened. He never wanted to do anything if Jinyoung didn't want to, and he knew just how brash Jinyoung could be when he was upset, and he didn't always make the best decisions. He really doesn't want him to regret this, "Are you sure?" 

"Yes." 

That was all that he needed before he was leaning back in, attaching his mouth to Jinyoung's, who was waiting eagerly for him and met him half way in the middle. Still holding on to Jinyoung, he moved the two of them so that he was on his back and laying down on the bed, and Jaebum was hovering over him and was pressing kisses into his neck. He smiled down at Jinyoung as he pulled off the hoodie and his shirt slowly so that he could grab his wrists to stop him at any point, and when he didn't, he tossed them somewhere onto the floor. 

Staring down at Jinyoung, who was looking up at him with so much trust and love, it made his heart swell. Breathing in, he let his hands run all along Jinyoung's frame. From his slim hips, up to his slimmer waist, to his slightly broader shoulders, and back down to his chest. He just let his hands run all around Jinyoung's body, feeling him, and feeling his smooth and soft skin. On his body, there was still the fading marks left from himself, and he smiled at the sight.

Leaning down, he pressed light kisses over each and every single one of the marks. He felt Jinyoung shiver, and he looked back up at him with another smile. Jinyoung's hand placed itself on the back of his head, resting against his neck, and he weaved his fingers into his hair gently, and Jaebum looked back down at the marks as he began to suck on them all over again. 

Pressing hot kisses all over Jinyoung's torso, he focused on a spot right underneath Jinyoung's left ear, and he grinned at the low moan that left Jinyoung's mouth as his fingers curled more into the back of his hair. Jaebum had a plan, but he contemplated it. If anything, what he wanted to do could be considered a confession, but he didn't care. He didn't feel as scared anymore, not after the last few weeks. 

"Can I do something?" Jaebum questioned as he pulled away to look at Jinyoung. 

Almost like a little puppy, Jinyoung cocked his head to the side, his eyes full of curiosity. Jinyoung's hand was on his back, as he still was holding on to the fabric there, probably stretching out Jaebum's shirt, not that he minded though. Letting go, he smoothed it back down and let his hand rub circles into Jaebum's back, "Of course, I trust you." 

"Just tell me to stop and I will." 

"Okay." 

Not saying anything else, Jaebum nodded, more to himself, as he pulled down Jinyoung's pants and boxers in one go, and tossed them back onto his floor in the Jinyoung clothes heap that had already been formed. He saw the way that Jinyoung shivered now from being completely naked, and Jaebum still had all of his clothes on, and there was a form of vulnerability in that. But Jinyoung trusted him. 

"You're not a slut," Jaebum declared as he ran his hand up Jinyoung's thigh, fingers brushing his inner thigh. He brought one of his hands to bring Jinyoung's up to his face, and he kissed the back of his hand, and cradled it like it was the most precious thing, "And you're so beautiful." he leaned down to press a kiss against Jinyoung's head. "And you are so much more than someones negative opinion of you." Pulling back, he grabbed Jinyoung's knees and pushed them apart so that he could settle in between them. "You're a good friend, and a great hyung to the other's. You care about all of your friends, and you try your best to be a good person, and that's what matters." he kept his hands on Jinyoung's waist, his thumbs rubbing tiny little circles, "You're incredibly smart, and you're so fucking talent. I love you, and I love all of you." 

He moved his left hand back down to Jinyoung's thigh, and rubbed up and down as he watched his face. His cheeks were bright pink, and his eyes were shining as if he was about to start crying again. He watched as Jinyoung bit his bottom lip, and moved his hand to slide down Jaebum's arm. He pulled at them hem of Jaebum's sleeve, and Jaebum complied. Pulling away, he let his shirt get tossed into the pule of clothes, as well as his own pants and boxers so that he was even to Jinyoung. Jinyoung's hands were on him again and he ran his fingers almost feather light down his arm again until his forefinger was gliding right across his pulse point before curling into his hand. 

Jaebum smiled as he held Jinyoung's hand back. 

They were kissing again, and Jinyoung was wiggling his hips, and then began to buck his hips up into Jaebum's, and before he knew it, they were sliding against each other, dry humping each other desperately until they both came. They kissed through it, and afterwards Jaebum wiped the both of them down. 

With Jinyoung's hand still holding onto hi, he moved to lay down next to Jinyoung, and wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. There were a few more lazy kisses pressed across his shoulders, but after awhile he fell asleep. 

Jinyoung was left lying awake and thinking. 

Absentmindedly, he ran his thumb over the back of Jaebum's hand as he rolled around so that he could watch his friend sleep. He felt like crying again, he wanted to cry when Jaebum and first said that to him, and he wanted to cry now because no one has ever said that to him. And Jaebum has said things like that to him in the past, but this was different. Things were different, and they have shifted. 

All Jinyoung could do after the first time that they fucked was hope that nothing had changed, but everything did. It wasn't the same anymore, because even Jinyoung's own feelings has changed. 

He looked at Jaebum, and he felt that same  damn jittery feeling that he has been feeling for the last couple of weeks, and it felt like his heart was about to simply explode at just the sight of Jaebum. It was love, and there was nothing else that it was, that it could be. And it was like a literal light bulb went off, and every single goddamn thing he has felt from the last year has made sense. Why everything with Jaebum has been different.

He is in love with Jaebum.

Jinyoung is in love with Jaebum.

_He's in love with his best friend_. 

And god, for how long? How long has he loved him? Has it been since the very first time that they met, when Jaebum let him sit with him? Was it in ninth grade when Jaebum punched Sehun for him? Was it when he agreed that Jaebum was his other half, his _soulmate_. Or was it the first time they fucked? The second? The third? He didn't know, because it just felt like he always had, that this was something that was always there. 

All that he could think about was the fact that Mark knows. Mark had known for however long that he has, and that is why he always gets pissed off about Jaebum. It's why he is always jealous, and why when he saw the marks Jaebum left on him that he called him a slut and acted the way he did. 

Because no matter what Jaebum wanted to say, he was one. 

With that, he pulled away from Jaebum as if he was on fire, and searched for all of his clothes and pulled them on in a record amount of time, all while trying to remain quiet as to not disturb Jaebum. Grabbing his phone, he practically ran out of the apartment and was heading back to his own apartment, just praying that Mark had left and wasn't there anymore because he did not want to deal with that right now, right now- 

He didn't want to deal with anything. 

He couldn't love Jaebum, he couldn't. Not in the way that he did, and not in the way that he felt. Not in the kind of what that made him want to cry when Jaebum touched him and says 'I love you.' 

_____

Jaebum woke up cold. He woke up cold, and he woke up alone. 

He knew that he was alone from the second that he opened his eyes, his bed was empty, and it was missing Jinyoung. Dread began to creep in the back of his mind, but he pushed it away as he got up, searching for clothes to put on. 

Jinyoung's clothes weren't on the floor anymore, and it was becoming harder to push that bad feeling away. 

Walking out into his living room, he retrieved his phone from where he left it before Jinyoung came over, and checked for any notifications. He had some, but none of them were from who he wanted them to be from. Breathing out, he placed his phone back down, the dread there and he couldn't ignore it. 

His apartment has never felt this empty before. 

Because Jinyoung was gone, Jinyoung left, without so much of as a call, or a text, or a note, and Jinyoung ever does shit like that, and Jaebum didn't even have to think of why he left. Jaebum told him how he felt about him, admitted it, he finally admitted that he was in love with Jinyoung to his face, and he felt fucking sick. 

Squeezing his eyes shut, his hands curled into fists as he focused on just trying to breathe. He fucked up, he knew that he fucked up, and he fucked up big time. But things seemed fine, Jinyoung seemed fine, and he seemed fine after he said it, he never told Jaebum to stop. Jaebum had known that last night was going to be different, he went for a different sexual approach rather than just fucking him, because he did want to make him feel better, and clearly that didn't pay off at all. 

And things clearly weren't fine if Jinyoung left him. 

Pulling his phone back out, he sent a text asking if Jinyoung got home okay. Ten minutes later it was seen, but there wasn't a reply. 

And he never did reply. 

Two hours later, Jaebum was practically tearing his mind apart, so he called Jinyoung in hopes that Jinyoung had just forgotten to answer his text like he sometimes did, but it went straight to voicemail. 

All he could do was close his eyes and lean his head back, because Jinyoung must be regretting last night, and Jaebum shouldn't have listened to him, he should have just told him no, and not listen to him and believe him when he said that things were fine, because things clearly weren't fucking okay in the slightest bit and now Jinyoung was starting to avoid him. 

Taking in another breathe as he willed the tears away, he pulled up Youngjae's number and called him as he swallowed the lump in his throat. 

"Hey hyung," Youngjae's voice was cheery as he answered after the third ring. 

"Youngjae, I told him." 

He heard the pause, and then Youngjae spoke, his tone less cheery as it was just seconds ago, now sounding far more cautious. "Jinyoung?" he questioned. "You told Jinyoung that you liked him?" 

"Last night," he confirmed as he inhaled a sharp breathe, "I confessed to him and now Jinyoung is avoiding me." 

He could hear Youngjae's sad sigh through the phone, and his voice was so soft, "Just give him time, he isn't avoiding you, he just probably needs a few." 

Jaebum wished that he could believe Youngjae.

 

Two days passed.

Two days passed, and he hasn't heard a single fucking thing from Jinyoung. 

Through that time, he felt a wide range of emotions. Several times he had to stop himself from storming over to Jinyoung's apartment and demanding that the two of them had to talk now, whether Jinyoung liked it or wanted to or not. He just felt so angry, the least that Jinyoung could do was tell him that he didn't love him back and just tell him that he didn't want to be friends anymore. That would have been better than the radio silence. 

Because it hurt. 

The silence hurt the most. 

And this was what he had been afraid of the whole damn time, that Jinyoung wouldn't reciprocate his feelings and it would be awkward, or worse. He was scared shitless of losing Jinyoung, and the fact that he might have actually lost him terrified him. 

What was worse was that he had found out from Youngjae, and from the extension, that everyone else that Jinyoung wasn't just avoiding him, but that he was avoiding practically everyone. After the two days Jackson was calling him, and eventually so was BamBam and Yugyeom, all wonder why Jinyoung wasn't answering any one of their calls, texts, or anything else. They came to him for answers, and he couldn't give them one. What could he even say? 'I told Jinyoung that I loved him in a completely non bro way and he freaked out?' 

That would work out great. 

Jinyoung was going to work, sure, but Yerin and Jimin had told BamBam that he was no where near his normal self, and was practically acting like a robot, and wouldn't even talk to them besides when he had to because it was necessary for work. 

And Jaebum knew what all of this meant, it had to mean that Jinyoung was fucking livid about something, that he was just so upset that Jinyoung was giving the silent treatment to everyone, and the silent treatment was always the obvious way to know that Jinyoung was upset. Yet this time, it was lasting for what seemed like forever, and it wasn't just directed at him or effecting just him. For awhile he contemplated calling Jinyoung's mother, but he didn't want to worry Mrs. Park, so he figured it was too soon to be calling the big guns, besides he wouldn't even know what to say. 

All he knew was that Jinyoung had showed up, upset and crying, because he was called a slut by someone, a someone that Jaebum eventually found out was a guy because Jinyoung ended up admitting that ' _he made me feel like shit_ ' and Jaebum didn't want to go out here and point fingers at anyone, but there was really only one guy that he could think of that being. 

So he called Mark.

Practically at the last second, Mark picked up, "Hello?" 

"What happened with Jinyoung?" he  demanded, not wanting to deal with all the niceties of asking 'how are you doing?' and 'it's been awhile!' 

Mark paused, and for a second he had thought that Mark had just hung up on him, but he didn't, eventually he answered his  voice shaking, "I don't know what you are talking about. I haven't seen-" 

"Cut the bullshit," he snapped, feeling his frustration grow. "What the hell happened Mark? Because he showed up to my place crying about being called a slut and feeling like shit, things happened, and then he left in the morning and now he is going radio silent." 

"Then that's your fault." 

"My fault?" Jaebum laughed, but it was anything but humorous. "Yeah, maybe. What I want to know is why he even showed up crying in the first place, and who called him a slut. And I want you to be honest with me, because this isn't just about me wanting to punch your fucking face in if it was you. This is about the fact that the man you supposedly love won't even talk to anyone. So if you know something, say it." 

It was silent again and then Mark finally said, "I didn't think it would hurt him that bad." 

"Mark," he all but growled.

"I didn't know, okay? We were making out, and things were fine, and I got mad because he had hickies, and I know they were from you. And he wanted to act like a slut, so I treated him like one. But I didn't think it would hurt him so much. I knew something was wrong because afterwards he was just coughing, and then he left." 

Jaebum was silent, he felt a white flash of anger surge through him, because he was pissed, and wanted nothing more than to fucking pound Mark's face in at that moment. It wasn't often that Jaebum got mad, but when he did, he really did get angry. He felt sick, and he hung up and tossed his phone and he sunk down on to his couch. 

He should have made Jinyoung talk to him about what happened, he had only made things worse. Jumping up onto his feet, he rushed forward to his phone again, to text Jinyoung, hoping that he would text back again, because right now he didn't need to be alone, he needed a friend, he needed friends. Whether it was him, or Jackson, Youngjae, BamBam, Yugyeom, or even Yerin and Jimin, literally anyone, he shouldn't be alone right now. 

Practically every ten minutes he would try to check his phone to see if Jinyoung had ever texted him back, but he never got a text, never got a call, still wasn't getting anything.

Those days passed by slow, agonizingly slow, and he felt so alone.

He missed his Jinyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jinyoung finally realized that he likes jaebum!!!!!  
> for clarification, jinyoung was okay with the blow job, he could tell that mark was angry and that he knew that they should talk about it (because obviously sex is not the answer to fixing a problem), and in a way (that he didn't understand yet) he felt like he was kind of betraying jaebum. it was just he wasn't okay with what mark was saying, and that is why i have it marked as dub con. also because consent through guilt isn't really consent. if anyone thinks that this should be changed to rape/non consent, let me know and i will change it.   
> i also hope that this is starting to show that mark isn't that innocent in all of this either, that he is also being really manipulative, because my intent wasn't for him to come off as the "victim" i actually didn't want anyone to seem as the victim, because all of them have done some pretty shitty things, and i think that is just how us as humans work, we aren't black and white, and there is a huge grey area. also i know people don't always think that they did wrong, like mark doesn't really think what he did was wrong.   
> also, like i said, i write a lot based off of experiences, and after one of my friends pretty much had what jinyoung had happened, they did this same thing, though it started off sexual, then the crying, then went back to sexual. so since i have never experienced it personally, i wrote the closet thing i have to it, which in this case was jaebum's side of it.   
> normally i don't explain myself so much, but since this is a highly sensitive subject, i think it calls for this kind of thing.


	10. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all i am B A C K   
> exams are over and i passed every class with a C or higher (which doesn't sound that good, but i missed over two months of school due to being in the hospital so i think it is good)   
> anyways, here is now the update y'all have probably been waiting for.   
> also i'm excited because i've started working out what i want to do for my next chaptered fic since this fic will soon be over.

Jinyoung knew that he was worrying people. He knew that after only two days, when his phone was blowing up constantly. Everyone kept texting him, asking if he was okay, and asking about what was going on. Even at work he kept getting it, though none of it would ever be verbal. Seunghyun kept giving him concerned looks, and Jimin and Yerin looked nervous, and when they thought he wasn't looking, they would give him looks that read pity. 

But he couldn't bring himself to talk to anyone, respond to anyone, talk to them about it. 

He just couldn't. If he couldn't even work it out with himself, how was he suppose to with anyone else? 

He is angry, he is hurt, and he is frustrated. He can't help but be pissed off at himself, at Mark, at Jaebum, and just at everything and everyone, and it really did make him feel like he was a teenager who is going through their 'fuck the world' phase. All he needed now was to put on a black t-shirt with matching black skin tight skinny jeans and his pair of black converse and blast My Chemical Romance, and then it would really be complete. 

He knew he needed to be alone to deal with himself for awhile, because he was doing nothing but hurting other people. Plus he also needed to think about everything, to process how he is feeling and why, an just understand how his own emotions and thoughts are working. Jinyoung wanted that time alone to do all of that, but he didn't know how to ask for it, so he just opted for what he did best: avoiding it. He can practically hear Jackson right now, yelling about how this is unhealthy, how it is dissociation. Frankly, Jackson would probably be right. But it was like his world got turned upside down because everything was different now. 

Everything that he didn't fully understand from the last few months had all suddenly made sense now. And everything just left him feeling pissed off, at himself, at Mark, and at Jaebum. Mark had known, Mark had known for god knows how fucking long about more than friendly feelings between Jaebum and Jinyoung. Then, Mark would always take out that jealously on Jinyoung all the time, because Mark had a crush on Jinyoung. And Jinyoung didn't know how he was so fucking stupid, because Mark had literally told him about his crush, about how he liked him, and all he did was just shrug it off, and it was so obvious as to why Mark was always getting pissed off at him. 

Then there was Jaebum. 

Who has also fucking loved him for who knows how long, and just always deals with Jinyoung's shit, and he shouldn't be, he shouldn't have to deal with it, deal with him. _I love you, and I love all of you_.

As Jinyoung stared at his naked form in the mirror, he frowned. The marks were barely there now. Eyes racking his entire body, he began to question himself. Could he really love Jaebum? Of course, he loves and cares for Jaebum outside of sexual things, nothing or no one will ever be able to change that, but can he actually be _in_ love with Jaebum? Can a slut actually love someone?

Does he actually deserve to love him? 

And all Jinyoung could do was keep coming back with the fact that no, no he shouldn't love Jaebum, he doesn't deserve it, and he can't. 

He could prove it, he knew that he could. If Mark did like him like he's been trying to get across to Jinyoung for months now, then Mark would still take, because he still has after all of these months, and if he is with Mark, then he could prove that he didn't like Jaebum. Jinyoung could get as close to actually dating Mark as possible, without actually dating him, but maybe one day he could (since he hasn't even dated anyone since high school.) That would do it. If he stayed faithful to one person, instead of a new one every weekend. If he put effort in it, to be what Mark wanted him to be. 

Grabbing his phone off of the counter, he cleared out all of his notifications, because there was a lot of them. He felt slightly guilty, he knew that everyone was worried, his thousands of texts, missed calls, and voicemails were enough proof. Biting his lip, he clicked on his messages from Jaebum. He had been the first one to text him, and still consistently texted him through the week. He scrolled up through it all, until he found the ones from break, the videos. Breathing in, and his stomach churning, he deleted all of them. 

Going through all of his texts, he knew that he now needed to text everyone back. He ignored the ones that was about him and going on, but answered all of the others ones, like the memes. Both Yugyeom and BamBam had apparently decided that if Jinyoung wasn't going to answer any of their serious texts, that they were going to spam him with the dumbest shit they could, and he had to hand it to them, because it got him laughing. 

After awhile, he texted everyone back, except for the two biggest people, Mark and Jaebum. He just didn't know what to do or what to say to them. He knew if he was going to do the plan that he wanted to, that he was going to have to come to face Mark eventually, but what about Jaebum? What the fuck was Jinyoung going to do? Just ignore him? It's not like he can do that either. 

But can he really act like things are normal and fine? 

So all he did was send a simple, **jirongie: hey.**

The answer was almost seconds after he sent the first text, Jaebum had sent him back just a mere, **jaebummie: hello**. And all Jinyoung could do was imagine Jaebum clutching onto his phone, and checking it every other minute in hopes that Jinyoung was finally going to text him back. 

There had only been two words exchanged so far, and it already felt so awkward and so strained, and Jinyoung knew that this was his fault. He knew that Jaebum was probably tearing himself up, and probably has been for the last week, blaming himself for it.  But what does he even say at this point? That he's _sorry_? Sorry for hurting him? For doing what he has the last couple of months? Sorry for not being what he should have? Unsure of what to say, he decides to just text Mark instead, and asking if he wants to meet up at his favorite Korean restaurant, and almost as the same as Jaebum, his text was an automatic yes. 

So Jinyoung shut off his phone to get ready for that. Going to his close, he pulled out a pair of old jeans and blindly grabbed at a green sweater. Looking down at it, it was one of the ones that Jaebum got him, and he folded it and put it back on his dresser and reached for a different sweater, this time a blue one that his mother got him for his birthday last year. Entering the bathroom, he looked at himself in the mirror again knowing that he had to make himself look presentable because he looked like shit. His neck still had some marks on it, but they were light, but he still took the time to carefully cover every single one of them like he had been for the past week, and then did his makeup to make him look less tired that he actually is.

Within an hour though, he was ready, and he left his apartment to go to the restaurant to meet up with Mark. 

Mark was already there when he arrived, and it was probably the most nervous that he has ever seen Mark before. "Uhm hey Jinyoung." 

"Hey Mark." 

Mark looked him up and down before leaning back into his seat and declaring, "You never put it on your 'no list' so I thought it would be okay." 

For a second, Jinyoung didn't get what he was talking about since Mark blurted it out of the blue. But then he did, and he didn't want to think about it. He was talking about _that_ night as he has took to calling it, and that was the last thing he wanted to be thinking about. "It's fine Mark." 

"But it fucking isn't okay!" Mark snapped as he leaned forward, while seemingly realizing that they are in a public place, a restaurant, and quieted down while still keeping his harsh tone. "It isn't okay." 

Just as Jinyoung was about to reply, their waitress had showed up to ask them what they wanted to drink, and both of them just replied with water, both too concerned with the conversation at hand. As soon as she walked away Jinyoung sighed and turned back to Mark, "It is okay." 

"No, it's not, and you know it isn't. News travels fast Jinyoung, and I know what happened. I know that after you left your apartment, you showed up to Jaebum's and was crying. I know that after that you left him there in the middle of the night, and then I know that you went silent for a week straight, and wouldn't talk to anyone about anything. What about all of that seems okay to you?" 

Jinyoung's stomach sank as he leaned back in his chair, feeling defensive, but he knew it was weak, "I just wanted to be alone, and I didn't want to seem rude by saying it." 

"Yeah well, I think ignoring everyone is pretty fucking rude Jinyoung. Seriously though, you freaked everyone out, because believe it or not, some people do care about your emotional well being. Because crying to Jaebum and then doing whatever with him, and then leaving for a week kind of suggests that there is something not right going on with you." 

"How do you even know about all of that?" 

"Jaebum called," Mark snorted as he gave Jinyoung a look, as if he was asking what else did he expect. "How else?" 

Paling, Jinyoung tried to lean back into his chair even more, not liking where this was going one bit, "When did he call? Why did he?" 

"Because he thought that it was my fault. He yelled at me and demanded to know why you showed up to his apartment crying, and then he wanted to know why you might have decided to ignore everyone and not just him, so I told him about what happened." 

"What did you tell him?" If Jinyoung knew one thing, it was that Jaebum was very protective over him, and if he knew what Mark said to him, that it made him cry, he would be pissed at Mark. 

Mark gave him another look, "I just told him about what happened, about what I said. How I called you a slut and how that there is nothing wrong with what I did, how I treated you, because it wasn't on your no list." 

Not saying anything at this point, Jinyoung just nodded as he accepted the water from the waitress who had come back to bring them their drinks and take their actual food order. In honesty, Jinyoung hadn't even looked at the menu, but he had already known what he wanted because he came here all the time with Jaebum. With his friends, he has a tendency to go out to different food place with them. When he and Jackson went out it was always to an American or a Chinese place, and he would go get Thai with BamBam, Youngjae and Yugyeom were also fans of ramen, though Youngjae also like American, and he always went out with Mark to ramen or American. But Jaebum strongly loved his Korean food, especially this place he found his first year here, so they always came here if they decided to eat out. 

There was something slightly embarrassing to know that Jaebum knew what had happened that night, because Jinyoung was so fucking ashamed about it. Knowing he had to change his train of though, he shook his head and looked back up to Mark who was watching him. "Mark? Do you like me? I mean like, do you have a crush on me or something?" 

Mark looked surprised at the question, and there was eve na faint blush evident on his cheeks, "I uh- yeah. Yeah I do, I really like you." 

"And... you didn't tell me about it?" 

"I tried once." he pointed out. "But you totally friendzoned me, so I figured that was you just rejecting me," he recalled that time, it had been the first time that he had seen Jinyoung's room. 

Jinyoung nodded again as he took another long drink from his water as he struggled with the words that he was about to say. He knew that it was such a shitty thing to do if he actually goes through with this, but what if he ends up having feelings for Mark too? Mark is Mark after all. They've had this thing for the last few months, and Mark likes him, so why wouldn't Jinyoung be able to like him romantically? Breathing in, he clasped his hands together underneath the table, "Do you think that you're ready to get off break then? It's okay if you think you need more time but," he tapered off with a shrug. 

His jaw dropped wide open as he stared at Jinyoung in silence, comically blinking several times, "Really?" he finally asked. "Are you sure?" 

"Yes." 

And so Jinyoung really was going to go through with this. He was going to use Mark to prove that he doesn't love Jaebum. There would have to be no more breaks, no matter what, they could do this, he has to. Maybe Mark will stop thinking of him as a slut too, or at the very least, he'll think Jinyoung is his. 

The look that Mark was giving him was filled with utter joy, as if he was waiting his whole life for this one happiest moment, and that made everything just that much worse. Because Mark actually did like him. And did anyone else know that? Jaebum probably did, and Jackson most definitely knew, or at least wanted it to happen on his own terms, because that was just Jackson for you. 

But if Jaebum knew, then why didn't he ever tell Jinyoung? That totally seems like something that you would tell to your best friend. Holding back a sigh, he turned back to his drink because he knew exactly what he was doing, he was just trying to come up with reasons to be angry at Jaebum so that he could justify ignoring him like he has been. 

It was silent again, neither one of them really knowing what to say after that heavy conversation. Mark wanted to be happy, he was happy, but he knew that he should probably me more happy than he felt, but he wasn't. In a way, he was feeling skeptical. Why was Jinyoung asking him back out now? What had happened in that week that he was ignoring everyone? And what the hell happened with Jaebum? But should Mark even really be complaining about this? If Jinyoung was going to chose him, then Mark would take it. 

Maybe that is what happened, maybe Jaebum admitted his feelings for Jinyoung, that is if Jinyoung hadn't already known about it, not that Mark would know anything. He could try to do some digging if he really wanted to, or just straight up ask Jinyoung, but he didn't want to ruin anything so early on. Especially since it involved Jaebum, and Jinyoung was always defensive when it came to that subject matter. 

But he also didn't want anymore breaks, and he wanted to know that Jaebum wasn't a threat to him anymore, that he was out of the picture. "I want one thing though Jinyoung." 

"Hmm?" he hummed as he still kept his eyes down casted on his plate of food that had arrived during their pregnant pause. 

"I don't want to be second to Jaebum anymore. So if you're going to be with, even as friends with benefits, then you're going to be with _me_. Not Jaebum, and not anyone else." 

Honestly, that was the point that Mark was expecting a fight to start. For Jinyoung to snap at him and tell him that he is fucking crazy and that he would never agree to terms like that. But in a complete one eighty, Jinyoung looked up at him as he twirled his chopsticks with his forefinger and middle finger, "Alright."

____

Jinyoung was finally talking to people again, and that fact made Jaebum relieved, so fucking relieved that Jinyoung was finally coming out and not closing in on himself anymore. Though, Jaebum knew that he still refused to talk about what had really happened or how he is really doing. People asked, he knows that they have, but Jinyoung would just always brush them off, and Jaebum also knew that Jinyoung was extremely talented at the art of deflecting. 

Jaebum also still hasn't even seen Jinyoung. They've been texting, sure, but it wasn't as if it was ever anything on any real significance. It was always a quick conversation that was just awkward. They were texting as if they were strangers and nothing like the best friends that they were suppose to be. Each conversation always went the same, always along the lines of: 

**jaebummie: hey**

**jirongie: hey**

**jaebummie: how are you?**

**jirongie: good, you?**

**jaebummie: great.**

or 

**jirongie: hey**

**jaebummie: hey**

**jirongie: what's up**

**jaebummie doing work, you?**

**jirongie: just reading**

**jaebummie: oh cool, what book**

**jirongie: that english poem book**

**jaebummie: do you like it?**

**jirongie: yep.**

Or, if they were feeling over zealous, then they would shoot a good morning, or even a good night, text. 

So needless to say that things were awkward, extremely so, and Jaebum didn't know how in the hell he was suppose to fix it at all. Turning towards Youngjae, he leaned into his hand, "He's avoiding me at this point, and I still don't know why. I know Jinyoung, and I know that there's something." 

Youngjae was biting his lip while also avoiding making eye contact with Jaebum as he looked right above him, focusing on a spot on the wall, "Maybe he isn't avoiding you." 

"What do you know?" Jaebum perked up, knowing that Youngjae had to have known something, he was never really good at hiding things. 

"Jinyoung's back with Mark." 

He opened his mouth to say something, but no sound would come out. Jinyoung was _what_? For several seconds he just sat there staring at Youngjae, blinking, before he finally let out a, "No." 

"No?" Youngjae gave him a wary look. "What do you mean by 'no'?" 

"I mean," Jaebum hissed as he bunched his hands up into fists, the frustration coursing through him. "That he can't be with Mark and this is so fucking unfair!" 

"Jaebum..." Youngjae trailed off. This was the most worked up about everything that he has ever seen Jaebum react this entire time, and he would be lying if he said that it didn't worry him. 

"No! Do you know what has even happened between him and Mark? Mark has always been a dick to him about things. He devalues Jinyoung and always starts fights with him, and he would constantly yell at Jinyoung about Jinyoung and me. Mark told me that during Christmas shopping. And you want to know the whole reason as to why Jinyoung showed up to my apartment crying? It's because Mark went off on him and called him a slut. So excuse me if I think that it is fucking bullshit that Jinyoung is back with Mark because he shouldn't be." 

Youngjae deflated, sounding sad as he asked, "Mark hyung really did and said that  to Jinyoung?" 

"Yeah," Jaebum confirmed as he released is fists as he breathed in. "And I'm just so pissed off at Jinyoung. If he wants Mark I guess, and if he wants to chose him or whatever, then that's his decision, I can't force him into anything. But the least that he could do is just tell me to get the fuck out of his life rather than pushing me out like this." 

"I think you need to go talk to him about it hyung, about everything, or at least something. Are you really going to just let him leave so easily?" 

"If I push, Jinyoung will just pull back faster. He's a stubborn asshole like that." 

"Isn't he already pulling away though? What are you going to do? Let him pull away and push you out until you lose him? Or, are you going to fight to keep him with you? The worst that can happen if you talk to him is that he pushes you away more, but then at least you would understand why, and maybe even get closure from it." 

_I don't want closure_ , _not now_. Crossing his arms, Jaebum dug his fingers into his forearms, "But I don't want to lose him either way Youngjae." 

Mirroring Jaebum, Youngjae crossed his arms as well, "And avoiding him and the situation is the way to ensure that things end up fine? You say Jinyoung is stubborn, but I think you're just as stubborn as he is. You've been so set on the idea that he could never love you, or that nothing will ever work out, but have you ever stopped to actually thing: what if he does? and what if things do end up okay?" 

Jaebum knew that Youngjae was right, not that he really wanted to admit that to him. He sunk back into his couch and then let out a loud sigh. "Fine. I'll go to his apartment, right now. And I won't give him any warning so that he can't avoid me, and then I'll talk to him about it." 

Getting up, he grabbed his phone and car keys, tossed them in his pocket, and walked out to head to Jinyoung's apartment. On the drive there, he felt as if he was a man on a mission, though he was nervous as hell. He tapped his foot and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel in anticipation as to what is about to happen because he really doesn't know what is going to happen or how it is going to turn out. 

Really, there was a lot of scenarios that could happen. 

It could go good, they could talk it out and make up, come to some kind of conclusion to at least still be friends. Or, there was bad, where it could go awful and they could fight and Jinyoung could tell him that he doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. Of course, Jaebum hoped for the good outcome, possibly the even really good outcome, but he couldn't be sure. Parking into the closet spot to his door, he jumped out and all but jogged up to his door. 

For the next five minutes he just stood there staring at Jinyoung's door breathing in and out. He could still remember the day that he helped Jinyoung move into this apartment, how they had all the boxes stacked around the apartment, and how they had to sleep on sleeping bags on the floor because the furniture wasn't suppose to come for another two days. 

Shaking his head his refocused on the door. He had to do this, he knew he did, because Youngjae was right, and he was wrong, and he had already admitted that to himself. With one final breath, and closing his eyes, he raised his fist to knock on the door. After knocking a few times, he pulled his hand away and close into him as if the door was burning hot. 

At first, Jaebum was sure that there wasn't going to be an answer. But then, the door was opening, and it wasn't Jinyoung. It was Mark who was standing there, looking both annoyed and yet smug at the same time, "Hey Jaebum." 

"Where's Jinyoung? I have to talk to him." 

Mark leaned against the frame of the door looking up as he, "Hmm.." hummed as if he was genuinely thinking about it. "How about.. no? Sorry, no can do pal, it appears as if Jinyoung doesn't want to talk to you?" 

"Mark," it was just his name but it was a warning to stop being a dick because he wasn't in the mood to deal with this shit. 

"So what did you do?" he laughed, knowing that since Jinyoung was asleep that he could say anything that he wanted to without him hearing it and even essentially knowing about it. "Did he finally find out that you have a big crush on him and decided that he wasn't so interested in his precious hyung after all?" 

With a frown, Jaebum rocked back on his heels slightly as he rolled his eyes, "Of fuck off. As if you are planning on telling him about yours anytime soon." 

At that, Mark perked up because he finally had something over Jaebum. "Actually, for your information, Jinyoung does know about it. In fact, he was the one who approached me about my crush _and_ asked me to get back with him. Sorry Jaebum, it's not my fault that he chose me and I won this." 

"You didn't win shit," Jaebum snapped, his fury growing. "Stop acting like Jinyoung is some fucking prize, because he isn't some object to win Mark, he's a person. And stop acting as if we have been fighting over him, because we haven't been." 

With a snort, Mark grabbed the door, "Yeah okay, whatever. Go sing about your unrequited love woes to someone who actually gives a fuck, like Youngjae," and promptly slammed the door shut in his face, and felt extremely satisfied at doing so. 

Honestly, Mark has been dying to say that to Jaebum's face for quite some time now. Plus, this just gave him the perfect opportunity to. Not to mention, he knew that Jaebum and Jinyoung were on some thin fucking ice when it came to each other (he may or may not have read their texts when Jinyoung was in the shower) and he knew that if he drove a wedge further in between them, then that meant that he had a greater change of making Jinyoung his. So if he could stir some more shit, then he sure as hell was going to do just that. 

As he went back to Jinyoung's room, he saw Jinyoung roll over, and blink up tiredly at him as he mumbled, "What happened? I heard the door slam." 

"Did I wake you up?" Mark asked softly and Jinyoung responded with a head nod and a yawn. "Sorry, it was just someone who got the wrong apartment. Go back to bed, it's okay." 

"Mmm okay," Jinyoung rolled back over, his eyes closing quickly yet again, and Mark knew that he had fallen asleep again. 

Hopefully what he did was just enough to buy him some more time. 

____

Youngjae just wanted to do some good. He wanted to do the right thing, and he just wanted to help his very dumb (extremely so) and stubborn friends. He had thought that it would be a great way to get them to see and talk to each other since Jinyoung and Jaebum had been doing this really shitty game of ignoring and avoiding each other, and so he doubted that it was going to good for either of them. 

Okay so maybe he did go behind their back and invited both of them over to his and his brothers apartment without telling them that the other was also coming over. 

And yes, maybe he shouldn't have done that, or maybe he should have at least told Jaebum about it, but he didn't. And yeah, that was totally his own fault. He ever went all out for it too, he practically kicked his brother out of the apartment for two hours (just in case things did go well and they had a nice civil discussion). He had also removed any breakables from the direct area just in case if things went really bad. Not that he thought that things would turn out physical, he just wanted to be sure, and it was always better to be safe than sorry. Be prepared for anything and everything, that was the code of the Boy Scouts. Not that... not that he was one though either.

Of course, Jaebum had been the one to show up first, and collapsed onto his couch right in the spot that he has dubbed as 'his'. Youngjae had been too nervous to really talk, so he let Jaebum do most of the talking, and when Jaebum wanted to, he could really talk. And when Jinyoung finally texted him that he was almost there, he let him know to just walk right on it. 

In hindsight, it definitely wasn't his smartest idea. 

Jinyoung showed up, and the second that he walked in, the two of the immediately made ye contact, and if Youngjae felt nervous or awkward before, then he definitely felt like that right now. It was both so quiet, and so tense, that he was sure that nothing could cut through it. 

Another thing Youngjae should have accounted for was if instead of being just pissed at each other, was the fact that both of them might be very pissed at him. Because at the same exact time (they really were so in sync, even after all of this bullshit) they whipped to look at him, and if looks could kill, Youngjae knew that he would be very very dead at the moment. 

"Youngjae," Jinyoung greeted him through a very tight smile, a clear sign that he was raging inside. "Why didn't you tell me that he was going to be here?" 

Jaebum was also looking at him expectantly, and he cracked under the pressure of their stares, "You two are being total fucking idiots and you need to talk to each other. And since clearly neither one of you are doing that on your own time, I thought I would just push it along." 

"It isn't your business to be in Youngjae," his eyebrows furrowed. 

"Not my business? You two are my best friends, and you aren't even talking to each other. Clearly you're all hurt, and yes, that is my business. So work it out." 

At that, Jinyoung's nostril flared as he stared down Youngjae, "That shouldn't be your decision! Did you ever think that I'm not talk to him for a reason Youngjae? Because I don't want to talk to him, and that should be reason enough for you, and this isn't fair." 

That made the dam burst open. Finally Jaebum was standing up as he looked at Jinyoung, "This isn't fair? You know what isn't fair? You avoiding me. No, not even avoiding me at this point, you're pushing me away. And I don't know why you're pushing me away, because you fucking know how much you meant to me, and you know that I love you. And I fucking know that I am at least something to you Jinyoung, and it isn't fair for you to do this to me."

By the end of his rant, he knew that there was tears in his eyes, and he turned his head away and bit down on his lips because he was not about to cry right now. 

It left Jinyoung stand there, body tense, and mouth agape as if he was shocked at Jaebum's outburst. After awhile, he shook his head slowly, "It was a mistake Jaebum." 

And Jinyoung saw just how stubborn Jaebum was being in how is jaw was clenched, and how he was holding his head high, and he could tell that Jaebum wanted to cry. Jinyoung didn't cry often, and Jaebum cried even less that that. And Jinyoung was the reason for almost making Jaebum cry. His voice was so fucking quiet as he looked at Jinyoung with a pained expression, laced with a thousand of emotions, and Jinyoung almost wished that he was wearing that mask of his, because then maybe this would have been easier, "Don't say that Jirongie." 

At the usage of his nick name, he openly flinched. All he wanted to do was hug Jaebum and to kiss him. But itsn't better this way, isn't it? "It shouldn't have happened." He saw Jaebum turn  his whole body around again, and he couldn't stay, he couldn't. He couldn't see Jaebum break down like this. He couldn't stand there and watch it. "Hyung? I'm sorry." 

Youngjae was watching him with a disappointed look on his face as he walked out. As soon as his front door closed, Youngjae slowly approached Jaebum and placed his hand on his shoulder, "Hyung?" 

"God damn it!" Jaebum cursed as he squeezed his eyes shut and leaned into Youngjae's awaiting arms. "God I fucking hate him, I want to hate him. He said that he wouldn't regret it, he said that nothing with me would ever be a mistake." 

He ran a hand up and down Jaebum's back as soothingly as he could, because he didn't know what to do or what to say at this point. Jaebum was always the sturdy hyung for him, like his older brother. He had always seemed to have his life put together, and seemed unbreakable, and Youngjae had always admitted it. And to see him no, on the verge of tears was just, odd for Youngjae. It also made it very hard not to be angry at Jinyoung right now. 

His idea went very, very bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i dunno but listening to the song 'hurt' by nine inch nails and 'snuff' by slipknot kind of gives a bit of a perceptive into jinyoung's thoughts i guess, because i had those playing while coming up with this story/writing this, so if you wanna go give them a listen then i think you guys might get more off a like ~understanding~ of jinyoung's character and thoughts. 
> 
> also i think the phrase (from such a good book that i love vv much) "we accept the love that we think we deserve" really does show more into markjins relationship in this


	11. eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know a lot of you don't get jinyoung, and i can see how it's frustrating as a reader, but i am here to tell you guys that i think that is okay/that is the point of his characterization. we as humans are complex, we are frustrating, and we make shitty decisions. our emotions and actions aren't always black and white, there is a HUGE gray area, and i believe that is where jinyoung comes from. he has a lot of flaws. 
> 
> also we have another moment of like .. hardcore reference to the dub con scene so pleaseeee be wary that that does pop up in this chapter

Things weren't completely ruined. 

Sure, it was rather tense, it got quiet often, and it was awkward at times, but that was what Jackson was there for. And even Yugyeom and BamBam, who didn't even really know about all of what was actually happening besides the fact that something was clearly going on. All three of them were always good at diffusing the atmosphere, and we pretty much the m.v.p.s of the friend group. 

Though, after awhile, things got better. 

Jinyoung would no openly hold Mark's hand, and would openly let Mark kiss him. Of course it never turned into a make out session, but it was at least pecks here and there, which he would have never allowed to happen before. He was even talking to Jaebum now, but things were still painfully awkward between the two of them and nothing like it has ever been before. They were nothing like the best friends they have always been, now it was like they were strangers. Another noticeable difference was that Jinyoung had been avoiding any physical contact with Jaebum as if it was the plague. He went out of his way to not sit by Jaebum, and if for whatever reason that they accidentally touched, Jinyoung would pull away quickly. 

It hurt. 

It hurt Jaebum a lot. 

But he dealt with it. 

Jinyoung also knew just how awkward it all was, and he knew just how hurt Jaebum was. Jaebum's mask would always crack whenever Jinyoung pulled away from him whenever there was any accidental physical contact. It would only ever be for a slight second, and then he would look stone cold again, as if he was unbothered. 

But he wasn't. Jinyoung knew that. He may have appeared like that to anyone else, but not to Jinyoung, never to Jinyoung. Because long ago Jinyoung had dedicated himself to learning and understanding Jaebum, and he knew that behind it all that he was upset. It showed in his eyes, in his tight jaw, his tense shoulders, in the way that he would flex his hands, and how he always grew silent after it happened. 

And Jinyoung also knew it was entirely his fault now, for everything being the way that it is, for being so damn awkward. For almost tearing their friend group apart. It was his fault that Mark and Jaebum wouldn't even talk to each other, and that was another clear tense thing whenever they all got together. It was all Jinyoung's fault, and he didn't even know if he could even fix it. 

So he didn't try to. 

He certainly thought about it, but he wasn't even sure where he would begin. He isn't even sure if anyone else blames him for everything like he blames himself. Mark had been too happy to ever really have an issue with any of it, and Jinyoung is yet to have a serious enough conversation with anyone else to know their feelings about it all. That was another thing, Mark had been pretty content with their now current arrangement. Especially since Jinyoung wasn't spending all of his time with Jaebum like he usually would, so that gave him a ridiculous amount of free time. He never realized how much his life actually revolved around Jaebum, and it still does. It also wasn't like him and Mark have really done anything lately, because they haven't, besides kissing. But if Mark had any complaints about that, he wasn't saying anything. Yet, at least. Because Jinyoung also knew Mark pretty well by now, and he has the tendency to keep his issues quiet and bottled up until he ends up exploding and screaming about it.

Everything was weird, and it was as if he was in some other parallel universe. He was trying, he was trying so damn hard to be okay. Sometimes, it felt like he was having some outer body experience, as if it wasn't really even him there and present. Like he barely felt like he was there when he was at Youngjae's, when he told Jaebum that what happened shouldn't have and that it was a mistake. The only mistake about it was that Jaebum shouldn't have cared that much about Jinyoung. 

Whatever feelings Jinyoung had towards anyone else, the concentration of his anger, is frustration, was all directed at himself. Out of everyone involved, he was pissed off at himself the most. Lately, he hated how he couldn't ever even do anything more with Mark then make out. He had wanted to have things progress several times, he had thought about it. He had thought about pushing Mark down, climbing on top of him, and fucking him again, like he used to. But then he had also thought about Mark touching him, and then nothing ever ended up happening because he could never bring himself to let his hands do anything but some light groping. It all felt like nothing to him now. 

Not that Mark really seemed to mind that, because he seemed more than content to just make out while having Jinyoung practically to himself. In fact, Jinyoung had actually learned that besides blowjobs, making out was Marks second favorite thing. 

But, Jinyoung wanted to push himself to do more. How else was he going to prove to  himself that he could do more? That he could make himself get over Jaebum? Should it even matter who it was that he was doing stuff with? As long as it was someone? 

They were both chilling on Mark's bed, watching a movie, but Jinyoung was doing anything but watching. He kept casting quick glances towards Mark, contemplating if he was really going to try this, most importantly, if he was really going to follow through with it, or if he was just going to chicken out yet again. 

After awhile, Mark was staring at him too with a raised eyebrow because Jinyoung wasn't as subtle as he had thought that he was. Before Mark could ask him what was wrong or why he was staring, Jinyoung leaned over and pressed his mouth against his. Mark made a surprised sound, but instantly leaned into the touch. Holding on to Mark's shoulders, he swung his leg around so that he was straddling Mark. 

Hands were running across his sides, and he felt himself shiver, but in all the wrong ways. It felt wrong, and he didn't like it. And when a hand began to knead his ass, he had to force himself to not pull away. When hands began to tangle in his hair though, he couldn't stop the gasp that left his mouth as he pulled away. It made him think about when Mark had held his head tight to keep him from moving. Gulping, he flickered his gaze to Mark's face who was looking back up at him with a look that made Jinyoung shiver. His head was cocked to the side, and he was giving Jinyoung a curious look. After another few seconds he then tightened his grip as he watched Jinyoung wince at the action. 

One of his hands was leaving his hair and grabbing one of Jinyoung's hands and lead it down more south, and Jinyoung let his arm go limp, and let Mark guide it. But when he felt Mark's dick, that night was still the only thing he could think about. All he could do was think about how bad everything was and how it feels, and of course he knew that he was going to end up chickening out because he doesn't want to do this, he can't force himself to do this. 

"Mark let go," he practically whispered as he tried to pull himself away, but Mark was still holding on to him. 

"What? You don't want to do anything?" Mark mocked as he still watched Jinyoung. "Come on Jinyoung." 

"I don't like this, I don't like how rough you're being." 

"I'm being rough? Come on, I saw the marks that you had on you, it wasn't like Jaebum was any gentler." 

There it is again, the embarrassment and the shame that was residing deep within his bones. He felt his face grow bright red. "It isn't about that Mark. I'm with you now, and I am telling you that I don't want to do this right now." 

"Because it's too rough?" Mark questioned as he pulled almost as hard as he could, gaining a hiss from Jinyoung, his neck straining and head feeling as if he was being poked at with thousands on tiny needles. "You don't get to act like a whore and then get upset when you're treated like one." 

"Mark get your fucking hands off of me," he snapped feeling the blind panic rise up in his throat. 

Another several seconds passed, and Jinyoung was almost sure that Mark wasn't going to let go of him, but then he did. He pulled his hands away and held them up almost as if he was under arrest. Relief washed over Jinyoung, and he rolled off of Mark and pushed himself up against the wall, thankful for the grounding feeling it gave him, as he stared at Mark silently. What the fuck was his problem? What the fuck was Jinyoung's problem? Why couldn't he just do it anyways? 

Mark's hand was on his arm, and then Mark was pulling him into a hug, "I'm sorry, I didn't think it was all that serious. I didn't know that you were going to overreact like that." 

Jinyoung raised his left hand and patted Mark on the shoulder, feeling almost robotic as his voice was quiet as he said, "It's okay. I want to go to bed now though if that's okay." 

"Of course," Mark nodded as he shut off the movie. 

Grabbing the blanket, Jinyoung wrapped himself up as he laid down and closed his eyes. His heart was still beating fast, and he felt as if his blood pressure was still high from just several minutes ago. It wasn't as if he ever had felt or viewed Mark as dangerous in any way, shape, or form, but in that moment Mark terrified him. There was that small sliver of a moment that he had thought that Mark wasn't going to let go of him.

Mark was left sitting awake. At this point, he really didn't understand Jinyoung at all. Everything was just so confusing, and there had been a clear shift from the beginning to now, and Mark couldn't pinpoint why that exactly happened, though he had an idea. 

Honestly, it was hard not to blame that all on Jaebum. He knew most of what had happened between the two of them had been revolving around Jaebum. But he also knew that they weren't really talking anymore. Unless Jinyoung was deleting all of his texts and call logs. Because Mark had gone through his cell phone pretty much daily to check his call logs and his texts, and none of them were ever to Jaebum, it was always to Mark himself, Yugyeom, BamBam, Youngjae, and some texts with Jackson, occasionally even Jimin and Yerin, which if Mark remembers correctly, is two of his coworkers. Now however, there was a level to Jinyoung that didn't seem to care about anything anymore, or either cared too much. He was finally giving Mark what he wanted for the most part, but it was like he really wasn't there doing it. Withdrawn was a way to describe it, or blanking out, which was something he would do often. He would sit there quiet, staring off into space, thinking about who knows what. 

Looking back down at Jinyoung, he began to run his hands through his soft hair. Maybe he would get better eventually, from whatever it was that was making him act so strange. 

_Jinyoung remembers when he got sick when he was sixteen. It was from the flu, and it had hit him hard. In fact, it had actually taken him out of school for over a week. And each and every single day after school Jaebum would come right on over. Jackson came several times too, and Jaebum made sure that he was calm and quiet. He loved having Jackson there, he would make him laugh, but the best times that he had was always when it was just him and Jaebum.  
_

_But Jaebum would stay for hours, sitting there and catching Jinyoung up on all of his classes and school work, or would just sit there talking about anything and everything. Sometimes he would even feed Jinyoung some soup that his mother made, and always made sure that he took all of his medicine on time. Jinyoung knew that his mother had really appreciated it._

_He puked a lot too, and after he was finished practically puking his guts out, Jaebum would sit behind him and rub his back up and down, and then afterwards Jaebum would sit next to him on the bed, running a hand through his hair, knowing that had always calmed Jinyoung down.During that time, he would always end up falling asleep a lot, partly due to the medicine, and partly due to the fatigue of being sick in general._

_From that time, he always had this key memory of a point that he had woken up and caught Jaebum staring at him. Jinyoung had blinked up at him and mumbled, "What are you looking at?"_

_"Nothing," he ran his hand through Jinyoung's hair, his fingers brushing the side of his face, his temple, his cheek, and his jaw. "Go back to sleep Jirongie, I'll be here."_

_So Jinyoung went back to sleep._

_But now, Jinyoung wonders if Jaebum was really just staring at him. Why did Jaebum do all of that for him? When he could have been, should have been doing his own school work. But it had made Jinyoung happy, and he loved having Jaebum there. He had always been a bit selfish when it came to Jaebum._

_Then, there was that look on his fact that was embedded in Jinyoung's mind and hasn't left since the second that it happened. The way that he turned away. Did he cry after Jinyoung left_? 

Jinyoung swore that he could feel a hand running through his hair, and his heart beat longed in hope that it was him. "Jaebum?" he questioned softly, his eyes still closed. 

Freezing, Mark felt his hand drop down, and his heart sink along with it. He should have known that even if they aren't talking that it doesn't change a damned thing, that it  doesn't change the fact that Jinyoung loves him and that his world revolved around him. Part of Mark wanted to start screaming at him, he wanted to make sure that Jinyoung would be thinking about anyone but him. 

He watched as Jinyoung rolled over and wrapped his arms around his waist and pull him in closer as he drifted back off to sleep. So he had been dreaming about Jaebum. Running his hand along the curve of his jaw Mark promised, "I'm going to make you love me back Jinyoung." 

___

In the morning, Jinyoung woke up alone. 

Rolling out of his bed, he padded his way over to his kitchen, half hoping that he would find someone standing there, singing to himself as he made breakfast. But of course, the kitchen was empty, and he tried not to feel disappointed. Jinyoung was always the one out of him and Mark that made breakfast, but since Mark had left at some point in the night or the morning apparently, he didn't even need to worry about cooking for anyone else. 

Pulling out the pan and the carton, he decided to make himself some scrambled eggs. 

As he stood there, attending to his eggs, he felt his eyes close as his mind began to drift off again. He knew that no one was going to come up from behind and wrap their arms around him. He could remember just how scared he had been the morning after their first time, how terrified he was of that ruining everything. 

He should have known that he always ruins everything. 

And god, this has been the longest point in their twenty years together that they haven't talked. Never before have they had a 'fight' or anything else that lasted this long. In the past, it has only ever been no more than a week and then they were back to being perfectly fine, just as they were before, if not even better. 

But things are different now. Their issues weren't over petty juvenile things. 

Turning back to his eggs, he dumped them on a plate and leaned against the counter while he ate them. He couldn't avoid it from his mind anymore, he couldn't keep beating around it, and he certainly couldn't keep lying to himself about it anymore. 

He missed Jaebum, and he misses him so fucking bad. 

Leaning forward against the counter he knows that he has been wanting to visit the new antique shop that was just opened up down town, for quite some time now. He could ask Jaebum to go, and he probably would, because Jaebum has always had a difficulty saying no to him. And maybe he shouldn't be using that against him to make sure that they can hang out, but he just misses things. 

He misses things because he was the one who ruined it all.

Making up his mind that he will at least invite Jaebum, he dropped his plate into the sink and made his way back to his bedroom where he had left his phone to charge the night before. Grabbing his phone, he opened it as he stared at Jaebum's contact information, debating if he should call him, or if he should just text him. 

That's how Jinyoung spent the next hour, just staring at his cell phone as he debated the pros and cons of calling Jaebum or texting him. Groaning, he threw his phone back down and rubbed his face with his hands. Just not even a month ago he wouldn't have been dealing with this issue. He would have invited Jaebum without even thinking about it. He would have just showed up to Jaebum's apartment unannounced like he always had. Glancing down at his keys, he grabbed them and ran his thumb across the silver of Jaebum's apartment key. Does he even deserve to have this any more? 

Frustrated enough at himself already, he got up and walked out of the door as he decided to just walk to his apartment and ask him in person. Jinyoung knew that if he didn't force himself to do this, then there is no chance of anything ever getting remotely better than how it is now. 

It's not like when he told Jaebum that it was a mistake that he meant to push Jaebum away, or when he's been avoiding the physicality with him. He didn't want Jaebum completely out of his life at all, he wasn't even sure if he could live with that. But he doesn't know what else to do about it. All he is doing is making this harder on both of them. Stopping in the middle of the side walk, he stared off into the naked tree branches, ignoring the way that people kept shooting him looks of annoyance as well as several irritated scoffs. Should he even be heading over there right now? What in the hell is he even doing? Where did he get the idea that Jaebum would even actually want to see him? Maybe Jaebum was done with him, after everything. He practically made Im Jaebum cry. 

But he knew worst of all was that Jaebum would probably forgive him. Even though he knows he would never deserve that, it doesn't change the fact that is how Jaebum is as a person. Because Jaebum was compassionate, caring, and way too understanding for his own good. He knew that many people viewed Jaebum as some 'tough guy' and Jinyoung isn't saying that Jaebum isn't that, but people really underestimate Jaebum's emotional reach, and fail to understand that he has them too. 

Jinyoung of all people should know that and understand it, yet he was the one to trample all over them. 

"Get out of the middle of the side walk dude," a teenager snapped as he bumped his shoulder into Jinyoung aggressively causing him to stumble. 

Glaring at the kid who walked passed, he rubbed his shoulder and then shoved his hands back into his pockets and kept on walking towards Jaebum's apartment, repeating the words over and over again in his head that this is necessary and that he has to do it so he could at least say that he tried. 

By the time that he got to Jaebum's apartment building, he ended up slowing down again. He was already suspicious that Jaebum would be home (he would never work mornings) but it was confirmed when he walked up to see that he car was parked in the space that it always was. It's not or never. Taking in a breathe, he bounded up the stairs until he was in front of Jaebum's door, and he closed his eyes as he knocked on the door, his fist rapping against the door fast, and then hr promptly pulled his hand away. 

Just as he was contemplating literally just running away before Jaebum could open the door, see him, and know it was him, it was too late because the door was already opening and Jaebum was standing right there, looking tired. Knowing Jaebum he had probably just gotten out of bed to answer the door.

"Hel-" he stopped, the recognization finally setting in to his face. "Jinyoung." 

"Hi." 

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he crossed his arms and leaned against the frame of his door. 

Any other time, Jinyoung would have already been inside of his apartment, he probably wouldn't have even knocked, he would have just walked in. The keys felt heavy in his back pocket, almost as if they were mocking him. "Do you want to go to the new antique shop with me?" 

Jaebum blinked at him in a silent surprise. Not only did Jinyoung show up to his apartment, but he was the one inviting Jaebum to go out and do something? Was this Jinyoung's way of trying to extend an olive branch? Of trying to make things okay again? To make things go back to normal? Why else would he be inviting Jaebum out? 

At the silence, Jinyoung felt his heart sink and he began cursing himself for ever trying. He should have known that Jaebum wouldn't want to. "If you don't that's fine, it's morning and you're probably tired. Sorry for coming," he rushed out as he went to turn back around. 

"Wait! Jinyoung," Jaebum called out as he lunged forward and grabbed his wrist. Whipping his head around at record speed, Jinyoung looked at him, and Jaebum instantly released his wrist, remembering that touching was a huge no no now. "Yeah I'll come with you. Let me get dressed first. Come on in." he opened the door. 

Walking in, Jinyoung has never felt more uncomfortable in this apartment. And he's had some instances in which should have been extremely awkward and scarring. Like the time that he walked in on Jaebum eating out a girl from his maths class. That was a time. Following Jaebum towards his room a bit, just enough to peek in and so that Jaebum could hear him, he asked, "Have you eaten yet?" 

Peeling his tank top off, Jaebum turned his head around to look at Jinyoung, "No, I was sleeping when you knocked." 

"Sorry," he said automatically and he didn't miss the way that Jaebum rolled his eyes and muttered a 'sure you are' underneath his breathe. It was silent after that, Jaebum was still standing there, holding the bunched up fabric of his tank top staring at Jinyoung as Jinyoung tried to avoid look at his shirtless form. "I'm going to go get you something to eat." 

Turning around fast, he could hear Jaebum's sigh, but he ignored it as he entered Jaebum's kitchen, knowing that he had to have something quick that Jinyoung could make for him since he needed to eat because breakfast is the most important meal of the day. going into his fridge, he pulled out the toast and eggs, ready to make him a breakfast sandwich. He worked fast because he knew he was under a time constraint and thankfully knowing where everything was benefited hm greatly.  By the time that Jaebum walked into the kitchen, Jinyoung had just finished, and he thrust the sandwich, which he had put on a plate, practically into his face. "Here." 

"Thanks Jinyoungie," Jaebum smiled as he took the sandwich away from him and bent over his kitchen counter to eat it, all while staring at Jinyoung. 

He was giving him one of the looks, a small knowing smile and his eyes were teasing, almost as if he knew something that Jinyoung didn't. He knew what that look always leads to too. It would lead to teasing, and laughter, it always lead to flirting. Because this was an example of what others meant when they said that the two of them would flirt with each other, like a married couple, because that is exactly what they would do too.

"Take a picture, it would last longer." and there it was. Jaebum threw out the bait, but Jinyoung refused to catch it. Was Jaebum trying to push the boundaries of their new found connection? To see just how far he can get? To see how different their relationship is now? Or was he just trying to test Jinyoung? 

"Stop being an idiot and eat your breakfast so that we can go," was the response Jinyoung decided to give. It was a safe one at best, it was  a him response for sure, and it wasn't completely cold either.

Jaebum gave him another look as he straightened out then, "Okay," he agreed, and didn't say another word until he had finished the sandwich and they were heading out of the door. His tone was friendly enough, but there was something else laced behind his seemingly innocent question, "So why isn't Mark going with you?" 

And Jinyoung wanted to turn around and snap at Jaebum because he knows exactly what he is trying to do right now. He is still trying to throw bait. Now is he trying to start a fight? No, Jinyoung knows where it's all coming from. It's from the hurt, and the jealousy. The jealousy because Jaebum admitted to being in love with him. 

Did Jinyoung really think he could invite Jaebum out without any of this coming back up again? It has hardly been a month since everything. Of course everything is still there, and of course Jaebum would be seeking answers about it. 

Or maybe he just wanted to know if they were still fighting. His mind flashed back to _'if you are going to act like a whore don't get upset when you get treated like one_ '. Clearing his throat as he got into the passenger side of Jaebum's car he stated, "He has work." Which, he didn't even know if that was the truth or not, Mark was just gone when he woke up, and he probably left after Jinyoung felt asleep.

"So why didn't you just wait for him to get out of work to go?" 

Giving Jaebum a certain look, he shrugged, "I wanted to go now." 

"But you didn't have to ask me to go." 

There it was. His hand inched towards the door about ready to just get out again and call it a day. "If you don't want to go you don't have to Jaebum, you know that." 

"I never said that I didn't want to go." 

"Then what? What is it? Are you just trying to get me to admit that I wanted to see you?" The second that it left his mouth, he realized what he had just said. He wanted to curse Jaebum out for knowing him so damn well. "I hope you're happy that you got me to say that." 

"I am," Jaebum chimed as he shot Jinyoung one of his smiles as he pulled out of the apartment parking lot. 

Not saying anything else, Jinyoung leaned forward and messed with the radio as he flipped through different stations until he got the one he wanted. One Republic was playing, and the words of the chorus hit him. Clearly his throat, he immediately flipped it to the next channel, which ended up being the latino channel, but he left it there anyways. _You tell me that your sorry, didn't think I'd turn around and say that it's too late to apologize_.Jaebum gave him a quick glance, but other than that he didn't comment on it, which Jinyoung was more than grateful for.

Since it wasn't that long of a drive at all, they made it to the antique shop fairly quickly. Feeling more excited now, Jinyoung walked in first with Jaebum following in right behind him, and he took in that special smell that antique shops have. Instantly, he drifted off towards the books the second that he noticed them, while Jaebum had drifted off towards the records. 

Jaebum was dressing intentionally to make himself look good today. Not that he doesn't always look good, but he was purposely trying to make himself look good in other peoples eyes. His hair was styled messily, all due to the fact that he didn't really style it at all. H was in a white t shirt, matched with a black leather jacket and ripped up skinny jeans. And he succeeded, because one of the female workers walked over and was all smiles as she asked if she could help him with anything. Jinyoung watched as Jaebum politely told her that no, he was doing just fine. The girl had seem disappointed, but left afterwards anyways. 

Then Jaebum was turning around to him, with a smirk, and Jinyoung whipped back around to the case of books. Like he had anticipated, they were all old and in a variety of different levels of condition, some were certainly far off worse than others. Grabbing one book of old traditional Korean art, he went towards Jaebum who was flipping through the records still, "Anything good?" 

"Depends on what you consider good. Did you come here specifically for the books?" 

"I wasn't really looking around for anything specific. Just felt like browsing." 

Nodding, Jaebum extended his arm out to the rest of the store, "Then browsing we shall do."

Not much was really said after that either. Sometimes they would point out an item to each other and comment on it. Other than that, it was really just Jaebum watching Jinyoung. He wanted nothing more than to hound Jinyoung, to demand answers, not that he was going to end up doing that though. He knew he already put Jinyoung on edge earlier, and it wasn't as if he was about to push his luck. 

In the end, all Jinyoung ended up getting was the book of traditional Korean art, and he got a gorgeous hand painted fan that was extremely old and looked as if it would break at the slightest touch, even if someone simply breathed on it, but it was beautiful nevertheless. 

Once they got back into the car, Jaebum could tell that Jinyoung was growing nervous again. He was staring out of the window and drumming his fingers against his knees, and most important he had that look on his face. 

After dropping Jinyoung off at his apartment, he got his answer. 

When he parked into a parking spot, Jinyoung thanked him for coming out with him and then pushed himself out of the car, placing his palm flat against the mantle, which was odd behavior. With a frown, he watched Jinyoung head inside rather quickly, and he watched as the door swung shut behind him. Turning to his mantle, that was when he saw it, the silver that gleamed in the light of the sun. 

It was two keys and he immediately recognized them. 

It was they key to Jaebum's apartment, and the key to his parents house. Reaching out, he grabbed the two keys and turned them over in his hand, running his hand across the cool metal. The day that Jaebum bought his apartment, he gave Jinyoung that key, and that was the second that he was finished with his first year of college and could move out of the dorms, and Jinyoung has had the key to his parents house pretty much since they were twelve. 

What the fuck was this suppose to mean? 

Was this his way of saying goodbye? 

Shaking his head, he gripped his steering wheel tight as he practically sped out of the parking lot as he tried to think of what today was all about then. Maybe he doesn't know Jinyoung as well as he has always thought he has. 

____

In conclusion, Jinyoung decided that inviting Jaebum to go out to the antique shop was an awful idea. 

All it did was make him feel worse. It made the feelings come back even more, and all it did was make him want to trap Jaebum into a hug and never let him go. Even with things tense like the outing had been, Jinyoung still adored him, and even when Jaebum was purposely digging at him. 

It was frustrating for him. With those few lone hours with Jaebum, Jinyoung wanted to pull him in for a kiss, he has been barely able to do shit with Mark. And what has that all been about? But he knows why. 

It's not the same, and it will never be the same. 

What the fuck has he even been doing? Mark doesn't make him feel the way that Jaebum does in any way, shape, or form. Perhaps Mark knows that as well, has known that. Why can't Jinyoung do anything right? He can't even love a man back correctly. 

Mark didn't end up talking to him for three days after that one night, not that Jinyoung really could care, his was more than used to the silent treatment from Mark over the months they have been doing this. 

After the three days though, Mark invited him over and so he went over, his mind already set. He let Mark press a quick kiss to his lips, and then they settled on the couch to watch a movie. Jinyoung knew he just had to make things seem fun, he needed to flirt. He needed to be like how he used to be. 

A sex kitten as Hoseok would say to him. 

A slut.

With a hand placed on Marks thigh, he turned to him, and ran his tongue over his bottom lip knowing that Mark's eyes followed the entire movement, "Why don't we do something fun hyung?" 

"Like what?" 

Instead of saying anything, Jinyoung just leaned in, kissing him as fast and as hot as he could. Mark responded right away, his hands coming to curl around Jinyoung's hips. Trying to get more into it, Jinyoung straddled Mark, hoping that if maybe he grinded against him a bit more he could actually start to get himself turned on, because once he was turned on, it shouldn't be that hard right? 

But it was, because nothing was happening. 

It was like nothing. 

Pushing off of Mark, a sound of annoyance came from his throat because all he wanted to do was shout at himself. Is he broken? Turning away from Mark he ran his hands over his face as he practically felt the weight, and the judgement of Mark's gaze on his back. 

"Jinyoung," Mark called out a bit softly, but Jinyoung didn't turn around. Leaning forward and grabbing onto Jinyoung's arm, he forced him to turn around to face him. "Why the fuck haven't you been doing anything with me?" Mark _knows_ that there is something up, there is no way that there isn't. 

Shaking his head, Jinyoung tried to pull his arm free, "It just isn't the same." 

"Because I'm not him." Mark spoke, his voice deadly calm as he said that. "You went to go see him didn't you? Didn't you?" he snapped when Jinyoung didn't answer right away. 

"Yes, but it was only to go shopping. It was hardly even two hours," Jinyoung defended himself as he tried not to wince at the nails digging into his forearm. 

"It doesn't fucking matter if it was two hours or not. You said, you agreed, that you're _mine_ , not his." 

Mouth agape, Jinyoung stared at Mark, his voice incredulous as he retorted, "I'm not fucking anyone's." 

"Yeah okay," Mark snorted as he pulled Jinyoung closer. "You sure you're not his? You act like it is your mission in life to be loyal to him." 

"Because we're friends Mark! I'm sorry that I'm close to him because Jaebum's my best  fucking friend." Finally, he pulled his arm out of Mark's grip and put some distance in between the two of them. 

Now, Mark was standing as well, "You think I don't fucking know that? You don't think that I fucking know how close you two are? That I'm nothing compared to him? You don't need to rub that in my face Jinyoung, because I know if that it came down to just the two of us, that you would always choose him in a heartbeat." 

Mark's face was turning red as he sat there, his breathe heavy after yelling. All Jinyoung could do was stand in silence as he watched him. Quietly, he asked, "Why does it always have to be a battle about him Mark?" 

Turning his head to the side, Mark closed in on Jinyoung. By now, he knows exactly what he has to both do and say to get Jinyoung to stay with him. It wasn't that hard, Jinyoung's insecurities was obvious, and it was obvious by the way he reacted to certain things. "Why does it always have to be a battle about him?" he repeated, his voice mocking. "Because you're still fixated on the fact that there is something there, but you always seem to forget that it shouldn't matter if there is or not. Do you really think that you could actually be a good boyfriend? You aren't even a good friend. Sluts don't deserve love and care like that Jinyoung, don't you know that by now? And if I don't take you, who else would?" he stopped and pretended to think before raising his finger up like he got an idea, "Oh right," turning his finger to jab it right into the center of Jinyoung's chest he continued, "You'd probably prefer to get passed around at the bar." 

Staring into Mark's eyes, Jinyoung let his gaze wander around his face, and then he nodded, mouth still closed tight. "Okay," he finally said, his voice hardly above a whisper. 

"Is 'okay' all you have to say to me right now Jinyoung?" 

"No, you're right. About everything. I'm sorry." 

Wrapping his arms around him, Mark pulled him into a hug, "Why did you make me get angry like that? You know I hate getting mad at you." 

Jinyoung had no more energy to fight and he just mumbled another apology into Mark's shoulder as he let Mark guide him back into the bedroom. That night, Mark was the big spoon, and long after he was asleep, Jinyoung was left lying awake as he stared at the moon out of the window. He was pathetic, he knew that, and maybe Jaebum would see that too and just leave him. 

Since when did he allow himself to get reduced to this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so in this you can see jinyoung contradict himself several times, and trust me, it is meant to be like that. he is confused, has self doubt, his inner demons, and things are complicated because feelings are and so is this situation.   
> also sorry this chapter took longer, i try to update weekly but i had like majors writers block for awhile there :((((((


	12. twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for what you are all about to read, do not murder me
> 
> also i see some of you apologizing for your "bad" english, and i promise you none of your guy's english is bad at all!!! actually, english isn't even my native language, so i understand it can be hard/the struggles of learning a new language to begin with (i am in college for linguistics and languages)
> 
> also please don't feel guilty if you need to stop reading/skip over parts because it triggers you <3 i understand and i don't want anyone to get hurt/upset or anything else from reading this. i do try to constantly update the tags for any warnings when i deem fit, and i am pretty sure i have it updated accurately, but if there is any other warning tags i should put let me know please and thank you <3 
> 
> i also wanted to make it clear that i do not hate mark at all, the only reason he is like this is because i didn't want to take the time to make a oc. i didn't want to juggle having a bunch of characters, like i'm already struggling including the ones i have so please don't think i like hate mark or anything, this is just fanfiction and i never think he would reflect this views, act this way, or treat anyone like this. 
> 
> anyways sorry for the length authors note and like seriously after reading this chapter, please do not come at me with pitchforks and torches

It was Friday night, and Jinyoung was more than glad to have already finished all of his school work for the week, but it left him undeniably bored. Mark hasn't been talking to him ever since they had their last fight, and he was suppose to have the night off tonight, but then last minute he had texted Jinyoung to let him know that he took over for his coworker, Taehyung, because he had gotten sick. And as much as he would usually love to have his alone time, he hated it now. He had alone time too much nowadays, and it was always when his thoughts ran the most rampant.

He graced to spend more time with Jaebum now after hanging out with him the day that he went to the antique shop. He just hasn't had the courage to ask Jaebum to go out and do anything with him again, just the two of them. Especially after the fight that he had with Mark, he was scared to find out what Mark would do if he found out that Jinyoung had hung out with Jaebum again. 

But still, he missed it, he missed everything. Not just the physical things, but just having someone that is just that close to you, who you know so well and who knows you so well, someone that you trust with your life, and someone who you wanted to spend your whole life with (he didn't realize that those feelings were in a completely romantic way for quite some time however.) He missed the things that they would do, like their Friday night movies in which they have done for as long as Jinyoung can remember. They would always be at one of their houses, watching a movie. Afterwards they would always discuss the movie, what they liked and what they didn't like, and if the movie was based off of a book, they would always read the book first, and then compare the book to the movie. 

And it was Friday night, and Jinyoung just happened to know that Jaebum got off of work three hours ago. Not just because he knew Jaebum's working habits, but also because he saw his snapchat story. Getting up, he locked the door behind him, forgoing sending Jaebum a warning text that he was on his way. Since they didn't live that far apart, he got there within fifteen minutes and he went to go pull his keys out until he realized that he had given up his keys, _right_. 

Knocking on the door, he stood there patiently waiting for Jaebum to come and answer the door. But after several seconds he could hear Jaebum shout a 'come on in' and Jinyoung rolled his eyes at the reckless behavior. When he walked in, he approached Jaebum who was sprawled across his couch with a book in his hand. Crossing his arms, he glared down at him, "What would you have done if I was some murderer?" 

Jaebum peeked up from his book, eyebrows raised, "Well, are you here to kill me?" 

"No." 

"Case closed then." 

"Oh shut up," Jinyoung snorted as he plopped down at the end of the couch, just avoiding Jaebum's legs. He noticed the way that Jaebum's legs twitched, almost as if he was about to put them onto Jinyoung's lap, but then he had changed his mind. They weren't at that level anymore, any physical contact had still been a total no go. 

Closing his book, not before making sure to mark his spot, Jaebum dropped it off onto the table next to his couch, "What are you even doing here? Isn't it Mark's night off?" 

"Nope," Jinyoung popped the 'p' obnoxiously. "It was, but then had had to cover Taehyung's shift. You know, Gyeommie's friend, Jungkook's boyfriend? Yeah him, he's sick. So then I thought, you know what I haven't done in quite some time?" 

"Bother your hyung?" Jaebum questioned solemnly. 

"Precisely. That and we haven't had a movie night in literal ages. I miss it," he admitted as he leaned against the back of the couch to look at Jaebum.

 

Jaebum was staring back at him, the previous teasing nature being subdued, and now he had a more remorseful look to his face. "I miss it too." the followed 'I miss you' was on the tip of his tongue but he had remained silent. 

Being reminded of everything brought down those few seconds of Jinyoung's good mood, doing nothing more than serving as a reminder that things were indeed were still not fine. "If you go and make the popcorn, I'll go and pick out and movie and grab some blankets?" Not waiting for Jaebum's answer, Jinyoung got up anyways, not really giving Jaebum the time for a choice, and went towards the dresser in which he knew that Jaebum kept all of his movies. 

Humming, Jinyoung looked through his selection to see the large range of movies that he had, also knowing that the two of them had watched all of these at some point together. Shrugging, he picked up 'Star Wars: Return of the Jedi' knowing that it was a safe choice of a movie to pick considering that it was a movie that they have both not only seen a thousand times, but they both adored as well. Putting the movie in and letting the opening previews and trailers start, he grabbed the super soft purple comforter that Jaebum had and plopped back down onto the couch. Seconds later, Jaebum was sitting on the couch as well, and put the popcorn bowl in between the two of them as he pressed play. 

Jinyoung tried to focus on the movie, he really did, but it only took no more than five minutes for his thoughts to start wondering anyways. The popcorn bowl was still in between the two of them, serving as nothing more than a reminder of how distant they have been. It acted as some kind of barrier between the two of them. He just wanted it to feel normal again, but it doesn't. He can't even look at Jaebum the same anymore, every time that he looks at him all he sees is his best friend, and the man that he loves, because he couldn't keep fooling himself anymore, and he always felt a burning shame in himself for fucking everything up. They could have been fine. 

Reaching into the bowl of popcorn, Jaebum did at the same time and his eyes flickered to Jaebum who was keeping his eyes steady on the television screen seemingly ignoring what had just happened. After that, the popcorn went by fast, the two of them totally not stressing eat it. And once the bowl was moved away, it now felt as if there was this huge empty gape between the two of them. 

About forty five minutes in to the movie, Jaebum finally pulled on the comforter, and turned towards Jinyoung and held it open for him to get underneath it with him. Doing that meant that he was going to have to move closer, but breathing in, he did it anyways. Once he was situated, he tried his best to not sit there straight and unbearably tense the entire time. Even so close to Jaebum, he still misses him. 

Out of the side of his eye, he watched as Jaebum yawned, and moved his arm across the back of the couch, behind Jinyoung's shoulders, but far enough away to not be touching him, and he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the action.

Jaebum wanted to cuddle, but he didn't know how to ask for it. He felt like he couldn't do it anymore, because Jinyoung has been doing nothing but freaking out anytime that he ever gets near him, nonetheless if they come close to touching, or worse, if they do touch. 

Jinyoung was so sick of himself, sick of even caring what Mark had to say about it. Heart beating ridiculously fast, he leaned over until his head was laying on top of Jaebum's shoulder. He felt the way that the action made Jaebum grow tense, and saw how Jaebum looked down at him, the surprise clear in his eyes, but he didn't move. After awhile, Jaebum ended up relaxing his posture, and he even brought his hand down to start stroking Jinyoung's air, and he all but melted into the familiar touch. 

A tiny part of his brain was telling him that this shouldn't be happening right now, but the need that was tugging inside of his heart was overriding that voice. "I shouldn't have pushed you away," he said suddenly, as he rolled his head upwards to look at Jaebum's face more clearly. "And I shouldn't have left you that night. You're my favorite person in the world." 

He felt his heart ache at the empty words, "Please don't lie to me Jinyoung." 

"I need you in my life, you know that right? You're so damn important to me Jaebum, and I can't handle this not talking thing and I know it's all my fault." Jinyoung pushed himself up and swung a leg over Jaebum's lap, letting the comforter fall off the side of the couch. "I'm sick of feeling like this Jaebum." 

Jaebum raised his hands to place them on Jinyoung's hips to push him away, but he feels himself keep his hands there instead as he stared up at Jinyoung who was brushing the hair out of his face gently. And he doesn't know who started it, but the next thing that he knows, their mouths are on each other, and Jinyoung's grinding against him as his hand cups around his face to both hold him there and to pull him closer. All Jaebum can do is pull Jinyoung back down against him and roll his hips up to meet him. 

Everything felt so damn slow, yet so fast at the same time. He knew their movements were rushed, and sloppy at best. It was so fucking needy, so fucking desperate, that he felt like he was going to burst if Jinyoung didn't touch him, didn't touch more of him, or all of him.

It was wrong, he knows just how fucking wrong it is. This time things weren't okay, they weren't okay, and Jinyoung wasn't on a break with Mark, they were in whatever kind of relationship that they were in, friends with benefits. This was _cheating_.  


But Jaebum didn't want to let Jinyoung go. Those facts weren't enough to make Jaebum stop because this was Jinyoung he is talking about here, and all he can do his kiss him harder as he lets his hands roam around every single inch of his body, in utter worship. It was easy to push away the guilt as he focused solely on the human being pinned underneath of him. _Jinyoung. Jinyoung. Jinyoung_. All he can do is take everything he can from him, and he took, and he took, and he took. But he gave everything that he could in return, hoping that his actions was speaking for him. 

And after they both orgasmed, all he could do was collapse down on top of him, letting their limbs tangle together, and he ignored the fact that this all probably just made things a thousand times worse, but at the moment he could care less, because he had Jinyoung pulled tight into his chest, and Jinyoung's face was buried into the crook of his neck, and he hasn't felt this good in a long time.

______

So Jinyoung knew that he had an issue with avoiding people whenever anything went wrong, and he proved that right yet again. After the Friday night that he spent with Jaebum, Jinyoung has been avoiding Mark like he was the plague. How couldn't he? What was he suppose to do? Lie about what happened? Act like it didn't even happen? Or tell the truth? He was terrified to do that last one, to let Mark actually know about what happened, because he didn't want to hear what Mark had to say about it, because Jinyoung was already saying it to himself, and he didn't need Mark to say it to him too. 

Jinyoung couldn't stop thinking about it, even when he didn't want to be. It was there, looming over him, and refusing to let him forget that it had happened. He was in the shower, and he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cold wall as he let the warm water fall down on him as he inched his hand closer south. 

_After his declaration, their mouths moved together, and Jinyoung let his hand cup around his face, as Jaebum let his palms slide against his sides, slow, his touch practically burning into his skin as he dragged them down to his thighs and back up until he slipped them underneath his sweater._

_His sweater was pulled of and sat down on to the floor, and so was Jaebum's soon afterwards. Jaebum had used his grasp on Jinyoung's waist to be able to push him far enough away to give himself enough room to press kisses all over his torso. There was something different about everything this time around, that was evident, it was nothing like any of the times before, nor like anything Jinyoung has ever experienced. Was this what it was like to be with someone that you loved, and that loved you back?_

_And once all of their clothes were shredded, Jinyoung held both of their dicks in his hand as he lazily jerked both of them off by pulling his hand in an up and down constant tug. Throughout it all, he had time to stare at Jaebum's face, who was staring right back at them, the two of them maintaining to keep their eye contact. He was burning Jaebum's face into his memory, even though Jinyoung knew well enough that he would never forget a single detail since he had memorized his face long ago. His cat like eyes, those two adorable moles that Jinyoung could count over and over again, never getting tired of it, even thought the number never has, nor ever will change;_ **one, two. one, two. one, two**. _And then there was his smile, it was the best that Jinyoung has ever seen, and his real smile too. Not a smirk, not a sneer, and not sarcastic, but whenever a genuine smile would slip past Jaebum's lips, Jinyoung knew that he was just a goner and could only bring himself to grin back. And instead of covering his smile like he usually would, he let himself openly smile as he brought Jaebum's hands to meet his, letting them jerk off together now. The pace was picking up now as their orgasms were beginning to build up, and it became much more frantic, and much more desperate as the pushed their bodies into a sync of rolled and thrusted hips._

_Once they both began to cum, Jaebum's mouth was on his again as they moaned and panted into each other's mouths as they carried each other through their orgasm._

_After that, Jinyoung had been expecting it to be over with, for some realization to hit in, for some big blaring alarms to start screaming that 'this needs to stop now!' but it never did. After making out and feeling each other up for awhile, Jaebum pushed Jinyoung down on to the couch, onto his back, and stared openly at him for what seemed like an eternity. He let his hands, his eyes, and his mouth rake everywhere, over every single curve of Jinyoung's body, and he just kept on taking from Jinyoung, and taking, and he kept on giving, making Jinyoung squirm and moan, all because of him. And Jinyoung let him, he let him do all of it to him, because he loved him, he loves him. And it was easy, too easy, for Jinyoung to look up to him, tears in his eyes from all the teasing and the emotion and whisper. "I love you," seconds before Jaebum's fingers began to slip into his hole while he took his sweet time to work Jinyoung up again. It was all to gentle, and he acted like the had all the time in the world as Jaebum brought him to the edge, and then pulled him back from it again_. 

With a gasp and a shudder, Jinyoung released into his hand and instantly let the water from the shower wash it all away. Never has he told someone before during sex that he loved him, love was never something that he had paired up or even expected when it came to sex. It had always been purely on the physical pleasure of it, pent up sexual frustration, or a different way to say sorry, or- 

Or something that he had been avoiding for quite some time now. 

Never before have the lines been crossed like this before, and everything was all too much again. Because he could hear a voice, shouting at him in the back of his head, and he didn't like who it sounded like. 

But he had to face the fact that he did cheat, he cheated on Mark. They weren't dating, but they were together, in a type of a relationship, one that is, or was suppose to be, exclusive, and he wasn't even suppose to be around Jaebum to begin with. 

Suddenly feeling nauseous, Jinyoung shut the water off as his breathing began to increase, knowing that he was borderline about to have a freak out again as he stumbled out of the shower. Why the fuck did he just make things so much worse? Collapsing against the sink, he let his hands grip the edge as he hung his head down, almost in shame. But shame for what? He couldn't say that he really regretted being with Jaebum, or for finally admitting it to his face that he loves him. 

But he knew that this was going to make Mark angry, and that this would hurt him, rightfully so, and that Jinyoung deserves all of the yelling that Mark surely would do if he finds it. He knew that he was doing the entire time, and there was no excuse for what he did, and a sorry wasn't going to cut it, he couldn't fix this. He cheated, and that was something that he had never thought he would ever do in his entire life, but he did. 

Slamming his fists down again as he squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to push the tears back, he ignored all of the items that clattered to the floor. He knew that he had to go and get dressed so that he could get out of here, whether it was for a walk, or to read a book, or literally anything, because he was seconds away from a breakdown and he didn't know what to do besides postpone it. 

Who could he even talk to? Mark and Jaebum were out of the question, Youngjae was burdened enough, and Jackson, BamBam, and Yugyeom all just seemed like bad ideas. Who else did he really have? Nobody, he was going to be on his own for this.

After days of not talking, Mark had went over to Jinyoung's apartment, trying to keep his temper down on his way over. The fact that Jinyoung has been ignoring him lately has made him irrationally angry, and rather paranoid, and he was going to get answers one way or another. It was too suspicious to not let his mind go wild, and he had a pretty good idea of who else might have been involved. 

When he got there, the door was unlocked, so he just let himself in knowing that if Jinyoung wasn't home, then the door would have been locked. He wasn't in the living room, so Mark peered into his bedroom, but he wasn't there either. With a frown, he turned around to shout his name until he was cut off by a crash from the bathroom. 

"Jinyoungie?" he questioned as he opened the door to the bathroom and froze at the sight. Jinyoung looked like he was about to cry, but that wasn't the point that Mark could focus on. All he could do was see the various marks over his body, the purple, blue, and yellow hickies. He felt his face go red and his hands clench into fists as he took Jinyoung's appearance in. The marks were like they were mocking him, because he _knew_ , he didn't even need to ask. 

"Mark-" 

"Shut up. Can you just shut the fuck up for once?" Mark snapped as he brought his hands to his temple. "Are you fucking serious? Am I not enough for you? Am I not enough for the great Park Jinyoung, is that it?" 

"You aren't my fucking boyfriend, so stop acting like it Mark!" The second that the words left his lips, Jinyoung let out a groan at the way his back was slammed against the counter. 

Mark glared at him, his face right in front of his, "That's the fucking issue. I'm not, but I love you." When Jinyoung tried to push his self away from the counter, Mark pinned him there. "But you love him." 

Trying to pull his arm out of Mark's grasp, Jinyoung gritted his teeth and cried out, "But you don't love me Mark, you love some idea of me that you have fixated on. All you've done is make me feel more like shit than I already did." 

"You _should_   feel like shit. It's not my fault that you're a whore that needs to have two men, and you're not even happy with that." 

"Because I'm not happy with you!" 

"You wouldn't be happy with Jaebum either! I don't even think you know how to settle down. A whore doesn't know how to change their ways. You think you can have something good with him? All you've done is fucking everything up, he should hate you. I should too, but I don't, I'm still willing to be with a slut, but of course, that's not good enough for you, I'm not good enough for you. Would you rather be with a guy who treats you the way that you should be treated? To turn your pretty little face black and blue? Is that what you want me to do? Beat you for the whore that you are?" 

"I'm not a whore," he whispers, voice low and hoarse, from emotion or the yelling, he couldn't tell. 

"Are you sure? Because those marks are telling me something different, that you couldn't even keep it in your pants around him when you weren't even suppose to be around him in the first place." 

"You don't control me Mark!" 

"I know I don't, I let you get away with too much," he shook his head laughing. "I'm starting to see why you've never been in any real relationships before, and it's because you're so fucking insufferable. Have you realized how much of a selfish asshole you've been lately? I have been here for you damn it, and I have told you my feelings for you multiple times, and you just kept brushing them aside. Are you even sure that you love Jaebum? Or do you just love the guy that loves you so much that you don't have to love him back? Do you love him just because he is a dick to suck and a shoulder to cry on?" 

Jinyoung was shaking, and his hand clenched at his side as he glared at Mark. Who the fuck was he to be saying these things to him? Before Jinyoung knew it, the palm of his hand was striking across Mark's face, and the contact instantly made his palm sting. "Get out," he whispered and when Mark just stood there staring at him blankly, he pushed forward, pushing Mark out of the bathroom and into the hallway. "Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out of my fucking apartment Mark!" 

Once he was out of the apartment, Jinyoung made sure the slam the door shut and lock it. Afterwards, he sunk down to the floor and stared at his hands with tears in his eyes. His hand was red from where he had slapped Mark, and all he could do was stare down at himself in disbelief. He has never hit anyone in his life. 

His thoughts got cut off by the banging on the door, "Jinyoung come on, open up!" Mark leaned his head against the door breathing. "Come on, please? I just want to talk." he waited, but he didn't get an answer. Angrily, he shoved his fist against the door, wincing as he did so. "Fine, be like that Jinyoung."

Clenching his teeth, he stormed out of the apartment building, knowing exactly where he was going to go. He was going to head to Jaebum's. If anyone deserved to get punched, it was him because he was just as guilty in all of this as Jinyoung is. 

On the way, Mark cursed Jinyoung out in his head for being Jinyoung. Why did it have to be him? It would be easier to be angry if he didn't love him like he does. It would be easier to pretend that just being able to sleep with him was fine. But no, Jinyoung was Jinyoung, and he would insist on hanging out with him, insist on going on dates with him. It would be easier if Jinyoung didn't cuddle him afterwards. It would be easier if he didn't fucking know that when Jinyoung wasn't sucking Mark off, that he was in Jaebum's arms. 

But that wasn't the reality, because Mark did know all of that, he's knows it very well. And sometimes he wonders if Jinyoung is the same for Jaebum, or if he is different. Is he as hot and cold? As bitchy? Can Jaebum actually stand him acting like a slut? Does Jinyoung kiss him differently? As if there is actual love there, because he knows that Jinyoung has always been more with Jaebum, always more, and that he never gave that same kind of attention to Mark. He never has, because there was never room in his heart for that. 

And Jaebum pisses him the fuck off. He has Jinyoung, so why didn't he just take him already? Why didn't he do it in the first place? He knows, Jaebum knows about how Mark feels about Jinyoung, yet he still aided into this stupid fucking triangle that the three of them have been in. Being in a constant push and pull, a chase, a love triangle that puts teenage dramas to shame.

Thankfully, Jinyoung didn't live that far from Jaebum, so he ended up at his apartment in practically no time. 

The second that the door opened, Mark was swinging his fist until it connected with Jaebum's face, making sure that it wasn't the hurt one from the door, "What the fuck is your problem? You fucking know how I feel about him, yet you still did that. What the hell?" 

Jaebum held onto his jaw as he stared at Mark, murder practically in his eyes, _so he found out_. Rubbing his jaw slightly, he leaned his head in forward, voice eerily calm as he stated, "I'm sorry, but screaming at me isn't going to fix anything. Jinyoung not liking you back isn't my fucking fault Mark, get over your obsession with me." 

"Yes it is! There is no room for me because god knows how long he has fucking loved you Jaebum. I'm always going to be second best to you and it isn't fair. I've tried everything to get him to like me back, to get him to stay, and it doesn't work, it never does, because he always ends up running right back to you." 

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe there is other reasons as to why he doesn't like you?" Jaebum asked, unable to believe just how fucking delusional Mark is. "Weren't yo the one that was calling him a slut? News flash fuck face, calling the guy you like a whore isn't going to make them like you, weren't not in first grade anymore, abuse isn't romantic, get over your fucking self." 

"Because he is one. He's fucking you, he's fucking me, and he has fucked a bunch of other people before either of us. And it isn't like he is hopping to tie the knot with you either bud." 

His words struck a nerve with Jaebum that only made his anger grow, "You don't know shit." He knew that there was a truth in those words Mark had just said, and that was what hurt the most, knowing that he still didn't even know where him and Jinyoung stand. 

"Don't know shit?" Mark barked out a laugh that managed to sound amused. "I'm starting to wonder if he even cares for you. He has you wrapped around his pretty little finger, to fuck, for anything that he wants, and you just give it all to him. I'm not even quite sure he is knows what he wants from anyone besides someone to use." 

"Stop." 

"It's true, and you know it is Jaebum. If Jinyoung really wanted to be with you, then wouldn't have have been with you ages ago? But clearly, he doesn't, because he doesn't give a fuck about you, not in the same way that you care for him. All he does is use you because you're nice to him, and always have been, he's never had to worry about losing you. Because you're someone to buy food for him, to talk to, to cuddle, or a dick to suck. Somehow, you actually manage to treat him like he's actually worth something, because you're just his puppet. All Jinyoung does is use you because he can't handle any of his thoughts or emotions so he tries to fuck them away. He isn't capable of anything more than what starts and ends in the bedroom." 

Moving fast, Jaebum had Mark slammed against the wall, holding him down as he snarled right in his face, "You better shut the fuck up and walking away if you know what's good for you, and you better stay the fuck away from Jinyoung, and you better stay the hell away from me, because next time I'm going to pound your fucking face in, got it?" he leered down at Mark, waiting for his response. 

Grimacing at Jaebum's tight grip, Mark managed to keep his cool as he pushed Jaebum's arm off of him roughly with an eye roll, "Whatever, you can have him, he's not worth it anyways. I hope you two are fucking happy."

Watching Mark walk away, Jaebum turned back into his apartment and slammed the door shut behind him as hard as he could. What the fuck just happened? All he knew was that Mark had clearly found out about what happened Friday might, and he went off. Was Jinyoung alright? Mark had to have found out from Jinyoung, so he probably went off of him first. With a frown, Jaebum grabbed his phone, opening it as he stared down at Jinyoung's contact name, wondering if he should call him. He shouldn't, he knows it would be best if he didn't, because he knew how upset he was at the moment, how irrational, and nothing would come out of it but more yelling, another fight. 

Throwing himself down on to the couch, he covered his face with his hands as he kept hearing what Mark said on repeat in his head. That Jinyoung doesn't care for him, that he doesn't love him. Anytime Jaebum would be able to defend Jinyoung, but not he wasn't so sure. does Jinyoung love him? He isn't sure anymore. Everyone always said that actions speak louder than words. 

About a hour later, when he heard a knock on his door, Jaebum almost didn't get up to answer it, he didn't want to. What if it was just Mark here again ready to start another fight? Or worse, the cops? He still hasn't even cooled down long enough to be dealing with this shit. Groaning, he pushed himself up off of the couch and towards the door, opening it and bracing himself to block another punch, but one never came.

Jinyoung was standing there, and the second that Jaebum seemed to register who was at the door, he noticed the surprise flash across his face until it set into one of irritation. Before any words could be said, Jinyoung was surging forward, causing him to clash against Jaebum's body as he desperately grabs any part of Jaebum that he could reach while he smashes his lips against his. The kiss only managed to last barely even ten seconds before Jaebum's teeth were clamping down against Jinyoung's bottom lip, hard enough to draw blood. 

The sharp pain and iron taste in his mouth caused Jinyoung to pull away fast and reach up to gently touch his swollen lip. "Jaebum?" his voice was incredulous as he stares at Jaebum, face filled with shock at the fact that Jaebum had just bit him. 

He could see the almost empty look that was on his face, and the tears that were threatening to spill, even before he had bitten his lip, and he suspects, probably even before he had opened the door. "You got into another fight with Mark." It wasn't a question, but a statement. 

"Jaebum-" he goes to say, but stops as he see's the expression on his face. This was serious, he knew that, because there was no smirk or teasing glint in his eyes. Instead, his mouth was pressed into a thin line, his fists clenched, and his eyes burning. 

And as soon as he speaks, his tone was harsh and his words were even worse, and it made Jinyoung want to back away. "You came to me because you know how I feel about you, you know that I love you. You know that I'll be here for you. But do you even care for me Jinyoung? Or am I just nothing to you?"

Jinyoung wants to shake his head that no, Jaebum was everything to him, everything and more. He is his friend, and he cares for him, but he was too horrified to speak, he didn't even trust his words, he's never been that good with them, has he? That's why they are in this mess, because Jinyoung doesn't know how to express his emotions, his feelings, and his words. He wanted to run, because he's rarely gotten into fights with Jaebum, and he didn't want to hear what he had to say. Of course Jinyoung knows that he isn't Mark, but it's all true, and Jaebum deserves to be pissed at him. 

In his silence, Jaebum continues his rant, "You came here because you think I can fuck the pain out of you, don't you?" But finally he got to the point of his rant. "For what? For you to just run away from me again? For me to fucking lose you again?" 

Jinyoung flinches when he hears those words, and he desperately wants to tell Jaebum that it isn't going to be like that, but isn't that exactly what he has been doing? He ran, and he pushed Jaebum away last time, once he expected Jaebum to make him feel better, to try and fix him, but all it did was make him hate himself more. All he  did was take and take what Jaebum would give him, always offered him, and it was always love and care. 

Even then, Jaebum isn't finished speaking yet, "You're a selfish bastard Park Jinyoung, you know that? Using me because I'm here, because I'm the only one who is fucking stupid enough to let you." 

And then, before Jinyoung could say anything, or move to just get the fuck out of there, Jaebum's fist slammed against the side of his face, straight across the mouth, so hard that he could feel the taste of fresh blood filling his mouth. Jinyoung was too stunned by the punch to notice that Jaebum's bod was moving, until there was a tongue in his mouth and hands tugging his hair, and pawing underneath his shirt, his nails scratching his flesh. Fingers were digging in his sides as a hand tugged at the waistband of his pants. 

They were moving now, Jaebum pulling him fully into his apartment, and Jinyoung made sure to haphazardly close the door behind them. Between the blood that was now staining both of their lips, Jaebum was cussing at him, the words leaving his lips, yet Jinyoung didn't care, he's mostly too turned on to care, it was too sexy to care. He was being pushed until the back of his knee's hit the black leather couch in Jaebum's living room, and then he was being grabbed again and pushed down onto his stomach to rest across the arm of the couch. Moaning loudly, he pushed back the second that he feels Jaebum's hard dick pressing into his ass. 

Jinyoung felt his cheeks flush pink as he turned his head around to stare at Jaebum with his eyes half-lidded, completely lusted out as he watched Jaebum yank down his shorts, and then slip himself out of his swears. Breathing in a sharp breathe, Jinyoung has to brace himself against the leather couch. His entire body was quivering with the anticipation, and with the need, just wanting to be touched, and his arms were already shaking with the effort that it took to hold himself up. He let out another loud yelp as he felt Jaebum's rough hands kneading at his ass matched with the teeth biting into his tank skin, across his ass, and across his back. It caused his whole body to hold forward, forcing him to stop leaning onto his palms, but his forearms as Jaebum's tongue pressed flat against his rim. 

"Stop lying to me," Jaebum hisses into Jinyoung's ear as one hand held onto his hair and the one helped pull him back up again. 

Lips were attacking his neck, nipping and biting, and he knew exactly what was coming, that he wasn't going to get any more preparation that he just had, but that didn't stop the wanton moan that ripped through his throat at Jaebum slammed into him, hands still curled in his hair and around his waist. 

He starts panting as the moments of the pain turned into pure pleasure as Jaebum kept pounding into him at a relentless speed. The hand in his hair somehow tightens, and Jaebum lets go of his waist to bring his head to his jaw to turn Jinyoung's head so that he was looking at him, "I hope this is good enough for you Jinyoungie." he spat, his voice raw with emotion, "Is this helping with your feelings? Am I just a mistake to you? Have I always been? Do you even love me?" 

All Jinyoung can do is moan pathetically, but a hand was being snaked around his throat, yet there was no pressure being added, "Answer me Jirongie." 

At the use of their nickname, the way that his teeth was dragging down his left earlobe, and the way that Jaebum hand his hand against his neck, but wasn't even tightening his grip, being still so gentle with him even in his roughest moment, while he was still snapping his hips against him in such a fast pace, had him scream out that lead to a tapered out whimper as Jaebum bit down on his shoulder. 

"My name," he growls. When Jinyoung only hiccuped on a moan in response, Jaebum pressure further, "scream my name Jirongie." 

Jinyoung didn't even have time to think about what he said, he said Jaebum's name, kept on repeating it over and over again, moaning around the sound of his name as e kept muttering whatever nonsense as Jaebum switched their position so that Jinyoung was on his back as Jaebum grinded into him as his hand pumped his dick up and down in rhythm with his thrusts. 

He's moaning loudly as his body jerks and he arches his back into Jaebum's touch as the cum pours of out him, landing all over his stomach and into Jaebum's hand. He only moans louder as Jaebum leans his head against Jinyoung's, his warm mouth pressing up against his in a kiss again as he panted and grunted into Jinyoung's mouth as he came in him. 

Jaebum knows that he should just push Jinyoung away, scream at him to leave, but he couldn't, because he was always ridiculously soft when it came to Park fucking Jinyoung, so instead he pulled him down to the couch with him, the leather sticking to both of their sweaty bodies. He didn't say anything, except he pulled Jinyoung's head into his chest and wrapped his free arm around his waist possessively, and Jinyoung threw an arm over Jaebum's torso and the other to curl around Jaebum's shoulder. 

Both of them laid there, still breathing heavy, and panting, and Jinyoung could hear just hwo fast Jaebum's heart was beating, and felt the erratic rise and fall of his chest. Jinyoung felt exhausted, utterly exhausted after the long day, of all the yelling, of hitting someone, and getting hit back. He felt the way that Jaebum shifted, and then there was a hand running through his hair and Jinyoung squeezed his eyes shut and he pressed himself closer into Jaebum, trying not to cry. The last thing he needed to do now after everything was to start crying. 

Eventually, he felt the way that Jaebum's breathing had evened out, and had even slowed down, and Jinyoung knew that he had fallen asleep. A panic rose up in him again, and without thinking he began to pull away, but the arm wrapped around him possessively held on to him and he sunk back down, _For you to just run away from me again_? Closing his eyes, he tried to push everything away and just focus on the familiarity and the comfort of being in Jaebum's arms, and let the sleep that was tugging at his eyes and every bone and muscle, take over. 

_______

When Jaebum woke up again, he woke up cold and alone. 

A thousand of emotions flashed through his mind, but disappointment more than anything else. Groaning, he pushed himself up off of the couch and into his bed room to get dressed. Throwing on a pair of sweats, he called it good and walked back out to head to his living room to find what he did with his cell phone. 

Turning towards his balcony however, he felt relief wash over him as he saw Jinyoung standing out there, wearing a pair of Jaebum's shorts and one of his long sleeve sweatshirts. Knowing that Jinyoung didn't actually leave, he went back to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Every action was automatic for him, and he made Jinyoung's coffee the way he knew he liked it, Jinyoung's been the same ever since they were fifteen, and then he made his. Keeping a tight grip onto the two coffee bugs, he balanced them as he opened up the balcony door and walked out to stand right next to Jinyoung. 

Wordlessly, Jaebum handed Jinyoung the coffee in which he accepted with a nod and a small smile that made him wince. Jaebum tried not to frown as he noticed the bruise on the side of Jinyoung's face, knowing that he caused that. Looking away from Jinyoung's face, he looked out at the city beneath them, "Are you going to run again?" 

It was Jinyoung's turn to look at him with mild shock, "I don't know." 

At the answer, Jaebum nodded. If he had any common sense, he would drop it, because he felt that forlorning feeling of a yelling match about to happen. But Jaebum never made the best decisions. "Do you love me?" 

"Of course I do," his answer was automatic with no hesitation, but he knew that wasn't the answer Jaebum was looking for, he was clearly growing irritated. 

"No, you know what I mean. Are you in love with me?" 

Jaebum watched as Jinyoung quickly darted his eyes away from Jaebum's face and back to the sky as he clutched the mug in close to his chest. He could practically hear the gears turning in Jinyoung's head and the steam coming out of his ears. "No." 

"I thought I told you to stop lying to me," Jinyoung's ears turned bright red and he hanged his head, at least he has the decency to look ashamed. "You know you can't lie to me right? You haven't been able to since the third grade." 

Jinyoung turned his head to the side, "Why couldn't this be like any other hook up? Why does it have to mean more?" 

"You know why." 

Petulantly, Jinyoung pouted, "Why do you have to make it so complicated?" 

"I'm making this complicated?" Jaebum had enough in him to look offended at that question. "I've loved you for years Jinyoung, and we've been playing this game for months now. You cheated on Mark with me, and when I tell you that I have feelings for you, you tell me that I'm the one making this complicated?" 

Jinyoung looked at Jaebum, watching the way that his emotions were getting the best of him again, and the guilt was coming back. He was doing this. But Jaebum continued speaking, his voice cracking, "I'm not a toy that you can use as you figure out your own emotions Jinyoung. I'm not a fucking science experiment." 

"I want to hate you, you know," Jinyoung sighed out as he stared down at his coffee that was growing cold. "It would make things easier if I did." It would be easier if Jaebum hated him, if Jaebum knew what was good for him, that he didn't need a slut like Jinyoung in his life. 

That seemed to be the worst thing to say though, because Jaebum spun his whole body around to face him, voice growing louder, "Yeah well life isn't easy. And hate me for what? Caring about you? Actually giving a fuck about you?" 

"But you shouldn't!" Jinyoung finally snapped back as he slammed his mug down, ignoring the way that coffee sloshed over the sides. 

"I shouldn't what? I shouldn't love you? Well too fucking bad, because I do, and you're being stupid right now." 

"Is that what you think?" Jinyoung straightened up as he tried to make his self even with Jaebum. 

"Do you want to know what I think? You're being fucking stupid. You're pushing me away, and that isn't fair Jinyoung. Forget about all of the other bullshit going on, we're suppose to be best friends." 

Pushing himself back, Jinyoung turned to walk inside, Jaebum following right behind him. "But best friends aren't suppose to do shit like that," he made a point of looking towards the couch. "We aren't suppose to love each other like that. I shouldn't feel like this towards you Jaebum." 

When Jinyoung was getting in front of him, Jaebum forced himself in front of Jinyoung to stop him and grabbed a hold of his arm. "Shocker! I've been feeling the same way for years Jinyoung. While I've had to see you with other people and then this whole Mark mess. But you know what? I didn't say anything because I knew you'd freak out, and I knew that you would push me away. And i don't want to lose you Jinyoung. I have practically always worn my heart on my  sleeve for you, and you don't even have the fucking balls to tell me to get out of your life." 

Jinyoung looks at where Jaebum's holding onto his arm, and then looks back up to him. Voice quiet now, he whispered, "Because I didn't want you to go, I still don't want you to go Jaebummie. I love you, I always have, don't you know that?" 

"No, I don't know that," Jaebum said after a beat, his eyes red as he let go of Jinyoung's arm. "And if you do, you have had a really shitty way of showing it." 

It was silent again, the two of them just staring at each other, and if Jinyoung didn't know that things were broken before, then he did now, knowing just how much everything got fucked up. He hurt Jaebum, and Jaebum has been telling him just how hurt he is, but Jinyoung was being a selfish little child and kept ignoring it. 

"I want space," Jaebum declared, and it felt like the air was forced out of Jinyoung's lungs and as if he was just punched in the gut. Numbly, he nodded, not knowing what else to say. 

If Jaebum wanted space, then Jinyoung was going to give it to him, because he knew that this was all his fault, and it was the least that he could do after everything. Mark was right, so was Jaebum, he has been selfish. 

Maybe it was better this way, to have Jaebum hate him. 

Jinyoung left after that, there being no more words to say. He knew that there wasn't anything that he could have said in that moment to change Jaebum's mind. There was nothing that he could have said that wouldn't have made things broken past repair. 

Nothing in Jinyoung's life had prepared him for this, for feeling like this, and for all of this happening. Because being in love with your best friend wasn't cute or romantic like the movies had made it out to be. It was awful, and it stung, and it felt like he was drowning under water, helpless and he can't get out. And he was so pissed off at himself because this is how Jaebum has felt, stuck constantly  feeling like this all because Jinyoung was a selfish fucking slut who couldn't look at what he had right in front of him. All because he was in denial that he couldn't be in love with the person most important to him. And now? Now Jinyoung felt like he didn't even deserve any of that love, ever. He's treated Jaebum like shit, and he deserves the world. 

Maybe one day they could fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact, this entire chapter is what i based the entire fic on
> 
> also a lot of jaebum's words here are his own insecurities, but also if you noticed, what mark said, because that's the thing about mark being manipulative abusive douche he is, he knows how to pick at their insecurities to make things worse, so he did that to both of them. convincing jinyoung he is a slut and incapable of deserving love, and convincing jaebum that jinyoung doesn't really care 
> 
> anyways, how many of you feel like punching something? punching me? i bet all of you do. also i think this is the longest chapter i have written for this fic


	13. thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all i am SO sorry for the long ass wait, i've been working on so many one shots and not this and askjfnadvaf
> 
> i said this on my other fic, but decided that i am going to redo don't ever leave me and make it into a full chaptered fic. imma keep the og up, but this new one is like a whole new title, and i am spicing up the storyline and the plot a bit. i'm not going to post it until this fic is finished (and there is about 3 chapters of this left) and not until i finish my next chaptered fic i have planned (which i reveal more about in the end notes) so it wouldn't be until late this year, maybe early next year because i reallllyyy wanna make it great.

When Jinyoung got home, he checked his phone for the first time since everything went down yesterday and this morning, to see that he had a missed call from Jackson. For a second, he just stared down at his phone as he contemplated not even calling him back, but he supposed that he probably should. Groaning, he pressed the call button, hoping that whatever Jackson had to say had absolutely nothing to do with all of the chaos that had just ensued within the last twenty four hours, because Jinyoung was sure that he couldn't take anymore of it. But of course, his lucky has always been rather shitty. 

He flung himself down onto his bed as he listened to the sound of the phone ringing, and Jackson picked up just seconds later, "Hey Jinyoung?" 

"What's up Jackson?" Jinyoung should have noticed the tone of his voice right off the bat. 

"It's funny," he started, his tone definitely off. "A little birdy just told me that you cheated, and all I could do was laugh because this is you we're talking about, and I know that despite the fact that you don't always make the best decisions in your life, that you would never do something like that." 

Taking in a deep breathe, Jinyoung blinked, the guilt washing over him again like he was being drowned in it. Fuck. _Fuck_. Mark already told Jackson about it? And oh god, if Mark had already told Jackson, and Jackson knew about it, then in a couple of hours all of their friends would know, and by tomorrow the entire campus would know about it. Everyone would know just how much of a dick Jinyoung is, and he could already practically hear people giving him side eye and whispering 'slut.' And as much as Jinyoung wished that he could just say 'fuck what anyone else thinks' he just really isn't that kind of person, and he cared very much about what others thought of him and had to say. 

At his silence, Jackson's voice was incredulous, "Oh my god Park Jinyoung, you _didn't_." When Jinyoung still hadn't replied he continued on, voice growing increasing louder, "You did! Jinyoung, what in the fuck?" 

"I don't know okay!" Jinyoung let his voice raise in aspiration, and then he breathed in and tried to speak more calmly. He didn't really want to get into a third fight in just more than twenty four hours, that would have to be some kind of record for him. "It just ended up happening, alright?"

"It just 'ending up happening?" Jackson repeated. "Seriously? You just so happened to have sex with some guy? What kind of bullshit excuse is that? That isn't how this works Jinyoung." 

Without hesitation, Jinyoung didn't miss the opportunity to stand up for Jaebum, and he kept his voice sounding extremely hostile and sarcastic as he spoke, "You're right, that isn't how this works. But you're neglecting the fact that it wasn't just 'some guy' Jackson." 

"Fuck, it was Jaebum wasn't it?" he questioned, catching on to Jinyoung's hint quickly. "You cheated on Mark with Jaebum? Im Jaebum? Jesus christ Jinyoung, that's messy as fuck." 

"You think I don't know that?" His heart sunk and he felt his hand wrap around his phone, gripping the sides of it tighter, because of course he knew that, he was well aware of how awful and messy this all was, and he didn't need Jackson, or really anyone else for that matter, telling him about it. "Jackson, I seriously can't do this right now." 

" _You_ can't do this right now? You weren't even the one who got cheated on." 

Fed up with all of the fighting today, and all of the yelling, all of the guilt, and all of the bullshit that came along with everything, Jinyoung finally felt the tears beginning to well up in his eyes again, always one to begin to cry out of frustration, "You don't know what all fucking happened so stop acting like you do. Just shut up for once in your life Jackson. You don't know what Mark said to me, and you don't even know about how Jaebum doesn't even want to see me anymore. You don't know whats going on, so don't you dare sit here and try to lecture me about it." 

That seemed to finally do the trick, because Jackson was dead silent on the other end of the phone for several seconds, before just saying one word, but that word was filled with unsaid disappointment, and worse, pity, "Jinyoung..." 

"Just," Jinyoung pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll call you back later," he then hung up the phone before Jackson could say anything else, and not really giving him an option to. Though he knew Jackson probably realized that he had no real intentions of calling back later, or anytime soon for that matter. 

Shutting off his phone, he tossed it away to the other side of his bed, and he curled up into his favorite blanket. Finally, Jinyoung felt the tears coming on, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he held his blanket tight to him. He didn't ant to cry right now, he really didn't want to cry at all, preferably. It would be amazing if he could just shut his feelings off so he didn't have to worry about his emotions anymore. But sadly, that wasn't how things worked, and so he couldn't do that. 

He was just stuck feeling like this.

Maybe he could just sleep forever. 

____

News traveled extremely fast in their friend group (and really, the campus as a whole.) It didn't really help matters that pretty much all four of them, that wasn't directly involved in the mess that was their other three best friends relationship triangle, was that the four of them weren't all actively aware of what was all going down. It was bound to happen at some point, that they would all begin to figure out just how wild and fucked up everything really was. And despite them all being best friends, or, supposed to be at the very least, it still didn't take long for everyone to begin choosing sides, even if all they wanted secretly (or perhaps not that secretly) was for everything to be fixed already. 

Youngjae went towards Jaebum and Jackson towards Mark, and really, Yugyeom nor BamBam really knew enough to choose, all they really knew was that shit had hit the fan and everything was a mess and everyone was fighting. But Yugyeom couldn't help but thinking that there is no way that this can all be Jinyoung's fault, because he just knows that his hyung wouldn't just do all of this. And as much as he knows Jinyoung can be an utter shithead at times, he just would never hurt people to this extreme. So Yugyeom offered himself up as the sacrificial lamb in the group, and decided to go check on Jinyoung, because if no one else was going to do it, Yugyeom would. It just wouldn't be fair if no one knew about Jinyoung's side of things. Besides, Yugyeom couldn't help by sympathize with Jinyoung already, this situation is fucked up, and it does just appear as if he fucked both Mark and Jaebum over, but also right now, it was almost as if he had just lost all of his friends at once. 

Yugyeom has always seen Jinyoung as one of his stronger hyungs. He was always teasing, but he was still kind, though he wouldn't hesitate to roast you to hell and back, but he would always hug you afterwards. so it was weird, and it hurt in some sense, when Yugyeom invited himself in to Jinyoung's apartment (the door was left unlocked) and finally saw Jinyoung. 

He was curled up on his bed, his body twisted around a blanket. Every single photo in the room was left face down, and even though Yugyeom had only been in Jinyoung's room only a handful of times before, he wasn't a fool, and he already knew exactly who was in every single one of these photos, and why Jinyoung had them all faced down. He was only in his boxers, and he was staring at the wall, with his back turned to the door, a towel discarded on the ground, and his hair was clearly wet, meaning he must have just gotten out of the shower, which may have been part of the reason as to why he didn't answer Yugyeom's warning phone call that he was about to head over. 

What was most surprising however, in just about everything, was just how fucked up Jinyoung looked. Yugyeom couldn't tell if he had been crying, but it definitely looked as if he was utterly exhausted. The side of his face was bruised, and his lip was swollen to. He had bruises- and hickies, and other marks practically everywhere. It was almost as if he had gotten attacked by a wild animal, and Yugyeom was really hoping that the marks were all from sex and not from getting beat up. "Hey hyung," he spoke softly, since Jinyoung still hasn't looked at him, almost as if he didn't notice that Yugyeom had walked in, as to not startle him too much. 

That made Jinyoung look away from the wall and up to him, and as soon as he noticed Yugyeom, he was sitting up, trying to use his blanket and his arms to cover himself up, as if he was trying to hide his body and shrink away. "Hey Gyeommie." 

And Jinyoung looked so fucking ashamed to be caught like this. Shaking his head, Yugyeom walked back out of Jinyoung's bed room without another word, and went into his kitchen, knowing that there is no way that Jinyoung didn't have an ice pack, he has to, it is Jinyoung of all people. Easily spotting it, he grabbed it, and went back into the room and joined Jinyoung on the bed. He pushed Jinyoung's hair back, and turned his head to the side slightly, and held the ice pack up, and Jinyoung wasn't even fighting him or insulting him. "Hyung... what happened? I know there had to be something going on, that you wouldn't do all of this." 

That was when the tears started to fall down Jinyoung's face, "I don't know where to even start." 

Using his free hand, Yugyeom wrapped his arm around Jinyoung and ran his hand up and down his back, trying to comfort him to the best of his abilities, "Where you think is best hyung. Probably more to the beginning of things though. 

Jinyoung nodded as he ran a hand across his face as to wipe the tears away, even though they were still coming. "Mark always was very edgy and suspicious when it came to anything relating to Jaebum, and I should have noticed that right away, but I didn't. Like we would get into a shit ton of fights about him. It all seemed juvenile and I guess it was fine, until it wasn't anymore. When I wasn't with Mark, I was with Mark, I was with Jaebum." 

Closing his eyes, Jinyoung stopped for a few seconds before continuing, "And then after winter break had happened, Mark wanted me to pay him back since I still hadn't gotten a gift for him yet, I was planning to get everyone else gifts after I got back, not the day of. He saw the marks I had from when I was with Jaebum, and I guess that must have been the snapping point. He lost it, and that was the night that he started calling me a slut. I remember what he said really clearly, he told me that 'sluts don't mind who's dick their sucking as long as it is one, right?' and he he;d me there while I was blowing him and he wouldn't let go of me. And everything felt so awful and I didn't know what to do so I went to Jaebum's because that was all I could think of. And then that night Jaebum told me that he is in love with me, but I don't deserve Jaebum, I know that. So i used Mark, I used him to try and get over Jaebum. But the slut stuff didn't stop, and he would always say this shit to me, and he would get so passive aggressive, if not actually aggressive. And the one time he just fucking held me there and said that 'if I wanted to act like a whore, then I would get treated like one.' And he just made me feel so fucking awful Gyeommie, but the worst thing in all of this is that I deserved that."  

That was the point that Jinyoung began to start crying even harder, and Yugyeom could only try to make comforting sounds as he kept running his hand up and down Jinyoung's back, still not talking, because he didn't know what to say, and he didn't think Jinyoung wasn't done yet, and all he could do was sit in a shocked silence, feeling sick. 

Breathing in, Jinyoung kept on explaining, "So I cheated on Mark because I can't stay away from Jaebum, because I fucking love him, and so it happened, and Mark found out about it and god he was so pissed. So he and I got into a fight, and he said things, and I finally gave up and slapped him and kicked him out of my apartment. And I don't know why I went to Jaebum's again, but I did, and then he and I fought, we fucked, and then we fought again. And now Jaebum doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. And then fucking Jackson called me and was pissed and I know, alright? I know that all of this is my fucking fault, and I know I'm a fucking whore who can't keep his hands to himself, and I know that I fucked up." 

Completely disregarding the ice pack, Yugyeom pulled Jinyoung into a full and proper hug. He knew that what everyone else had heard wasn't the full story of things, and how was he meant to put all of the blame, and seemingly hate Jinyoung, like everyone else was doing? Yugyeom could recognize and acknowledge that he was wrong. wrong for cheating, and had fucked up big time when it came to handling his feelings for Jaebum. But with Mark, it wasn't him at all. And it made him feel so bad, like a terrible friend, for not knowing or even noticing that all of this shit was going on. Especially with some of the parts that Jinyoung had told him, it wasn't sitting well with Yugyeom at all, it was reminding him of something, something that made his stomach churn and his throat burn. 

Pulling away, he got back up again and went to Jinyoung's open closet to pull out the first sweatshirt he could find, which happened to be an overlarge black sweatshirt and he brought it over for Jinyoung to put on so that he he had more close on that just his boxers. Jinyoung took it from him and put it on, and Yugyeom sat down next to him again. "Hyung, why won't you let yourself be happy?" 

Wiping at his eyes again, though this time with his sleeves, Jinyoung peeked up at him. "I am, aren't I? I'm passing all of my classes, I have a good paying job, and I have amazing friends, and there was a point where I was getting laid almost weekly." 

"You aren't happy," Yugyeom gave him a serious look. "You're hurt, and I know you miss Jaebum. Why won't you let yourself be happy Jinyoung." 

At the lack of honorifics, and the solemn seriousness in his tone, Jinyoung sighed, "But it isn't that simple." 

"But it is! I know that I'm not that old, but I can tell you, it doesn't have to be more complicated than it what it really is. If you love him, and if he loves you, then why can't you guys make it work?" 

Jinyoung drew his knees up to his chest as he laid his head onto is arms to look at Yugyeom, "Because Gyeommie, I fucked things up. I hurt him, I treated him like shit, and I stomped all over his feelings." 

Yugyeom couldn't deny that, and so he reached out to touch Jinyoung again. "Then apologize. He would listen to you. I know that he doesn't just want you to get out of his life forever, and be gone forever. I know that he is missing you too." 

"I can't," Jinyoung shook his head. "Not right now, not yet at least. He said that he wanted space, and I need to respect that by giving him his space." 

"But you will? Before it's too late?" At Jinyoung's nod, he continued to speak. "Good, because you guys deserve each other. You messed up, but you were going through something, and you are right now. You know why I think you pushed Jaebum away? Why you freaked out so much? A quote I found from a really great book that a friend showed me once was 'we accept the love that we think we deserve.' Mark treated you like shit, he degraded you, but you still went after him rather than Jaebum hyung. I know you think you deserve what Mark gave you, but you really don't. You deserve Jaebum, because he loves you, and I know that you love him too."

At hearing that, Jinyoung reached forward to hug Yugyeom. He didn't know how much he needed to hear those words, that he didn't deserve how Mark had treated him. And what did he ever do to get such a caring and mature friend? 

In the hug, Yugyeom petted the back of Jinyoung's head, and after several more seconds, he was speaking again, "Hyung?" At Jinyoung's hum om acknowledgement he paused again. unsure of how to words what he wanted to say, or how Jinyoung would react to hearing it. "Have you ever though that the one night with Mark wasn't fully consensual? It seems as if he guilted you into doing it, and that he had to coerce you into it, and that he just assumed that you would because you were with Jaebum, and that you've done stuff with him in the past. And what he was saying isn't okay either, it is like he was bullying you into it. And from what I'm understanding from all of this is that you didn't really have the power to stop what was going on or had much say." 

It was silent, for one second, and then two, three, and then the time just kept on stretching. In his arms, Yugyeom could feel just how stiff Jinyoung had gotten. After a long point of silence, Jinyoung's voice was quiet, "Are you trying to say-" 

Cutting him off before Jinyoung could say it, and to try and assure the panic that was in his voice, "I'm not trying to say anything, or tell you how to feel. Only you are in charge of you emotions and know what happened and how you truly feel about what happened. I just think that this is something to consider." 

And if Jinyoung held on to him tighter, and began to cry again, Yugyeom didn't point it out. He merely kept running his hands up and down his back and through his hair. 

___

It has been two days. 

Two days since all of the fights went down. Two days, and yet Jaebum still didn't know what to do, or how to feel. It was almost as if he is still processing everything that went down. In a sense, it almost didn't even seem real, but he knew that it was. And it had only been two days, but he has already come so close to reaching out to Jinyoung, several times actually, but he knew that he can't. Of course he knew that it was better if the two of them just stay apart for awhile, and that it is best so that they can think things through, but it certainly didn't feel like it. It's been two days, yet it feels like forever.

That anger he had that day however, didn't last long at all. It hardly took anytime at all for it to dwindle all the way down to just a sadness. Sadness every damn time that he had thought about it, which was practically always. It hurt. He was suppose to be trying to move on, or something of the sorts, but he just didn't know how. How do you move on from someone like that? 

Even his own apartment became like a ghost yard of memories, and he couldn't stand it anymore. 

When Youngjae arrived, Jaebum had multiple boxes out all around his apartment and was sorting things into them. For several seconds, Youngjae just stared at Jaebum, "What are you doing? Leaving the country?" he said the half joke as he rounded out of the doorway and into the living room to peer into the first box he saw, immediately feeling guilty once he recognized what was in it. 

On the top of the countless other things, there was a photo. It was a photo of Jinyoung and Jaebum, clearly from when they were way younger. Jinyoung had an awful quiff and Jaebum had bleach blonde hair. From that, it wasn't hard to realize then that everything he was putting into these boxers were tings of Jinyoung's. At the realization, he turned to look at Jaebum who was leaning against the counter, a book in his hands. "Hyung." 

"Can you help me put everything away?" he asked, his hands playing with the cover of the book. "Everything's reminding me of him right now and I just can't." 

Stepping around a few of the other various of boxes, Youngjae made his way closer to Jaebum, his heart breaking at hearing the utter pain in his best friends voice. "Are you sure?" 

"Yeah I need to just- shit," he hisses as he dropped the book and put his head in his hands. "You told me to cope, so I'm trying to cope." 

"This wasn't really what I meant. I meant more like going out and talking to people and doing things, but if this is what is going to help you feel better..." he trailed off. "Then I can help you." 

So Youngjae did help Jaebum pack everything away, regardless if he though that it was way overboard or not, because who was he to dictate how Jaebum should feel and cope? And if it was going to make him feel better, than damn it, Youngjae was going to do it for him. Besides, Youngjae wouldn't know, because he has never went through something like this. He hadn't had a break up since his first year of college. 

It was surprising, in a sense, but it wasn't at the same. How many things Jaebum had that were really Jinyoung's, or involved him enough to make Jaebum want to hide them away. He had known that their lives were ingrained, but he didn't ever realize that it was to such a microscopic level. Was this what break ups are really like? Youngjae wouldn't know, him and the girl from freshman year hadn't been nearly this serious, so he could only assume so. 

Though, he highly doubted that Jaebum was going to be keeping Jinyoung out of his life, Youngjae doubted if Jaebum could manage to do that, or, if that is even what he wants, to have Jinyoung gone forever. 

After the two of them packed everything up that Jaebum could find, which was seriously a lot of things, Youngjae helped push the boxes out of the way and against free walls. His apartment was looking oddly empty in a way, and Youngjae would be lying if he said that it wasn't bothering him.

Fiddling with his hands, he sat down on to the couch next to Jaebum, debating if it would be the wrong thing to do by telling him about what he had heard from Yugyeom. Which, wasn't good at all. Yugyeom didn't go into it, but all he said was that Jinyoung is off bad. If Youngjae knew Jaebum at all, it is that he knows the question of Jinyoung's well being is probably burning a hole through his head, and he was probably dying of curiosity on the matter. Perhaps he could tell him a little white lie that could appease him, at least, for now. "Hyung?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Yugyeom-ah spent some time with Jinyoung," he said carefully, gaining Jaebum's immediate attention. "And he says that Jinyoung is okay, so you can stop worrying." 

Looking up, Jaebum bit his lip, "He had Yugyeom with him?" 

"Yes," Youngjae confirmed. "Yugyeom is with him."

And it was comforting to know that Jinyoung isn't alone right now, because Jaebum is more than well aware of Jinyoung's disliking of being alone. Then again, Jinyoung, in a sense, also valued it. It was hard to describe, even for Jaebum, who undoubtedly knows him best, far more than anyone else ever has, and maybe, ever will. Park Jinyoung always has been, and probably always will be, like a walking contradiction. He could talk your ear off for hours on end, or not a say a single damn thing. And he loves to be alone, yet he is always yearning for affection. 

Maybe Jaebum should have just manned up all those months ago, or perhaps even years ago, and just told Jinyoung. Perhaps all of this could have been avoided, or maybe not. That was always one of Jaebum's personal issues with it all, he never knew, or at least, never felt like he knew, how he stands with Jinyoung. 

They were best friends, and then they were best friends that fucked, and throwing the emotions in, but he never actually knew what Jinyoung wanted, or what he really felt. All he had was the knowledge that Jinyoung never did relationships, and yet he was always sentimental with Jaebum. But was that all Jaebum was? A sentimental favorite? And he hated to pin or shallow Jinyoung down to just that, but what else was he suppose to think at this point? He wasn't lying when he told Jinyoung that he doesn't feel very loved. 

If Jinyoung even loves him that Jaebum loves him. 

That doesn't stop him from thinking of all the other times that Jinyoung has told him that he loves him. Even if they were fake. He took them, and it scares him that he would probably keep accepting them too. 

But he just doesn't know. He doesn't know, and he doesn't know when he will find out, if he ever even will. Yet somehow, none of that is enough to stop him from missing him. 

____

Jinyoung didn't exactly go searching for it. Or maybe he did. Either way, he was browsing in his trash folder, and it was in the recently deleted, and it was right fucking there, and the temptation to click on it was far too real, and Jinyoung has always been a bit weak. 

There was that damned sexy grin of his, and soft, yet deep voice, saying Jinyoung's name, and then it showed where he was touching himself and fucking into his hand accompanied by the back ground noises of his pants and moans. 

And by the time that Jinyoung came, he was wiping it away angrily and in utter disgust as he tossed the tissues away into the garbage bin. He tossed himself onto his bed, lying flat on his back and stared up at his blank ceiling. God, he was utterly disgusting. Did he actually just jerk off to that video? After everything?

Somewhere next to his head, Jinyoung could feel his phone ringing, and the vibrations through the mattress, and he reached up behind him, slapping around the bed until he found his phone. It wasn't until he saw his reflection that he realized he had been crying. 

The contact name read, **Mom** , and he debating not answering it, but he already didn't answer it three days prior, and if he turned down yet another call, he didn't doubt that his mother wouldn't drive all the way down here to talk (aka yell) to him, or even contact Jaebum, and both of those are the last thing he wants. 

So he answered, trying to keep his voice nonchalant, "Hey mom." 

"You don't talk to me in weeks and denied my last call and  you say 'hey mom?'?" Jinyoung winced. "I almost thought that you weren't going to answer me again. What's going on sweetie?" 

He faltered, was it really that obvious? Even over the phone? He sighed as he used his free hand to wipe at his face, "How did you know?" 

"Mother's intuition," he could practically hear the smile that was in her voice. "Are you going to tell me what's going on with you Jinyoungie?" 

"I'm afraid that you're going to judge me and be disappointed," he admitting, surprised to hear just how small his voice sounded, even to his own ears. 

"Oh sweetie," she cooed. "I'm your mother, I'm suppose to judge you. But I'm also suppose to help you, teach you, and always be there for you when you need me. And it sounds like you need someone right now." 

And so Jinyoung let everything spill out of his mouth, for the second time that week. He told her everything, as much as he didn't want to admit some of those things to her, he still told her. He told her about how Mark was always suspicious, and how he and Jaebum did a lot of things over Christmas break, and what happened with Mark after. He explained the things Mark would say, to how he cheated, and how he had gotten into all those fights. How Jaebum told him that they needed a break from one another. And he told her how he deserved it all. 

She was quiet, for a long time, not saying anything, and Jinyoung could only sit there, the anxiety churning in his stomach just waiting for her disapproval. He could picture it, her standing there straight, hands on her hips, lips pursed, and having that tone where "I'm not angry, just disappointed" 

Then finally she said, "I'm so sorry baby, no one should have to go through with all of that." she paused against before continuing. "That wasn't really what I was expecting to hear, that you were being, excuse my French, such an ass." Jinyoung flinched. "But good people can make bad mistakes, and your sex life and mistakes do not mean that you are an awful person that deserves nothing. You need to apologize to Jaebum, but you have to give him the space that he wants, and you have to understand that if Jaebum doesn't want to be friends or anything else anymore, you have to respect that decision. Even if it hurts, and it will." 

"I want to, apologize so bad. But I'm waiting for him to come to me, I don't want to breach that space, even though all I want to do is go hug him right now." 

"With a due time. I for one, don't want to see you guys never talk again, you know. I've been waiting for one of you two to make a move for years. I always thought that there was something, and once you came out as gay that just raised my suspicions, and then Jaebum came out as bisexual..." she trailed off. "And I can see that I was right." 

"Really?" Jinyoung questioned, slightly surprised that his mother had both thought that and had noticed that throughout the years. 

"Yeah," she nodded even though he couldn't see it. "I've always thought that you two would end up together. That's when you said you were involved with someone, I had thought it would be Jaebum." 

"I didn't know that we were-" 

"So obvious?" she cut in with a laugh. "Only a little bit. But you guys do have something special, and I would hate to see you guys lose each other." 

"I know mom," his voice was quiet. "Thank you for not, I don't know, murdering me for everything I told you." 

"Oh, you're not off the hook. Next time you visit you're cleaning the house for having sex in your room, especially while we were all here, that is so unbelievable Park Jinyoung, did your father raise you to do such a thing? Jaebum's lucky I don't call him and make him clean too, perhaps if you guys are speaking again you two can come over and clean." 

"Right," he smiled anyways, even at the promise of having to clean. "I love you mom." 

Her voice was much softer now, and he could hear the smile in her voice, "I love you too Jinyoung. Try to make it through this okay? You're a tough boy. I'll call you later, buh-bye."

It only made Jinyoung feel that much more guilty than he was before. It had been something that he was debating on doing, if it was even worth it, but his mind kept going back to the answer that, _yes_ , it is worth it. It probably didn't help that Jinyoung knew how easy it would be, and who to go to for it. He knows Jae Park, a boy who is two years older than him, and a guy he fucked back in his Freshman year. Jae is extremely cool, and a rather talented singer, who is friends with a rather talented group of guys, and they all had a band together, and would play on campus, and at some of the local bars. 

Coincidentally, that was where Jinyoung met him. He listened to them play, found him after the show, they flirted, proceeded to hook up, and then a week later they found each other on campus and found out they went to the same school. 

But Jae has always been extremely cool, and had a nice streak going (also wasn't a bad fuck). Even better, is that he knew people, and he also somehow always had weed on him, hasn't ever gotten caught, and Jinyoung knew about it first hand. Jinyoung's smoked with him on several occasions before, mostly in his freshman year, but there was a stray time here and there that he did it his second year. This year, he hadn't really gotten around to it, due to him being rather busy, but also since Jae was graduated now. 

But even then, when Jinyoung shot him a text, Jae gave him a number of someone else to text. a number to one of his dealers, an older boy, who Jinyoung is pretty sure is even older than Jae is. He knew that Jae met him through the underground music scene, albeit as a rapper and not a rocker. His name is Min Yoongi, and Jinyoung could faintly recall him his freshman year. He could remember that he was banging someone even younger than Jinyoung for awhile there. A boy named Park Jimin, who was extremely adorable. He was all curves, soft skin, adorable smiles and laughs. 

So Jinyoung had his number now, and he had been stuck on the debate of calling him. Rolling to the side, he wondered if he had time to on Saturday after work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bless youngjae and yugyeom for being the voices of reason in this fic smh also did y'all catch the title reference and under stand the title now ooooo 
> 
> so after this fic is over, imma be working and posting a new one called 'your love is my turning page' it is jjp, of course, and here is the description:
> 
> for jinyoung, jaebum is the bridge of what is and what can be, he is jinyoung's turning page and his every touch is a redefining phrase.


	14. fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i'm so sorry asjdkfs school is kicking my butt along with swim.  
> i wanna write a jingyeom fic one day (that's low key my second fav got7 ship)   
> also i was thinking before i rewrite the mafia au, i kinda want to write a to the moon au, and i was just wondering if any of you would be interested in that?

Staring down at the phone in his hands, Jinyoung checked his texts, and then looked back up to the house in front of him in confirmation that he was at the right place. A few days ago, he had finally gave in and ended up texting Min Yoongi, which lead Jinyoung to where he was at right now, standing right in front of his house. 

For the rest of the neighborhood, and from what you would probably expect, his house really wasn't that bad. It was kind of small, but was clearly enough for one person, and the blue paint was chipping, and from what Jinyoung could see, there was only one window boarded up with wood.

Shutting off his phone and tucking into his back pocket, he walked up the little side walk and to the brown door and knocked. Answering the door just seconds later was Yoongi, and it was Jinyoung's first time seeing him in person. The two of them are just about the same height, though Jinyoung could say that he had just centimeters more, and Yoongi had dyed pitch black hair that was styled messily, but not in a bad way, and he was in a pair of ripped up skinny jeans, so shoes, a shirt that was an American rock band, Kiss, and a bomber jacket. 

He leaned against the frame of the door with a smile on his face as he looked Jinyoung up and down slowly, "Park Jinyoung, right?" 

"Yeah." 

"Huh," he turned his head to the side. "You're just as attractive as Jae said you were." 

The tips of his ears turning red, he ducked his head down as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. Had Jae really told Yoongi that he was attractive? "Thanks?" 

"Said you were a bit of an incubus too," Yoongi added, giving Jinyoung another look, before ultimately pushing off of the door. "Come on in." 

Jinyoung followed Yoongi in to his house, slightly surprised by how neat it all was. In the living room there was a television, a gaming system (Jinyoung was pretty sure that it is a play station, though he doesn't know what model) and decorating all of the walls was various paintings and drawings of all kinds of sorts. He sat down on the purple couch, and patted the spot next to him, and obediently, Jinyoung followed suit. 

"Is this work yours?" he questioned, looking at the one piece across the room. It was of a flower, and the colors were just gorgeous, even in the messily way that it was done. 

"Yeah. I do art on the side of my rapping." 

"Hmm," Jinyoung hummed turning back to look at Yoongi. "You're good." 

"Thanks," Yoongi dismissed as he leaned back against his couch and crossed his legs. "Enough about me though, what about you? So you've decided that you wanted to get some drugs. Only a few reasons for that usually, and none of them are good. Unless you're already addicted, but I have a strong feeling that you aren't." 

Frowning, Jinyoung shrugged, feeling slightly uncomfortable at Yoongi's easily dismal at why he wants drugs, and it makes him wonder, how usual is it? To try and mask the pain? "No, I've only smoked weed before." 

Yoongi nodded understandingly, "What were you looking for then? Jae didn't really specify much when he told me about you, so I was kind of left guessing. Though I do have to say that I pretty much have everything that you could want. Although, you don't really look like you're looking for anything like coke or heroin." 

"No, no." Jinyoung shook his head. "Definitely not either of those." 

"Xanax?" Yoongi  questioned, more to himself than to Jinyoung. "No..." he trailed off. Cocking his head to the side, Yoongi looked him up and down again, and Jinyoung kept his hands folded as he stared back at Yoongi, still only slightly unnerved by Yoongi looking at him like that. "You look like you need to have a good time. Life been rough lately?" 

What, was he a physic? "You could say that." 

"How about ecstasy?" Yoongi perked up at that, as if he had solved the hardest problem. 

Jinyoung looked at him for a few seconds, he's never had ecstasy before, but he also hadn't heard anything terribly bad about it like he had with some other drugs. Eventually, he ended up nodding. "Alright, you're the expert after all." If that was what Yoongi was suggesting, then Jinyoung would trust him on it. 

That was enough to make Yoongi laugh and shake his head. "Expert. Jae didn't tell me that you are funny too. Come on."

Once again, Jinyoung began to follow Yoongi through his house and out of the living room, past the kitchen and dining room area, until they got to a room that was clearly his bed room. Standing out of the way, Jinyoung stood right at the entrance of the room by the door way, watching as Yoongi went to grab a small tote out from underneath his bed and began to rummage through it, eventually pulling out a little baggie that was full of what had to be hundreds of little white and blue pills. Pulling out two of them, Yoongi swallowed the one down and then rounds towards Jinyoung. 

"Open your mouth," he instructed, and Jinyoung did so, watching with almost crossed eyes as Yoongi places the pill on his tongue, and then pulls his hand back. Taking that as some sort of sign, Jinyoung dry swallows, just like Yoongi had earlier, and barely even winced as it went down his throat. Once he swallowed, Yoongi gave him a smile, "Cheers." 

"Am I suppose-" he was about to ask about how much Yoongi wanted for it, because that was something that he was more than expecting when he came over, but he was surprised as he got cut off by Yoongi's finger coming up to cover his lips as he even as the audacity to starting shushing Jinyoung. 

"Ready to feel great?" Yoongi asked with all the confidence in the world, and it was hard for Jinyoung to feel unsure, even though he definitely was because he didn't really know where this was all going. But it rubbed off on him enough to feel like he was just as confident. 

"Yes." 

Yoongi's mouth was on him in seconds, and Jinyoung met his touch, and let his hands wrap around Yoongi's waist to pull him closer. And this was something that Jinyoung knew, that he was the expert on. It was normal. And something about the fact that it wasn't Mark or even Jaebum made this all more exciting for him. Clutching onto the collar of the jacket that Jinyoung was still wearing, Yoongi began yanking and pulling him backwards, until they were hitting his bed, collapsing down, and Jinyoung just went with him through the flow of it all. 

Really, being high wasn't anything new or strange for Jinyoung, and he was more than used to it. But there was no denying that this wasn't the same as smoking weed. There was a certain buzz that was extremely different, and it was drumming in his veins as he took Yoongi's shirt off and began to lick down his torso. It was practically as if all of his senses had been dialed up to eleven. Especially touching and feeling, he has never felt this sensitive before. 

Pushing his shoulder's down, Yoongi climbed on top of him as his fingers began to work on unbuttoning Jinyoung's pants and tugging them off, leaving Jinyoung just in his boxers. "Don't you worry, you're on some damn good stuff right now." 

With that, his hand slipped underneath his boxers, and the second that Jinyoung felt the feathery light touch, he was moaning and bucking his hips up, and the name was coming out of his mouth before he could even stop himself from saying it, " _Jaebum_." 

Pulling away from him then, Yoongi looked up at him through his eyelashes, and Jinyoung was still in the right enough of mind and had enough decency to look embarrassed at his little slip up, and Yoongi only looked mildly offended at best. "You're glad that I think you're hot and that I am way to fucked up and horny to care that you just moaned someone else's name." 

And then Yoongi's lips were wrapping around Jinyoung's cock. 

By the time Yoongi had Jinyoung moaning like an utter madman and becoming a mess in his hands, Yoongi pulled back, a satisfied, and cocky grin on his face, "You've never really had good sex until you do it while on ecstasy." 

Jinyoung had never really been one who would cum all that quickly, but he also wasn't going to lie that tonight had been probably the quickest that he had came in a rather long time, and even after he had pulled out of Yoongi, his body was still buzzing in all sorts of positive feeling ways.

Laying there, he watched as Yoongi threw on a pair of boxers, and went to sit by the window that was several feet away, leaving Jinyoung there to sit and cover up with the thin sheet that was on his bed. After he covered up, he inched closer so that he was leaning against the wall on the other side of the window, shivering at the breeze, but not bothering to even do anything about it. 

His eyes instantly caught the newfound flame, and watched as Yoongi flicked the lighter to light up his cigarette. As if it was the most brilliant thing in the world, Jinyoung watched as the flame flickered from the cold wind coming in from the window, but it was gone, even though it had just been there. From there, he watched as Yoongi closed his eyes and took in one long inhale, and then watched as the grey smoke wisped out of his mouth, fading all the way out once it his the screen. 

"Im Jaebum, right?" Yoongi finally questioned, eyes still focused on the looking out of the window, even though all it did was expose the dark and empty neighborhood. "Is he your boyfriend? Because I sure hope that he isn't gonna get pissed if he finds out I dealed to you and you fucked me. He won't come punch me, right? That's happened one too many times." 

Something in him felt compelled to ask about it, but he didn't, deciding to just answer Yoongi's question instead. "No, him and I aren't even talking to each other anymore." 

It was at that answer that Yoongi finally turned to look at him, the same way as he has all night. As if he knows Jinyoung, or at the very least, was trying to read him. Almost as if he could look into Jinyoung's head, thoughts, and soul. "Normally I don't actually care to know someone's sob story when they buy from me, but I'm bored and you seem sad. Jaebum must mean something to you then?"

That was just putting it lightly. Jinyoung didn't know really how to start explaining it, or even where to begin, so he gave the most simplest answer that he could, "We've been best friends for twenty years." 

"But there's something more to it," Yoongi pointed out with no hesitation, much to the drop of Jinyoung's stomach. "You wouldn't have moaned his name if there wasn't something more to it." He shrugged however, showing indifference, "What do I know? I'm not a therapist, and you're not my client. I'm just a dealer, and you're merely a buyer. But do you trust me enough?" 

Swallowing, Jinyoung wondered if things were really that obvious. Weakly, he tried to make a joke out of it, "You're the expert." 

Yoongi gets up then and walks over to one of his dressers and opens the third drawer until he comes back holding yet another pill, something that Jinyoung honestly couldn't name right off hand, not that he could really name many drugs right off hand. Tapping his bottom lip, Jinyoung opened his mouth, and let Yoongi place the pill in his mouth yet again, and then he swallowed it, somehow managing to not even grimace this time. Pulling back, Yoongi sat down on the chair again right next to the window. "It's free, don't worry about it. Besides, it really seems like you need to get your mind off of some things." 

Never one to be good with words lately, Jinyoung just nodded and kept it at a short, "Thank you." 

He didn't stick around much longer after that. Yoongi didn't quite kick him out, and Jinyoung didn't exactly leave to go do anything either. But Yoongi walked him to the door anyways, and leaned against the frame similar to how he had earlier when Jinyoung had first arrived, "You're interesting Park, come see me again some time."

It had to have been night time for quite some time now, and when Jinyoung checked his phone for the time, he was slightly surprised to see that he had been over at Yoongi's well over three hours, when he thought he would really only be there for one hour at best. How had the time passed that quickly? Shoving his hands in his pocket to fight the cold, it was that time where it still wasn't warm enough for spring, but wasn't as biting cold of winter, and began setting off on his walk back to his apartment that was well over a hours of walk away. 

Walking, he stared at his feet as he did so, watching as they kept moving, left, then right, then left again. He got towards Lameroux before there ended up being an issue. There was a whistle that caused Jinyoung to look up from where he had been staring at the cold grey cement. Across the street, there was a man who was looking right at him. For a second, Jinyoung almost stopped walking, but then turned his head back forward and kept walking faster in hopes that the man would just leave him alone. 

"Hey gorgeous!" a voice called out, and Jinyoung picked up his pace. 

_Don't be crossing the street. Don't be crossing the street._ Jinyoung chanted over and over again in his head hoping that the man wouldn't now be behind him, but when he turned around, there enough was the clearly older man now standing right under the light post that Jinyoung was under just seconds ago. Seeing him a bit closer now, Jinyoung could now see the clear stumble in his steps, a drunk. It wasn't surprising for where he was at, but that didn't take the fear away from him. 

Shaking his head, he kept walking, assuming that after a few blocks and several different turns, the man would just get bored and give up. But it didn't matter how many times Jinyoung took crazy directions, the guy stayed right behind him, enough to make Jinyoung's heart begin to pound and his hands to shake.He always stayed far enough behind him so that it would look normal enough to anyone who would just happen to see it, but it was unsettling enough for Jinyoung, and he has seen the news one too many times to know just how this one turns out. 

A loud band caught his attention, and Jinyoung swore that he violent flinched. Turning, he watched as the light poured out of the now open door, a guy was racing down the steps with another guy following after him screaming at the top of his lungs prompting the one who had been trying to leave to starting yelling back again and Jinyoung could swear that that was a gun on his belt. 

Cringing, he tucked himself into the alley way that was just a couple of houses down, pretty confident that the fighting had finally let him lose the guy that had been following him for who knows how many fucking blocks at this point. Dropping down onto the ground, he pulled out his phone, reminding himself to just breathe, in, and out. Before he knew it, his hands were moving, and when he looked down, his phone was ringing, his hands moving as if they had minds of their own and went to work with dialing the more than familiar number. 

It rang several times, and Jinyoung was more than sure that Jaebum wasn't even going to answer it, but then almost at what had to be the last second, the ringing stopped and he heard a harsh, "What?" 

Relief almost flooded him at the fact that Jaebum had actually bothered to answer, "I don't know where the fuck I am, and there's these two guys are arguing and I'm pretty damn sure there is a gun involved and this one guy has been following me for over a hour now." 

Whatever anger that was present when Jaebum had first answered the call was quickly dissipating and ended up gone in an instance as he jumped up from the desk he was sitting at and grabbed his keys from off the counter to run to the car. He could be pissed and hurt with Jinyoung all that he wants, but he was admittedly worried, and would never risk Jinyoung's safety and well being by being petty. "Where are you?" 

"I don't know." 

"Is there a street sign somewhere around you that you can check?" 

Getting back up again and using the wall for support, Jinyoung began to walk out, gripping his phone tightly to the point where he was scared that it would break, being all too nervous to see that the guy would be right there waiting for him to come out. But when he walked out, there was no one there, and it was silent besides the yelling several houses down, but they seemed so engaged with each other that they wouldn't notice Jinyoung. Spotting a street light two houses away, Jinyoung walked to it and read the sign, Court Street. 

"Jinyoung?" Jaebum had to prompt as he sat in the car, car running, and his worry growing as it was utterly silent on Jinyoung's side. 

Blinking, and realizing that he is still on the phone with Jaebum, Jinyoung goes to head back to the alley, "I'm on Court Street, by an alley." 

"Don't move," Jaebum instructed as he looked in his mirror. "I'm coming to get you."

With that, Jaebum hung up the phone and tossed it on the mantle haphazardly as he began to pull out of the parking lot. He knew pretty vaguely on where he was going, but he recognized the name of that street well enough and what in the hell was Jinyoung doing on that side of town? Especially at this time of night nevertheless? Alone? Shaking his head, he pushed down on the gas to drive faster since there wasn't many cars out and around, and even then, fuck the rest of them, this was more important. 

When he turned on to Court Street, he kept his eyes peeled out, and sure enough, there was an alley just several houses in and he saw someone standing there, and he could only assume that it was Jinyoung. Driving closer, he came into a park, his heart instantly calming seeing that it was indeed Jinyoung, and he is safe. At the honk of the horn, Jinyoung looked up at him, and Jaebum watched as Jinyoung took several long strides to get in to the car, and when he got in, he was silent. 

Jaebum drover, not saying a thing either, but he couldn't help but take tiny and quick glances at Jinyoung, trying to see if their was anything outwardly wrong with him. His pupils looked rather dilated, but he didn't reek of alcohol, there was no bruises, and yet, there was something that just didn't seem right about it, but Jaebum couldn't place it. 

With the initial adrenaline wearing off though, the drive was giving him enough time to calm down and begin rationally thinking again, which just served to bring all of his anger back. "What in the actual fuck were you doing on that side of town Park Jinyoung" he turns to glare at Jinyoung, watching as the other flinches at his outburst. Knowing that his jaw was clenched and jutting out again, and with knowing Jinyoung well enough to know that he wasn't going to say a god damned thing, he pulled them over onto the curb and slammed on the breaks, not wanting to play any games right now. "You have five seconds to tell me or I'm throwing you out of this fucking car." 

Turning to Jaebum, Jinyoung knew that he had to be utterly furious right now. Mouth dry as if he hadn't had water for days, hands sweating, and his jaw clenched to the point that it was hurting, he finally found it in himself to admit, "I was at Yoongi's." 

"Min Yoongi?" Jaebum questioned, immediately recognizing the name, and it was as if everything suddenly made sense as to why something seemed off, it was because Jinyoung was fucking high, and Jaebum didn't even know on what. "You were there for drugs. What the fuck are you on?" 

"He gave me ecstasy before we fucked but afterwards he gave me something, but I don't know what it was." 

A feeling shot through his stomach, jealousy coursed through his veins, and Jaebum tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "What the fuck Jinyoung? Seriously?" 

Not being able to look Jaebum in the eye, he brought his legs up onto the seat so that he could curl into himself. He wrapped his arms around his legs and buried his chin into his knees. He must have forgotten to put on his seat belt earlier, and Jaebum had to have also forgotten to remind him in the midst of his own anger. 

Through the time that has passed, the self loathing hasn't left him, and all of those bad feelings he had left over from Mark, and then there was what Yugyeom had pointed out to him, and all of it was just too much. But finally being face to face with Jaebum now suddenly made things a thousand times worse and it made him mind start screaming at him. Scream about how bad he fucked up, and how he doesn't even deserve to have Jaebum with him right now saving him from even more mistakes. "I just wanted the pain to stop." 

And apparently, that was a good enough of an answer for Jaebum because the car was in motion again, and Jaebum stayed focused on the road for the rest of the driver, but Jinyoung is no fool. He knows that not only is Jaebum taking him back to his apartment, but that he is also livid right now. It was more than clear in the way that his jaw was locked and the frozen cold expression on his face. It made his heart sink, Jaebum has never been this mad at him before, yet, nothing like this has ever even happened before. But it hurt, it hurt like hell knowing that he had pushed Jaebum this far.

They parked in the parking lot, and he followed Jaebum up the stairs, already feeling as if it was wrong to be here after so long. They walked through his apartment door, and Jinyoung took his sweet time to toe off his shoes, the entire time Jaebum stood there, hands in his pockets just watching him. 

When Jinyoung finally looked up and once both of his shoes were off, Jaebum was telling him, "Go sleep in my bed tonight."

He almost asks where Jaebum will be, but by the time he opens his mouth to ask, Jaebum is already gone and beginning to settle down on the damned black leather couch of his. Hesitantly, he turned the other way to walk towards Jaebum's room, closed the door behind him, and then collapsed on to the bed just seconds later. 

He's never not shared a bed with Jaebum before, and that realization only served as a reminder that drove the stake in further. Closing his eyes, he tried to force himself to focus on his breathing, but it was so damn hard to. It was nearly impossible to tell himself to breathe in for four and out for four when he is lying here in Jaebum's bed, engulfed by his smell, surrounded by so many memories, and when the wall that was separating him from Jaebum only seemed to be mocking him because Jinyoung might as well have been the one to fucking build it. 

Why was Jaebum even doing this? Why did he even come to get Jinyoung? Why did he even pick up the phone in the first place? He had full right to not even bother answering, or to even laugh at him once he did answer, or even to tell him to fuck off. 

But Jinyoung knows the answer to that all too well and it causes him to curl up into a little ball as he rolls over onto his left side.

His eyes landed right onto a group of boxers that he hadn't noticed were there earlier when he had first walked in. At first, there didn't seem to be anything interesting in them, appearing to just be normal boxes, but then when he was turning his head to look away, his eyes caught sight of a certain familiar burgundy fabric peeking out of the corner of the far right box. Curious now, to see if it was what he thought it was, Jinyoung rolled out of the bed and took the few short steps over to the boxes, and grabbed the fabric to pull it out. It was. It was this burgundy cardigan that he bought for himself just about over two years ago, and Jaebum was particularly fond of it, so Jinyoung had just given it to him since it looked better on him anyways. 

With his curiosity growing more intense, he began to look through all of the boxes, knowing well enough that it was wrong to be digging through someone's stuff, yet that wasn't enough to stop him from going it. It took him only having to look at several more items for him to finally understand what all of these boxes actually are. All of it, it was all his stuff. It was everything Jinyoung has ever owned, ever left at Jaebum's, ever gotten Jaebum, or anything that he has ever did with Jaebum. There was literally everything. There was movie tickets, stuffed animals from carnivals, books, clothing, photo booths, amusement parks, and so many other photos. 

One particular photo however caught his attention, and Jinyoung fished it out, and through the reflection of the glass from the lights behind him, he made eye contact with his own tear stained face. Dazedly, he touched his cheek with his free hand, when had he begun to cry? Focusing back on the photo, he handled it delicately, as if it was the most precious thing in the world, and he traced the frame with his fingers, it was the first photo that the two of them had ever taken together. 

It was at Jinyoung's birthday party, after only knowing Jaebum for just about a month. He had a very small birthday party, the only person from school that he had invited was actually Jaebum, despite the fact that his mother had tried to encourage him to invite the rest of the class, but Jinyoung wouldn't, because Jaebum was all that he needed, or really, wanted. And so, Jaebum came over, and of course Jinyoung's sisters and parents were there, and his mom had also went behind his back and invited the neighbor over, as well as his two cousins. It was small, but Jinyoung liked it that way (and that was how every birthday party continued up until he was twelve and claimed that he didn't need a birthday party because it was for little kids, although him and Jaebum always ended up doing something together.) Jackson had came into the picture way after Jinyoung had stopped having parties. In college, it became a tradition to always go out drinking for someone's birthday, but on his actual birthday, there was only one person that he would be spending his time with.

And he was chocking back a sob because _holy fuck_ \- the feeling was all too real, the emotions were forcing themselves there, and he clutched the photo tighter. Of course there was only one person that he was spending his time with on his birthdays, because there only ever has been one fucking person. It's only ever been Im fucking Jaebum, because Jinyoung loves him, and maybe he always has. He loves him so much, and it hurt, it fucking hurt and it terrifies him. 

Looking back up to the shut door, he began to question if he should even bother to go out there, or if he should just suffer in silence in here alone. Did he even deserve comfort? From Jaebum nevertheless? He knew that answer to that, no, of course not. What Jinyoung has done is wrong. He shouldn't have done it, and he should have never said yes to Mark. He should have never gotten back together with him, any of the times. He should have just stayed in Jaebum's arms, because he knows, he knows that Jaebun's arms will always be, and always have been, open to him. And he knows he doesn't deserve that kind of love, that he doesn't deserve that kind of care from him, but he has it anyways, he always has. But he was also more than aware that it would probably just be easier to die than to get forgiveness. 

He was selfish, Mark had told him that, and so had Jaebum. And he wasn't going to lie, he is selfish, he is selfish, and he is greedy, and he just fucking wants Jaebum's love, he needs it. Gasping for air as if he was dying, he let himself stumble out of the door and into the living room. 

____

Jaebum couldn't sleep. He couldn't find it in himself to be able to sleep knowing everything that had happened tonight, and with knowing that Jinyoung was just one room away. Being in his apartment was already like living with a ghost, with practically every little thing reminding him of Jinyoung. Even when he tried to pile everything away into boxes (not that he was planning to get rid of any of it, as if he ever could, he just needed to clear everything from his immediate sight) it didn't get any better. He spent too many mornings blankly staring at a old photos, and too many afternoons avoiding his bookshelf knowing how many of those books weren't even his, and just too many nights pulling out clothes just to find that they weren't even his, or they were fits. And he just wanted it to stop. 

But closing the stuff away into boxes didn't fix anything. Because his whole damn apartment, his whole damn life was like a story that all evolved around Park fucking Jinyoung. Even now, the very couch that he is laying on was bringing back memories, enough to make him shiver as he thought about it. Last time Jinyoung was in his apartment, he decked him. And last time that Jinyoung was in his apartment, he had bent him over this couch hard and tried to fuck the anger and hurt into him. 

And maybe that's where things went wrong on Jaebum's end. He had always been there for Jinyoung, letting him use his love, and take everything he wants from Jaebum. That was the problem, that he would let Jinyoung take everything that he wanted. But there was always that selfishness hidden in there, because often, it was just as much for Jaebum to indulge Jinyoung. 

Yes, Jaebum was rather selfish as well. After years of pining and tension, he took the chance to finally make a move on Jinyoung, and he quickly got addicted. And Jinyoung indulged him, Jinyoung let him take it, because Jaebum was well aware that Jinyoung always did have a soft spot for him, more than others. Because Jinyoung never really kept anyone around. Because Jaebum knew that Jinyoung could swear up, down, left, and right that him and Mark were fine, but he knew that they would never have what they have. Mark knew it, and hell, he knew that Jinyoung knew it too. But Jinyoung has always been just a bit too stubborn, a complete stubborn asshole. 

Hearing his bedroom door open pulled Jaebum out of his monologue as he watched Jinyoung come out and stand by the couch, collapsing, bawling as he clutched a photo. Jaebum didn't even need to see the photo for him to recognize the worn framing. In the midst of his tears, he could hear Jinyoung was speaking, or at least trying to. He was only managing to say fragments of sentences, and it was all becoming a general blob of _I'm sorry, I love you_. 

And he wants to believe him, but he can't and his hurt fucking hurts because he knows that Jinyoung is still high right now on whatever the fuck Yoongi gave him. But even now, he knew that he was still going to be there for Jinyoung even though he himself wants to begin to break down, but maybe if he didn't cry he would just stop feeling as a whole. 

Plucking the photo from Jinyoung's grasp, he sat it down on the little table on the side of his couch, and turned his full attention on Jinyoung. He place his hands on Jinyoung's head who was immediately leaning into the touch, "Jinyoung, breathe in and out, listen to my voice." He was no expert by any means, but he was almost desperate at this point to help Jinyoung just calm down, because he needed for him to stop crying like that, over him, over them. 

Things stayed like that for awhile, Jaebum sitting up as he leaned over Jinyoung, holding onto him, and telling him to breathe, as Jinyoung was slumped in front of him, listening to his every word until he wasn't crying anymore, until he was left just staring at the couch. 

"Jaebum..." 

Knowing that they couldn't have the talk that they needed to right now, he shook his head. "Stop, we'll talk in the morning." 

Jinyoung brought his hands up off of the floor from where they were previously clenched into fists, and then wrapped his arm to loop around Jaebum's leg, he just wanted to be in Jaebum's arms. His voice was quiet, almost timid like as he asked, "Can we cuddle? Please?" 

And even after all of this time, Jaebum still found it hard to tell Jinyoung no, so he didn't. 

Because in all honesty, he might have needed this even more than Jinyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i don't want this to seem as if jinyoung just went for the drugs because of jaebum, but it's more or less because he is hurt and vulnerable as fuck, it's a way to try and cope, particularly with the abuse from mark. i just don't want it to seem like the drugs was some desperate attempt to get jaebum to notice him. also if you look up into drugs a lot of his behaviors as being high will probably make a lot more of sense, but i'm sure y'all can get it without that extra lil info.


	15. fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it bitches !!! the final chapter !!! 
> 
> i'm sorry this took so long, honestly i was busy and then had writers block and then i kept hating everything i wrote because i wanted it to be perfectly, and really i'm still not 100% happy but i owe y'all the final damn chapter, and it's thanksgiving and i'm thankful for you guys for reading and commenting 
> 
> and i wanted to end this mess of a fic on a happier and cheery note because things do get better, you can heal, and i think that message is very very important to have. i think that's a consistent message i want to show, in this, in swing me out of the low (i'm ready to hope) and the next fic i'm going to be posting your love is my turning page. i didn't want to end this as i would end a lot of my one shots (which if y'all read those, that would be fucking like death and shit)

Before Jinyoung had even enough time to open his eyes, the second he awoke he felt the pain all through out his body. His head was absolutely killing him, and so was his shoulder, and that much have came with him sleeping in an uncomfortable position, especially with being on a couch never the less. He's felt like this, only a handful of times before in the past, and that had only been when he was drinking an excessively unhealthy amount. But he didn't drink last night, he did things much worse, and he was already cringing as he began to remember the shit that went down last night. 

_Jaebum_. 

He's at Jaebum's right now. 

That only made him cringe harder. Opening his eyes, he blinked around at the apartment, a small part of him still hoping that maybe it was all just a really awful nightmare, all of it. Grunting as he tried to sit up, he didn't even make it into a proper sitting position before Jaebum was right next to him, hovering by his side, a glass of water in his one hand and pills in the other, Tylenol. Wordlessly, with a hint of embarrassment for even needing his help, Jinyoung accepts it and watches as Jaebum disappears again off into his kitchen, and re emerges again with a piece of toast in his hand. 

"You should try to eat something," Jaebum says, voice soft as he places the toast with a napkin on top of Jinyoung's lap and then retreats to sit on his chair that is kitty corner to the couch. 

It was terribly silent as they both just sat there, neither one of them saying a thing. Jinyoung took the pills, and ate the toast that was given to him, and Jaebum just watched him do so. Even after he was done, they continued to just sit there, stewing with their own thoughts. He didn't know what to say, or where he could even begin to start. He remembered where things left off last night, with him crying and apologizing. Because he is sorry, he knows that, but a sorry wasn't going to fix shit at this point. It was all just so damn broken, and facing that was hard. 

"You hurt me," Jaebum finally speaks, ending what had to be at least a half hour of utter silence, while raising his head up from where he had been staring out a window to look at Jinyoung. 

And he could see it, the hurt that Jaebum had. Just how broken he really look, how truly tired. All because of him, he did that to Jaebum. "I know," he whispers, unable to bring himself to speak any louder. "God, I know, I'm so so fucking sorry Jaebum." 

"I know you are." 

He began to pick at the holes in his jeans, only serving to tear at them and make it worse. A true metaphor for how life has really been going for him. "I don't even know what to say though, or what am I suppose to do now? There is nothing to excuse my behavior. I am so fucking stupid aren't I? You must hate me. How long did I ignore your feelings? Especially after you showing me, and even after you telling me? I just kept brushing them off and trying to pretend that things were normal, that they were all okay. But it wasn't, nothing was okay." 

"I don't know about everything else, but I know that at least some of it had to do with Mark, and I understand that. And Jinyoung? I don't blame you for that. Everything he did, that he caused, that he made you think, I don't blame you for any of that." 

"It doesn't excuse it though," he argues. "I've treated you like shit lately, a lot of that on my own accords. And I don't know why it took me so fucking long to get my head out of my own ass and let me admit to myself that I love you, that I'm in love with you, and that I have been for a long, long time now." 

"Then why did you run?" he asks, sounding genuinely confused. "Forget Mark right now, when looking at everything else, at the large scheme of things, why did you run? Why have you been running? How long have you been running from it Jinyoung?" 

"Years," he admits. "God, it had to have been high school, or even longer. But I didn't know, or maybe I always have and just ignored it. I craved things, but I always chalked it up to you being my best friend and a good hyung, or my own sexual appetite. But by the time I started coming around, it was too late, I was tangled in this web and I was so scared, scared because I loved you, and scared because of everything else going on. I'm not a strong person Jaebum, I'm really not." 

"And I was scared about losing you!" Jaebum's voice raised then, but he pushed himself further back into the seat and back of the chair and closed his eyes to breathe. Getting angry wasn't going to help either of them at this point. After taking a few moments, he opened his eyes again and with a calmer voice he continued, "It wasn't even about my feelings for you anymore, I thought I was losing, that I had lost my best friend Jinyoung. Because I may be in love with you, but you're still my best friend, you always have been." 

"God, I'm sorry," he repeats again, feeling like a broken recorded that was only capable of playing the same few songs, the same few lines, over and over again on a constant never ending repeat. And he felt the tears well up again, but he didn't want to cry anymore, because his head hurt, and not anymore - he's done so much crying already. 

After everything that had happened though, Jaebum still knew exactly what he was going to say, and exactly how he still felt. He was done with being angry, with being bitter. That was no good for anybody, for him, or for Jinyoung. Nothing was going to get better if they held on to those emotions, it would just make things worse and further complicate things, unnecessarily so. And neither of them needed that anymore. Within seconds, he was sitting on the couch besides Jinyoung, and placed a hand gingerly on his shoulder, the other cupping his cheek, "I forgive you Jinyoung. You hear that? I forgive you." 

Those words though, hearing them, were enough to make the tears start falling down, collapsing the dam and whatever make shift wall Jinyoung had tried to build. He let Jaebum wrap his arms around him and let himself cry into Jaebum's shoulder. They stayed like that, one of Jaebum's hands petting his hair, and the other rubbing up and down his back, like he always has done, still knowing exactly how to comfort Jinyoung. 

"I don't deserve you," Jinyoung squeezed his eyes shut, head still buried in Jaebum's chest, listening to the beating of his heart. 

Grabbing his shoulders, Jaebum pulls him back to look at him right in the eyes. He could forgive Jinyoung, but they couldn't move forward if he doesn't change. "It doesn't matter about what you think you deserve. What do you _want_ Jinyoung?" 

And it was so fucking easy now, after everything, to admit those words out loud finally, "I want to be with you." 

"Then be with me Jinyoung." 

Jaebum moved forward to hug him again, and Jinyoung stayed quiet, just letting Jaebum comfort him, he would allow it for a little longer, because after everything, he needed this, he wanted it. Even after he stopped crying, he still just sat there in Jaebum's arms, selfishly taking all the comfort and reassurance. It was less of a hug now, and more of a cuddle, as Jaebum's arms were wrapped around him, and his head was resting on his chest. 

Jaebum pushed the fringe out of his eyes, and Jinyoung blinked, "I don't know how to fix things though Jaebum, I really don't know. I don't know where to even begin." 

Lacing their hands together, Jaebum rests their intertwined hands over Jinyoung's heart, "You can fix things, and you can get better Jinyoung. We'll do it together, you're not alone in this. Admitting you were wrong and that you need to change is the first step to being on the right track. Next, I think you should probably see a therapist, get professional help. There's nothing wrong with admitting that something's wrong and that you need help." 

He couldn't help the way that his body began to tense at the thought. The words therapist and professional help rang in his head. It was hard though, admitting that he has a problem, that maybe he's had a problem. Or that Mark may have fucked him up further than what he had originally thought of. But then he would think back to Yugyeom's careful words when he told him that he didn't think it was consensual, and he knew then that Jaebum was right. As much as he didn't want to admit that, as much as it terrified him to do so. "I'm scared." 

"It's okay to be," Jaebum reassures rubbing Jinyoung's arm. "And I'll be with you through it all, right here. I'm not going anywhere." 

"Together?" he asks as he squeezes Jaebum's hand. 

"Together," he confirms with a smile as he squeezes back." 

___

Jaebum would be lying if he said that the last few weeks have not only been stressful for him because of finishing up the school year, his final year of college, but because he spent so much of that time worry over Jinyoung. He couldn't help it though, maybe it has just become a habit that he has developed over the years, since he has pretty much spent his entire life doing so. Or maybe it was because now he had an extremely legitimate reason to be worried. 

Jinyoung had been closing himself off to the world for the past few weeks too, ever since he woke up sober, yet still an utter mess. In the past few weeks, like he does any time that he decides to shut down, he ignored countless texts and calls, and barely answered any of them. It was quite similar to how he did the last time that he had his break down and with drew from quite literally everyone. But it wasn't like last time, because this time Jaebum knew that Jinyoung was in a better place, or at least on his way to getting there. Jinyoung went to work, and he went to school, and he went to therapy. Which, Jaebum was more than glad that Jinyoung had taken that suggestion seriously and sought out someone in town, to get the help that he needed because Jaebum could only do so much for him. 

Eric, the therapist that Jinyoung had found, is a great man, and Jinyoung looked up to him greatly, and Jaebum could see the admiration as clear as day. And that alone was enough of a reason for Jaebum to like him too, to trust him too. It was amazing, the fact that he was able to sit back and watch Jinyoung heal right in front of him, becoming more like himself that he probably ever has, and to see him heal from the shell that he had become for awhile there when he was at his most broken down. Things were finally beginning to feel like what they once were, except that this time things were right. It's what it should have always been.

Jaebum was standing around in the kitchen, finishing up the bowl of ramen he had just made when he heard his door open, a grin stretching across his face right away, knowing that it had to be Jinyoung coming back from work (he was the only one with a key after all). Coming out of the kitchen, he smiled seeing that Jinyoung was still dressed in his waiter uniform, and looked utterly adorable in it. "Hi," he presses a kiss against Jinyoung's forehead, but Jinyoung reaches out for him and catches his hips and pulls him back in for a real kiss. 

"Hi," he greets with an equally large smile to match Jaebum's. "I'm going to go steal your shower for a bit, okay? Will you make a me a bowl of ramen too? Please hyungie?" he pouts as Jaebum sighs. 

"You're so spoiled, I swear," he shook his head despite the grin being on his face, because how was he going to say no? Jinyoung really does have him wrapped around his finger. "Go on, it will be done by the time you get out. Shoo, shoot," he waves his hands gesturing down the hallway to the bathroom. "Go enjoy your shower, don't make my water bill too high." 

"I won't," he winks and then turns down the hall to shout out, "Thank you!"

Jaebum watches as Jinyoung retreats down the hall way, and makes a quick stop to Jaebum's room, and emerges from there several seconds later with a pile of clothes in his hands, before finally going into the bathroom, and closing the door behind him with a soft little bang. 

Shaking his head, Jaebum heads back to the kitchen then and pulls out yet another package of noodles and re did the entire process that he had just done what had to be not even twenty minutes ago. Not that he really minded though, because in all actuality, he didn't even mind at all. He might as well start at some point with paying Jinyoung back for all the times that he's cooked for him over the years (which has been many, _many_ times.) 

Once he was finished, and he heard the water turn off, he plopped down at the counter, finally getting a chance to eat his own bowl of ramen. Since Jinyoung was still not out yet, it was sitting next to his on the counter, a little cover on top of it to trap in the heat so he stayed warm. Looking up from his phone, Jinyoung slid into the stool next to him, immediately digging in to the ramen. "It tastes good," he compliments while covering his mouth with his hand, in typical Jinyoung fashion. "Good to know that you're actually capable of cooking. All of these years and here I thought that your mother didn't teach you anything. I should apologize for doubting her." 

"Maybe she did, maybe she didn't," he shrugs with a grin. "Or maybe I learned it from you." Which was the more likely answer, given all the times that he would stand around and watch Jinyoung cook, because that had easily become one of his favorite guilty pleasures. 

"Maybe that means you can start cooking for me more then. Or that you could have been for awhile now." 

Feeling his phone buzz, he looks down at it, feeling as it keeps buzzing, over and over again, nonstop and he feels a burst of irritation at first. Who in the world is blowing up his phone like this? It better be important. Yet, knowing his friends, there was the very good chance that it wasn't. It very well could be BamBam or Yugyeom with some stupid memes, what ever is currently on trend now a days, not that Jaebum would really know about that.

**Wang Puppy** : jinyoung isn't home ??? his neighbor says he hasn't seen him today ? where is he ? 

**Wang Puppy** : i need to talk to him !!!!

**Wang Puppy** : seriously this is like an emergency 

**Wang Puppy:** i have to apologize 

**Wang Puppy** : mark told me everything, and tugyeom confirmed a lot of it and i feel so awful hyung 

**Wang Puppy** : i really said horrible horrible things to him, you don't even know. i thought that he really did just cheat on mark, but that wasn't the case, that wasn't it at all. but i spoke without knowing these things, and i really fucked up jaebum. 

**Wang Puppy:** and that means i have to apologize, but i've been to scared to for awhile now 

**Wang Puppy** : god he probably hates me doesn't he? 

Jaebum waited several minutes, just to ensure that Jackson wasn't going to start sending him anymore texts. He could never be so sure when it comes to Jackson, he did text like a manic really. And was rather prone to spam texting, which, Jaebum couldn't tell if it was better or worse than making one huge long ass message to read. 

**Chic and Sexy:** i don't blame you for waiting, i think space is what jinyoung really needed especially during finals week 

**Chic and Sexy:** and jinyoungies with me, he had to work opening today so he was probably up before his neighbor 

**Chic and Sexy** :  and i know. i don't think he hates you, at all. come over, but act like you were coming over to see me and that you didn't know he is here. it could give you a chance to talk to him if he is down for it 

Turning to Jinyoung, Jaebum looks him up and down, he seems to be in a rather good mood today, and Jaebum didn't want to ruin that. Hopefully, he really isn't still mad at Jackson, or else this wasn't going to turn out that great, was it? He still remembered the last time that something like this happened, a set up- it was Youngjae who had brought him and Jinyoung together, and that had ended so badly, Jinyoung was pissed. This was probably a bad idea, wasn't it? 

But before he could get the chance to pull his phone back out to text Jackson never mind and to just let Jinyoung come to him, there was a knocking at the door. Almost in slow motion, he watches as Jinyoung hops up, dumps his empty bowl in the sink and heads to open the door. 

Cautiously, he follows behind. 

Expecting it to just be a mail man or something else of the sort, Jinyoung opens the door and falters once he see's who's standing there. It's Jackson. He hasn't seen Jackson it what had to be pretty much two months at this point, and he hasn't talked to him in a few weeks not since the phone call. "Hey," he says, trying not to think back to that at all. 

"Uhm, hey," Jackson replies, voice sounding rather awkward as he casts his eyes to the ground in the way that he does when he's extremely guilty about something. Jinyoung hasn't seen that look on him too often, but after knowing him since high school, he has seen it a few times with in their friendship regarding multiple occasions. It hadn't been often though, no more than a handful of times. That's because Jackson has always been careful, and always is set out with good intentions. 

"Do you want to-" Jinyoung stops from where he was going to invite Jackson in, instead just vaguely opening the door wider and gesturing to let Jackson in.

Shaking his head furiously, Jackson raises his hands, "No, no, no," he instantly declined. "It's fine. I know I'm probably one of the last people that you really want to be seeing right now but... I know that you're shutting the world out again, and god knows what all happened last time that you did. I guess I just wanted to say that..." he breathes in. "I hope you're getting the held that you need because you deserve it, you really do Jinyoung. You deserve to be happy and to be loved, and know that you really are loved, you have people in your life who care about you greatly. And know that I will always care for you too, even if you don't want me around anymore." 

Jinyoung blinks, the tears pushing at his eyes and he has to chastise himself to not start crying. Yet, despite being touched, there was a bit of surprise and shame laced with his joy. Jackson had really thought that Jinyoung didn't want him around in his life anymore? That he was really going to toss away their years of friend ship over a misunderstanding, because of a total dick, who didn't even want Jackson to know the full truth of it? Jinyoung would never. "I forgive you Seunnie."

Casting his face down again, looking absolutely solemn, Jackson bows, "I understand. sorry for- Wait," he paused, glancing up, his face lighting up as he hopefully repeats the words over again, "You forgive me? You forgive me!"

And Jackson's smile was completely infectious, and Jinyoung couldn't help but let himself smile too as he pulls Jackson in for a tight hug, "Of course I do, you idiot. I could never hate you, you're one of my best friends Jackson, and it isn't your fault. You didn't know." 

"I do now though," he says more quietly, sorrow pushing through his voice. "He finally told me what he did, what happened, and I was too scared to talk to you or Jaebum, so I asked Yugyeom, and Yugyeom confirmed it. God, I never should have pushed you guys together like I did." 

"It's over now," Jinyoung says as he pulls away to hold onto Jackson's shoulders so that he could look at him. If there's one thing Eric kept repeating to him, and that is that playing the blame game never worked, it didn't help anyone. It wouldn't help Jinyoung to blame himself, and it wouldn't help Jackson to blame himself either. "And that's what matters, not what nay of us could have done to prevent it. You didn't know, and it's not anyone's fault. It isn't yours, it isn't mine, and it isn't Jaebum's. It's purely all of his own damn fault." 

Those were the words Eric kept trying to beat into his head the last few weeks, with even giving him little tips to improve with boosting his self worth and confidence. Eric told him the method was to start saying things, and then you'll start to believe them too. Such as, the more Jinyoung got down on himself, blamed himself, or called himself a whore, the more he would begin to believe that is all true. But, if he started saying the opposite out loud, and saying positive affirmations, and catch when he is being verbally or mentally self deprecating, then things would start to get better. 

And what could Jinyoung say? Eric was right, as he always seems to be.

___

Jinyoung had stopped at one of the book stores on his way back home from work. He had been there many times before, it being part of the down town, and being close to his work, plus he had always enjoyed stopping at the different shop and boutiques. The owner is a very kind old Japanese woman, who moved here to be with her husband, and she always has her dog in there with her (an adorable shiba inu) who always is sleeping on his little pink dog bed. And when walking by, Jinyoung couldn't resist the urge to go in and ask to pet him, and he ended up surrendering. Jinyoung has always been fond of dogs, and he wants to get one some day. 

After bowing and thanking her for letting him pet her dog, he goes to look at the selection of books that she has, wondering if there is anything new- or for that matter, old. It would be a success if he could find some thing else to pick up, he did need some thing new to read after all. He had easily read through all of his own books, some multiple times at this point. 

It was when he was looking through a thick book, from Russian, that was translated into English, when he saw Mark walking in, the little bell above the door going off. Instantly, he felt his hand clench around the old worn white book, and he sets the book down carefully as to not ruin it. What was Mark doing here? It didn't feel like a coincidence, and that's what annoyed Jinyoung the most about it. How dare Mark show up here now? Jinyoung had long blocked all of his messages and calls. 

"Jinyoung," he says with wide eyes, slowing down until he comes to a complete stop several feet away from Jinyoung.

He wasn't going to let Mark get to him any more. He wasn't going to let the public place pressure him into acting completely decent, he was still going to be firm. If any thing at this point, Jinyoung pitied him, for going to such lengths the past year. And it made him wonder if any one else had hurt him before too, to make him act like this. To let him close up all of this anger and hate that was obviously inside of him. Not that would excuse his actions though. It was just thoughts he had, especially after Eric had told him many abuse victims then become abusers them selves in an awful and vicious cycle. And the signs were there, ever since the beginning, but Jinyoung had just over looked each and every single one of them. He had shown his over possessive tendencies and low key passive aggressiveness.  

"I'm not doing this Mark," he says then firmly and begins to turn to walk out of the shop. 

"Wait!" Mark calls out as he breaks out into a jog to get by Jinyoung's side and starts walking with him. "Are you at least doing okay?" 

He nearly snorts at that, as if Mark truly cared. "You don't deserve to know how I'm doing." 

"I bet you're happy. You're happy and you're with Jaebum, aren't you?" 

"So what if I am?" It was bait, and Mark was just trying to reel him in, to be able to put him down. Eric had told him that people like Mark would do things like that, and that it would always be in his best interest to just ignore it and to leave as soon as possibly. But he couldn't deny the amount of inner satisfaction he felt as he turned his head to look at Mark, a tense thin smile on his face, "But you're right, I am." _I'm happy and you won't be able to take that away from me, not now, not ever_. "Leave me alone Mark, I don't want you in my life." 

With that, he turns his head forward, and keeps walking, not caring to turn back around to see what Mark's reaction is, on top of not wanting to stick around any longer than necessary. He said his peace and now he can leave, and hopefully never see Mark again. In a sense, he felt almost giddy though, he couldn't wait to tell both Jaebum and Eric about what had happened, and how he not only kept his cool but remained civil and firm, and most importantly: how he didn't feel hurt any more. That he could handle things without letting himself go, and without letting himself get into another fight with Mark, and for not letting Mark pull him into the trap like he would have done in the past. 

It did kind of suck though that he had left the shop with out actually getting any books, he'll have to go back sometime, and maybe drag Jaebum with him (not that Jaebum would mind though, he too was a fan of books.) Maybe it could be a little date they could do on top of it. 

But for now he was going to walk home and not look back.

It was the next day at work how ever, while he was sitting in the back, while on break, when one of his newer coworkers- Ilhoon walks into their little break / make shift employee room, confusing written on his face. "You Jinyoung, there's these two guys standing outside looking for you. They said that they were friends with you." 

With a frown, Jinyoung puts his black apron to the side as he walks out, spotting both Yugyeom and BamBam right away with their dyed hair, standing patiently in the lobby, and upon seeing them he's hit with that feeling of guilt again. Jackson had pretty much called him out of the fact that he had been closing every one else out again, and he hadn't even been intentionally doing it this time, and it was then that he realized that he really was. It was something that he had a tendency to do while he got stressed, and it probably wasn't that healthy to do either, yet he still always ends up doing it anyways.

But neither Yugyeom or BamBam seemed angry at him as he cautiously walked up to them, in fact, they smiled at him. 

"Hey guys," he gives them a nervous smile too as he clasps his hands behind his back. "What brings you guys here?" 

"We were trying to give you some space," BamBam says, not shying away from talking about it. "So we gave you some time, but we miss you hyung! It's not the same without you glaring at us all the time. I miss you bullying us." 

"Yah!" Jinyoung light slaps at BamBam's shoulder with a grin on his face. "I don't bully you guys."

 

"You do," Yugyeoms says, siding with BamBam, because of course he does, they are partners in crime after all. "But that's what makes you Jinyoung, and we love you for that." Looking at Jinyoung then, it was hard for Yugyeom to not think back to the day that he saw his hyung so broken down. It was as if they were two totally different people, the hyung he knew, and then the hyung he saw then. But yet, here he is now, being astonished by Jinyoung's strength, because now after all of what happened, here is right now, smiling, and healthy. He was glad and proud nevertheless. "So I think as our hyung, you owe us a dinner."

Rolling his eyes, Jinyoung should have known that the two of them would pull some thing like that. It was such a them thing to do honestly. He sighs dramatically to play his role, but ends up agreeing nevertheless. "Come over tonight? I'll make you guys food. I can call the others too, Jaebum, Jackson, and Youngjae too if you would like so it can be a group thing. 

"Yes!" BamBam interjects, nodding his head eagerly. "It's been so long since we've all hung out." 

Jinyoung knew why that was though, because they have all been a fucking mess, specifically for the hyungs, and he smiles sadly. "It had been. So tonight, my house, eight o'clock. Don't be late, or the food will be cold and I won't feel sorry for you guys."

So that's how he found him self in the kitchen cooking, while waiting for everyone else to make their way over.

Of course, Jaebum had been the first one to show up, coming over straight from work, and Youngjae was the next to come over. 

"Jinyoung looks better," Youngjae casually mentions as soon as Jinyoung leaves the kitchen to go to the bath room. He was sitting in Jinyoung's living room, alone with Jaebum, since they were the only two there besides Jinyoung because no one else had shown up yet. But leave it to Jackson, BamBam, and Yugyeom to be running late, it was so on brand for them. 

"He does," Jaebum agrees from where he's lying on the couch, taking the entire thing up with no regrets. 

"He's even better than how he was before Mark too though."

Youngjae always had been rather observant. "I know," Jaebum sighs as he rolls over to look at Youngjae who's sitting on the chair. "He's being more like him though, like his true self. I think that he had a lot of things going on that the rest of us didn't know about, that I didn't even really know about. I think he was already struggling and was keeping it a secret, and that's what made him vulnerable to Mark." 

"I think you're right, about him having insecurities I mean. But I also think that now he doesn't have the weighing factor that he is in love with you, but in pure denial of it, in the back of his mind any more. Accepting that finally, and now that you guys are okay, is probably a huge relief to him now too." 

Just as Jinyoung emerges from the bath room, the door opens and Jackson comes walking in, "The party has arrived."

"Look who finally decided to show up," Jinyoung laughs, closing the lid on one of the items that he was cooking. "Where's tweedle dum and tweedle dee?" Or alternatively: thing one, and thing two.

"On their way. They got held up with some thing." 

"Sure they did," Jaebum rolls his eyes, instantly catching them on their bull shit. "They were playing video games, weren't they?" 

"No," Jackson drawls the word out as he tries to peek and see what Jinyoung was making. "Yeah that's exactly what they were doing. I also may have refused to give them a ride and made them walk." When Youngjae glares at him, Jackson raises his arms with wide eyes, "What!? It's summer and exercise is good for boys their age." 

___

When Jaebum told Jinyoung to pack a few bags, he didn't tell him where they were going to go. It wasn't until that they were already driving on the road, jamming out to music as they go, just like they have always done, when Jinyoung finally perked up. 

"Are we heading to our parents houses?"

In honesty, Jaebum had thought that it would be good, for Jinyoung to at least spend a few days at home with his parents before the school years starts back up and he won't be able to see them until Christmas time. Especially since from experience he new just how busy senior year could be. "We are." 

"You really are brilliant Im Jaebum, I swear." he grins and pats at Jaebum's free hand. 

The drive didn't take that long, because really they weren't living that far away from home. The traffic wasn't too bad either, since it wasn't around any holidays, like it would be around Christmas time. 

By the time they got to Jinyoung's house, as soon as Jaebum parked Jinyoung was hopping out of the car and running to the door. He didn't even knock, just let himself in, his mother meeting him in the hallway to check on all of the commotion. 

"Jinyoungie," she smiles moving forward and grabbing into a hug. She didn't know completely everything that had went down, but she did know the vast majority of it, and knew that he was now getting help. She pulls him away, doting on him like a mother does, fixing the wrinkles in his shirt and moving the bangs from his face. "Is Jaebum with you?" 

"Yeah I left him out in the car." 

Shaking her head at him she pulls him in for another hug. "You look happier baby" she coos squeezing him tighter. 

He smiles being able to honestly say, "I am mom, I really am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope y'all like this shit show 
> 
> it's the first chaptered fic i've actually ever wrote and stuck with and followed through to the end, and hopefully there will be many more to come !! such as my new chaptered fic which should be up like deadass tonight or tomorrow so go check that out, it isn't like this fic, but it IS angsty


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